am I losing weight for the wrong reason?

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emilywalker298
emilywalker298 Posts: 9 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Basically I'm 4ft 9 ish and weigh 9.4st, but I'm young and have never been in a relationship. I've always been "happy" with myself, but just recently I feel asthough the reason why I'm unhappy in my personal life is because of my weight. I wear size 12 clothing and have never been bothered before!!!
Am I doing this for the wrong reason??
Am I being vain???
Or should I just accept the "person" I am...

P's please don't think I'm being snooty, and that I don't think larger women are not beautiful, I wouldn't like to bash anyone for there appearance, this is all in my own head :(
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Replies

  • IsaackGMOON
    IsaackGMOON Posts: 3,358 Member
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    I'm sure a lot of people wanted to lose weight so they felt more comfortable with themselves.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    I'm not entirely sure I understand your post. When you say "unhappy in my personal life" are you referring to not being in a relationship? So you are asking if it is wrong to lose weight in order to attract a mate?

    (FWIW, I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little vanity. But I'm not sure if that is really your question.)
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    It's better to lose weight to feel better about yourself than it is to lose it for someone else's opinion. As long as you don't go below a healthy weight for your body, you're fine. However, I wouldn't base my entire self-worth on how my body looks. That's a sure road to low self-esteem right there! Maybe focus on making sure you're healthy, not just a specific weight. That might involve losing weight, yes, but if you're healthy and active, that will feed into feeling better about yourself.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
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    I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
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    If you are happy with yourself and not with your personal life, that is what you need to change.
    Losing weight will not make you happier with your personal life.
    Not being in a relationship is not a crime, I didn't meet my otherhalf until I was 26.

    My advise to you is if the reason you are unhappy is that you are lonely (I just reading between the lines, sorry if this is not the case) then get yourself out there, do something that you enjoy and go meet people.
  • Sandcastles61
    Sandcastles61 Posts: 506 Member
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    I am 4'11 and change so I can only go by my own numbers..... Converting to pounds, 131places me in the overweight category, but I was happily At that weight for a number of years, wore a US size4-6 and attracted a few handsome fellas along the way ;) Healthwise as you age being in the overweight category may bring problems down the road. You are the only person you need to please and if you are happy with your weight and it isn't causing health concerns dash the diet. But at our heights even 5 pounds can make a huge difference and look like we have lost 10 or more. Good luck on your journey and keep a smile on your face, because THAT is what will attract the handsome fellas :)
  • emilywalker298
    emilywalker298 Posts: 9 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    I'm not entirely sure I understand your post. When you say "unhappy in my personal life" are you referring to not being in a relationship? So you are asking if it is wrong to lose weight in order to attract a mate?

    (FWIW, I don't think that there is anything wrong with a little vanity. But I'm not sure if that is really your question.)

    Essentialy yes am asking if it's wrong that I feel I have too pose weight in order to be more liked... I know it seems very sad
  • emilywalker298
    emilywalker298 Posts: 9 Member
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    Chezzie84 wrote: »
    If you are happy with yourself and not with your personal life, that is what you need to change.
    Losing weight will not make you happier with your personal life.
    Not being in a relationship is not a crime, I didn't meet my otherhalf until I was 26.

    My advise to you is if the reason you are unhappy is that you are lonely (I just reading between the lines, sorry if this is not the case) then get yourself out there, do something that you enjoy and go meet people.

    So do you not think that it's all about your outwards appearance? It's hard I just see so many people around me happier, not to mention I've been told before in the past I am Fat, is it just a mental block I have? Thanks for the reply :)
  • emilywalker298
    emilywalker298 Posts: 9 Member
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    dubird wrote: »
    It's better to lose weight to feel better about yourself than it is to lose it for someone else's opinion. As long as you don't go below a healthy weight for your body, you're fine. However, I wouldn't base my entire self-worth on how my body looks. That's a sure road to low self-esteem right there! Maybe focus on making sure you're healthy, not just a specific weight. That might involve losing weight, yes, but if you're healthy and active, that will feed into feeling better about yourself.

    I have very low self esteem I'm hoping that losing weight will improve it sad isn't it :(
  • emilywalker298
    emilywalker298 Posts: 9 Member
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    RavenLibra wrote: »
    I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.

    Fingers crossed ay :)
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    ive been 100 pounds, and ive been 250 pounds. until you learn to love yourself for YOURSELF.... nothing will make you happy. no matter what weight you are.
  • lynnech614
    lynnech614 Posts: 67 Member
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    Ok my personal input, I understand how you feel about the weight issue. I have been at 120 (I was 16) my best weight was 130-140....I would love now to be at 150-180...I am 200lbs. A couple reasons myself I want to lose if yes to feel good in some cute clothes to have pants that are 14 or even size 12....however, and as far as you saying you are not happy I think part of it is it does feel good to lose weight you can do more things, it doesn't hurt to move, you don't run out of breath as easy, and when that happens I think you will be more happy with YOURSELF and then you will find THAT is what will attract someone to you. When we are not happy with ourselves (weight) then we show that, but when we are nothing matters to us we are positive can do more, and thats honestly really the attraction but no one realizes that, its the inner beauty showing on the outside...:)

    I too also hope I have not offended anyone, and was not trying to talk about myself, just showing I too understand where you are coming from and I have been there myself. The highest I have been at is 220, I am at 210 and with my new friends here and this great app, I think I can do it and stay....thank you all..
  • Bshmerlie
    Bshmerlie Posts: 1,026 Member
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    If losing weight is going to give you more confidence in yourself and make you feel more attractive then go for it.
  • PaulaWallaDingDong
    PaulaWallaDingDong Posts: 4,641 Member
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    There's not really a wrong reason to lose weight, as long as it gets the job done. However, if you're expecting it to influence the world around you, be prepared that you might not have the expected outcome, and don't let that be a reason for you to undo all of your success.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    @emilywalker298 you don't need to question yourself or your motives. If you think losing weight will make you happy it probably will. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy.

    You don't need strangers to validate your choices. Who knows you better than you know yourself?
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    I'd go with it being fine. I think how you look and how it makes you feel is one of the major reasons many want to lose weight. It might not solve everything for you though, so you may wnat to look at some things that can improve your self confidence.
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10190059/410-looking-for-more-small-friends#latest

    You might like to add the ladies on this thread OP for support.
  • Desert_flower3
    Desert_flower3 Posts: 58 Member
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    RavenLibra wrote: »
    I think what you are looking for is a healthy active lifestyle... IF you lose a few pounds it's a bonus... with new found strength, flexibility, and improved eating habits comes a higher sense of confidence, a higher level of self control and determination... work towards that...achieve that... and everything else will sort itse self out.

    @RavenLibra your pic creeps me out so much
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    ive been 100 pounds, and ive been 250 pounds. until you learn to love yourself for YOURSELF.... nothing will make you happy. no matter what weight you are.

    This.

    Love of self comes from within. :)
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting to lose to feel more comfortable. That's one of the reasons I want to lose too.

    However weight loss is not a magic key to happiness. Along with the weight loss work on your confidence, work on loving yourself, and work on not caring about what others think of you. I think that setting goals that are non weight related but will help you reach your weight loss goal will help you with that. For example set a fitness goal to run a 5K (or whatever it is you want to do). When you reach that goal it will help with your confidence and will help you love and appreciate the body and mind that you have because you will realize all of the awesome things you are capable of doing.

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