I hate food - but I'm fat and hungry all the time

Hello, I'm new to the board. I've been using the food tracker off and on for a long time, though. I've gained about 54 pounds in 2 years and it's making me really mad. I'm pretty stressed out. My situation is sort of complicated. I'm hoping someone here might relate to me maybe. I'm sorry this is kind of long. I just feel panicked.

The thing is, I hate food. I hate the way it feels. I hate the way it smells. I hate cooking and having to touch slimy, sticky meat. Sauces and dressing and gravy make me nauseous to just think about them. They contaminate everything with slime. Vegetables are okay, some of them. Others not so much. Food is so incredibly disgusting to me. Watching The Food Network is like watching Fear Factor. It makes me sick.

You see, I have Selective Eating Disorder. Food is my enemy. I hate food so much. It's poison. Food touching is even worse. Mixing foods together is a nightmare. Also, cooking stresses me out. It makes me angry. Very, very angry. And then you have to clean up all the slime and glop after when it's all congealed and running together. So you can guess I tend to get things that are really easy to cook (noodles, chicken nuggets,) and that I don't have to touch or spend time thinking about. Trying to put together a big dinner with multiple side dishes gives me panic attacks. Because I'm afraid of things being done at the wrong time, or burning them, or they are not cooked. And I tend to burn myself a lot when I cook. My favorite thing to cook that is healthy is steamed chicken and veggies in my electric pressure cooker.

(also for dinners I have to deal with the food issues of my family, which is another thing all together.)

So why am I fat? Because safe foods are bad for you. Chicken strips = bad. Plain cheese pizza = bad. Fries = bad. Candy (the only food I feel remotely safe with most of the time,) = very bad. Plain rice with nothing on it = bad. Noodles = bad. I work with dietitians. I know what I'm supposed to eat. But then they always give these tips like "add mustard." Might as well say "add urine" because that's so gross. I would just go without eating if I could, but that isn't happening. I'm always hungry and it makes me mad. When I was a teenager I was rarely ever hungry. Now I am hungry even if I have a snack between meals.

Today for example they wanted to get lunch at this Greek food place for a staff meeting. I had a plate of lettuce. Chopped lettuce. Nothing else. It doesn't matter where I go. If they don't have "plain" on the menu (chicken strips / unseasoned chicken breast or plain burger or plain cheese pizza,) And in a place like that I fear that the slime from something else might have gotten into my lettuce.

What's worse, is that since there are probably 50 foods in whole world that I feel safe with. I was 34 years old the first time I had cheese on a burger, and I'm still suspicious of that at most places. So, cutting out foods freaks me out and I panic.

Also, I'm low income. So increasing protein is hard I already don't buy cheese because it's too expensive, so switching it to low-fat cheese isn't an option. I don't eat lunch meat. I can't even touch it. I can't eat Greek yogurt (my doctor told me to eat Greek yogurt and just force myself but I couldn't do it,) regular yogurt is okay but it's so slimy I have to add nuts or something to it and I can't always afford nuts.

And, now I have to cut out pretty much all of them. No more chicken strips, no more fries, no more burgers, that's fine. I don't mind eating chicken breast (yes, plain,) with veggies but my family doesn't like eating that every day. I've been having hard boiled eggs for breakfast with a high fiber granola bar. And chicken and rice soup from Healthy Choice for lunch. And then I'm hungry all day long. And I get home and if there's anything around to eat I eat because being hungry makes me grumpy. And yes, I eat lots of veggies like I replace chips with carrots and stuff like that.

(tl;dr - I have an eating disorder that makes food incredibly gross to me and my safe foods are all unhealthy. I have no idea what to do because healthier options are too expensive, I don't even buy enough cheap food to get me through the work day as it is. And I hate cooking.)

So how does someone who hates food lose weight? What is a good tip for not being hungry or how do you deal with the moodiness?
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Replies

  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
    Are you working with a therapist about this? Because I don't think you're going to get very far with a dietician until you've worked through some of this with a mental health professional.
  • joepratt503
    joepratt503 Posts: 191 Member
    PeachyPlum wrote: »
    Are you working with a therapist about this? Because I don't think you're going to get very far with a dietician until you've worked through some of this with a mental health professional.

    this...100x. Health isn't just physical...

  • cityruss
    cityruss Posts: 2,493 Member
    I have no advice for the complex issues that are at play here, they should be sought from a professional.

    However, in regards to your final question, you lose weight by eating at a calorie deficit. It's going to be up to you to create this deficit however you see fit taking in to account your issues.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,577 Member
    cityruss wrote: »
    I have no advice for the complex issues that are at play here, they should be sought from a professional.

    However, in regards to your final question, you lose weight by eating at a calorie deficit. It's going to be up to you to create this deficit however you see fit taking in to account your issues.

    This ^^
  • 2snakeswoman
    2snakeswoman Posts: 655 Member
    I can't relate to this directly, but I do have a 6-year-old grandson who is incredibly difficult to feed and has screamed at me "I hate food!" The key to losing weight isn't so much eating the right foods but keeping track of the calories in the food you eat no matter what it is. Definitely be generous with the vegetables that you will eat; they will help fill you up. Drinking water or coffee or tea will help fill you up, too. It's funny how your "safe foods" are pretty much all on my "unsafe" list because they're full of all kinds of additives and preservatives, definitely not healthy. My safe foods are organically grown (not that I can always afford it) and as close to nature as I can get it - raw fruits and vegetables, things like that.
  • keithcw_the_first
    keithcw_the_first Posts: 382 Member
    I'll also say, "please see a professional".

    You may be a good candidate for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy -- where you purposefully expose yourself to small amounts of a stressor in a controlled manner.

    If it was fear of spiders; it might start with pictures of spiders and then footage of spiders and maybe observing spiders and finally end with holding a tarantula.

    But I don't know. I'm not a professional.
  • nopotofgold
    nopotofgold Posts: 164 Member
    Therapy and have your husband cook or children if they are old enough if they don't lie what you are making. From what it sounds like you aren't a good cook with stuff burning all the time. It's ok though, my mom suffers from that too and I started cooking at 12. Most of the foods that are safe for you are normally pricey if you are going out to eat to get them all the time.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    Sorry, but I am your opposite. I love food.

    I think you can lose weight by eating within the fifty foods that you are comfortable with, as long as you stay in your calorie goal.

    Are you required to cook for your family? Can you switch it around so the other members of the family can take care of their own cooking?

    BTW, hubby's got a touch of OCD and I am pretty sure he is grossed out by soggy food leftovers in dishwater. He has subtly shifted the chores so I end up washing and he dries and puts away.
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,578 Member
    Since there are so few foods that you can actually eat, I wouldn't cut them out! Just keep eating them, but in smaller portions. Can you consult a professional to help with your Selective Eating Disorder specifically? If your doctor suggested eating a food that you cannot palate, then that is not helpful at all. I'm sure they meant well, but if they don't understand your food issues then they cannot help.

    I know you mentioned income is an issue. Can you talk to your doctor or other health professional that can refer you to a specialist? Hope you can find some help!
  • rocknlotsofrolls
    rocknlotsofrolls Posts: 418 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    I'm fascinated by the OP. I've never heard of anyone who really hates food, and describes that predicament in such vivid detail.

    But respectfully I'll add, I don't understand how an individual with this aversion toward food could be 50+ lbs. overweight.

    I know. If I hated food, I would not eat enough of it to be overweight in the first place. Especially 50 plus pounds. Come on now!
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Professional help is required, not the internet.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,465 Member
    MrM27 wrote: »
    I don't get it, you hate food but you ate more than enough of it to make you be fat, makes no sense. Then you are fat because safe food is bad? What does all that mean?

    I can imagine this. Meals, meal prep, and cleanup is unpleasant. But we all have a biological urge to eat which can't be avoided. So this person is eating (overeating a little) the few fifty foods she can tolerate, hating every minute of it.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    I definitely agree you would benefit from the support of a professional.

    It sounds like your issues with food are textural and you prefer simple foods without sauce etc. Have you tried less calorific versions of the foods you do feel comfortable eating - for example would you eat slices of baked chicken rather than fried chicken strips? Baked potatoes instead of chips/fries? Portion sizing of things like rice is what you need to worry about, not the rice in of itself. You said you can eat some vegetables so that's a good start. There are ways to reduce your calorie intake and therefore lose weight without you having to choke down food that is disgusting to you.
  • RescueRebecca
    RescueRebecca Posts: 2 Member
    The advice everyone has given you to find a therapist to work with is right on. Also, if you have a husband/bf/roommate/other person at home - they can cook whatever they want. Maybe I'm a giant b word, but the idea that one person (usually the female) in the home is solely responsible for cooking is like the 1800's come to life. I can't.
  • juliev1121
    juliev1121 Posts: 19 Member
    Surprisingly, I kind of get what your saying. First, I agree with everyone here about finding some psych help.. it really is a great thing to do! Ive gone in an out most of my teen-early adult life, its always been a good experience. I dont require it anymore.

    So.. I was super picky growing up. I didnt even eat a bell pepper until 26. I still cant touch peaches, plums or nectarines. I bought a plum once because they look awesome, but I would just hold it and look at it unable to bite it. Eventually I drilled a little hole to try and suck some juice out, but then was freaked out and tossed it. Everything felt alive, I stopped meat and fruit, and by 15 ate mostly packaged side kicks and potatoes. But heres the deal.. I ended up getting so unhealthy my genetic weaknesses came out, and I got ulcerative colitis at 24. I battle this every day and it isnt fun. I spent 6 years in school for my chosen career, and I can not do it now because of my illness. I actually had my dream job and had to leave it because of how I ate when I was younger. I had to change because if not, I will end up on endless prescription drugs and having surgeries cutting out my intestines like my father has.

    It was hard work. It took time. But, I did it. Im from a European home, I like heavy feeling foods, warm and cozy. I had to create my own eating style that incorporates my food needs with my wants. It took years, its a process. But, please start. Please start before you hurt yourself. Its great your here! Get some outside professional support too. And, believe in yourself. Feel free to add me, Im new here but posting my recipes as I make them. Best of luck!
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,953 Member
    My son has sensory issues, and has similar issues with most foods. You can lose weight and thrive on a diet of very simple foods.

    Eat what you can afford to eat, and what you are able to eat. Don't get caught up in the "good foods" vs "bad foods" mentality.

    You can lose weight eating plain hamburgers, noodles, chicken strips, etc. the fact that you can eat vegetables is a real advantage.

    I recommend you research ARFID, and the adult picky eaters website and corresponding yahoo group.



  • DearestWinter
    DearestWinter Posts: 595 Member
    Definitely see a professional and consider CBT as mentioned previously. Also, even if your family doesn't like the plain (but lower calorie) options that doesn't mean you can't make them for yourself. Focus on your calories and stick to eating what you're comfortable with while getting professional help. Weigh everything!
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,953 Member
    My son can't eat meat, pasta, or rice. So you aren't doing as bad you think.
  • melimomTARDIS
    melimomTARDIS Posts: 1,953 Member
    newmeadow wrote: »
    I'm fascinated by the OP. I've never heard of anyone who really hates food, and describes that predicament in such vivid detail.

    But respectfully I'll add, I don't understand how an individual with this aversion toward food could be 50+ lbs. overweight.

    If her Safe foods are calorie dense, it's easy to over do it on the calories while trying to get full.