Being Called Fat

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megaen29
megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need to vent a little and ask you guys a question. I had lost quite a bit of weight last year and have put some back on since, due to a few medical issues (gall bladder pain, miscarriage etc).

I'm just really getting back in to things such as eating better, going out and running on the trails. I've been struggling with the frustration of losing the weight and gaining some back but my self-confidence was slowly returning only to be squashed yesterday...

While out running on a trail I was stopped by someone biking by. Being my friendly self I stopped and engaged in conversation. I soon realized he had stopped me to give me "tips on how to lose weight" and I proceeded to tell him thanks but I lost about 30 lbs last year so I know what I'm doing. He looked me over and said "Wow you must've been pretty big then!" To my horror I was completely taken off guard and told him thanks for the insult, stuck my earplugs back in, and kept going. While I've never been thin, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me before! Just when I'm getting my confidence back I was very hurt and I'm not sure how to move passed this. I am trying to use these hurtful words to motivate me back into things but it was quite crushing....

Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?
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Replies

  • HumboldtFred
    HumboldtFred Posts: 159 Member
    edited April 2015
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    The more I discover who I am, the less I depend on the validation of others, especially strangers. I know it hurts but for me the best response is none at all. I work in a profession where I get called names quite a bit. In nearly every situation there are two offended parties and one of them is going to remain offended after resolution. Therefore, I get called pig, slob, fat, etc. frequently. And now that I think of it, I can't remember anything about the last person who did it....that's exactly how many *kitten* were given that day.

    If you read some of my posts you already know I deal in sarcasm like a renaissance artist in oils. When someone gives me a backhanded compliment I usually say something like," You know with that body and face I really might have thought you were attractive..........."
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,215 Member
    edited April 2015
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    My friends and family always have called me named related to my weight. I've learned to not listen to it anymore. When it comes to strangers, since I don't know them and they are not important to me, I don't let their opinions bother me either. Regardless of how you feel and look in life you have to focus on what is most important. For me, I have to pay bills, get money for food, have a roof over my head, be happy etc. Since no one else is doing this for me it means their opinions about me are meaningless and do not affect my living condition. At the end of the day I am independent and do what I need to do. I also remind myself that how I look on the outside is not 100% representative of my beauty and worth. And my beauty and worth is how I define it, not anyone else. You really gotta focus on these things or else you can get really hurt in this world.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    I'm sorry.
    i fortunately hadn't had too many incidents of people being rude or remarks regarding my weight.

    however there was this one time i will never forget. it was about 1.5 years ago at 255 pounds. i went with old college friends to visit our college. we went out to the college bars and of course ended up at the local taco place late night after the bars with the rest of the drunk students =) i was in line with my 2 other friends who are also overweight. i happened to just notice the two college boys in front of us in line pretending to take selfies but were taking pictures of us. I'm not dumb i know they were making fun of us. fat girls in the taco line. i was mortified.

    how i coped, I'm not sure i really did. i was just sad. I've lost 55lbs since then but not because of them. it was just one of those hurtful incidents people can be mean. that guy was so rude.
  • mwebster01
    mwebster01 Posts: 111 Member
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    megaen29 wrote: »
    I need to vent a little and ask you guys a question. I had lost quite a bit of weight last year and have put some back on since, due to a few medical issues (gall bladder pain, miscarriage etc).

    I'm just really getting back in to things such as eating better, going out and running on the trails. I've been struggling with the frustration of losing the weight and gaining some back but my self-confidence was slowly returning only to be squashed yesterday...

    While out running on a trail I was stopped by someone biking by. Being my friendly self I stopped and engaged in conversation. I soon realized he had stopped me to give me "tips on how to lose weight" and I proceeded to tell him thanks but I lost about 30 lbs last year so I know what I'm doing. He looked me over and said "Wow you must've been pretty big then!" To my horror I was completely taken off guard and told him thanks for the insult, stuck my earplugs back in, and kept going. While I've never been thin, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me before! Just when I'm getting my confidence back I was very hurt and I'm not sure how to move passed this. I am trying to use these hurtful words to motivate me back into things but it was quite crushing....

    Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?
    he did say"back then", so that means u r not as fat now, that's motivation to lose the next thirty lbs(or the same thirty lbs.)
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,215 Member
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    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
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    love this great point!
    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.


  • Got2beme7
    Got2beme7 Posts: 23 Member
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    Oh my goodness! That's just rude!!!!! And I agree wtih LAMCDylan....
    Do not give this person one more minute of your time or one more inch of your thinking space. He's not worth it. No one has a right to say mean things like this to anyone.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    Don't talk to strangers? No one on my trail has ever tried to stop me to chit chat. Also, I hear throat punches work wonders at shutting people up.

    Don't let some random person get you down. Just keep working hard and doing your thing. Stable people don't say things like that to other people.
  • Kimberly_Harper
    Kimberly_Harper Posts: 406 Member
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    Okay first, looking at your profile pic if that is you right now you do not look fat, or big. or any of those sensitive words. Second, I have had that back-handed "you were big then" (I wasn't) comment and I took it as an insult. Well the guy who said it to me ended up marrying someone twice as big so I don't know maybe it wasn't an insult but just an observation. Anyhow, probably the best way to cope with that would be to realize that was only one person who obviously has boundary issues and possibly zero people skills, and that his idea of "not big" could be super unhealthy.
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
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    Stop talking to strangers!!!

    No, seriously, you had an encounter with one d0uchebag, it happens.
  • Kimberly_Harper
    Kimberly_Harper Posts: 406 Member
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    jennifershoo wrote: »
    Stop talking to strangers!!!

    No, seriously, you had an encounter with one d0uchebag, it happens.

    lol I almost said that
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    People get called fat because they're fat. How they deal with that is up to them.
    LOL OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

    But seriously, take it as face value. Appreciate the hard work you've done, and just keep going.
  • megaen29
    megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
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    Thanks for your kind and inspiring words!..although I'm not sure herrspoons was helpful in any way....
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
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    herrspoons wrote: »
    megaen29 wrote: »
    Thanks for your kind and inspiring words!..although I'm not sure herrspoons was helpful in any way....

    What do you want me to say? You either get upset about it and let it drag you down, and by doing so allow those who abuse you to win, or you let it go, move on with your program and get where you want to be.

    If you're fat people have the opportunity to call you fat. If you're not they don't. Be what you want to be and don't get hung up on what idiots think about you.

    people can also call u a jerk but well they have manners. _by the way i often appreciate your posts for theyre honesty but sometimes alittle tact can go farther. anywho OP sometimes people say things without even realizing how rude it is. i have had that happen when people comment on how white i am- seriously im near albino. i say thanks ya i noticed. why dont u go tell a black person how black they are, gets em every time
  • megaen29
    megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
    edited April 2015
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    I just said I don't think you were helpful to me in anyway. Just my thoughts on the matter...and it seems like you posted that to pick a fight as you got quite defensive.
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
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    megaen29 wrote: »
    Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?

    yeah i was fat for most of my life and in the guy world, guy friends will just call you fatty to your face any chance they get.
    i coped with it by not-being-a-fatty anymore
  • Rocketqueeen
    Rocketqueeen Posts: 96 Member
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    WOW! I can't even believe how RUDE a complete stranger could be. You handled the situation very gracefully. Little did that stupid ignorant guy know how it would stick with you. I have absolutely no patience for stupidity so if it was me, I probably would have said a few crass things and spit in his face haha. Gotta work on my anger I suppose o:)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    edited April 2015
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    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.

    This ^^ You really can't avoid asshats in life. Best to just pity them and move on.
  • Solamer
    Solamer Posts: 67 Member
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    EW. unsolicited advice is the worst. and this section is called "Motivation and Support" and really...if you're not here to do that then get out.
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
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    Rocketqueeen wrote: »
    I probably would have said a few crass things and spit in his face haha. Gotta work on my anger I suppose o:)

    yeah..you do

    i1rkqptv3ily.gif

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