not feeling pretty

cortney876

My husband says he like all natural me just need to lose some weight. But what attracts guys are not natural. My family my mom and sister wheres the eye shadows lips stuff and im looking like the dull one sitting next to them and I have locs and u come with the these hairstyles that processed hair cant really do with. Just really put your self in a position like forget trying to lose weight i wanna eat whatever and run away

ncboiler89

cortney876 wrote: »

My husband says he like all natural me just need to lose some weight. But what attracts guys are not natural. My family my mom and sister wheres the eye shadows lips stuff and im looking like the dull one sitting next to them and I have locs and u come with the these hairstyles that processed hair cant really do with. Just really put your self in a position like forget trying to lose weight i wanna eat whatever and run away

You may need professional help

cortney876

Uh ok

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DirrtyH

I think I know what you're saying, and I'm feeling the same way these days. I look at these very average looking guys, and I think "I could date a guy like that. I'm not looking for a model! I'm a reasonably okay looking girl, I should be able to date guys like that." And then I meet their magazine cover wives, and I'm like, oh. Even if I lose all the weight, I'm just never going to look like that. I can't get my make-up to do that. It's discouraging.

Purple1105

Hi Cortney.... It's tough when you compare yourself to others all the time. Your self worth can't just be about what you look like. You are special just because you are YOU. You are better at you than anyone else! Start with a gratitude journal. Task yourself with coming up with 2 things that you are grateful. Weight loss is tough enough when you are doing it for yourself. Just work on being the best you that you can be!

jemhh

cortney876 wrote: »

My husband says he like all natural me just need to lose some weight. But what attracts guys are not natural. My family my mom and sister wheres the eye shadows lips stuff and im looking like the dull one sitting next to them and I have locs and u come with the these hairstyles that processed hair cant really do with. Just really put your self in a position like forget trying to lose weight i wanna eat whatever and run away

I'm not sure I understand. Why do you care what attracts men other than your husband? It sounds like he likes your natural look. If you want to learn how to wear makeup, go for it, but it's not a necessity. My sister is big into the full face and I just wear lip gloss. Not a big deal. Different women do things differently.

Katiebear_81

Sometimes, I feel insecure when I think about how I compare to other women. I don't wear a lot of makeup either, nor do I dye or even really style my hair (I like it very long, and generally wear it down). Some days it's very hard to feel pretty when all I "see" (or rather notice) are beautiful modelesque women, or women in magazines. Sometimes I think "how on earth is my boyfriend even attracted to me, look at all these other women!" But then after I've put our precious children to bed, and he comes to lay his head on my lap because no one else makes him feel as good as I do... I stop comparing. My worth is not just whether I'm pretty compared to other women.

You are not just your body, not just your looks. Keep on your weight loss journey. Not necessarily to entice your husband, but for your own health and satisfaction. If your husband loves you, it's not only about your looks. Take heart.

peachyfuzzle

It really depends on the guy, but I'm with jemhh on the whole "why are you looking to attract guys other than your husband?"

Personally, I'm in the "natural look" pool, and view any sort of modifications (other than tattoos/piercings) including makeup severely detract from how attractive a woman is to me. Any sort of plastic surgery is an absolute, deal-breaking turn-off.

Lounmoun

cortney876 wrote: »

My husband says he like all natural me just need to lose some weight. But what attracts guys are not natural. My family my mom and sister wheres the eye shadows lips stuff and im looking like the dull one sitting next to them and I have locs and u come with the these hairstyles that processed hair cant really do with. Just really put your self in a position like forget trying to lose weight i wanna eat whatever and run away

Your post is hard to understand. Your husband finds you attractive without makeup but you think he is lying? Your husband has ordered you not to wear makeup and lose weight? You want to attract men other than your husband? You would like to wear makeup or have a neat hairstyle because other women you know look that way and you feel uncomfortable being the only one who doesn't? Your husband is flirting with your mom or sister? You feel bad about your appearance so you want to eat all the things?

Overeating isn't going to fix your emotional problems or self esteem.
You can wear makeup or try a different hairstyle or different clothes on occasion if you really want to. You will still be you.
Losing weight and exercising could make you feel healthier, stronger and more energetic. Your clothes might fit better. You might feel more confident. If you are only doing it to make someone like you better then it probably won't be positive.



Most days I do not wear any make-up. Sometimes I do wear make-up though. It doesn't really have to do with my weight.
I feel good wearing brighter colored clothes that fit.

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cortney876

Im not trying to impress other guys. For those that open up there minds to try to see what im talking thank u hit the nail on the head and for those who had smart remarks you need to go else where we weightloss challenge people didn't download this app to be put down like most of the world.

strong_curves

cortney876 wrote: »

Im not trying to impress other guys. For those that open up there minds to try to see what im talking thank u hit the nail on the head and for those who had smart remarks you need to go else where we weightloss challenge people didn't download this app to be put down like most of the world.

This is the "General Diet and Weight loss Help" section.

AllOutof_Bubblegum

None of your posts make sense.

Is English your first language? This is not a "smart remark", I'm honestly curious, because you don't seem to have a firm grasp on spelling, grammar or punctuation. It it is making your posts very difficult to understand.

cortney876

I think its more so me not feeling confident and my mom and sister do feel confident or at least they can hide it better than i can. And since this is my situation they have no reason to look or feel down about whats going on with them. So i was saying he likes the whole natural thing but it seems he more attracted to there confidence and thats what i had 3 years ago and got to comfortable had 2 c sections and im obese according to the scale but im portion all over like if my stomach was gone we will be fine. Its just hard being all natural. When around people that dont get it and when people dont get something they tend to do or say something just because. Like u dont look like me so u gota be in the wrong here. Thats all i was saying . Yes i do probably need to talk to someone. Thats why i got this app and that's why i started venting to this world on here with people that understood what i was struggling everyday at least i thought people could relate mayb i was wrong instead of paying someone to have me talk and have me do what i suggested and say it was there idea.

Lexicpt

Errm..

juggernaut1974

strong_curves

There may be some people who can relate but this particular forum isn't the right place for your post. Try the Motivation and Support forum. This is general diet & weight loss help.

cortney876

When you have your moments which is pretty often when u are trying to lose weight i will like to hear feedback or job well done from my husband but im still figuring out guys are just not program that way to notice things all the time and im trying to fix myself not to care and to keep up the work im doing to improve my self. dont get me he very supportive but i need another outlet to talk about this to

emoonting

Cortney875, looks are just one small part of who you are, and even people we think are 'beautiful' will have someone they think looks better than them. Maybe try and think about positive things to who you are, ones you can control more than looks, for instance maybe you are kind, or funny, or smart. I hope you feel better soon and maybe find someone to speak to.

Sotanax

What honestly attracts a guy is how he perceives the woman he is looking at cares for herself and those around her.

jemhh

Yes, this would probably be better in Motivation and Support.

You need to stop worry about whether or not people are looking at you and judging you based on your makeup (or lack thereof) and hair. First, The vast majority of people are not doing that, to start with. Most people are self-involved enough that they don't pay attention to each other's makeup and hair unless there is something really wild and crazy going on. Second, if they are paying attention...who cares? Focus on yourself. You are working on losing weight, right? Focus on that. Focus on your health, your family, etc. Don't waste mental energy on the opinions of others who have no affect on your life or livelihood.

smrybacki

cortney876 wrote: »

When you have your moments which is pretty often when u are trying to lose weight i will like to hear feedback or job well done from my husband but im still figuring out guys are just not program that way to notice things all the time and im trying to fix myself not to care and to keep up the work im doing to improve my self. dont get me he very supportive but i need another outlet to talk about this to

A guy's perspective:

Lose weight, wear (or don't wear) make-up for YOU, not for anyone else. This isn't to say you don't love, care about or respect your husband's opinions. However his approval on any of the things that make you, uniquely you is not strictly required. Your life is truly yours, so own it and don't worry so much about what others may or may not think of you -- even your husband. Start thinking in terms of what you can do that will make you happy with yourself and that will shine through to everyone else in your life. It also may help to realize that even the prettiest girls have hangups just like everyone else and that even though society as a whole may shower attention and overvalue looks and image, it is not what makes you a quality human being in the end -- you are what makes you that.

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sosoulfulshellz

Makeup does not build beauty or confidence. I have crazy natural hair and I certainly don't think that makes me less beautiful then the next woman. Honestly, the next woman is not a concern of mine. You have to focus on yourself, especially when it comes to self esteem. If you compare yourself to everyone else you will always feel less adequate. Lets be honest, people only show you their "best selves." No one posts the ugly selfies.. No one writes status updates about marriage troubles. You have to snap out of it.. love yourself and love your husband and focus on being healthy and happy. The more you love yourself, the more attractive you will be and feel.

lastspen

Your husband sees the beauty in you that you may not see yourself all the time. You are a lucky woman. I'm not sure how long your locs are but check out YouTube. I've seen gorgeous styles that people with locs are wearing. If you can afford it, go to a beautician that specializes in loc maintenance in order to get your hair styled.

As far as makeup is concerned, you don't have to wear elaborate colors to be beautiful. Search for videos on the "no makeup" makeup look. That might help you polish your everyday look. For those times that you want to jazz it up I don't see why you can't. I went from being a person who never wore makeup until college to being a makeup artist mainly from watching YouTube and practicing.

If you feel that you need to lose weight then do that. If you don't, then don't worry about it. Weight loss is a personal thing. You won't be successful if you're doing it for another person. Be confident in who you are and on those days that you feel less than pretty, wear an outfit that you love, get your nails done, take a little more time in the morning to pamper yourself.

SezxyStef

BFDeal wrote: »

So who's hotter, your mom or sister?

you win today....made me LOL

snowflake954

Well--I think that you're banging your head against the wall. There is no woman in the world that doesn't have competion ie: someone that looks better, prettier, or is nicer, taller, more petite etc, etc... You can never win the "contest". As an above poster said--you do you. This means you take a look at what you've got to start and improve where you can. To be the best YOU can be. You have to be satisfied with that, because ther's nothing else. If you can't accept yourself, then you really need professional help. Lose weight, but it's not going to solve your problems or make you gorgeous, neither is makeup. Take those small steps, improve your weight, your health, start excersising and take things from there. Good luck to you.

IAmTheGlue

Sometimes people say "natural look" and mean light make up and hairstyles vs full on make up and very obviously styled hair

There is no reason that you can't wear a little powder, eyeliner, mascara, lip gloss and still look pretty natural. There is no reason that you can't get a nice haircut and put a few soft curls in it or whatever makes *you* the most comfortable.

Sometimes a "natural look" takes more effort than looking heavily made up.

Anyway, if what you are saying is that your husband has "ordered" you to look a certain way and lose weight... he's the problem, not your hairstyle. If my husband says "you should color your hair dark sometime, I really like it that way" it is one thing. If he said "dye your hair darker, I only like dark hair", that is a whole different thing.

If you don't know how to do your hair and make up and want to (for you), ask someone! Maybe your mom or sister could give you some pointers.

slideaway1

SezxyStef wrote: »

BFDeal wrote: »

So who's hotter, your mom or sister?

you win today....made me LOL

Personally I thought it was a cheap shot. And I'm definately not White Kniting.

SnuggleSmacks

I'm beginning to see the issue here, OP. It sounds like you're putting an awful lot of thought into what your husband, sisters, family members and even perfect strangers think or prefer.

The fact is, you won't find happiness there. That's just not where it is. You'll be happy with yourself when you stop worrying about what those other people think or want, and worry only about what you prefer for yourself.

If you want to lose weight and it makes you feel good and attractive to do so, then go for it. You also have health factors to consider there, and being fit and able to do things is a great way to feel good about yourself. But ya know, makeup has no health benefits. If you like it and it makes you feel good, wear it...if not, don't. Same goes for various types of clothing. You get no brownie points by wearing things or applying makeup that you, yourself, don't like.

Fortunately, one of the best treatments for depression and anxiety is exercise. Seriously. Studies repeatedly find that exercise is at least as good, if not better, than most prescription drugs for treating depression and anxiety. So regardless of what you decide to do with the makeup or clothes, or even losing weight, the best thing you can do for yourself to relieve depression and anxiety, and to improve your self-image, is to exercise.