any tips or inspirations that can help me? I've tried dieting for three years and I fail every time
Replies
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A Happy healthy life is achieved by seeking balance in everything you do... balancing your diet is the beginning... so welcome to MFP... where all the tools you will need to undertake that project exist... learn to eat here... THEN...begin working on the physical you... exercise...get those under control... and your emotional balance will follow...BUT it all has to begin with the person in the mirror... forgive her for what she has chosen to do to you... and be prepared to forgive her for all the times you slip and fall... Learn to LOVE her.. and you will begin to do right by her... so says the EMU... you don't need luck... just your own determination... read, learn... have some fun along the way0
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crazyjerseygirl wrote: »westcoastskies wrote: »crazyjerseygirl wrote: »I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?
I do have a lot of self esteem issues that stem from the weight. I do attach self worth to how I look. I used to pride myself in how great I looked and then I let myself go so I was insanely disappointed in myself for that and I have yet to forgive myself for it. I have nothing against large people. I envy people who can be confident larger. I understand what you're saying, that I need to love myself and use positive motivation. That's what this post is about mostly. I hate myself for being fat. And I am aware its an unhealthy outlook which is why I see someone to try and change that. Easier said than done yah know?
I get that you have nothing against larger folks (I'm a big girl myself and have no qualms with the size, just don't want to be here anymore!) but really that big girl confidence comes hard won. I got big during puberty. Amongst the teasing from peers, the constant remarks about my sexual desirability by my parents (that sounds terrible, it wasn't abuse but I was made to feel wrong for having breasts at 9) and dismissal by teachers (tossed out of a kids ballet class cause I "outgrew" it I was pretty much shot, but I eventually learned to love other things about me.
I'm smart, I've a good analytical mind, I can dance well and I'm an ok person. I've based my self worth on how I treat others (and yeah I still suck at that sometimes)
So think. What do you like about yourself that's not based on your looks?
Uh I'm nice I suppose? book smart. And I'm funny.
Thats all I can think of really. I really think one of my biggest problems is self esteem and the fact that I don't see much in myself and I know that can be the biggest hindrance when it comes to finding motivation and just getting out there and committing to it.0 -
There is no such thing as try. You either do it or you don't. Desire is one thing, commitment another. And if you really commit to something, then any obstacles and deterrences shouldn't stop you. It's easy to quit or give up. Just do nothing. It takes discipline and pride to up take a commitment. Do it for you because it is for you.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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RavenLibra wrote: »A Happy healthy life is achieved by seeking balance in everything you do... balancing your diet is the beginning... so welcome to MFP... where all the tools you will need to undertake that project exist... learn to eat here... THEN...begin working on the physical you... exercise...get those under control... and your emotional balance will follow...BUT it all has to begin with the person in the mirror... forgive her for what she has chosen to do to you... and be prepared to forgive her for all the times you slip and fall... Learn to LOVE her.. and you will begin to do right by her... so says the EMU... you don't need luck... just your own determination... read, learn... have some fun along the way
Thank you that was really beautifully put. I really appreciate it.
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I think you are a good candidate for a fitness transformation. Instead of seeking that former skinny-skinny that you were, why not make a new stronger you at the gym?
Make small changes in your eating habits, like cutting out the binges, and I think you will be well on your way.0 -
I see a few areas and have thoughts on them:
1) Motivation
2) Self Worth
3) Triggers
1) Motivation:
- words... are pretty, but they do not get you off the couch. They don't get you to put the ice cream away. Because really... when you are at the stage where you're shoveling in the ice cream, then you're not likely to go looking for the motivation to not do it. (Been there, I know).
- you want to be thin. Is this the reason why you are doing this? Is this enough for you to cause you to make a change? I don't know that it is. You need a better motivator than self loathing. I struggle with self loathing, and it does do the job to some extent, but it's not the best way to get there.
- What ELSE makes you want to change? Health? Family? Influence (positive or negative) on those around you?
TIP: Think bigger. Pick a goal. Pick a reward for that goal. Then develop a plan to get you there.
2) Self Worth
- getting skinny again will not shut those "I'm fat" voices up. I have been there, and still hear them from time to time. You need to start NOW to address those insults. Because if you don't, you may find yourself at goal weight STILL saying those things, and STILL thinking you need to lose weight. Once you start picking flaws, it's really hard to stop.
- My sweetheart made me start picking out 5 positive things every day. It felt stupid. It felt awkward. But it worked. FIND someone.. a friend, a lover, a family member... someone who will make you tell them those 5 things.
- talk to your therapist about this too... not just the divorce, but the self esteem. IT WILL BE HUGE TO YOUR SUCCESS!
3) Triggers:
- if ice cream is your weakness... then stop bringing it in the house. Just stop. For me, when I'm depressed... MY GOD DO I EVER WANT NACHOS. If I have them in the house, I will find a reason to eat it. Ice cream, not so much. So, I keep ice cream in the house and never binge on it... and I CHOOSE when I decide to buy a bag of nachos. I do not allow myself to have a ready stock because it does derail me.
- There will be some food that you can keep in your home that is rewarding and enjoyable, but is not an emotional crutch. Buy that... and leave the ice cream at the store.
Lastly...
- allow yourself treats from time to time
- allow yourself time to change... both mentally and emotionally. Because you're struggling with self worth issues, I STRONGLY recommend you lose weight slowly... because a drastic change will be hell on your mental state (and will also push you to binge).
- find friends who will challenge you to exercise instead of eat. To be active instead of withdrawn. To talk instead of chew. They will be your safety net.0 -
But... if you're looking for motivation:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1102508/mfp-fitspiration/P1
These are pics from MFP members (some are gone now, some reincarnated, some still here)...
real people
real inspiration
A lot of the pics are gone now, which is sad... but many remain - and those are pretty awesome.
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Many of us have tried and failed and tried again. You are not alone in this. There will come and a time, and hopefully for you this is the time when you WILL commit. Your personal inspiration and motivation to be dedicated will have to come from within but in the meantime if you search "success stories" or maybe some nice MFPer will provide the link, You can read and see pics of what others who have been there and done that have achieved. You can add me as a friend who also has a bunch to lose if you wish.0
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westcoastskies wrote: »crazyjerseygirl wrote: »westcoastskies wrote: »crazyjerseygirl wrote: »I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?
I do have a lot of self esteem issues that stem from the weight. I do attach self worth to how I look. I used to pride myself in how great I looked and then I let myself go so I was insanely disappointed in myself for that and I have yet to forgive myself for it. I have nothing against large people. I envy people who can be confident larger. I understand what you're saying, that I need to love myself and use positive motivation. That's what this post is about mostly. I hate myself for being fat. And I am aware its an unhealthy outlook which is why I see someone to try and change that. Easier said than done yah know?
I get that you have nothing against larger folks (I'm a big girl myself and have no qualms with the size, just don't want to be here anymore!) but really that big girl confidence comes hard won. I got big during puberty. Amongst the teasing from peers, the constant remarks about my sexual desirability by my parents (that sounds terrible, it wasn't abuse but I was made to feel wrong for having breasts at 9) and dismissal by teachers (tossed out of a kids ballet class cause I "outgrew" it I was pretty much shot, but I eventually learned to love other things about me.
I'm smart, I've a good analytical mind, I can dance well and I'm an ok person. I've based my self worth on how I treat others (and yeah I still suck at that sometimes)
So think. What do you like about yourself that's not based on your looks?
Uh I'm nice I suppose? book smart. And I'm funny.
Thats all I can think of really. I really think one of my biggest problems is self esteem and the fact that I don't see much in myself and I know that can be the biggest hindrance when it comes to finding motivation and just getting out there and committing to it.
These are all good things!
You're nice, this is something I struggle with cause I'm NOT. I have to force myself to be nice to people, that you are properly nice is huge!
Book smart is good to! Lots of ppl put down book smarts but honestly, I just don't think those ppl like to read. Put those smarts to good use. Learn about psychology and the how/why your brain is being a bit of a jerk.
Funny is perfect. If you can have a sense of humor about other people's foibles you can have a sense of humor about your own. Life is weird in that it can suck and be funny almost all at the same time. Focus on those funny bits and the sucky ones will fade.0 -
I was obese as a child and remained that way well into my 20s. I hated myself for being so fat and was in a vicious cycle - binge eating because I was fed up with my weight, then being disgusted with myself for overeating. I can't say what made me decide to change. I just woke up one morning and decided I wasn't going to live my life like that anymore. I bought an exercise bike and every time I wanted to binge I cycled for 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes was all it usually took to deter me from stuffing my face. Exercise can definitely help you. I went from cycling at home to running 5k 3 times a week. It helped improve my fitness, speed up my weight loss, but more importantly it made me feel better about myself.
You can do it. Just stop beating yourself up and start doing something about it. 0 -
You just have to decide that u WANT to change and just do it! It's hard to lose weight and it's hard to be fat or feel unattractive so u have to decide...which hard do u want? If your struggling with the way you eat, you've got to change your eating habits. If your use to eating when you feel miserable or stressed out, take those feelings and kick their *kitten*! What I mean by that is instead of going in bed eating icecream, go do something positive like for a run or jog. Or if you have a punching bag, take your emotions out on the punching bag. I know how it is to just eat when u feel bad or stressed but it's really not doing you any good! It feels so much better to do something positive with those emotions. And the great thing is afterwards, you won't regret it. Like I said though, you've got to change your habits entirely! No more eatin when u are stressed or feeling bad etc. Once you change your eating habits, I guarantee you feel start feelin better about yourself. Eating crap like icecream really just makes the body feel yucky. But when you eat healthy foods like veggies and meats with proteins, your body feels so good and you will feel better. Just take it one day at a time. Changing yourself is a slow process but you have to start somewhere. If you need the extra motivation u can add me. I log daily and am always up for inspiring others as well as being motivated by others to better myself. By the way congrats on stopping smoking! I've been there myself I was lucky enough to quit cold turkey after being a smoker for about 15 years. Here's a little inspirational quotes that I find helpful. Hopefully it will help inspire you to change YOU, because you are the only one in the way of that happening. Good luck sweetie you CAN do it
The only regret is giving up!
Yes it is:
Most importantly!
Truth! I can vouch for this quote:
I've quit a few times but I finally decided I need to change myself so I'm going strong and I see the difference in my attitude and my appearance!
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You seem to be in a cycle of self-loathing. You call yourself a "fatty fatty." Would you talk to your best friend like that? No? Then why say that to yourself? You don't like how you look, yet you engage in behavior (in bed, eating lots of ice cream) that perpetuates you not liking how you look.
You're miserable and depressed and you're punishing your body through unhealthy, binge-ish eating habits which only serves to make you feel worse.
I admit, there's vanity in why I workout. But it's a small percentage of why. I do it for health, I do it so I don't have the same health issues as my parents (diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke), I do it for stress relief, I do it for the comments from guys at the gym who say "I wish I could lift that much" when I get off the leg press (I'm 5'3 and weigh 120 and add 540 to the sled).
Focus on what your body can do, instead of how it doesn't look. Instead of finding its value solely on how it compares to some impossibly attainable standard. If you want to run, run. Who gives a damn what you look like? If people want to judge you, that's THEIR problem, don't make it yours. Don't sacrifice your health and well-being because you're afraid what some stranger you'll never see again *might* be thinking (because you really don't know).- "The One Where Pheobe Runs"
- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_0Ta_DIWuU"]
- Just watch out for the horses!
If your self-esteem is completely tied up in how you look, how great you used to look, you're always going to be disappointed. You have to love and care about you, just as you are. And that means not calling yourself "fatty fatty."- This is one of my favorite (and brief) TEDTalks. Cameron Russell: "Looks Aren't Everything--Believe Me, I'm a Model"
- https://www.ted.com/talks/cameron_russell_looks_aren_t_everything_believe_me_i_m_a_model
- To this day, after watching this Talk, I laugh every time I see a "walking shot" in a magazine.
- "These are not pictures of me, these are constructions."
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MireyGal76 wrote: »I see a few areas and have thoughts on them:
1) Motivation
2) Self Worth
3) Triggers
1) Motivation:
- words... are pretty, but they do not get you off the couch. They don't get you to put the ice cream away. Because really... when you are at the stage where you're shoveling in the ice cream, then you're not likely to go looking for the motivation to not do it. (Been there, I know).
- you want to be thin. Is this the reason why you are doing this? Is this enough for you to cause you to make a change? I don't know that it is. You need a better motivator than self loathing. I struggle with self loathing, and it does do the job to some extent, but it's not the best way to get there.
- What ELSE makes you want to change? Health? Family? Influence (positive or negative) on those around you?
TIP: Think bigger. Pick a goal. Pick a reward for that goal. Then develop a plan to get you there.
2) Self Worth
- getting skinny again will not shut those "I'm fat" voices up. I have been there, and still hear them from time to time. You need to start NOW to address those insults. Because if you don't, you may find yourself at goal weight STILL saying those things, and STILL thinking you need to lose weight. Once you start picking flaws, it's really hard to stop.
- My sweetheart made me start picking out 5 positive things every day. It felt stupid. It felt awkward. But it worked. FIND someone.. a friend, a lover, a family member... someone who will make you tell them those 5 things.
- talk to your therapist about this too... not just the divorce, but the self esteem. IT WILL BE HUGE TO YOUR SUCCESS!
3) Triggers:
- if ice cream is your weakness... then stop bringing it in the house. Just stop. For me, when I'm depressed... MY GOD DO I EVER WANT NACHOS. If I have them in the house, I will find a reason to eat it. Ice cream, not so much. So, I keep ice cream in the house and never binge on it... and I CHOOSE when I decide to buy a bag of nachos. I do not allow myself to have a ready stock because it does derail me.
- There will be some food that you can keep in your home that is rewarding and enjoyable, but is not an emotional crutch. Buy that... and leave the ice cream at the store.
Lastly...
- allow yourself treats from time to time
- allow yourself time to change... both mentally and emotionally. Because you're struggling with self worth issues, I STRONGLY recommend you lose weight slowly... because a drastic change will be hell on your mental state (and will also push you to binge).
- find friends who will challenge you to exercise instead of eat. To be active instead of withdrawn. To talk instead of chew. They will be your safety net.
Thank you, thats all really great advice. I saved it to read from time to time if I get discouraged. And yeah mostly the reason I want to do this is to be thin so that people will like me again and I know its silly and I know I need to stop that way of thinking. I think I'll make a journal or something to keep a list. Again, thank you.0 -
crazyjerseygirl wrote: »westcoastskies wrote: »crazyjerseygirl wrote: »westcoastskies wrote: »crazyjerseygirl wrote: »I'm pretty sure it has something to do with calling yourself a "fatty-fatty". Self loathing much? Did you place too much (all?) your value in being thin and beautiful? Have you talked to your therapist about this aspect of your psyche?
I do have a lot of self esteem issues that stem from the weight. I do attach self worth to how I look. I used to pride myself in how great I looked and then I let myself go so I was insanely disappointed in myself for that and I have yet to forgive myself for it. I have nothing against large people. I envy people who can be confident larger. I understand what you're saying, that I need to love myself and use positive motivation. That's what this post is about mostly. I hate myself for being fat. And I am aware its an unhealthy outlook which is why I see someone to try and change that. Easier said than done yah know?
I get that you have nothing against larger folks (I'm a big girl myself and have no qualms with the size, just don't want to be here anymore!) but really that big girl confidence comes hard won. I got big during puberty. Amongst the teasing from peers, the constant remarks about my sexual desirability by my parents (that sounds terrible, it wasn't abuse but I was made to feel wrong for having breasts at 9) and dismissal by teachers (tossed out of a kids ballet class cause I "outgrew" it I was pretty much shot, but I eventually learned to love other things about me.
I'm smart, I've a good analytical mind, I can dance well and I'm an ok person. I've based my self worth on how I treat others (and yeah I still suck at that sometimes)
So think. What do you like about yourself that's not based on your looks?
Uh I'm nice I suppose? book smart. And I'm funny.
Thats all I can think of really. I really think one of my biggest problems is self esteem and the fact that I don't see much in myself and I know that can be the biggest hindrance when it comes to finding motivation and just getting out there and committing to it.
These are all good things!
You're nice, this is something I struggle with cause I'm NOT. I have to force myself to be nice to people, that you are properly nice is huge!
Book smart is good to! Lots of ppl put down book smarts but honestly, I just don't think those ppl like to read. Put those smarts to good use. Learn about psychology and the how/why your brain is being a bit of a jerk.
Funny is perfect. If you can have a sense of humor about other people's foibles you can have a sense of humor about your own. Life is weird in that it can suck and be funny almost all at the same time. Focus on those funny bits and the sucky ones will fade. thank you. truly. 0 -
@inked_Calimom82 thank you, I added you. I loved the pictures
@Psychgrrl You're totally right and I appreciate the feedback and the links. I do have underlying issues I need to address.0 -
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Getting to love yourself is a wonderful advice and I honestly envy people who manage to follow it. I never could. I've been overweight ever since I was a kid. I'm 32 and all those years weren't enough to learn to accept my own body. I do not hate myself per se, I'm proud of myself in a lot of ways actually, but this body is not and was not ever mine. I always felt stuck in someone's else. I can only imagine how hard it can be to actually have one you consider your own and then lose it.
I lost some weight the hard way before. I've gained it back. I've learned not to trust motivation and not to count on it being there for me indefinitely. I had no motivation when I started this time. I don't have much of it now. I really don't feel like I could be beating the beasts and doing something big right now. But I lose weight steadily still. I just use logic and my knowledge about myself to see where I can cut some corners and make sure I move forward at a steady pace.
I don't go to the gym. The idea horrifies me. And even if I convince myself to go there few times and get kinda used to it, there is no way I'd last long. The weather would be bad, I'd feel sick one day or get too busy – I know excuses will happen and I'll quit. It's hard and I my willpower is not indefinite. But I walk when the weather is nice. In fact I just came back from a 10km (6.2mile) walk. And I feel great. The sky, the nature, the music in my headphones, the movement – they take my stress away. I don't even think about not wanting to go anymore. Even if I'm tired, I crave this bit of happiness. I'm getting so used to it, I actually started to use my elliptical at home at the days I can't walk. I don't do it out of obligation. It just gets something heavy and nasty out of me, it chases my anxiety away. I love cycling. The moment my knees allow me, I'll jump on my bike rather eagerly. And I do some body weight training whenever I feel like it. I have a table on my wall and it feels good to draw another dot there to indicate I've done another set of push-ups. All these things do not require willpower. I'm not overcoming anything. There is nothing to quit. But the best part is, even if I stop all this activity I will still keep losing weight because none of it is really a must as far as I eat at deficit.
I share your love for ice-cream. It's one of few things I do not want to give up in life. So I eat it every day. The only reason past few days in my diary have none is a big and super tasty cake in my fridge. It just takes priority at the moment. I may one day stop eating all these sweets or at least make them happen less often but for now I'm no hero. I need a little bit of comfort every day. Good news is, it's totally possible to have some even on a 1200 calorie diet. If the rest of your food are simple and filling things, there's plenty of space left for some dessert. Not much of it, mind you. But every time I want more, I just tell myself 'girl, tomorrow is not far away, you'll have it then and the day after and as many days as you want. no hurry here'. It works for me. Having it once in a while would not, because I'd start missing it before it's even eaten. But we people are all wired differently. For some once in a while is better. For some it's easier to stop something completely. Try things and find the way that works for you maybe.
Some people are able to move mountains. I look at them with awe. They are an inspiration. I'm not one of those people. I don't know if you are but you obviously don't consider yourself one at the moment. It does not mean we can't lose weight though, because weight is no mountain. It melts when calorie deficit takes place and there are many small things that can help to make it happen. Just find ways that are somewhere around your comfort zone and you won't have to fear failing.0 -
westcoastskies wrote: »snowflakesav wrote: »You can leverage your personality type and fears to help you lose weight. I think you would be a great athlete. Can you try running or biking?
Usually the pain we are pushing away through addictive eating or drinking is pretty serious stuff. The combination of abandonment we might have had as a child and going through ababdonment in a divorce is a lot to deal with. I think we never get skilled at dealing with bad feelings if our parents weren't good emotional role models. Now you as an adult woman can start learning some of the skills of taking better care of yourself...the first step is taking better care of your health.
I haven't tried running. I always am afraid people will laugh at me. I've never been good at it (or I just don't know the proper technique for it). I do like to bike though.
I can completely relate to the abandonment thing. The reason my ex left me in the first place was because I gained weight and he bailed for some skinny blonde girl so I think that is another part of my self esteem plummet and why I value my self worth on appearance. Its a long road. Thanks for the input I appreciate it greatly.
In the end you'll be glad your ex is out of your life. He is in a really weak place emotionally. There are great things ahead of you.
Using some of the feelings you have about the loss and the skinny blond can help as a motivation for taking better care of yourself.
No body will laugh at you for running or biking funny. one of your strengths is your sense of humor. You can laugh at yourself.
Bike happy.0 -
Alright, I know you're not going to want to hear this, but reading all of your comments I have to make a suggestion you're not going to like. You might need to seek counseling. I know, I knowwwww. There is such a taboo on it. But, I say this as a life-long friend of someone with an devastating eating disorder. You've started to treat your food as something more than just something to enjoy or fuel yourself. You've made some kind of association with it, whether as a comfort or punishment, that is stronger than the normal self-reward type connection, and that needs to be broken. You mix that with self-esteem/self-worth issue, and wanting control, and it can go very, very badly. Some people can turn it around on their own, but they're the exception, not the norm.
Also, a good nutritionist is a great friend to help you on the journey. I am spoiled. My brother happens to be certified in nutrition and strength & conditioning, so I've learned a lot on my journey about the food I'm taking in and how it is used. There's a lot of information out there, and it's not all correct or scientifically founded.
The same goes for exercise. For example, people will suggest long distance running, but there's a lot of evidence that running, for women (and I mean that as biology, not gender), is one of the least ideal forms of exercise. It's hard to find the articles buried under all of the 5k love out there right now, but if you search, you will find them. Here's my favorite, because he has his references like a good researcher. http://athlete.io/5343/why-women-should-not-run/ Find something you love, but get professional opinions.
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The true motivation for weight loss will need to come from a place of self love and acceptance. Being hard on yourself will only cause you more stress and more comfort eating. The journey is the destination. How can you make this process fun and exciting from day one? For me, I started by clearing my pantry and fridge of all junk food and food I knew was either a trigger for binge eating or just made me feel blah. I donated unopened stuff to the food bank. It felt good to clear out so much space in my home and start filling it with nutrient dense ingredients. I learned how to cook meat and vegetables and really embraced spending a lot more time in the kitchen. Learning to prepare nutrient dense meals was time well spent and cooking now gives me a sense of mastery and creativity, rather than being a chore. Be gentle with yourself and do this because you want to feel healthy and live longer. Weighloss is 80% diet and 20% exercise. If you approach it with self love, rather than self hate, lasting weight loss will follow.0
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