Being Called Fat

megaen29
megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
edited November 16 in Motivation and Support
I need to vent a little and ask you guys a question. I had lost quite a bit of weight last year and have put some back on since, due to a few medical issues (gall bladder pain, miscarriage etc).

I'm just really getting back in to things such as eating better, going out and running on the trails. I've been struggling with the frustration of losing the weight and gaining some back but my self-confidence was slowly returning only to be squashed yesterday...

While out running on a trail I was stopped by someone biking by. Being my friendly self I stopped and engaged in conversation. I soon realized he had stopped me to give me "tips on how to lose weight" and I proceeded to tell him thanks but I lost about 30 lbs last year so I know what I'm doing. He looked me over and said "Wow you must've been pretty big then!" To my horror I was completely taken off guard and told him thanks for the insult, stuck my earplugs back in, and kept going. While I've never been thin, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me before! Just when I'm getting my confidence back I was very hurt and I'm not sure how to move passed this. I am trying to use these hurtful words to motivate me back into things but it was quite crushing....

Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?

Replies

  • HumboldtFred
    HumboldtFred Posts: 159 Member
    edited April 2015
    The more I discover who I am, the less I depend on the validation of others, especially strangers. I know it hurts but for me the best response is none at all. I work in a profession where I get called names quite a bit. In nearly every situation there are two offended parties and one of them is going to remain offended after resolution. Therefore, I get called pig, slob, fat, etc. frequently. And now that I think of it, I can't remember anything about the last person who did it....that's exactly how many *kitten* were given that day.

    If you read some of my posts you already know I deal in sarcasm like a renaissance artist in oils. When someone gives me a backhanded compliment I usually say something like," You know with that body and face I really might have thought you were attractive..........."
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    edited April 2015
    My friends and family always have called me named related to my weight. I've learned to not listen to it anymore. When it comes to strangers, since I don't know them and they are not important to me, I don't let their opinions bother me either. Regardless of how you feel and look in life you have to focus on what is most important. For me, I have to pay bills, get money for food, have a roof over my head, be happy etc. Since no one else is doing this for me it means their opinions about me are meaningless and do not affect my living condition. At the end of the day I am independent and do what I need to do. I also remind myself that how I look on the outside is not 100% representative of my beauty and worth. And my beauty and worth is how I define it, not anyone else. You really gotta focus on these things or else you can get really hurt in this world.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
    I'm sorry.
    i fortunately hadn't had too many incidents of people being rude or remarks regarding my weight.

    however there was this one time i will never forget. it was about 1.5 years ago at 255 pounds. i went with old college friends to visit our college. we went out to the college bars and of course ended up at the local taco place late night after the bars with the rest of the drunk students =) i was in line with my 2 other friends who are also overweight. i happened to just notice the two college boys in front of us in line pretending to take selfies but were taking pictures of us. I'm not dumb i know they were making fun of us. fat girls in the taco line. i was mortified.

    how i coped, I'm not sure i really did. i was just sad. I've lost 55lbs since then but not because of them. it was just one of those hurtful incidents people can be mean. that guy was so rude.
  • mwebster01
    mwebster01 Posts: 111 Member
    megaen29 wrote: »
    I need to vent a little and ask you guys a question. I had lost quite a bit of weight last year and have put some back on since, due to a few medical issues (gall bladder pain, miscarriage etc).

    I'm just really getting back in to things such as eating better, going out and running on the trails. I've been struggling with the frustration of losing the weight and gaining some back but my self-confidence was slowly returning only to be squashed yesterday...

    While out running on a trail I was stopped by someone biking by. Being my friendly self I stopped and engaged in conversation. I soon realized he had stopped me to give me "tips on how to lose weight" and I proceeded to tell him thanks but I lost about 30 lbs last year so I know what I'm doing. He looked me over and said "Wow you must've been pretty big then!" To my horror I was completely taken off guard and told him thanks for the insult, stuck my earplugs back in, and kept going. While I've never been thin, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me before! Just when I'm getting my confidence back I was very hurt and I'm not sure how to move passed this. I am trying to use these hurtful words to motivate me back into things but it was quite crushing....

    Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?
    he did say"back then", so that means u r not as fat now, that's motivation to lose the next thirty lbs(or the same thirty lbs.)
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,218 Member
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.
  • beamer0821
    beamer0821 Posts: 488 Member
    love this great point!
    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.


  • Got2beme7
    Got2beme7 Posts: 23 Member
    Oh my goodness! That's just rude!!!!! And I agree wtih LAMCDylan....
    Do not give this person one more minute of your time or one more inch of your thinking space. He's not worth it. No one has a right to say mean things like this to anyone.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Don't talk to strangers? No one on my trail has ever tried to stop me to chit chat. Also, I hear throat punches work wonders at shutting people up.

    Don't let some random person get you down. Just keep working hard and doing your thing. Stable people don't say things like that to other people.
  • Kimberly_Harper
    Kimberly_Harper Posts: 409 Member
    Okay first, looking at your profile pic if that is you right now you do not look fat, or big. or any of those sensitive words. Second, I have had that back-handed "you were big then" (I wasn't) comment and I took it as an insult. Well the guy who said it to me ended up marrying someone twice as big so I don't know maybe it wasn't an insult but just an observation. Anyhow, probably the best way to cope with that would be to realize that was only one person who obviously has boundary issues and possibly zero people skills, and that his idea of "not big" could be super unhealthy.
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
    Stop talking to strangers!!!

    No, seriously, you had an encounter with one d0uchebag, it happens.
  • Kimberly_Harper
    Kimberly_Harper Posts: 409 Member
    jennifershoo wrote: »
    Stop talking to strangers!!!

    No, seriously, you had an encounter with one d0uchebag, it happens.

    lol I almost said that
  • jkwolly
    jkwolly Posts: 3,049 Member
    herrspoons wrote: »
    People get called fat because they're fat. How they deal with that is up to them.
    LOL OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

    But seriously, take it as face value. Appreciate the hard work you've done, and just keep going.
  • megaen29
    megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
    Thanks for your kind and inspiring words!..although I'm not sure herrspoons was helpful in any way....
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
    herrspoons wrote: »
    megaen29 wrote: »
    Thanks for your kind and inspiring words!..although I'm not sure herrspoons was helpful in any way....

    What do you want me to say? You either get upset about it and let it drag you down, and by doing so allow those who abuse you to win, or you let it go, move on with your program and get where you want to be.

    If you're fat people have the opportunity to call you fat. If you're not they don't. Be what you want to be and don't get hung up on what idiots think about you.

    people can also call u a jerk but well they have manners. _by the way i often appreciate your posts for theyre honesty but sometimes alittle tact can go farther. anywho OP sometimes people say things without even realizing how rude it is. i have had that happen when people comment on how white i am- seriously im near albino. i say thanks ya i noticed. why dont u go tell a black person how black they are, gets em every time
  • megaen29
    megaen29 Posts: 95 Member
    edited April 2015
    I just said I don't think you were helpful to me in anyway. Just my thoughts on the matter...and it seems like you posted that to pick a fight as you got quite defensive.
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
    megaen29 wrote: »
    Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?

    yeah i was fat for most of my life and in the guy world, guy friends will just call you fatty to your face any chance they get.
    i coped with it by not-being-a-fatty anymore
  • Rocketqueeen
    Rocketqueeen Posts: 96 Member
    WOW! I can't even believe how RUDE a complete stranger could be. You handled the situation very gracefully. Little did that stupid ignorant guy know how it would stick with you. I have absolutely no patience for stupidity so if it was me, I probably would have said a few crass things and spit in his face haha. Gotta work on my anger I suppose o:)
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
    edited April 2015
    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.

    This ^^ You really can't avoid asshats in life. Best to just pity them and move on.
  • Solamer
    Solamer Posts: 67 Member
    EW. unsolicited advice is the worst. and this section is called "Motivation and Support" and really...if you're not here to do that then get out.
  • bulk_n_cut
    bulk_n_cut Posts: 389 Member
    Rocketqueeen wrote: »
    I probably would have said a few crass things and spit in his face haha. Gotta work on my anger I suppose o:)

    yeah..you do

    i1rkqptv3ily.gif
  • Of_Monsters_and_Meat
    Of_Monsters_and_Meat Posts: 1,022 Member
    ejane609 wrote: »
    EW. unsolicited advice is the worst. and this section is called "Motivation and Support" and really...if you're not here to do that then get out.

    Might I ask if that was motivation or support? From my perspective it sounded like trying to stir stuff up and flame bait.


    OP! If you are over 5'6" then you are in a normal BMI range and should not have been called fat.
  • runner475
    runner475 Posts: 1,236 Member
    Need2Exerc1se wrote: »
    LAMCDylan wrote: »
    Just remember, you can always lose weight but these people will always be *kitten* as part of their personality trait.

    This ^^ You really can't avoid asshats in life. Best to just pity them and move on.

    + 1 and you will find them online too as you can see right here in this thread.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    megaen29 wrote: »
    I need to vent a little and ask you guys a question. I had lost quite a bit of weight last year and have put some back on since, due to a few medical issues (gall bladder pain, miscarriage etc).

    I'm just really getting back in to things such as eating better, going out and running on the trails. I've been struggling with the frustration of losing the weight and gaining some back but my self-confidence was slowly returning only to be squashed yesterday...

    While out running on a trail I was stopped by someone biking by. Being my friendly self I stopped and engaged in conversation. I soon realized he had stopped me to give me "tips on how to lose weight" and I proceeded to tell him thanks but I lost about 30 lbs last year so I know what I'm doing. He looked me over and said "Wow you must've been pretty big then!" To my horror I was completely taken off guard and told him thanks for the insult, stuck my earplugs back in, and kept going. While I've never been thin, I have never had anyone say anything like this to me before! Just when I'm getting my confidence back I was very hurt and I'm not sure how to move passed this. I am trying to use these hurtful words to motivate me back into things but it was quite crushing....

    Have you experienced something similar and how did you cope?

    First of all, THIS was rude on his part. You do NOT interrupt someone mid-workout. The comments were unacceptable and what you were doing was not any of his business! This is why I very rarely talk to people and get mistaken for being rude. I just don't want to give people the opportunity to stay something stupid.
  • Larissa_NY
    Larissa_NY Posts: 495 Member
    Wow. Well, look on the bright side: instead of being a few pounds overweight, you could be the kind of person who actually stops people on forest trails to lecture them about weight loss and insult their size. There's a cure for being overweight; I'm not even sure there's a treatment for what's wrong with that guy.
  • Nikki10129
    Nikki10129 Posts: 292 Member
    Larissa_NY wrote: »
    Wow. Well, look on the bright side: instead of being a few pounds overweight, you could be the kind of person who actually stops people on forest trails to lecture them about weight loss and insult their size. There's a cure for being overweight; I'm not even sure there's a treatment for what's wrong with that guy.

    True that, honestly though this is no reflection on you, this is completely that dudes issue. He may not have meant it in a rude way but he is definitely lacking in social skills. I'm not super overweight or anything, definitely on the chubby side and always have been and I've had someone poke my fat before. It's traumatizing, and embarrassing and completely unsolicited, but all you can do is move on and forget about those rude people who try to bring you down, though in their mind they probably think it's giving you some sort of motivation, idk.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Also, since he purposely stopped you to engage you in conversation it could also be his super-awkward way of trying to flirt with you! Some people really lack social skills.
  • Briardlady
    Briardlady Posts: 10 Member
    Hmm, had something similar happen recently. In the chair at the optometrist, he starts telling me without any encouragement at all about how if I follow the wheat belly diet, i can lose all my excess weight. BTW, he was skinny as a rail. I handled it by voting with my pocketbook, let them show me frames and lenses, write up a pair, then said I wouldn't buy because he was so rude.
  • wnlbutterfly
    wnlbutterfly Posts: 35 Member
    Are you sure he wasn't just trying to strike up a convo with a pretty girl?? We have established he is lacking in social skills, and we all know if we are out running being stopped is a disruption in your rhythm.

    Long ago I was out on a walking trail and there was a very large older female out walking, my first thought was walking wasn't doing her any good why was I trying. Then I stopped and realized I had no way of knowing it if was her first day out there, or maybe she had been walking all summer and had already lost 100 lbs. As a stranger we only have the snapshot of the moment, not the full picture.

    I think he probably thought you were a newbie and he could have a convo with you sharing "his advice"...something in his mind would make you grateful. Maybe this was his pick up line. Obviously poorly done.

    When I started running outside for the first time, I would see more experienced runners, they would smile and nod, no advice, but I could see it in their eyes "KEEP IT UP".
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,372 Member
    herrspoons wrote: »
    What do you want me to say? You either get upset about it and let it drag you down, and by doing so allow those who abuse you to win, or you let it go, move on with your program and get where you want to be.

    First post offered did not value add anything to the conversation, but the second sentence in the quoted section would have been more helpful. "You either get upset about it and let it drag you down, and by doing so allow those who abuse you to win, or you let it go, move on with your program and get where you want to be."
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    wnlbutterfly wrote: »
    Are you sure he wasn't just trying to strike up a convo with a pretty girl?? We have established he is lacking in social skills, and we all know if we are out running being stopped is a disruption in your rhythm.

    Long ago I was out on a walking trail and there was a very large older female out walking, my first thought was walking wasn't doing her any good why was I trying. Then I stopped and realized I had no way of knowing it if was her first day out there, or maybe she had been walking all summer and had already lost 100 lbs. As a stranger we only have the snapshot of the moment, not the full picture.

    I think he probably thought you were a newbie and he could have a convo with you sharing "his advice"...something in his mind would make you grateful. Maybe this was his pick up line. Obviously poorly done.

    When I started running outside for the first time, I would see more experienced runners, they would smile and nod, no advice, but I could see it in their eyes "KEEP IT UP".

    This is a very important point. And making "snap" judgements based off of this tiny glimpse of a person is almost always a mistake. Very good post.
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