any tips or inspirations that can help me? I've tried dieting for three years and I fail every time

westcoastskies

I used to be thin. I mean I was a freaking knock out. got married, discovered partying, got depressed after a while, got divorced and I've been a fatty fatty since then. I really hate it. I have a major problem eating when stressed or just generally miserable. I mean I REALLY try to get in the game and lose weight but one thing goes wrong in my life and I'm in bed with ice cream. Any tips for people who have been in the same boat? I quit smoking, I go see a therapist to help with the getting over being divorced at such a young age, I don't drink alcohol anymore (which was a big reason I gained weight) now I just have a few more things to over come. Any tips or encouraging words will do. Or friends to help keep me motivated. Thanks in advance for the answers.

Tezzi_B

What makes you so stressed/miserable? Thats what you need to change... The happier in life you are the easier it is to make changes.... Don't think of it as a "diet" thats your first mistake, its a lifestyle... Shake it up a little bit.

atypicalsmith

Stop "trying". Just DO it! Yes, it takes a while - it's not going to happen overnight. I quit smoking as well and losing weight is a LOT harder because it takes months or even years. I stopped smoking for two miserable days and the nicotine addiction was GONE. Not so with losing weight. But you don't have to be miserable losing weight. I'm at 1200 calories and eat foods that I enjoy and feel full. I've had to tweak that over the months until I found the right combination for me - light breakfast, medium lunch, and large dinner. Again, don't TRY to, just DO it! Best of luck to you.

2009jewellz

I will add you as friend.

kindrabbit

Tezzi_B wrote: »

What makes you so stressed/miserable? Thats what you need to change... The happier in life you are the easier it is to make changes.... Don't think of it as a "diet" thats your first mistake, its a lifestyle... Shake it up a little bit.

This is great advice. If you are going to make a change in your life the first thing you have to change is your attitude towards yourself. If you feel bad about yourself and beat yourself up its going to be hard. If you love yourself for making the change and taking positive steps to make your life better it will be so much easier.

You need to find your joy. A divorce is a sad thing but remember, no happy marriage ends in divorce! This is a great chance to re-invent yourself and to be the person you want to be. Think about how a happy, healthy, fulfilled and committed person acts, and act that way. If you want to be it, become it.

No-one can give you motivation, it has to come from within. I don't know what clicked for me except that I felt I deserved to be looked after and no-one else is going to do it! As things changed and I started walking/jogging I felt so proud of myself. I felt awesome and I wanted it to continue so I started eating better and training harder. I set myself goals and every time I met a goal I set further goals. Happiness breeds further happiness. I can honestly say for the first time in a long time I like myself, I am proud of what I have achieved and I plan to achieve more.

GreenIceFloes

Take it slow so that you don't overwhelm yourself and relapse. Like the poster above said, address the underlying issues. Engage in activities other than eating when you are stressed out.

TimothyFish

My bicycle is my therapist. Not to say that you don't need the other kind of therapist, but exercise has a way of pulling you out of the doldrums and what could have been an evening sitting at home eating a bag of chips while complaining about the loneliness, turns into an evening of somewhat healthy eating that stays near the calorie goal for the day.

crazyjerseygirl

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?

Garthweightlosspal

You have to have a more positive out-look, sure I don't know what's going on in your life, but if you say you are going to fail, or feel like you are gonna fail, usually you will, you gotta kick yourself in the *kitten* and say no, I wont fail.

And like another comment says, remove the things in your life that make you so miserable or at least try too

Garthweightlosspal

And if you hate being large, use that as motivation in itself!

allenpriest

Don't try to diet. Get help for emotional distress and learn not to define yourself by your weight. Then decide and change your lifestyle to eat what you want just lots less of it.

TimothyFish

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?

I'm not sure I agree with that. I managed to get very fat, but I still thought of myself as thin. It wasn't until I told myself that I was fat and that I wasn't going to solve the problem by eating as much as I wanted that I was able to take action and begin losing weight.

dramaqueen45

I am an emotional eater too. I think it's just finding better, healthier ways to deal with those emotions. Food never lets you down and always makes you feel good. And it's always around. I can keep it together on good non-stress days, but sometimes I overeat due to stress. I am still working on it and getting better at it, but if I slip up, I just log it and move on. And I agree- it's not a diet it's a change in the way that you eat overall. I eat a LOT less processed foods, and LOT more fresh fruits and vegetables now and eating fried foods just makes me feel bleh. Eating a piece of cake or an ice cream sandwich- while okay sometimes- makes me feel yucky because it's so much sugar at once. I heard someone say once "you will crave what you eat"- so the healthier you eat the more you will crave that healthy food. Again I'm not saying I don't eat pie, ice cream, cake, french fries and pizza but just not a lot or often, and I always fit them into my calorie goals for the day if I know I'm going to an event or something where there will be a lot of fattening foods. Good luck to you.

snowflakesav

You can leverage your personality type and fears to help you lose weight. I think you would be a great athlete. Can you try running or biking?

Usually the pain we are pushing away through addictive eating or drinking is pretty serious stuff. The combination of abandonment we might have had as a child and going through ababdonment in a divorce is a lot to deal with. I think we never get skilled at dealing with bad feelings if our parents weren't good emotional role models. Now you as an adult woman can start learning some of the skills of taking better care of yourself...the first step is taking better care of your health.

crazyjerseygirl

TimothyFish wrote: »

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?

I'm not sure I agree with that. I managed to get very fat, but I still thought of myself as thin. It wasn't until I told myself that I was fat and that I wasn't going to solve the problem by eating as much as I wanted that I was able to take action and begin losing weight.

@TimothyFish It's not so much that she realizes that she's fat (I don't really know her size so I'm not even commenting on that) it's that she's calling herself a name.

"Yeah I'm fat and yeah that sucks now what can I do about it" is a far cry from "I'm a fatty fatty and eat ice cream in bed when I'm upset"

Being realistic about your weight is one thing. Attaching your self worth to that weight is another. I'm thinking she is doing the latter, not the former.

westcoastskies

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?

I do have a lot of self esteem issues that stem from the weight. I do attach self worth to how I look. I used to pride myself in how great I looked and then I let myself go so I was insanely disappointed in myself for that and I have yet to forgive myself for it. I have nothing against large people. I envy people who can be confident larger. I understand what you're saying, that I need to love myself and use positive motivation. That's what this post is about mostly. I hate myself for being fat. And I am aware its an unhealthy outlook which is why I see someone to try and change that. Easier said than done yah know?

westcoastskies

snowflakesav wrote: »

You can leverage your personality type and fears to help you lose weight. I think you would be a great athlete. Can you try running or biking?

Usually the pain we are pushing away through addictive eating or drinking is pretty serious stuff. The combination of abandonment we might have had as a child and going through ababdonment in a divorce is a lot to deal with. I think we never get skilled at dealing with bad feelings if our parents weren't good emotional role models. Now you as an adult woman can start learning some of the skills of taking better care of yourself...the first step is taking better care of your health.

I haven't tried running. I always am afraid people will laugh at me. I've never been good at it (or I just don't know the proper technique for it). I do like to bike though.

I can completely relate to the abandonment thing. The reason my ex left me in the first place was because I gained weight and he bailed for some skinny blonde girl so I think that is another part of my self esteem plummet and why I value my self worth on appearance. Its a long road. Thanks for the input I appreciate it greatly.

ninerbuff

There is no such thing as try. You either do it or you don't. Desire is one thing, commitment another. And if you really commit to something, then any obstacles and deterrences shouldn't stop you. It's easy to quit or give up. Just do nothing. It takes discipline and pride to up take a commitment. Do it for you because it is for you.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

westcoastskies

Tezzi_B wrote: »

What makes you so stressed/miserable? Thats what you need to change... The happier in life you are the easier it is to make changes.... Don't think of it as a "diet" thats your first mistake, its a lifestyle... Shake it up a little bit.

@Tezzi_B High stress job which I can't do much about as I need it. Other things I can change though are just the bitterness I've held on to for the past three years after getting divorced. Got left for a thinner younger girl so it was a huge slap to the face and I know I should be over it by now but I think its something thats always in the back of my mind. A kind of "I gained weight and I wasn't good enough" mentality. I am aware of the fact that its unhealthy to think that which is why I want to make a change. Its all just easier said than done. I guess I was hoping Id meet someone who's been there before and see how they pulled themselves out of it.

westcoastskies

ninerbuff wrote: »

There is no such thing as try. You either do it or you don't. Desire is one thing, commitment another. And if you really commit to something, then any obstacles and deterrences shouldn't stop you. It's easy to quit or give up. Just do nothing. It takes discipline and pride to up take a commitment. Do it for you because it is for you.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

I guess I just am someone who gives up. I've heard that before that as long as I commit then I should not fail. So I guess my main problem is I don't commit. Thanks for the input.

crazyjerseygirl

westcoastskies wrote: »

crazyjerseygirl wrote: »

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?

I do have a lot of self esteem issues that stem from the weight. I do attach self worth to how I look. I used to pride myself in how great I looked and then I let myself go so I was insanely disappointed in myself for that and I have yet to forgive myself for it. I have nothing against large people. I envy people who can be confident larger. I understand what you're saying, that I need to love myself and use positive motivation. That's what this post is about mostly. I hate myself for being fat. And I am aware its an unhealthy outlook which is why I see someone to try and change that. Easier said than done yah know?

I get that you have nothing against larger folks (I'm a big girl myself and have no qualms with the size, just don't want to be here anymore!) but really that big girl confidence comes hard won. I got big during puberty. Amongst the teasing from peers, the constant remarks about my sexual desirability by my parents (that sounds terrible, it wasn't abuse but I was made to feel wrong for having breasts at 9) and dismissal by teachers (tossed out of a kids ballet class cause I "outgrew" it I was pretty much shot, but I eventually learned to love other things about me.

I'm smart, I've a good analytical mind, I can dance well and I'm an ok person. I've based my self worth on how I treat others (and yeah I still suck at that sometimes)

So think. What do you like about yourself that's not based on your looks?