Break-up during weight loss

lisasp4

Today I was dumped.

All I want to do is lie in bed, cry and eat.

How am I supposed to motivate myself to do anything?

Has this happened to anyone else recently? Did you eat to numb the pain? I don't want to destroy all my hard work but I just don't want to do anything.

pandyjambo

I would start off by addressing the fact that you want to eat when you are sad. That's not a healthy view on food and in the long run will undo all your good work.

tekkiechikk

Eating is only a very, very temporary 'relief' to the pain you are feeling. You will feel TWICE as bad once you start recovering from the heartbreak and realize you've gained 10 pounds due to stress eating. He's not worth it!! Don't sabotage yourself and undo all your hard work.

nicola8989

Keep a diary and try to write it out instead of eating xx

greenautumn17

pandyjambo
I would think that many of us eat when we are upset, which is why we are overweight. We are also aware of it. Your comment was not exactly helpful.
lisasp4
It has been a long time since I was in your shoes (being dumped that is). Yet, I remember the soul deep pain of it. Start small, just some exercise moves or stretches. As you achieve this one thing, be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished! Then move to another - like making a healthy breakfast. Smile while you eat, knowing another great person is out there waiting for the new you.
You can do it! I have confidence in you.

livingleanlivingclean

Exercise.... Take up boxing and release your anger/sadness on to a punching bag. It's very therapeutic!

Ask yourself if the food you want to eat is going to make you feel better. Likely not. Choose foods that nourish you, and be happy that you're treating your body with love and respect.

Make time to see people you love - friends, family - and do things you enjoy. Get out of the house, buy yourself a fabulous outfit or some shoes or jewellery, get your hair done, have a massage/facial etc. Spoil yourself with non food related things...

missiontofitness

lisasp4 wrote: »

Today I was dumped.

All I want to do is lie in bed, cry and eat.

How am I supposed to motivate myself to do anything?

Has this happened to anyone else recently? Did you eat to numb the pain? I don't want to destroy all my hard work but I just don't want to do anything.

I had a breakup right before I started my latest stint on here (almost at a 400 day streak). Messy breakup, not the best relationship, slightly relieved I was out, ect. I let myself eat what I wanted to for a short period afterwards, before throwing in the "I'm sad" towel and starting on here.

Give yourself the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. If that means having an extra scoop of ice cream, or treating yourself to a nice dinner, so be it! If you're stressed about gaining, continue to log, and plan those splurges into your intake. I also found that working out and changing up my intake helped me feel loads better about moving on from that relationship. I know it's really hard to find the motivation right now, but even getting up to do a 10 minute walk outside can do wonders to help clear your head.

I would say to take it easy today. You've just been through a huge shock. Make sure you do something nice for yourself today, because you deserve it.

maasha81

Ironically, I looked my best during my divorce. I invested my spare time in a new hobby which happened to be kayaking. I also worked out a lot more. I used all my spent energy into working out ..it was therapeutic.

Find something to distract yourself. As previous poster indicated, eating is a temporary fix.

snowflakesav

Today it is ok to be in crisis mode. I am so sorry you are going through this. Take today to grieve and cry and reach out to friends. Try not to overeat...but be gentle with yourself. Grief and loss need time.
Perhaps by the end of the week you will be in a place where you will be motivated to want to look hot and attractive again. It can be incredibly motivating.

DeguelloTex

geraldinemyoung17 wrote: »

pandyjambo
I would think that many of us eat when we are upset, which is why we are overweight. We are also aware of it. Your comment was not exactly helpful.

I think it was.

kms22188

Have a little bit of chocolate or a dessert if you need to. But get to the gym and work that sadness right out of you! (Trust me, I've cried on the elliptical after a break-up. It happens.) It'll boost your confidence. You can buy a new awesome top to go out in. Not only will you feel great, but you will also look hella hot for that new boyfriend who realizes how truly amazing, smart, and beautiful you are. Good luck!

shamcd

You've already done yourself a favor by recognizing and acknowledging that you're in danger of faltering. Now is the time to make very conscious, thoughtful choices about your food, even more so that what you're probably used to. It is also a great time to substitute another behavior or activity for emotional eating.

I can't really offer suggestions since it would need to be personalized, but I can tell you what has ghelped and still helps me. Don't laugh...I taught myself how to crochet. It keeps my hands busy, but more importantly, it keeps my mind focused on counting stitches. Before I started logging my food again with MFP, simply substituting bored eating with crocheting helped me drop a few pounds. But the key is you have to actively engage yourself in changing your own behavior. Good luck

Kida_Adeylne

Sorry about getting dumped. It sucks.
Emotional eating is a hard habit to break, but it won't make you feel better. (Believe me, I've tried).

Exercise is a good emotional and confidence boost when your life sucks. You probably don't feel like it, but forcing yourself out for some sweating can get some positive endorphins going, and help you sleep better. Even going for a walk can do you a lot of good.
Hang out with friends.
Go for a spa day.
Write in a diary.
Set a mini goal for something, something you can do in a week or two, and work toward it. Accomplishing things for yourself can be another way to boost your mood and confidence.

In short, do things for yourself. Remember how great you are and how worth your own time you are.

And, allow yourself to cry. Watch sad movies curled up in bed or listen to sad songs. Hug a teddy bear/pet/friend. If you want something comforting to consume, try hot tea. Drink lots of water, too.

sevsmom

When my ex asked for a divorce I lost 25 lbs in about 2 1/2 months. Grief makes me NOT eat. Regular stress is when I eat like a mad fool. I hope you get over the disappointment soon.

AmyG1982

Sorry to hear about it When I went through my last breakup I definitely did eat a little of the pain away but I really wanted to lose weight so if I ran into him again he'd see what he was missing lol so I kept it in check. I did the really cheesy thing where I left notes for myself all over my house. I put them all over my bathroom mirror especially so I'd see it first thing in the morning. Things like "You deserve love", "You are beautiful", "You will find love when the time is right" etc. Totally cheesy but it helped. I also took up more exercise and tried to keep myself busy, went out with friends more, took a class etc. Don't sabotage everything you've been doing. Take it day by day and know it will get better.

softblondechick

Sure, let the loser who dumped you win. Let that person be in control of your thoughts and actions, including creating emotional turmoil so great that you give up on yourself.

Go buy two gallons of ice cream, chips, soda, order pizza, go hog wild and have whatever you want to eat. Gorge yourself until you can't move. Wow. Feel better?! Nope.

I suggest a day of comfort, and self care. You deserve a pedicure, a spa massage, and a new hair cut. Get out of the house, focus on looking great. And focus on exercise plan for next week.

gramarye

missiontofitness wrote: »

lisasp4 wrote: »

Today I was dumped.

All I want to do is lie in bed, cry and eat.

How am I supposed to motivate myself to do anything?

Has this happened to anyone else recently? Did you eat to numb the pain? I don't want to destroy all my hard work but I just don't want to do anything.

I had a breakup right before I started my latest stint on here (almost at a 400 day streak). Messy breakup, not the best relationship, slightly relieved I was out, ect. I let myself eat what I wanted to for a short period afterwards, before throwing in the "I'm sad" towel and starting on here.

Give yourself the time to grieve the loss of the relationship. If that means having an extra scoop of ice cream, or treating yourself to a nice dinner, so be it! If you're stressed about gaining, continue to log, and plan those splurges into your intake. I also found that working out and changing up my intake helped me feel loads better about moving on from that relationship. I know it's really hard to find the motivation right now, but even getting up to do a 10 minute walk outside can do wonders to help clear your head.

I would say to take it easy today. You've just been through a huge shock. Make sure you do something nice for yourself today, because you deserve it.

I think all of this is great advice. It's not the end of the world if you take some time to be gentle on yourself. I wouldn't recommend not logging, but consider switching back to maintenance for a little bit while you find things other than food that sooth you. (Not exactly an easy task.)

For me, it was running. For you, it might be boxing, lifting, running, or even something I can't think of.

Of_Monsters_and_Meat

I'm sorry your ex-boyfriend has a fat fetish.
Now pick yourself up off the ground and get to it. You need discipline. Life is full of hardship and pain.

amo314

I am so sorry that you are going through this...it really is sad. Let yourself stay in bed and sleep and have a pity party TODAY. Then get yourself to the gym or start exercising or something. Once you are exercising you will release some happy hormones and you may start feeling better. If you are exercising, you may also want to eat better. Don't let this set back set you back everywhere.

lisasp4

Thanks guys. There are tonnes of good suggestions here.

You are right - I'd just end up feeling even worse about myself if I binged because I was sad.

What better revenge than looking super fit and making him realise what he's just thrown away

shaylalaine

I get dumped, often, sometimes I give up on everything and other times I have lost weight at a break up by walking it off. I just walk and keep going, like I could walk away from all my trouble, run away from it all for a while. my heart has so many stitches, bandaids, duct tape holding it together, I truly understand your pain.
Re-read your post as if a stranger wrote it, what would you say to her? what's your advice? Trust yourself and follow your own advice.
I hope your pain subsides quickly, I am truly sorry we have this is common

RavenLibra

THIS.. helped me through some tough times... "THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING WELL" ran into her a few years later... I had a wife a house a child... SHE... was street people. I felt bad for her of course...BUT had it not been for our breakup... the best things in my life would have never happened and I would not have been motivated to seek out those things.

total cliché I know... BUT it is up to you to decide whether there is more waiting for you out there. Work on YOU and the rest will sort its self out YOU are on the right track...now get to the gym.. log your food... AND BE the person you want to be... define yourself...

MissBabyJane

I gained like 10 lbs, because the break-up I went through... It's not worth it! I'm telling you, you can't eat your feelings and feel better. After four months of struggle, I'm just starting to get in shape and I very much regret that I've let someone's decisions affect me so much and I almost destroyed everything I've worked sooo hard on.....

gabylewis22

I had a break up a few months ago after a 4 year relationship. If anything, it motivated me more to lose weight - the weight loss and exercise gave me something to focus on rather than just moping about. And to be honest, with all the crying etc, I just wanted to sleep, I had no appetite at all. Use it to your advantage.

sarahlifts

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I had a break up a week bf I began my journey. Working out helped me keep my mind off of it and helped with the hurt and anger.

You've already begun, don't undo your progress.

There is someone or something better than the person who broke up with you. Keep at it. Make sure you are smoking hot when you are ready to get back out there.

For now, focus on you, pick up another hobby. Find a way to distract your self.

When I was dumped the gym and focusing on getting fit for 35 was my release.

I get emo now and find my self going for food. It is good to recognize you are treating your pain with food. Now you can do something to correct that.

Best wishes.

EricNewark

Channel the sadness to maybe a little bit of anger (controlled, it's ok to be pissed off just not violent!) and tell yourself fine, the hell with him/her I'll show you... Hit the gym. Take up an outdoor hobby (someone said earlier they took up kayaking - something you have wanted to do but never did). It will put you in a different place physically and mentally.

I went though a nasty break up years and years ago. Unhealthy relationship, drank too much because of it, etc. one day I walked away. Took up canoeing with friends that summer and totally changed what I did and where I was (ie lifestyle change). Met a lovely lady 6 months later who I wouldn't have met had I not made those general changes and 15 years later still married to her

You will overcome it and in the end you will be in a better place. I know it's easier said then done. It sooo easy for us to say it will be ok. But if you think about it for a minute- you know it will be ok in the end too. Listen to THAT side of your heart.

Best of luck.

dewsmom78

My husband and I are separated right now. It has been a stressful few months, so I totally understand. I know there is a lack of motivation to do anything. You have to make yourself get out and exercise, I promise you will feel so much better after you do. I have been back exercise for 2 weeks and even though I still have those bad days, but the exercise really helps.

Lounmoun

I'm an emotional cleaner. When I get stressed or sad my house gets incredibly clean and organized. I guess I find it soothing to put things in order. It is also somewhat physical. Maybe tackle a cleaning or home renovation project.
Exercise could help.
Listen to music/sing.
Try meditation.
Talk to someone about your feelings or write in a journal.
Don't get drunk or eat your emotions. Go ahead and cry or rage. Let it out and then start letting it go so you can fill your life with more positive energy.
Try a new hobby or class. Volunteer somewhere. Be busy.
Get outside.

Virkati

Emotions are for feeling. Food is for fueling your body. They are not related. They are not interchangeable. They cannot be substituted for each other.

That's been a hard lesson for me to learn, but I think I finally got it. If the emotions get too strong, cry it out. Eventually it will mellow out. I've cried on the treadmill and left the pain of my heart and the sweat of my determination in a puddle on the floor. This pain WILL pass, I promise.

fairy2b

"Your mother did not raise you with a wolf in your chest so you could howl over losing a man." -R.I.D

As much as you are hurting and as hard as this feels, my advice is to channel your hurt into self improvement. There is no better time than when you find yourself alone to get to know yourself once again, rediscover who you are and focus on self betterment. Whenever I went through breakups, I took that as an opportunity to self reflect, figure out what lessons I learned, what gains I made, what losses I suffered and work towards being the best I can be. You will find someone who falls wildly in love with you and treasures your presence more than anything else in the world. And you owe it to yourself to be the best version of you when that time comes.

ShibaEars

When I got dumped last year I went out for dinner with my best friend and talked with her. The next day I stayed in bed for the whole day, drinking tea and watching Two Broke Girls. I was miserable and allowed myself some crying fits. It was hard the first week but I made myself get to the gym for my regular workouts. I felt almost normal after them. I went with a friend, it's harder to back out when someone is waiting for you.

I say if you just want to lie in bed and cry, do it. Eat some junk food too if you want. But don't allow it to be more than one day. And avoid alcohol, it will only make you feel worse and could lead you to make some bad decisions (drunk texting, anyone?)

Breakups suck, but this is a time when you can focus solely on YOU. Try a new class or hobby you'd thought about but hadn't gotten around to. Workout, if that's something you like to do. Make plans with friends that you didn't get to see as much as you would've liked. Travel somewhere new.