Women do not fullfill me

RoxieDawn

I really feel sorry for the women next on your list... regardless if you say you don't mean to hurt people (women in general) you are and you know you have a problem... you aired your dirty laundry about how you treat women on a public internet forum asking complete strangers for advice... Seriouslly????????

Dude get a life and seek some d*amn help.

I suspect trolling at best.

sweetandsassyred

You want to be fullfilled then eat a snickers bar. You have a lot to learn about women and how to treat them.

uggins311

sweetandsassyred wrote: »

You want to be fullfilled then eat a snickers bar. You have a lot to learn about women and how to treat them.

lol, pretty much. This guy is an idiot and a bad troll.....

governatorkp

jimfoxer wrote: »

Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer: What you are experiencing, I have seen in several young men. The root cause, I've found, is an over-exposure to pornography and particularly starting at a young age. I'm not saying this is your situation, but what this tends to do is to instruct young men that the act of sex is a conquest, that a man needs to dominate, that a woman must be submissive - things furthest from the truth. It turns sex into a series of positions, badly dubbed "moan" tracks, and increasingly degrading situations since it desensitizes you to the act of sex (I had friends in College who were so desensitized to your "standard" porn, that they only got off watching porn with little people or the morbidly obese). Here is the truth; sex outside of love is really nothing more than you two "mutually masturbating". If you are only really thinking about yourself and your own needs (or trying to prove something to yourself), you are really only having sex with yourself. Surely, there is another living, breathing person with you, but when the focus is inward, that person might as well be a fleshlight with a heartbeat. To my mind, it doesn't matter how many people you have slept with - if it hasn't been with a person who you have loved ceaselessly, who you would do anything for, then you are still a virgin in my eyes.

To solve your problem is going to require a radical paradigm shift. You are going to have to decide to stop "mutually masturbating" and find a person that fulfills you in other ways and maybe even wait for sex until you can utter the "L" word. It could be that you have self-esteem issues that you need to work out, and therefore are only going for the "low-hanging fruit" that doesn't appeal to you, but doesn't require you to be vulnerable either. If this is the case, I'd suggest going without for a while - because you are inevitably going to have to have the conversation with the woman you will want to spend the rest of your life with about your sexual exploits. In my experience, sex with other people within the confines of a loving relationship will be often understood and overlooked in a future mate, but a male slut (to use a vulgarity) is just as appealing as his female counterpart.

Best advice (tl;dr): Date your hand until you are ready to give yourself to another person who challenges you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Whether you are mature enough for that kind of relationship yet, only you can tell. Also, talking out these issues with a trained professional will help you organize your thoughts and help you get to the root of your issue. I wish you all the luck!

This explains way better than any of my words could say.
I've read about it before and recognize it in some of my male friends.
Being relatively young however, this behaviour seems to be believed to be the norm, at least in my country/city/region, by both women and men. Anyone thinking differently would often be confronted about it, in a negative way, because "surely the reason is rather because of his/her inadequate looks/performance/and-the-such.
That is until they grow up and realize how 'wrong' they've been.

This guy sounds like a wise man, I'd follow his suggestion.

greco16

TL;DR

Thought of this song though

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN-4lX0QyZc

Wicked_Seraph

Obvious troll is obvious.

Reevoslady

I think you need to work on developing respect for women
Spend some time with women, without looking to sleep with them. Recognise their value, and you'll respect them as people.

mikeshockley

Therapy. Lots of therapy.

_incogNEATo_

Before people start calling me gay let me tell you that I'm definitely not. Embrace it. Don't fight it.

I base my happiness on achievement and getting with girls releases dopamine but I reckon that even if I got with over 100 girls I still wouldn't be satisfied and want more. <<<Clear sign that you should try guys

How do I change my way of thinking? Just remember: It's okay to be gay.

I am 6'4, 200lbs and my face is maybe a 6/10 on a good day, what type of women should I be aiming for if I decide to look for something more fulfilling such as a relationship? The kind with dingalings. They're called "men" for short.

sweetandsassyred

_incogNEATo_ wrote: »

Before people start calling me gay let me tell you that I'm definitely not. Embrace it. Don't fight it.

I base my happiness on achievement and getting with girls releases dopamine but I reckon that even if I got with over 100 girls I still wouldn't be satisfied and want more. <<<Clear sign that you should try guys

How do I change my way of thinking? Just remember: It's okay to be gay.

I am 6'4, 200lbs and my face is maybe a 6/10 on a good day, what type of women should I be aiming for if I decide to look for something more fulfilling such as a relationship? The kind with dingalings. They're called "men" for short.

Just had to say thanks I am now lmao. I really needed that too _incogNEATo_

DayvKnight

Reevoslady wrote: »

I think you need to work on developing respect for women
Spend some time with women, without looking to sleep with them. Recognise their value, and you'll respect them as people.

Yes but it is hard to respect women when growing up they have never respected me, growing up I was 20 lbs underweight and I looked about 3 years younger than I actually was. I was pretty much invisible to women and if I ever spoke to one they would try to shame me for doing it as if I was a slave asking their master for more food. It was only when I turned 18 and started to go clubbing and acting like a typical douche (when I talked to a woman I would try give off the vibe that they don't mean anything to me and that I don't care if they are interested or not) that they started to treat me with respect.
I have always respected myself when I am alone however around other people I feel as though I have very little value, the only way to increase your value around other people is to improve your physical appearance.
The majority of women have 10x the value I will every have, whenever they go out they have men fighting over them, I will never have women fighting over me even though I have done many things to try and improve myself and my appeal. I will admit that I want approval from women, it is so rare to come by that it feels very good when I get it. Women put up a pic on facebook and have 20 comments from guys calling them beautiful, I put up a pic and get 0 comments or likes

DayvKnight

gia07 wrote: »

I really feel sorry for the women next on your list... regardless if you say you don't mean to hurt people (women in general) you are and you know you have a problem... you aired your dirty laundry about how you treat women on a public internet forum asking complete strangers for advice... Seriouslly????????

Dude get a life and seek some d*amn help.

I suspect trolling at best.

You feel sorry for the women next on my list? that sounds almost as if I m going to rape them rather than it being a mutual exchange where they get as much enjoyment as me if not more from the act.

And yes I asked strangers for advice because as a male if you show any signs of weakness or seek help you are looked down on and treated like a POS. That is why the male suicide rate is through the roof compared to women and I have spoken with lots of people on forums who told me the exact type of treatment they got when they looked for help and it wasn't good.

DayvKnight

jimfoxer wrote: »

Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer......!

You are right, watching porn with good looking women that I will never get to touch does nothing for me. I am not some deluded person who is addicted to the fantasy, I only watch vids where the women is below average in attractiveness. I don't even approach generic attractive girls anymore, I have rewired my brain to find below average girls who wear a lot of makeup and do duckfaces as the most attractive

Monkey_Business

darn thats 5 minutes of my life I will never get back

jimfoxer

DayvKnight wrote: »

jimfoxer wrote: »

Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer......!

You are right, watching porn with good looking women that I will never get to touch does nothing for me. I am not some deluded person who is addicted to the fantasy, I only watch vids where the women is below average in attractiveness. I don't even approach generic attractive girls anymore, I have rewired my brain to find below average girls who wear a lot of makeup and do duckfaces as the most attractive

Ok. From your further comments I can see that my observation regarding your self-esteem is on mark. I know a lot of people believe you are trolling - or trolling for compliments - but I'm going to take your comments seriously.

The fact is this: Nature is playing a cruel joke on you. At 19, your prefrontal cortex is still in development while the connection between your brain hemispheres - right brain which is your emotional center, and left brain that is your logical center - is not fully developed. Adding to this are testosterone levels at some of the highest levels you will experience in your life, which are amping up your emotional brain with very primal emotions (aggression, fear, etc.) and tamping down the rational side which tries to object. It is a difficult and frightening time which often leads to some terribly risky and life-threatening behaviors. Compounding this is an unspoken societal norm where men must be rocks and not express their inner turmoils. The good news I can offer you is that this metamorphosis is all but complete by age 23; So strap in, hold on, and ride it out. The end of the tunnel is in sight!

In the meantime, you need to do some serious internal work. There is no quick fix, if that is what you are looking for. You have been using women to try to validate yourself, to feel special, to feel wanted, to feel attractive (and I purposefully use the word "using"). As you have rightfully noted, it won't work. The reason it's called "self"-esteem is that it has to come from within. Super models who could have nearly any person sexually they want can still (and often do) suffer from very low self-esteem. Millionaires, who can have anything and anyone, still commit suicide everyday. You are a house that is still being built, and unless you take the time to build it well, no one will want to move in. So you need to work on yourself; get involved in bettering yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Take inventory of your life and what you would like to accomplish - whether it be getting your degree, traveling, deadlifting 200 pounds, learning a second (or third) language, or practicing meditation. Again, this is where a professional can really help you organize your thoughts, and I should know - not only because of years of seeing a counselor myself, but from the Psychology degree hanging on my wall.

Lastly, allow me to offer you some fatherly advice on women - and I encourage any women here to chime in. As men, we are so amazingly hard-wired to the physical attractiveness of another person so much that it is often to the exclusion of everything else. We then believe that women experience sexual attraction the same way. The truth is that women are far more smarter than that. Yes, physical attractiveness is very important to a woman but it is just one of many factors. Let's say that a guy is an average 4/10 in attractiveness and it's enough to get a woman's attention. Now she talks to him and finds he's confident (+1), intelligent (+1), interesting (+1), has a steady job/income or plan for his life (+1), has love for his family (+1), good hygiene (you'd be surprised at how much of an issue this is) (+1), is responsible, committed and faithful (+1). That guy who was just a lowly 4/10 is now a 11/10 - even better than a perfect 10! But just as the scale has plusses, it has negatives: if a man is uninspired or lazy (-1), if a man is unsure about himself (-1), if a man reeks of desperation (-1), if a man has no plan for his future (-1), if a man is afraid of commitment (-1)... you get the point. A perfect 10 specimen of a male is now ugly in her eyes. So my advice to you; work on all the +1's in your life and eliminate all of the -1's. Seek the advice of women and ask them what they find attractive in men, match that to your own goals, and that is your "to-do" list to work on.

In short (tl;dr): Be patient as the rational parts of your brain come online and believe that it will - indeed - get better. Stop looking for external verification of your own self-worth, but work on building yourself into a more interesting/reliable/intelligent person that a woman would want to be around. And realize the fact that women are smarter than you; they will look at the whole picture, so put the work into improving yourself in all the areas that don't involve a mirror. I really, honestly, wish you luck. I know that this time in life can be disheartening and discouraging, but you will get through it!