I'm not some '50's housewife.

Stacivogue

Over the past year, I have been going through a bunch of stuggles, loss of family members, attempted suicide in one family member, dog cancer, a less than supportive boss, and 50 hour work weeks. I have barely had the energy to get up and go to work, much less workout.

Also, my husband has a very flexible job and spends lots of time at the gym. As I've gotten fatter, he's gotten obsessive about the protein powder and gym, and he's gotten more and more fit. Then came the paranoia. If he thinks that's the standard for body fitness, what interest would he have in me? When he goes out, is it because he's ashamed of me? I got so depressed and just felt like it was only a matter of time before he found some younger, thinner woman to be with.

Well, something snapped me out of it. (I won't say what). But I'm not some 50's housewife dependent on my husband's income and nowhere to go. I make a good living (despite not being too fond of my current boss), and I am confident I can find another job, if I really look.

And if I feel insecure because I gained some weight, well, then I just have to lose it.

So, diet and exercise started up about 6 weeks ago with a new Fitbit, some larger gym clothes, and I started spinning this week and mat Pilates once so far and while my belly has not disappeared, and it has, at some points, been painful, it's a start. I've lost 10 lbs so far, and I know I will lose less as time goes on, but I think getting my self esteem back is just crucial.

I may never look as toned as my husband. But I will stick to this. Wish me luck.

milocamolly

Stay with it! You can do it! Sounds like exercise is something that the both of you can do together. My husband and I started working out (not always together) and it's something that we can obsess together. Maybe someday you will be as toned as him! Keep it up and remember one day at a time and one pound at a time!!

darrensurrey

If he's doing strength work, then maybe ask him about it. He might be delighted that you're interested in getting fitter etc. Good luck.

zoeysasha37

There was a time about ten years ago where I was in a similar situation. I had just given birth to my son, was very over weight and very depressed about my weight. My husband on the otherr hand was fit, going to the gym daily and it made me feel the same way you feel. I thought, why would he want me? Those thoughts made me more depressed but yet I kept over eating and it was a vicious cycle. I was miserable.
When I was truly ready for a change, I made it happen! But it only worked when I was truly honestly ready. He would try to encourage me back then, but it didn't work until I really wanted it to.
I was miserable, over weight, no self esteem, and was tired of it. But now I'm the complete opposite. I weigh 135 now, but realized weight was only a small part of the issue. I needed to deal with everything that had caused my sadness and depression properly to truly forward. Ten years later, I'm not the same person anymore. I'm confident, secure, and happy. Now I think, if he doesn't want me for whatever reason, that's fine because I'm okay either way" whereas before I would think much differently.
So keep going and don't give up! Your on the right track. You'll be so happy that you made this choice.

editorgrrl

Stacivogue wrote: »

Diet and exercise started up about 6 weeks ago with a new Fitbit, some larger gym clothes, and I started spinning this week and mat Pilates once so far and while my belly has not disappeared, and it has, at some points, been painful, it's a start. I've lost 10 lbs so far, and I know I will lose less as time goes on, but I think getting my self esteem back is just crucial.

I may never look as toned as my husband. But I will stick to this. Wish me luck.

Yay, you!

Get some friends in the Fitbit Users group and start doing Fitbit challenges. They're great motivation—and fun! http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/1290-fitbit-users

caramelgyrlk

As women we go through to many emotional struggles. I am glad WHATEVER caused you to SNAP out of it worked. Now you can move ahead on your health and wellness journey. It takes a very brave soul to bare their feelings online. I hope you get the support you so rightfully need and deserve. Thanks for sharing and I wish you nothing but the best.

singingdispatch100

I would like to say two things.
First i wouldn't use how toned or not your husband becomes to be a basis for what you need to look like.
Second, and this is coming from a male perspective, have you considered that one of the reasons he works out as much is because he does not feel worthy of you? I work out a fair amount so that my fiance will feel proud of the man she is marrying. I want her to know that i will be able to support her money wise and physically. Looking the way I do and having the lack of energy that i do makes me feel as if I can not fullfill the latter. I have a couple friends who work out for their spouse more than for themselves. Communicating the fact that you feel the way you feel is also as healthy mentally as it is to lose the weight you feel you need to lose.
Regardless of his reasons however I hope that you continue to find the strength to workout for your own health and happiness.
Good luck

Lounmoun

Good luck to you. I hope you will feel better about yourself.
Regular exercise is great for managing stress and anxiety.

RodaRose

Good job on your weight loss. You can do this.

californiagirl2012

Stacivogue wrote: »

I may never look as toned as my husband. But I will stick to this. Wish me luck.

I said that once, for over 20 years, and MFP helped me surpass my amazing husband (at least in the fitness category). Now he calls me "coach" and when I say it's time to go to the gym he says YTC "Your The Coach". Haha we have a great relationship and he helped me achieve that, and we are definitely quite conservative and he is very macho, so this is all fun.

My main point is set the bar high for yourself, because you can surpass him in fitness if you want to and never give up! I did this at age 50 and had reached obesity at age 48, so it's never too late.

Roberta

cj94404

"Never too late". That is hard to believe. There are so few obstacles I have overcome in this world. I've gotten through things like deaths and home projects, but I rarely feel satisfaction. I just feel like I've gotten through it. Because you have to or else you are dead.

rdlewis123

I had one of those "snap out of it moments" myself. Sounds like you have made up your mind. Way to go! Keep it up. You have conquered the hardest part--yourself!

bunsen_honeydew

And he packs a healthy lunch for you and makes dinner, I hope.

Stacivogue

In retrospect, (now that it's 2 years ago) I remember when I lost the motivation. It was at a New Years eve party, where I had just lost 60 lbs of pregnancy weight (and still had 20 to go), but for the first time, felt comfortable buying a dress and doing my hair and generally feeling good about myself. My husband started working out about 2 months earlier, dropped 10% of his body weight, and I spent the entire party listening to how great my husband looked. "What are you doing???? they asked."
"You look fantastic!"
I remember spending the later part of the party frantically logging every hors-doeuvres I'd eaten into MFP. When we got in the car, i turned to him and said "You look fantastic! I can't believe you just had a baby!")

Gska17

Hi there. Wow, you've experienced a lot of hardship. I'm so sorry.

After my dad passed in December something snapped in me too. The grief was out of my control so I decided to lose weight because that I could control.

Best of luck to you!