Sometimes family can really make u feel like crap

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  • rosellasweet
    rosellasweet Posts: 163 Member
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    Dated my husband for 6 and a half years then got married on the beach in front of two friends. We met online and he is twice my age. My family gave me crap, of course. But guess who's living in the big city and making more money? This girl.

    Don't pay attention to them. You're the only person you need to impress. It's a cliche but it's something that took me years to believe and I've never been happier.
  • rosellasweet
    rosellasweet Posts: 163 Member
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    And I honestly don't remember my wedding day. However, I do remember all the awesome things my husband did and continues to do for me.
  • ElyseL1
    ElyseL1 Posts: 504 Member
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    That's kind of mean. I'm sorry but I wouldnt feel bad, my husband I went to Lake Tahoe to get married and it was a short cheap ceremony. we plan on redoing it with our friends and family on our fifth wedding anniversary. We bought a house so getting married cheap and quickly was easier than wasting the money on a huge ceremony.
  • amez1974
    amez1974 Posts: 213 Member
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    DH and I got married 16 years ago in a Courthouse-- where we got married has had no bearing on our marriage. I also wasn't pregnant (contrary to popular belief at the time!)
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    You people are wonderful
  • bio01979
    bio01979 Posts: 313
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    I'd ignore it as much as you can :) I have to ignore my mother A LOT. Especially if the conversation turns to food

    and I don't know why she has an issue with how long you've been together :) lol My sister and her now husband dated 5 years and were engaged 14 after that. They got married in a courthouse. (I actually was upset but not because they did it in a courthouse but because they did it in 3 days and didn't tell us (I was to be her moh) until after because they wanted to do it before the baby was born - ummm you had 14 years....) And they are just as happy as can be :)

    If you want a courthouse then do a courthouse :) why spend a ton of money on one party?
  • StarChanger
    StarChanger Posts: 605 Member
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    Could be worse....

    My dad (whom I've had a difficult relationship with most of my life, but I thought we had worked out, now that I'm "all grown up") recently visited. I won't go into multitude of generally insensitive things he did or said while he was here, but let's just say that at TWO separate dinners out, as he was checking out waitresses 40+ years younger than him, he made comments to my husband.

    The first one was, roughly "You should go out and get yourself a hot 28 year old"......as I was sitting there (I'm in my early 40s, and not doing to bad in the aging department, frankly. I can ALWAYS lose weight).

    The second was, roughly "It's just not normal for men to date/marry older women....you're supposed to have a younger wife"...my husband is 4.5 years younger than me (and can barely keep up, I might add...) and he KNOWS this.

    Now, neither of these comments were directed AT me....they were said in the middle of completely mundane conversation. He is just an asshat sometimes and just doesn't THINK about what he's saying. Either way, I called him on it. It'll be a long time before he's invited back. He can sit at home with his "younger" wife (who looks like OliveOyl) and their 9 cats.

    <
    Also, 16yrs and counting after a court-house marriage after 6-month Navy deployment. It's not about THEM.
  • kookanddra
    kookanddra Posts: 92
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    My husband and I got married by the judge outside at a friends house. Even when my in laws showed up late with our kids I didn't let it get to me. I was upset afterwards because if they wanted to be late I didn't care but to make my kids late pissed me off. But as far as the wedding, that's my day and no one elses. My husband later adopted my daughter and we've been together for 17 years. Do what makes you happy!! its your day!! :flowerforyou:
  • MeIShouldB
    MeIShouldB Posts: 578 Member
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    My husband and I got married by the judge outside at a friends house. Even when my in laws showed up late with our kids I didn't let it get to me. I was upset afterwards because if they wanted to be late I didn't care but to make my kids late pissed me off. But as far as the wedding, that's my day and no one elses. My husband later adopted my daughter and we've been together for 17 years. Do what makes you happy!! its your day!! :flowerforyou:

    Beautiful.
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    I wanted a private ceremony, not a lot of stress and responsibility around my difficult family, so I eloped. It was wonderful!
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
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    Basically ditto to everything I read so far. My parents got married in their back yard under their orange tree on July 4th. They had a large crowd and a rabbi do the ceremony (even though my mom isn't particularly religious, and was raised with Christian traditions as well as Jewish ones), but still, it wasn't your traditional expensive rent-a-hall, religion-based wedding. (Not that there's anything wrong with those, either! As others said, what kind of wedding is for the bride and groom to decide, and nobody else.) My mom's dress was like $30 or something. If I ever get married, it'll be a small, family-and-close-friends-only event. I don't care if the guests dress up. I don't even really care if there they're. I don't care if there's a theme, I don't care if it's done in a backyard, a park, a courthouse, or on a boat. All I care about is whether the dude I marry and I are both happy and want to be there. It's financially practical, and it's more my style.

    So anyway, I know what they said hurts - but a wedding is about coming together with the person you want to spend your life with. You may be stuck with your family, but you're choosing to be with this man - and if they don't want to be happy for you, be with you on your special day, or respect your wishes...as much as it hurts, you just have to ignore them and do what's best for you. As long as you and the groom don't have any regrets, it's all good! :-) Good luck.
  • Buddhasmiracle
    Buddhasmiracle Posts: 925 Member
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    I suggest you and your guy decide the particulars of your big day, civil ceremony or not, jug band, beach, Church, etc. Then you matter of factly tell your family what you decided and that it would please you if they attended. (if it would). Regardless of their response, do what you want to do, and enjoy your day. Dont let anyone take that away from you. Don't let anyone hijack your happiness.

    As another poster mentioned, the wedding industry is a multi billion dollar business(including the diamond market --way overpriced) Personally, I would set aside whatever funds you were planning to spend on a wedding, give yourselves a catered party when you set up wherever you will be living and have a great time; and either invest the funds or travel. Hire a professional photographer for formal or casual pics of the two of you, maybe of your first days together wherever you are living.

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