can't afford wedding
WeddedBliss1992
Posts: 414 Member
this is a bit o/t from weight issues but i got an invite to a wedding of a son of a friend. the wedding is black tie and on the invite, it states, "adults only." so now, we are facing tux/suit rental expenses (my husband has nothing even close to dressy) plus gift, plus babysitter. i'm so old-fashioned!!! what happened to just showing up at the church hall after the cermony and having punch? (ok, i'm joking......a little) i really don't know what to do. i haven't sent the RSVP yet, but looking over our monthly budget, i really don't have the funds this month. i hate to say 'no' due to money, but at the same time, i hate to blow my budget for something like this. *sigh* just had to vent. 
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WeddedBliss1992 wrote: »this is a bit o/t from weight issues but i got an invite to a wedding of a son of a friend. the wedding is black tie and on the invite, it states, "adults only." so now, we are facing tux/suit rental expenses (my husband has nothing even close to dressy) plus gift, plus babysitter. i'm so old-fashioned!!! what happened to just showing up at the church hall after the cermony and having punch? (ok, i'm joking......a little) i really don't know what to do. i haven't sent the RSVP yet, but looking over our monthly budget, i really don't have the funds this month. i hate to say 'no' due to money, but at the same time, i hate to blow my budget for something like this. *sigh* just had to vent.
I don't know how close you are to the friend you're referring to but I wouldn't sweat it much. I'm sure they know that they're limiting their audience if they're declaring "adults only" and calling it a black tie affair.0 -
I wouldn't go. I've skipped many a wedding just because it's just too expensive, and I don't feel bad about it either.
The wedding is only really important to the ones who are getting married and their immediate families. Everyone else is just there for the expensive party afterwards.
If this makes me unpopular, so be it. I've got better things that I need to spend my money on, like bills and food.
Send them a nice card with a small gift. Way cheaper.0 -
Are you close with the friend? If not, I don't see why you should feel obligated to attend the son's wedding.
IMHO if it's a financial struggle for you to attend, then don't. You don't need to explain yourself unless the friend asks why you declined, in which case you can politely inform them that you crunched the numbers and financially couldn't make it work. That should be the end of it.
I sometimes think the couple makes it difficult for wedding guests on purpose in order to whittle down the guest list without deliberately not inviting people. Which is just fine with me.0 -
OMG thank you so much for your replies! i know i probably shouldnt allow what other people think to influence me, but hearing that others feel the same way i do helps tremendously!
i have also been thinking about attending the wedding alone. my husband won't have to rent a tux, and we also won't need a sitter. i can go to support my friend, then cut-out early.
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simply dont go
thats what id do0 -
RSVP saying no, send a nice card.0
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I agree with BinkyBonk.0
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friend's wedding? *kitten* yea and wear whatever
son of a friend's wedding? who cares, send a card0 -
I had several good friends bow out of attending my wedding for similar reasons (just out of college and broke) and I wasn't the least bit offended. Send a card with good wishes, and if you can afford a small gift maybe that, but honestly the bride and groom are SO busy that day that it's really difficult to keep track of who showed up after all. Frankly IMO, if you're going to have to spend a bunch of money to see someone, a wedding isn't the time - save the bucks for a nice double date when you'll actually get to interact.0
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i agree with BinkyBonk... just send a nice card and leave it at that.. no reason to stress about not being able to afford to go..
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WeddedBliss1992 wrote: »OMG thank you so much for your replies! i know i probably shouldnt allow what other people think to influence me, but hearing that others feel the same way i do helps tremendously!
i have also been thinking about attending the wedding alone. my husband won't have to rent a tux, and we also won't need a sitter. i can go to support my friend, then cut-out early.
She might be busy with mother of the groom duties and not have much time to spend with you. Just don't be disappointed if you put in that effort and are sitting by yourself all night.0 -
fallenoaks4 wrote: »WeddedBliss1992 wrote: »OMG thank you so much for your replies! i know i probably shouldnt allow what other people think to influence me, but hearing that others feel the same way i do helps tremendously!
i have also been thinking about attending the wedding alone. my husband won't have to rent a tux, and we also won't need a sitter. i can go to support my friend, then cut-out early.
She might be busy with mother of the groom duties and not have much time to spend with you. Just don't be disappointed if you put in that effort and are sitting by yourself all night.
this is a very good point.
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I'm in agreement with everyone here. If you can't afford it you can't afford it. No need to break the bank, so to speak, for an aquaintance at best? Just send a present, or heck, a nice card.0
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At the end of the day, it's no one's business if you cannot afford to go to a wedding. If you feel like you need to give some sort of excuse (though you are in no need to have to do so), just say you have another commitment. Most people tend to just accept that, the nosy ones ask for more information. Just don't give more information.
I would just RSVP a "No, thank you" and send a card and small gift in the mail.0 -
a card and a gift in the mail would be okay, or even just a nice card
but if you do really really want to go even though itll cost a bit, id go for a suit instead of a tux, theyre cheaper, and a $100 gift card to a store on their wedding registry, unless you can find a present within your budget, and ask one of your older kids or a neighbour's kid to babysit so its a bit cheaper, but Id go with the card and a polite no thank you.
your friend will probably be busy, and unless you actually spend time with the kid, itll be fine if you dont go,
I think my parents have only gone to maybe 2-3 of their friend's kids weddings out of 16 i think, and thats only cause their friend's kids asked me to have a role in their wedding cause they used to babysit me. And my parents own tons of formal wear, and getting a gift isnt a problem for them at all, they still dont bother going.
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TavistockToad wrote: »RSVP saying no, send a nice card.
I vote this.0 -
Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Never would I ever spend $50 on any kind of hosiery, $100 on a purse and another $100 on accessories.
When I got married in 1995 most bridal gowns alone were $1000 or more. I got my beautiful gown off the clearance rack in the bridal shop for $225. My veil was $75. Leggs stockings and some inexpensive shoes...my entire bridal outfit was less than $500.
I could never justify the amount you laid out for my own wedding let alone a friend's kid's wedding. Sheesh!
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Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Never would I ever spend $50 on any kind of hosiery, $100 on a purse and another $100 on accessories.
When I got married in 1995 most bridal gowns alone were $1000 or more. I got my beautiful gown off the clearance rack in the bridal shop for $225. My veil was $75. Leggs stockings and some inexpensive shoes...my entire bridal outfit was less than $500.
I could never justify the amount you laid out for my own wedding let alone a friend's kid's wedding. Sheesh!
I've been known to use a wedding as a excuse to splurge on an outfit and I still don't think I've spent that kind of money.
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Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Never would I ever spend $50 on any kind of hosiery, $100 on a purse and another $100 on accessories.
When I got married in 1995 most bridal gowns alone were $1000 or more. I got my beautiful gown off the clearance rack in the bridal shop for $225. My veil was $75. Leggs stockings and some inexpensive shoes...my entire bridal outfit was less than $500.
I could never justify the amount you laid out for my own wedding let alone a friend's kid's wedding. Sheesh!
She said this was a fancy black tie wedding. Probably at a high priced swanky venue that cost a lot of scratch to lay out. Personally I wouldn't want to attend a wedding at a function room at the Four Seasons in a shoulder padded, rayon-polyester mix, chartreuse pantsuit from Kohls with nylon knee highs and vinyl chunky heeled sandals that were on sale 2 for 1. And carrying a awkwardly misshapen mesh unlined bag with numerous coffee stains over my shoulder while a gyrate on the dance floor.
I'm a cheapskate in casual situations but no no NO.
Also, I would never accessorize with pink plastic glittered baubles from Claire's Fashion Jewelry from the local strip mall if I were going to such an event. I'd really go with Monet which is no big deal but at least one can scrape by with it every now and then.
(I'm not saying you would stoop to this level Wizzybeth, I'm just painting a picture. But I've worked as a banquet server at these uber high priced black tie weddings and this happens. It really does.)
As far as it being the son's wedding, well, yeah. Why bother? I'm sure he doesn't care if she's there. And the bride's parents are probably paying so...
You make a lot of obnoxious assumptions about what people would buy.0 -
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Still obnoxious assumptions on your part.0
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Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Why is the present $70 cheaper if you're not going to the wedding?0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Why is the present $70 cheaper if you're not going to the wedding?
Cause you aren't getting buzzed at the open bar. Duh.0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Why is the present $70 cheaper if you're not going to the wedding?
Because you're not eating the food and drinking the swill. The unspoken rule is, a wedding gift should minimally cover the cost of your attendance at the event. I know I know. Saying so out loud is obnoxious. But that's the unspoken rule.
You know, following imaginary etiquette won't make people think you're less of a *kitten*, so why bother?0 -
myfelinepal wrote: »Seriously. The cost of accepting an invite to a fancy wedding.
Gift usually a minimum of $100 if you're going to actually show up and eat the food and get buzzed at the open bar.
Dress or tasteful pantsuit $100 to $200.
Matching beaded clutch purse $100.
Silk hosiery $50.
Matching shoes $100.
Optional accessories $100.
These are the bare minimal costs in my opinion.
I would RSVP a polite no and send a card and mail a gift such as a $30 toaster.
I would only attend if it was an immediate family member or a best friend.
If a fella wanted me to attend a fancy wedding with him as his date, I would expect him to pick up the costs listed above.
Why is the present $70 cheaper if you're not going to the wedding?
Because you're not eating the food and drinking the swill. The unspoken rule is, a wedding gift should minimally cover the cost of your attendance at the event. I know I know. Saying so out loud is obnoxious. But that's the unspoken rule.
Or you could actually give a thoughtful gift not based on tit for tat...
Plus. If we are going to go buy the "unwritten rule", for top shelf liquor and black tie worthy food, probably more than $100, especially depending on where you are.0 -
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