Friends who talk a lot about weight loss
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I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?
It would depend on what they wanted to talk about. I think it's generally interesting -- what works, what ideas exist about it, so on -- so am typically happy to discuss it so long as it doesn't end up being a charged topic. I don't really think it matters whether you think she's walking the walk or not. I lost a bunch of weight in my early 30s, kept it off for some time (5 years), and then for various reasons regained, but I was still pretty interested in both fitness/athletic pursuits and nutrition and able to talk about them. I think it freaked some people who didn't know me out when I was at my fattest and would join a conversation about doing a triathlon or some such, but just because someone may have emotional or motivation issues that are preventing them from being successful doesn't mean they have nothing to say of interest. And sometimes talking is a way to help motivate yourself.
But again, it would depend on the discussion and whether it seemed uncomfortable in some way. I have a friend who has yo yo'd some but is currently talking to me about weight loss and also seems to be trying to get back to it.
I would certainly distinguish between a general conversation about the topic and someone trying to convince me to do a cleanse or some such (where I'd either explain why I don't agree or change the topic, depending on the particulars).0 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?
It would depend on what they wanted to talk about. I think it's generally interesting -- what works, what ideas exist about it, so on -- so am typically happy to discuss it so long as it doesn't end up being a charged topic. I don't really think it matters whether you think she's walking the walk or not. I lost a bunch of weight in my early 30s, kept it off for some time (5 years), and then for various reasons regained, but I was still pretty interested in both fitness/athletic pursuits and nutrition and able to talk about them. I think it freaked some people who didn't know me out when I was at my fattest and would join a conversation about doing a triathlon or some such, but just because someone may have emotional or motivation issues that are preventing them from being successful doesn't mean they have nothing to say of interest. And sometimes talking is a way to help motivate yourself.
But again, it would depend on the discussion and whether it seemed uncomfortable in some way. I have a friend who has yo yo'd some but is currently talking to me about weight loss and also seems to be trying to get back to it.
I would certainly distinguish between a general conversation about the topic and someone trying to convince me to do a cleanse or some such (where I'd either explain why I don't agree or change the topic, depending on the particulars).
I agree it can be an interesting topic, but she isn't discussing from an open-minded or kind reference. It's simply "so and so should be eating this" and "all so and so needs to do is eat smaller portions." Constantly judging others. Not interesting or helpful.0 -
Yeah, talking about others is pretty lame. I'd change the subject.0
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If someone brings the subject up, I general mention how I eat and usually mention this site (even though I don't use it regularly). I don't preach, because I am certain my way wouldn't work for many people, but I don't avoid the subject either. I figure if they don't want my opinion they will stop bringing it up.
I have several friends/coworkers that do bring up diet and/or exercise pretty regularly though.0 -
Honestly, it sounds like she is deflecting her problems onto others. She is probably very preoccupied by her own weight, and very unhappy about it, but not yet ready to break down and actually deal with it. It is also very likely that she is clinically depressed over her own weight issues. Just stick with changing the subject, otherwise things are likely to blow up.0
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I have a friend like this. She's super into jumping onto whatever fad diet is front-and-center at any given time. Her new thing is her self-diagnosed "gluten-allergy" which I find super annoying as a person with an ACTUAL food allergy, but it's her choice.
When I see her I usually indulge it for a bit and then change the subject. Anything else is a exercise in futility. Rarely can those types of people be convinced they are wrong or annoying.0 -
Honestly, it sounds like she is deflecting her problems onto others. She is probably very preoccupied by her own weight, and very unhappy about it, but not yet ready to break down and actually deal with it. It is also very likely that she is clinically depressed over her own weight issues. Just stick with changing the subject, otherwise things are likely to blow up.
I agree. She evidently lost weight before with portion control, but must be a "closet eater" at home and likely unhappy about it. Of course if ever wants to talk about it, I would do so, but until then if she's going to be all judgy about others, I will change the subject.0 -
ckspores1018 wrote: »I have a friend like this. She's super into jumping onto whatever fad diet is front-and-center at any given time. Her new thing is her self-diagnosed "gluten-allergy" which I find super annoying as a person with an ACTUAL food allergy, but it's her choice.
When I see her I usually indulge it for a bit and then change the subject. Anything else is a exercise in futility. Rarely can those types of people be convinced they are wrong or annoying.
Ugh, that sounds so annoying! My mom has been very successful with losing and maintaining weight, but she will bring up this stuff too. Recently she declared she CAN'T eat a specific type of food because she's addicted to sugar. So I looked at the ingredient list and point out that the item actually contains NO sugar. She's not addicted, she just really likes it
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greekyogurtandpuppies wrote: »I would mention this app to her the next time she talks about weight or dieting and offer to work out with her if you're interested in that. Maybe she just needs someone to motivate her.
It is very rude that she comments on what other people eat. I have never understood why some people do that. Sorry you have to put up with it.
Yep this^^^.
Maybe if she signed up to MFP, she might start doing something about it!
As for commenting on other peoples food,...... maybe she's just got "Food Envy". Lol
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Not the OP's problem. My quality of life improved when I stopped taking other folk's issues and or listening to their nonsense. I have an "attentive" face, but in my mind I am making shopping lists.Honestly, it sounds like she is deflecting her problems onto others. She is probably very preoccupied by her own weight, and very unhappy about it, but not yet ready to break down and actually deal with it. It is also very likely that she is clinically depressed over her own weight issues. Just stick with changing the subject, otherwise things are likely to blow up.
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dolliesdaughter wrote: »
Not the OP's problem. My quality of life improved when I stopped taking other folk's issues and or listening to their nonsense. I have an "attentive" face, but in my mind I am making shopping lists.Honestly, it sounds like she is deflecting her problems onto others. She is probably very preoccupied by her own weight, and very unhappy about it, but not yet ready to break down and actually deal with it. It is also very likely that she is clinically depressed over her own weight issues. Just stick with changing the subject, otherwise things are likely to blow up.
haha @ shopping lists!0 -
I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
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punkrockgoth wrote: »I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
Wow, what a friend!
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punkrockgoth wrote: »I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
I'm so glad you don't live with her anymore. Think about how terrible it must be to be her; to so obviously and horribly belittle someone while attempting to elevate your own poor choices. I'm glad you gave her what she deserved.0 -
I have an overweight friend and we used to meet for coffee which meant she would get herself a large bagel slathered in cream cheese or a huge muffin.
One day I suggested we go for a walk instead and now I have a walking buddy. Every Saturday, give or take our occasional conflict in schedules and such, we go for a 2-3 miles walk.
If you aren't a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. How can you be a part of the solution without judgment? I add the "without judgment" because your friend may very well turn you down if you suggest walking together. And that's okay. Haven't we all hoped we could find an easy way to lose weight?0 -
Does your friendship with this person truly outweigh this issue? I had a friend I had been hanging onto since high school even though she made no effort at all to maintain the friendship. One day I decided not to call her and see how long it took to call me. That was about 12 years ago and I haven't heard from her since. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I could stop agonizing over the negative, guilty feelings that came every time I spent time with her. Give yourself permission to let go of this person and what are clearly HER issues if you need it.0
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I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter so I know my friends roll their eyes every time I say I'm going to stick to 'such and such' diet this time, but they are always encouraging. I'm going to share every time I have a great workout, but not necessarily the pint of ice cream I devoured the night before. We all have a general understanding that I'm a hypocrite, but the point is I want to be better, right?
About your friend commenting on what people eat at work, maybe make a general comment that while you're glad smaller portions work for her at this time they won't work for everyone. Plus, not everyone is trying to lose weight like her. Good luck!0 -
dolliesdaughter wrote: »How is it harming you? Just change the subject. Some folks just love to talk. Hear what you want to hear.
You're right, there's no harm. Just one of those people who is an expert on "everything" so I've been doing a lot of head nodding lately about many topics in order to not disturb the peace at work.
Oh yeah, that's annoying. There's an old self-help book, "dealing with difficult people", I think it's called. I think the advice to deal with know-it-alls was to flatter their egos by agreeing with them. I don't know if I could stomach that myself but smiling and nodding is the best alternative imo.
Ok I was wrong, that wasn't the advice. I think it's summarized here:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/04/15/6-difficult-types-of-people-and-how-to-deal-with-them/0 -
I'm signing up for the "nod and smile" camp. Rest assured, if you showed her MFP she'd find a way to not use it.
I used to live like her, only I wasn't very verbal about it. I'd eat a salad or small sandwich at work and buy cookies on the way home. Cognitive dissonance is a beautiful thing!
It wasn't till I faced reality that I "got it"0 -
I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter so I know my friends roll their eyes every time I say I'm going to stick to 'such and such' diet this time, but they are always encouraging. I'm going to share every time I have a great workout, but not necessarily the pint of ice cream I devoured the night before. We all have a general understanding that I'm a hypocrite, but the point is I want to be better, right?
I love this! Sounds like you have a good attitude and great friends.0
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