Can you believe your significant other?

TX_Aggie_Dad

This is a follow-up to a great thread on how your significant other views your weight loss:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1011191-significant-other-s-thoughts-on-your-weight-loss

Like every other man on the planet, I've found myself caught in the "Do I look fat?" line of questioning from a significant other. Men have been taught that the answer to this question is always "No, you look great!". I could definitely see where a spouse could say "I like you just the way you are" because we know that is the kind/nice answer and we know that pointing out our spouse's flaws doesn't typically help things. I think the reality, if we are REALLY being honest with ourselves is that most people have something they'd change about their spouse. It might be minor (mine is I wish my wife would put her shoes in the closet as opposed to leaving them in the living room) or more significant (I wish my spouse would lose 20,30, 100 lbs because I don't find them physically attractive anymore). I could see where spouses might say the nice thing to avoid conflict but then the other spouse doesn't realize how their weight gain might be a bigger deal. Stereotypes would say that men are more likely to have a problem with their spouse being overweight but in today's society it seems we all could lose some weight so maybe the situation is changing. I'm interested in thoughts from the gallery as to whether you truly believe your spouse when they give you feedback on weight loss, working out, etc.

For me, I find that my wife says that I'm doing a good job. Her feedback is motivating, but I also always think that she'd be less like to give me the brutal truth.

MarianneC93

My partner is amazing. I lost my first stone last week and when I went to see him (I hadn't seen him for a week) he went, how much weight have you lost? Because you look great but I can't see with all of these clothes in the way!

And now he's joined MFP and got himself a gym membership too! I'm so proud of him. When I eat badly he picks me up on it, and I've nagged him about the gym for the last week and he's finally done it All about support. Not being nasty but being motivational, honest, and helpful!

SailorSunira

I believe my husband because he tells the truth. Now, he isn't "brutal" with me but he will be honest. This is easier to do, for the both of us, because I provide a safe space in which he can provide that feedback. He only provides it if I ask, and he is specific about where my weight gain or weight loss is making an impact on my body. That's all I really need anyway. "You're getting chunkier" doesn't really help anyone but "You appear to have put on some extra inches on your arms, want to focus a little more on toning your muscles and maybe eat lighter for a couple weeks?" is a totally acceptable observation and helpful suggestion to me. I am also okay with receiving that kind of critical observation. I think I'm lucky to be married to an honest but also tactful man.

fitnh

This thread was hard to read....mine, offers up nothing

georgann1114

Ya mine either! LOL

m0jk

Mines really supportive like for example right at this moment hes sitting infront of me eating my ben & jerrys ice cream describing how good every spoonful is

_SusieQ_

Honestly, I get a lot more support AND feedback from my friends vs the hubs.

The boyfriend on the other hand is really great about letting me know that I look good and am changing.

zyxst

My husband is too busy eating the other half of my dessert. :laugh:

He's honest, but not cruel, and only when I ask about how I look. Mostly it's from me finding a new look (did you know *everyone* has hip bones?) and asking him if he sees it as well.

3foldchord

I don't ask my husband if I look fat. Or look like I have lost weight, etc. not only should men know not to answer, women should know not to ask men.

I did ask him test my bum to see if all those squats are making it better... But I already knew how he feels about my bum, so it was a question for fun and "flirting".

We don't talk about my working out or fat loss, but his actions say he notices and approves, that's good enough for me.

lithezebra

Mine has called me "beautiful" from day 1, when I was heavier than I am now, and hasn't wavered since then. I don't see any reason not to believe him.

luckydays27

MIne tells me all the time that I am beautiful and that he thinks I look great. But he said that when I was 30 lbs heavier too. He tells me that he loves me no matter what I weight and that my weight loss is about me and not what he wants.

I love that man.

I will point out that he needs to lose a few as well. I have asked him to join me at the gym or ride his bike while i am walking on the treadmill but he is not interested/motivated to do it.

I dont tell him he should lose weight or anything. I try to encourage him but he is not interested in hearing it so I let it go. Its easier than having the conversation turn into a fight. I love him exactly as he is but do prefer that he lose weight. Not from a looks perspective but because I dont want him dying of a heart attack any time soon. I think there are "other" aspects of our life that could get even better if we were both thinner/more fit but those "other" areas are pretty awesome anyway so I may not be able to handle it if we were both fit.

Bearbrat

Yea, I can believe him. I don't "set him up" by asking a question then expecting him to lie to make me feel better. I truly want the honest answer, otherwise why ask? He's not mean or cruel when he answers, he's honest and I love that about him

luckydays27

Honestly, I get a lot more support AND feedback from my friends vs the hubs.

The boyfriend on the other hand is really great about letting me know that I look good and am changing.

LOL, at least someone tells you that you look good, even if its not your husband.

skullshank

my wife and i have this really cool 'best friend' thing goin on.
it means i can be honest with her and she can be honest with me.

that said, the answer to "do i look fat?" is always YES.

insecurity keeps her home...with me....in the basement.

CrankMeUp

my wife and i have this really cool 'best friend' thing goin on.
it means i can be honest with her and she can be honest with me.

that said, the answer to "do i look fat?" is always YES.

insecurity keeps her home...with me....in the basement.

'cept when you visit me.


do i look fat?

skullshank

'cept when you visit me.


do i look fat?

AllTehBeers

The number one thing that makes you look fat?

Being Fat.

GiveMeCoffee

My husband is brutally honest if I ask, so I trust what he says. If I ask Do I look fat in this he will give me the answer Yes you look fat and it's not the pants. Which I love because when he says Hey your arms are thinning out or wow your belly isn't so big anymore, I can actually believe it.

I don't need anyone to sugar coat it for me, I know I'm fat but working on that!

soopahfreak

LOL!!!:laugh:

perfkdrug

why would you ever ask anyone if you look good / look slim etc?
you're putting them on the spot and that is terrible

if you truly look good, or slimmer or whatever then someone will notice and say something unprompted.

sabified

my SO gets mad at me- he compliments me all the time, to the point where it's not that I don't believe him, it's just that I know it's what he's going to say. I do trust him, and don't think he's just trying to be nice... but really...

This is said without having read anything in either thread and not really knowing the direction of either convo.

Boogage

My partner has always said I look good. I don't believe him lol.

I think he prefers me when I'm bigger anyway. I don't really understand it but I know he doesn't like other people to say I look good so maybe he thinks I'll run off with someone else!

zephtalah

Yes, I can believe him. He is VERY honest. I don't set him up for failure (asking questions I don't want the truth for), but when I ask him a blunt question he gives me a blunt answer. I would rather have that then someone who lies to me to make me falsely feel better.

bgelliott

My husband and I are brutally honest with each other and it's wonderful. When I was fat, he told me I was fat and he knew it would not hurt my feelings because it was the truth. Had he not been honest I may not have been motivated to get my butt in gear!

I don't understand why women ask this question if they are not happy with a truthful answer. I have several friends who are very unhappy with the appearance of their overweight spouses but when asked their input, they are not 100% truthful because it has caused many a fights in the past.

ldrosophila

i dont get much feedback, and have quit asking. I'm always surprised when he compliments. he says he doesnt notice a change in my weight, but I dont either.

AlongCame_Molly

My husband is totally honest. He says my boobs need work cause they're a little saggy (which is ok, they got ruined from nursing. We're going to get them lifted when we're done having kids) but he says my butt, thighs and abs look even better than when we were dating. And I believe him. I have before-and-after pics, and too-large jeans as proof.

typos

vhuber

I'll admit that I ALWAYS think I look fat. It is something that is very hard to not think when you have been chubby or fat most of your life even though you have been in all sorts of sports & fitness. I don't always believe my husband but I am getting better. I do tell him when his gut is getting mushy & he get's busy & starts eating less. He does NOT like fitness like I do but he does very laborous work that slims him down. I want to know the TRUTH even if it hurts!!!!

lesspaul

Tip for guys regarding the classic loaded question from your beloved of "Does this dress make me look fat?"

It is a trick question. Neither a yes nor a no will go unpunished.

Even the seemingly innocent "You look great in that dress," or "That dress looks good on you" replies have pitfalls. You might be caught unawares with her reply of "Oh, so what do I look like normally? Chopped liver?" or "So it is the dress that looks good, not me?"

The only correct answer is: Only YOU could make THAT dress look THAT good.

You can thank me later.

carriespence1

My hubby only answers when I ask he also tells the truth! I don't pull that set up thing though either. When I'm less than my best he doesn't complain or seem unhappy with me either. He is a real mans man but has told me before " its you I love no matter what" sometimes I could just kiss him

MrsJ1105

My husband is very, very honest. Very. He will tell me if i look good, bad, whatever. I definitely believe him.

Ramberta

My boyfriend is very supportive of me, and while he's honest, he doesn't slap my hand when I reach for ice cream or tell me I shouldn't have something. He lets me make my own decisions... however, since he's not aiming to lose weight himself, nor place any restrictions on his diet, so there's where the problems come in.

He'll eat whatever I cook, but when we go grocery shopping he still wants to pick out Swiss Rolls, chips, frozen burritos, and the like. Which he's fully entitled to eat, but man, it makes it hard for me not to go overboard on those things! If I had it my way they'd be out of the house and only purchased on a special occasion, but, I'm just trying to develop stronger willpower.

But he is proud of me for what I'm doing, he likes going on walks with me (and it's finally warm enough for the outdoor pool, so we're gonna do that together too), and he's quite liberal with the compliments whenever I'm feeling sexy. And often times when I'm not, too.

He called me pretty when I was supersick with a cold... I can't really ask for more than that!