Spousal Influence

NoIdea101NoIdea

mfermo wrote: »

I am amazed by how politically correct are the most of suggestions: it's your problem not his, it's still possible, you need more discipline, etc.
I agree of course he doesn't need to align with everything...but... if he's is not helping you and you told him and made clear it's important thing for you, quite frankly I think it's fair expectation to get some help, support and little sacrifice from the spouse.
So, take the drastic approach and stop sex until he throws away all tempting food ! ... and "may the force be with you"...

My 2 cents

This is the most ridiculous piece of advice I have ever heard. 'Stop sex until he throws away all tempting food'.

Don't blackmail your partner with sex. In fact, don't blackmail your partner full stop....pretty sure that's one of those things people in loving relationships DON'T do.

Also, as people have said, there isn't really too much you can (or should) do. YOU have made the decision to change your life, become healthier; that is not a decision he has made. If it is a case of he is buying the same old foods that you no longer want to eat, I'm afraid you're just going to have to learn some self-control, I wouldn't call that him being unsupportive.

If, however, he is going out and buying foods he knows you love, and then waving them under your face and trying to persuade you to eat them, them yes, that is unsupportive. I know it is tough, I have a partner who doesn't worry about what he eats and so has no problem whipping out a tub of Ben and Jerry's! But you CAN do it, and it does get easier!

My advice would be to portion things up; so, if you have a pack of biscuits, put them into bags of three and say 'this is X amount of calories-this is all I will have).

Pre-plan meals.

Look for low-calorie alternatives, (not just 'low calorie' foods, but substitutions; one of my favourite desserts was a ton of Ben and Jerry's, but I've swapped that for a couple of scoops of strawberry ice cream with a meringue's nest, which is super yummy and lower calories).

Be as active as you can!

And, most of all, use this place! I have found the people here are great for supporting me and kicking my butt when I need it. Good luck

wolverine66

i don't think i have much to add to what's already been said. Whether you are at home, or driving past a Dairy Queen, you will have temptations. What you are choosing to do by being here, is choosing to change your lifestyle. Part of that is not only the tracking, but learning to live within this world full of temptations, and being able to resist them (when necessary).

My wife constantly snacks on jelly beans, and gummies. My son has oodles of candy from Halloween, Christmas and Easter. I'm not making my 4 year old throw away candy, because daddy needs a Kit Kat.

jorinya

Talk to him, let him know how you feel, don't say anything in anger. Try not to notice he is setting little tempting foods out. The more you react the more he will continue. Sometimes husbands dont understand us and we don't understand them. We have to keep studying each other because as time goes on people change. Who knows maybe he is bragging to his friends that you haven't deviated from your diet. He could secretly be proud of you.
Talk to him. A successful marriage is all about communication. Been married 14 years and trust my husband is setting food traps for me but I laugh it off and joke that he may need to lose some small weight but he knows I'm only joking with him. Omg, just read the with old sex comment, how ridiculous, tease him and tempt him and do more, you lose more weight and tone up

samhennings

My wife made no changes at all when I was losing weight. She still had snacks in the house, wine in the fridge...

In fact she did absolutely nothing to help me in what I was doing. She didnt change her eating or shopping habits, she didnt get into working out or anything.

And Im fine with that, at no point did I expect anything else from her. This was my thing, my goal, my journey - it was something I needed to do by myself.

And in learning to not snack on the things in the cupboard, or drink the wine in the fridge etc I got the benefit of one of the biggest lessons I needed to learn.

wolverine66

samhennings wrote: »

My wife made no changes at all when I was losing weight. She still had snacks in the house, wine in the fridge...

In fact she did absolutely nothing to help me in what I was doing. She didnt change her eating or shopping habits, she didnt get into working out or anything.

And Im fine with that, at no point did I expect anything else from her. This was my thing, my goal, my journey - it was something I needed to do by myself.

And in learning to not snack on the things in the cupboard, or drink the wine in the fridge etc I got the benefit of one of the biggest lessons I needed to learn.

Same here.

I didn't even tell her I was starting to lose weight. I just started one day. I didn't want it to be a production or an event. I just wanted to do it quietly and get things under control myself.

Katiebear_81

The furthest I would go is to request that he keeps his snacks in a top cupboard, where I wouldn't see them every time I went to get something for myself. Although I did ask my boyfriend to stop eating chips in bed because I can't have just 5 when he's sitting there munching for hours. We compromised and he brings a bowl - a limited portion, and when it's gone, it's gone. Otherwise, I make sure that I have lots of snacks that I like. I don't mind spending the extra money on pre-portioned snacks, which really helps me not feel deprived.

AmandaHugginkiss

There is nothing more unfair than expecting others to conform when you try to change. You control you and you alone. Leave him out of the equation, and certainly don't tell him that any weight you gain, or any inability to lose, is his responsibility. It isn't. Your body is all yours and his is all his. Just like he can't shove a cookie down your throat, you can't pull one out of his.

barbecuesauce

mfermo wrote: »

barbecuesauce wrote: »

mfermo wrote: »

I am amazed by how politically correct are the most of suggestions: it's your problem not his, it's still possible, you need more discipline, etc.
I agree of course he doesn't need to align with everything...but... if he's is not helping you and you told him and made clear it's important thing for you, quite frankly I think it's fair expectation to get some help, support and little sacrifice from the spouse.
So, take the drastic approach and stop sex until he throws away all tempting food ! ... and "may the force be with you"...

My 2 cents

Yes weaponize sex this is good and healthy for your marriage this nerd knows what's up

Hey you kill my self esteem calling me nerd !

You made a Star Wars reference and your advice suggests that you've never had an adult relationship. If the shoe fits . . .

ElizabethKalmbach

When I grocery shop for my family, it never even occurs to me to buy chips or candy. I buy *food.* I make healthy meals. If my husband wants "snacks" he buys them himself and keeps them in his home office or at his business. I can't say that I'm really "tempted" by his snacks - I didn't grow up with snacks in the house, so I don't buy them because they just don't seem to register as "staple items" unless he's in the store with me, bringing back items from isles I never go down... - but this system works for us. He doesn't resent me for not buying his snacks, because he knows I don't really eat them. I don't resent him for having snacks, because I didn't buy them. He did. They're his.

Think about what kind of delineation will work for you, mentally, and ask him to work with you until you've developed enough self control to handle temptation.