Women do not fullfill me
DayvKnight
Posts: 27 Member
Before people start calling me gay let me tell you that I'm definitely not.
The problem I have is that I just see women as people to sleep with and on the infrequent occasion that I do, I start thinking about trying to find the next one immediately after
I base my happiness on achievement and getting with girls releases dopamine but I reckon that even if I got with over 100 girls I still wouldn't be satisfied and want more.
How do I change my way of thinking?
I am 6'4, 200lbs and my face is maybe a 6/10 on a good day, what type of women should I be aiming for if I decide to look for something more fulfilling such as a relationship?
The problem I have is that I just see women as people to sleep with and on the infrequent occasion that I do, I start thinking about trying to find the next one immediately after
I base my happiness on achievement and getting with girls releases dopamine but I reckon that even if I got with over 100 girls I still wouldn't be satisfied and want more.
How do I change my way of thinking?
I am 6'4, 200lbs and my face is maybe a 6/10 on a good day, what type of women should I be aiming for if I decide to look for something more fulfilling such as a relationship?
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Replies
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lol i think you're on the wrong site ...0
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usernameenvy wrote: »lol i think you're on the wrong site ...
LMAO
Well for starters you are only 19. Go live life, have fun, live in the moment. You have your whole life to find "the one".0 -
Start viewing them as human? That would be a start. It's not other people, it's you.0
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GreenGoddess22 wrote: »usernameenvy wrote: »lol i think you're on the wrong site ...
LMAO
Well for starters you are only 19. Go live life, have fun, live in the moment. You have your whole life to find "the one".
I'm not trying to find the one. I don't know if what I'm saying even makes sense, I need to find self fullfillment but I'm trying to get it through women which probably isn't going to work0 -
There is obviously something going on, or something that HAD gone on in your life to create what professionals call "a hole". You are trying to fill it by sleeping with girls. It will never be filled. It is your job to figure out your issue and fix it, dont expect a female to do that job for you.
Did your mom leave you at a young age? Did many females in your life pass away while you were growing up? Did you have a female steal from you? Do you hate females? Dont respond - just think about something that could trigger a reaction in regards to your current feeling towards females. Maybe your a sex addict? Get bored easily?0 -
seachelle76 wrote: »Start viewing them as human? That would be a start. It's not other people, it's you.
I know that I am the one who is the problem but I don't know how to change my mentality, it is unhealthy.
I was at an edm event tonight and I feel normal and relaxed talking to guys but things change when I interact with women, I can only view them as things that I am trying to conquer
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I agree! ^^dakotababy wrote: »There is obviously something going on, or something that HAD gone on in your life to create what professionals call "a hole". You are trying to fill it by sleeping with girls. It will never be filled. It is your job to figure out your issue and fix it, dont expect a female to do that job for you.
Did your mom leave you at a young age? Did many females in your life pass away while you were growing up? Did you have a female steal from you? Do you hate females? Dont respond - just think about something that could trigger a reaction in regards to your current feeling towards females. Maybe your a sex addict? Get bored easily?
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get your self some serious therapy0
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dakotababy wrote: »There is obviously something going on, or something that HAD gone on in your life to create what professionals call "a hole". You are trying to fill it by sleeping with girls. It will never be filled. It is your job to figure out your issue and fix it, dont expect a female to do that job for you.
Did your mom leave you at a young age? Did many females in your life pass away while you were growing up? Did you have a female steal from you? Do you hate females? Dont respond - just think about something that could trigger a reaction in regards to your current feeling towards females. Maybe your a sex addict? Get bored easily?
Excellent advice.0 -
dakotababy wrote: »There is obviously something going on, or something that HAD gone on in your life to create what professionals call "a hole". You are trying to fill it by sleeping with girls. It will never be filled. It is your job to figure out your issue and fix it, dont expect a female to do that job for you.
Did your mom leave you at a young age? Did many females in your life pass away while you were growing up? Did you have a female steal from you? Do you hate females? Dont respond - just think about something that could trigger a reaction in regards to your current feeling towards females. Maybe your a sex addict? Get bored easily?
I have a bad relationship with my mother
btw I'm not claiming to be someone who has a lot of success with women but if I'm honest part of the reason why I started lifting is because I thought it would result in me getting with more girls, which wasn't the case
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What has happened in your life to make you view women this way? I agree with the poster above, something probably happened in your life. Was a female in your life abusive to you, was your mom around during your life? I'm glad you realize that your mindset needs to be fixed. Females are more than just objects to be used and thrown out in a matter of speaking. They aren't prizes for your dopamine fix.0
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Do you find yourself wanting to make a dress out of human skin? If not, then I think you're ok.0
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I honestly would recommend seeking a therapist or psychologist. Someone who can help you get to the root of your problems and can help you figure out yourself. I don't think anyone here on mfp can honestly help you in the way you heed.0
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So if you struggle with your relationship with your mother, there of course is going to be a good chance that you will have issues with women in your future. Are you angry at your mom? Do you want your moms approval? Nurturing feeling from her? Are you searching for this by sleeping with females?
Again, you dont have to answer. What moms do not provide for us as children are NEVER provided to us through girlfriends/wives (nor should they). This might be something you look into more with a live counsellor, I would always recommend Journalling on the issue at hand and often you will find many answers through that.
Good luck!0 -
Wouldn't hurt to talk to a therapist.0
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fitbunny93 wrote: »What has happened in your life to make you view women this way? I agree with the poster above, something probably happened in your life. Was a female in your life abusive to you, was your mom around during your life? I'm glad you realize that your mindset needs to be fixed. Females are more than just objects to be used and thrown out in a matter of speaking. They aren't prizes for your dopamine fix.
Yeah, my mother had several health problems and bad depression and used to take her frustration out on me a lot when I was young.
I base nearly everything in life as an accomplishment, when I'm with other lads I spend time with them because it's fun and we have a laugh. When I'm with girl(s) my mindset changes, I don't know how to fix my mindset as I have never had a different view of them0 -
you sound like a normal 19 year old0
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DayvKnight wrote: »fitbunny93 wrote: »What has happened in your life to make you view women this way? I agree with the poster above, something probably happened in your life. Was a female in your life abusive to you, was your mom around during your life? I'm glad you realize that your mindset needs to be fixed. Females are more than just objects to be used and thrown out in a matter of speaking. They aren't prizes for your dopamine fix.
Yeah, my mother had several health problems and bad depression and used to take her frustration out on me a lot when I was young.
I base nearly everything in life as an accomplishment, when I'm with other lads I spend time with them because it's fun and we have a laugh. When I'm with girl(s) my mindset changes, I don't know how to fix my mindset as I have never had a different view of them
You subconsciously view other females as your mother and the fact your mother had such a hold over you means you feel the need to turn that around when youre with other females ... go see a therapist its the only thing thats going to help you make sense and move on0 -
I think you have felt neglected, unloved, and unappreciated by your mother throughout your life. You have not learned respect and appreciation for women because of how she treated you and you have a lot of bottled up anger inside of you. I am sure theres more to you than what you would post on an online website. You probably subconsciously seek something from all these females that your mother was never able to fill. Frued was right in so many ways. I don't mean to make all these assumptions and am not saying they are all true - just a personal opinion. I would definitely recommend therapy. Theres nothing embarrassing or shameful about it.0
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I dont think mpf provides therapy, but anyhow.... how would you say your self esteem is?
and aim for women you like because you like them, be yourself and see where it goes, but maybe wait for the whole getting laid bit if youre looking for something more serious and thats an issue you have.0 -
Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer: What you are experiencing, I have seen in several young men. The root cause, I've found, is an over-exposure to pornography and particularly starting at a young age. I'm not saying this is your situation, but what this tends to do is to instruct young men that the act of sex is a conquest, that a man needs to dominate, that a woman must be submissive - things furthest from the truth. It turns sex into a series of positions, badly dubbed "moan" tracks, and increasingly degrading situations since it desensitizes you to the act of sex (I had friends in College who were so desensitized to your "standard" porn, that they only got off watching porn with little people or the morbidly obese). Here is the truth; sex outside of love is really nothing more than you two "mutually masturbating". If you are only really thinking about yourself and your own needs (or trying to prove something to yourself), you are really only having sex with yourself. Surely, there is another living, breathing person with you, but when the focus is inward, that person might as well be a fleshlight with a heartbeat. To my mind, it doesn't matter how many people you have slept with - if it hasn't been with a person who you have loved ceaselessly, who you would do anything for, then you are still a virgin in my eyes.
To solve your problem is going to require a radical paradigm shift. You are going to have to decide to stop "mutually masturbating" and find a person that fulfills you in other ways and maybe even wait for sex until you can utter the "L" word. It could be that you have self-esteem issues that you need to work out, and therefore are only going for the "low-hanging fruit" that doesn't appeal to you, but doesn't require you to be vulnerable either. If this is the case, I'd suggest going without for a while - because you are inevitably going to have to have the conversation with the woman you will want to spend the rest of your life with about your sexual exploits. In my experience, sex with other people within the confines of a loving relationship will be often understood and overlooked in a future mate, but a male slut (to use a vulgarity) is just as appealing as his female counterpart.
Best advice (tl;dr): Date your hand until you are ready to give yourself to another person who challenges you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Whether you are mature enough for that kind of relationship yet, only you can tell. Also, talking out these issues with a trained professional will help you organize your thoughts and help you get to the root of your issue. I wish you all the luck!0 -
Just curious, do you see yourself in this scenario?
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-the-grass-is-never-greener-and-how-to-be-happy-today/0 -
The issue is you're not fulfilled with yourself, you're looking for external factors to bring that fulfillment, as you realized it's only temporary. You're looking for a form of validation, which is only temporary once you score. As I said, look for fulfillment within yourself.
This. And women are people. Start viewing them as people, not objects of fulfillment.0 -
Why ? Nothing else , just why is anyone giving this attention seeking narcissist any time.0
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If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, most likely....it's a duck! Give sausage a try bud, see if that "fulFILLS" ya or nah....smdh0
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Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer: What you are experiencing, I have seen in several young men. The root cause, I've found, is an over-exposure to pornography and particularly starting at a young age. I'm not saying this is your situation, but what this tends to do is to instruct young men that the act of sex is a conquest, that a man needs to dominate, that a woman must be submissive - things furthest from the truth. It turns sex into a series of positions, badly dubbed "moan" tracks, and increasingly degrading situations since it desensitizes you to the act of sex (I had friends in College who were so desensitized to your "standard" porn, that they only got off watching porn with little people or the morbidly obese). Here is the truth; sex outside of love is really nothing more than you two "mutually masturbating". If you are only really thinking about yourself and your own needs (or trying to prove something to yourself), you are really only having sex with yourself. Surely, there is another living, breathing person with you, but when the focus is inward, that person might as well be a fleshlight with a heartbeat. To my mind, it doesn't matter how many people you have slept with - if it hasn't been with a person who you have loved ceaselessly, who you would do anything for, then you are still a virgin in my eyes.
To solve your problem is going to require a radical paradigm shift. You are going to have to decide to stop "mutually masturbating" and find a person that fulfills you in other ways and maybe even wait for sex until you can utter the "L" word. It could be that you have self-esteem issues that you need to work out, and therefore are only going for the "low-hanging fruit" that doesn't appeal to you, but doesn't require you to be vulnerable either. If this is the case, I'd suggest going without for a while - because you are inevitably going to have to have the conversation with the woman you will want to spend the rest of your life with about your sexual exploits. In my experience, sex with other people within the confines of a loving relationship will be often understood and overlooked in a future mate, but a male slut (to use a vulgarity) is just as appealing as his female counterpart.
Best advice (tl;dr): Date your hand until you are ready to give yourself to another person who challenges you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Whether you are mature enough for that kind of relationship yet, only you can tell. Also, talking out these issues with a trained professional will help you organize your thoughts and help you get to the root of your issue. I wish you all the luck!
OP---I would listen to this guy. As an "older" woman, I find his answer right on. You already know what you're doing is not right. For a future loving relationship you should try to solve this situation. Any relationship brings baggage along with it, and if it's not dealt with will ruin it's future. When you do finally commit to the right person you want to be ready. Best of luck to you.
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Allow me to give you a non-judgemental honest answer: What you are experiencing, I have seen in several young men. The root cause, I've found, is an over-exposure to pornography and particularly starting at a young age. I'm not saying this is your situation, but what this tends to do is to instruct young men that the act of sex is a conquest, that a man needs to dominate, that a woman must be submissive - things furthest from the truth. It turns sex into a series of positions, badly dubbed "moan" tracks, and increasingly degrading situations since it desensitizes you to the act of sex (I had friends in College who were so desensitized to your "standard" porn, that they only got off watching porn with little people or the morbidly obese). Here is the truth; sex outside of love is really nothing more than you two "mutually masturbating". If you are only really thinking about yourself and your own needs (or trying to prove something to yourself), you are really only having sex with yourself. Surely, there is another living, breathing person with you, but when the focus is inward, that person might as well be a fleshlight with a heartbeat. To my mind, it doesn't matter how many people you have slept with - if it hasn't been with a person who you have loved ceaselessly, who you would do anything for, then you are still a virgin in my eyes.
To solve your problem is going to require a radical paradigm shift. You are going to have to decide to stop "mutually masturbating" and find a person that fulfills you in other ways and maybe even wait for sex until you can utter the "L" word. It could be that you have self-esteem issues that you need to work out, and therefore are only going for the "low-hanging fruit" that doesn't appeal to you, but doesn't require you to be vulnerable either. If this is the case, I'd suggest going without for a while - because you are inevitably going to have to have the conversation with the woman you will want to spend the rest of your life with about your sexual exploits. In my experience, sex with other people within the confines of a loving relationship will be often understood and overlooked in a future mate, but a male slut (to use a vulgarity) is just as appealing as his female counterpart.
Best advice (tl;dr): Date your hand until you are ready to give yourself to another person who challenges you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Whether you are mature enough for that kind of relationship yet, only you can tell. Also, talking out these issues with a trained professional will help you organize your thoughts and help you get to the root of your issue. I wish you all the luck!
Wow! Very great advice!!0
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