Friends who talk a lot about weight loss

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jaga13
jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.

Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.

How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?
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  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    *I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
  • JustMe2691
    JustMe2691 Posts: 111 Member
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    Pretty much what you said you are already doing, just nod and change the subject. It would probably be insulting to question her about her recent progress or make any kind of comments about her current weight. If she's insulting others by commenting on their eating, then it is up to that person to address it.
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    JustMe2691 wrote: »
    Pretty much what you said you are already doing, just nod and change the subject. It would probably be insulting to question her about her recent progress or make any kind of comments about her current weight. If she's insulting others by commenting on their eating, then it is up to that person to address it.

    Right, good points. It can also be tough to be friends with people at work as I kind of need to stay more diplomatic!
  • greekyogurtandpuppies
    greekyogurtandpuppies Posts: 81 Member
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    I would mention this app to her the next time she talks about weight or dieting and offer to work out with her if you're interested in that. Maybe she just needs someone to motivate her.

    It is very rude that she comments on what other people eat. I have never understood why some people do that. Sorry you have to put up with it.
  • terbusha
    terbusha Posts: 1,483 Member
    edited June 2015
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    Lots of encouragement to develop healthy eating behaviors and to work hard to get after their goals.

    As for the criticizing your food choices, it's none of her business. Just because you're eating differently than what she is doing does not mean you're doing it wrong. Everyone's metabolism is different, so what works for you might not work for her.
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    She'll comment to one guy's face about his huge portions. But ironically, that guy IS fit. I think he intuitively understands what we all get: some days you can stuff your face as long as most days you eat smaller portions, which is exactly what I see him do (smart guy). I think it's mostly in jest, and that guy probably doesn't care. But she'll talk about others' eating habits behind their backs, too.
  • benzieboxx
    benzieboxx Posts: 253 Member
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    Some people like to paint a different picture for others to see. But behind closed doors they're a totally different person. Maybe she's unhappy with herself and that's why she tries so hard to convince others differently. Only way you'll know is by getting to know her but it sounds like she isn't the type of person to approach easily.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
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    How is it harming you? Just change the subject. Some folks just love to talk. Hear what you want to hear.
  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
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    It would depend on what type of "friend" this was. It could range anywhere from "Your advice doesn't seem to be working very well for you, does it?" to nodding my head as if I were listening any more intently than it would take to notice that the droning had stopped.

    Interestingly, or not, almost all of my friends who were such experts on weight loss a year ago don't bring up the subject with me anymore. There seemed to be an direct relation between how interesting it was to them and how overweight I was.
  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
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    I ended up having to just cut one of these people out of my life.

    She'd do things like get all freaking offended if the company ordered sandwiches and chef salads for lunch (she had to eat gluten free because her holistic nutritionist told her she was overweight due to gluten sensitivity) and then after work, she'd order a pizza. And eat the whole thing.

    She was constantly telling us how she was "training for a marathon" but never actually went out and jogged or even walked. She'd always have a sore knee, or a stomach ache (there was probably hidden gluten in the food she ordered), or didn't feel like it.

    She was constantly going to medical specialists to address a number of health concerns that were all likely or sometimes obviously due to her weight and lack of physical fitness (ie, knee pain, getting short of breath climbing stairs, possible sleep apnea). Every doctor told her that her weight was the cause of the problem, and then she'd get furious and rant-y and write long irate letters to the medical board about how the doctor was incompetent.

    I couldn't take anymore, and I knew she'd get butt hurt if I called her out on her *kitten*. I did the slow fade and never regretted it.
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    dolliesdaughter wrote: »
    How is it harming you? Just change the subject. Some folks just love to talk. Hear what you want to hear.

    You're right, there's no harm. Just one of those people who is an expert on "everything" so I've been doing a lot of head nodding lately about many topics in order to not disturb the peace at work.
  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
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    jaga13 wrote: »
    dolliesdaughter wrote: »
    How is it harming you? Just change the subject. Some folks just love to talk. Hear what you want to hear.

    You're right, there's no harm. Just one of those people who is an expert on "everything" so I've been doing a lot of head nodding lately about many topics in order to not disturb the peace at work.

    I mean, you could do that. Or you could just say "That's really interesting. Can we talk about something else now? What are your other hobbies besides losing weight?"
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    DeguelloTex wrote: »
    There seemed to be an direct relation between how interesting it was to them and how overweight I was.

    Wow, that's really interesting (and sad). I guess it just goes to show how everything thinks they know the answer, but when you show them through example that it's really not that complicated, they aren't interested.

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    jaga13 wrote: »
    I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.

    Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.

    How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?

    Same way you do--nodding my head and using the "huh huh" or "I understand" responses. There is no reason for me to correct people on anything they say about their personal journey, whether it be weight loss or anything else.
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    PeachyPlum wrote: »
    I ended up having to just cut one of these people out of my life.

    She'd do things like get all freaking offended if the company ordered sandwiches and chef salads for lunch (she had to eat gluten free because her holistic nutritionist told her she was overweight due to gluten sensitivity) and then after work, she'd order a pizza. And eat the whole thing.

    She was constantly telling us how she was "training for a marathon" but never actually went out and jogged or even walked. She'd always have a sore knee, or a stomach ache (there was probably hidden gluten in the food she ordered), or didn't feel like it.

    She was constantly going to medical specialists to address a number of health concerns that were all likely or sometimes obviously due to her weight and lack of physical fitness (ie, knee pain, getting short of breath climbing stairs, possible sleep apnea). Every doctor told her that her weight was the cause of the problem, and then she'd get furious and rant-y and write long irate letters to the medical board about how the doctor was incompetent.

    I couldn't take anymore, and I knew she'd get butt hurt if I called her out on her *kitten*. I did the slow fade and never regretted it.

    Oh wow, that sounds so annoying!
  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    SLLRunner wrote: »
    jaga13 wrote: »
    I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.

    Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.

    How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?

    Same way you do--nodding my head and using the "huh huh" or "I understand" responses. There is no reason for me to correct people on anything they say about their personal journey, whether it be weight loss or anything else.

    I end up doing that A LOT with this person, over many topics. Don't get me wrong, she is funny and a lot of fun to be around, but when she is right she is RIGHT. And this is coming from me, a person who also prides myself in being right! But I'd like to think that I also am willing to find common ground on almost any topic.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    greekyogurtandpuppies wrote: »
    I would mention this app to her the next time she talks about weight or dieting and offer to work out with her if you're interested in that. Maybe she just needs someone to motivate her.

    It is very rude that she comments on what other people eat. I have never understood why some people do that. Sorry you have to put up with it.

    I've only mentioned the app as a good tool if someone asks how I have lost weight and keep it off. Other than that, I would say not to mention it, and not to even engage in the conversation.

    She comments on what other people eat because it takes the focus off herself and puts it on other people. That's called deflection and helps a person stay in denial about their own issues.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,569 Member
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    Let them yap. People aren't dumb. If this person makes all these claims that they know how, they are eating small portions, yada, yada, yada, but there aren't any results, then they are either full of it or there's some healthy issue that they have deterring any progress. I'll usually go with option 1.

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  • jaga13
    jaga13 Posts: 1,149 Member
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    SLLRunner wrote: »
    greekyogurtandpuppies wrote: »
    I would mention this app to her the next time she talks about weight or dieting and offer to work out with her if you're interested in that. Maybe she just needs someone to motivate her.

    It is very rude that she comments on what other people eat. I have never understood why some people do that. Sorry you have to put up with it.

    I've only mentioned the app as a good tool if someone asks how I have lost weight and keep it off. Other than that, I would say not to mention it, and not to even engage in the conversation.

    She comments on what other people eat because it takes the focus off herself and puts it on other people. That's called deflection and helps a person stay in denial about their own issues.

    You are a smart cookie :) Exactly, until someone specifically asks me for advice, I'm not mentioning the app or any other tips. I agree, it is deflection.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    PeachyPlum wrote: »
    I ended up having to just cut one of these people out of my life.

    She'd do things like get all freaking offended if the company ordered sandwiches and chef salads for lunch (she had to eat gluten free because her holistic nutritionist told her she was overweight due to gluten sensitivity) and then after work, she'd order a pizza. And eat the whole thing.

    She was constantly telling us how she was "training for a marathon" but never actually went out and jogged or even walked. She'd always have a sore knee, or a stomach ache (there was probably hidden gluten in the food she ordered), or didn't feel like it.

    She was constantly going to medical specialists to address a number of health concerns that were all likely or sometimes obviously due to her weight and lack of physical fitness (ie, knee pain, getting short of breath climbing stairs, possible sleep apnea). Every doctor told her that her weight was the cause of the problem, and then she'd get furious and rant-y and write long irate letters to the medical board about how the doctor was incompetent.

    I couldn't take anymore, and I knew she'd get butt hurt if I called her out on her *kitten*. I did the slow fade and never regretted it.

    Good way to do it too. From the behavioral displays you describe, she most likely would not have been open to looking at how she was harming herself and her friendship with you.

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