Friends who talk a lot about weight loss
Replies
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dolliesdaughter wrote: »
Not the OP's problem. My quality of life improved when I stopped taking other folk's issues and or listening to their nonsense. I have an "attentive" face, but in my mind I am making shopping lists.Honestly, it sounds like she is deflecting her problems onto others. She is probably very preoccupied by her own weight, and very unhappy about it, but not yet ready to break down and actually deal with it. It is also very likely that she is clinically depressed over her own weight issues. Just stick with changing the subject, otherwise things are likely to blow up.
haha @ shopping lists!0 -
I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
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punkrockgoth wrote: »I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
Wow, what a friend!
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punkrockgoth wrote: »I have a friend who talks a lot about weight loss, but doesn't appear to ever be losing weight (has been very overweight for years). I think she understands the concept of CICO - says she learned to eat smaller portions many years ago when she was on WW or Jenny Craig, one of those programs, and lost weight back then (this was before I knew her). And I see her always eating small portions. But she must be eating a lot more in private and just not disclosing it (I don't ask! But she is always talking about it). Also she doesn't seem to move much at all, so that's not helping matters.
Any way, she isn't asking for my advice, so I am definitely not engaging, but still she brings up the general topic almost every day and it's at the point where I just nod my head and then change the subject.
How do you handle friends who want to talk a lot of weight loss talk, but don't actually "do the walk"?*I should also add that she is the first to criticize others for what and how much they eat at work. I find it to be none of my business and rude (unless someone is actually asking for advice, but they are not)*
I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
I'm so glad you don't live with her anymore. Think about how terrible it must be to be her; to so obviously and horribly belittle someone while attempting to elevate your own poor choices. I'm glad you gave her what she deserved.0 -
I have an overweight friend and we used to meet for coffee which meant she would get herself a large bagel slathered in cream cheese or a huge muffin.
One day I suggested we go for a walk instead and now I have a walking buddy. Every Saturday, give or take our occasional conflict in schedules and such, we go for a 2-3 miles walk.
If you aren't a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. How can you be a part of the solution without judgment? I add the "without judgment" because your friend may very well turn you down if you suggest walking together. And that's okay. Haven't we all hoped we could find an easy way to lose weight?0 -
Does your friendship with this person truly outweigh this issue? I had a friend I had been hanging onto since high school even though she made no effort at all to maintain the friendship. One day I decided not to call her and see how long it took to call me. That was about 12 years ago and I haven't heard from her since. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I could stop agonizing over the negative, guilty feelings that came every time I spent time with her. Give yourself permission to let go of this person and what are clearly HER issues if you need it.0
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I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter so I know my friends roll their eyes every time I say I'm going to stick to 'such and such' diet this time, but they are always encouraging. I'm going to share every time I have a great workout, but not necessarily the pint of ice cream I devoured the night before. We all have a general understanding that I'm a hypocrite, but the point is I want to be better, right?
About your friend commenting on what people eat at work, maybe make a general comment that while you're glad smaller portions work for her at this time they won't work for everyone. Plus, not everyone is trying to lose weight like her. Good luck!0 -
dolliesdaughter wrote: »How is it harming you? Just change the subject. Some folks just love to talk. Hear what you want to hear.
You're right, there's no harm. Just one of those people who is an expert on "everything" so I've been doing a lot of head nodding lately about many topics in order to not disturb the peace at work.
Oh yeah, that's annoying. There's an old self-help book, "dealing with difficult people", I think it's called. I think the advice to deal with know-it-alls was to flatter their egos by agreeing with them. I don't know if I could stomach that myself but smiling and nodding is the best alternative imo.
Ok I was wrong, that wasn't the advice. I think it's summarized here:
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2008/04/15/6-difficult-types-of-people-and-how-to-deal-with-them/0 -
I'm signing up for the "nod and smile" camp. Rest assured, if you showed her MFP she'd find a way to not use it.
I used to live like her, only I wasn't very verbal about it. I'd eat a salad or small sandwich at work and buy cookies on the way home. Cognitive dissonance is a beautiful thing!
It wasn't till I faced reality that I "got it"0 -
I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter so I know my friends roll their eyes every time I say I'm going to stick to 'such and such' diet this time, but they are always encouraging. I'm going to share every time I have a great workout, but not necessarily the pint of ice cream I devoured the night before. We all have a general understanding that I'm a hypocrite, but the point is I want to be better, right?
I love this! Sounds like you have a good attitude and great friends.0 -
I'd be tempted to brag about this app...but
that would probably just cause more problems. I like the idea of offering her to work out though!0 -
SatiaRenee wrote: »I have an overweight friend and we used to meet for coffee which meant she would get herself a large bagel slathered in cream cheese or a huge muffin.
One day I suggested we go for a walk instead and now I have a walking buddy. Every Saturday, give or take our occasional conflict in schedules and such, we go for a 2-3 miles walk.
If you aren't a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem. How can you be a part of the solution without judgment? I add the "without judgment" because your friend may very well turn you down if you suggest walking together. And that's okay. Haven't we all hoped we could find an easy way to lose weight?
That's really nice of you! This friend already has a walking buddy, and my downtime is already pretty booked with my kids and my own workouts. But, you've given me an idea. We occasionally get together with a mutual friend for dinner/drinks--I might suggest we get together for a walk instead.0 -
daltonjsmom wrote: »Does your friendship with this person truly outweigh this issue? I had a friend I had been hanging onto since high school even though she made no effort at all to maintain the friendship. One day I decided not to call her and see how long it took to call me. That was about 12 years ago and I haven't heard from her since. It was one of the best decisions of my life. I could stop agonizing over the negative, guilty feelings that came every time I spent time with her. Give yourself permission to let go of this person and what are clearly HER issues if you need it.
We are sort of forced into it at work (small office). But yes, the friendship is worthwhile as she has a lot of good qualities.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I'm a bit of a yo-yo dieter so I know my friends roll their eyes every time I say I'm going to stick to 'such and such' diet this time, but they are always encouraging. I'm going to share every time I have a great workout, but not necessarily the pint of ice cream I devoured the night before. We all have a general understanding that I'm a hypocrite, but the point is I want to be better, right?
I love this! Sounds like you have a good attitude and great friends.
I agree! It is totally fine to highlight the good stuff. My issue with this friend is more that she'll constantly judge others.
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All that and you never blocked her???punkrockgoth wrote: »I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
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dolliesdaughter wrote: »
All that and you never blocked her???punkrockgoth wrote: »I also had a friend like this. She's twice my size and always calling me fat. She recently posted progress photos to Facebook of her weight loss since college. I'm almost positive she's gained weight.
We used to live together and she would belittle my eating habits and tell me that spinach was for anorexics. Then she'd go deep fry sausage and then tell me it was healthy because it was deep fried in olive oil - obviously. She also believed that a 1 litre container of hummas with a box of crackers was a healthy snack. She was a hypochodriac spoiled psychopath who cried special snowflake self diagnosis of some known only to Tumblr illness when things didn't go exactly her way.
Needless to say, b*tch drove me crazy, I moved out, life got better. She used to Facebook me once in awhile to brag about her weight loss, belittle me and my efforts and update me on how much better she is than everyone else. Also to give me update like "I finally figured out this whole time I've been gluten intolerant. Now I'm losing so much weight and I feel better. You should try it so you can lose weight too. You'll feel so much better." "I didn't realize that it was really a flavanoid deficiency. Now I'm taking supplements and I've lost so much weight and become a consultant - you should get some too so you can be less fat." I kinda lost my *kitten* after that last one and I haven't heard from her since. She hasn't been missed.
Right?!0 -
I agree it can be an interesting topic, but she isn't discussing from an open-minded or kind reference. It's simply "so and so should be eating this" and "all so and so needs to do is eat smaller portions." Constantly judging others. Not interesting or helpful.
Change the subject every single time. I would stop just listening and nodding.
Or- Tell her straight that you aren't interested in what other people are eating or other people's weight. If she has advice for someone then she should go tell them not you.0
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