Social gatherings and outings centered around food
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Haha that's the thing, every activity short of staying at home means that I am surrounded by really rich foods - which is fine but its alot of temptation. I actually find it easier to stay home and eat something healthy (not always the case since I just had a fairly large meal + dessert with an S at the back at home, but at least I didn't have to spend money and get a double whammy thinking oh shoot I'm now fat AND X dollars short making myself fat. LOL.
But then again I love love love going out. The eating is really part of that enjoyment as opposed to the focus, but yeah.
But I'll try looking up things which do not involve eating?
I can relate to your love of going out. I really enjoy it too. When I get together with friends we go to the park to throw frisbees, go swimming, or go for hikes through the bush. We hang out at each others houses, or go camping together. We like to cross country ski together or go for a walk on the lake in the winter. We have potluck picnics, and lots of potluck dinners, or we go thrift shopping. We never eat out, it's just too expensive for most of us, and the gathering is about spending time with each other. We often end up having dance parties after our potlucks too, another reason why I don't worry too much about calories on those nights.0 -
Last time I went to the Farmer's market a vendor asked me if i wanted to try the hummus. I said no I don't like hummus. He said well the hummus doesn't like you. I said that's fine as long as it doesn't jump into my mouth. I NEVER sample at Farmers markets because all those hands in the bag, basket or whatever...yuck! Where have they been??
The only activity that I really enjoy is walking my dogs and the first Sunday of the month we stop for ice cream. Shopping - I just want to get it over with. Going to the park - usually with my grandkids at we just play.
Going out with friends - we always go eat. I log it and that's the end of it. Good luck to ya!!0 -
I've never seen anyone at my farmer's market offering samples. I wish they did.
For most other things, my experience is similar. I treasure those days out though. Maybe because we live in a very rural area and don't get out that often, but I love going shopping and out to eat. Geez, I'm not going let trying to shed a few pounds make me miss out on those occasions. I just eat less for other meals that day and don't make a pig of myself when out.0 -
Food is inherently enjoyable and pleasurable and pairing it with social activities is normal. However I am an advocate of eating when you actually feel hungry, not simply because food is there, although sometimes it is just there and you want to sample a f-ing peach at a Farmer's Market, so go for it and enjoy life.
Disordered eating begins with guilt, restricting, overthinking, and villianizing food. Aim to find mental balance and peace in your relationship with food, and health and a balanced body will follow.
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DeguelloTex wrote: »It doesn't sound like those outing are centered around food. It sounds like you choose to make them center around food.
When I go to a store, I buy what I came to buy and I leave, for example. I don't use it as an excuse to go to a restaurant.
This0 -
I think that you are making the activities around food when they are not about that at all.
Try to schedule your social time at different times than your breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
For example, if you are going to the farmer's market Saturday morning, wake up early and have your breakfast before you go.
The farmer's market can be about enjoying the outdoors, buying fresh eggs and veggies -- not necessarily sampling every man handled piece of rosemary bread and every single dipping sauce.
If a vendor offers, just say "No thanks, I'm not hungry" -- keep in mind that in these cases, the vendors can be very pushy because their livelihood literally depends on you taking home another loaf of artisanal bread or chocolate covered whatever.
So it is important that you remember than they have an ulterior motive for pushing their samples on you, and that their (financial) goal should *not* get in the way of you achieving your weight loss goals.
Always keep your goals in mind. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't sample the bread if you are genuinely thinking about buying it. One sample is not going to break you. But sampling just because it is offered, when you may not be even hungry *and* there are 100 vendors offering samples ...well, that's unnecessary.
Walking through a department store should not be about food. I mean, I can see how it would be if you scheduled the shopping trip for 6:00 p.m. and you are starving because you haven't eaten in hours and the mall food is so convenient.
But, for the most part, getting makeup at Sephora, or a lawn mower at Sears are not inherently food centered activities unless you want them to be.
I go to the park with friends once or more a week and I can say that only once in my life have I felt compelled to bring a picnic basket. It was planned, so I made choices I was comfortable with in regards to what I ate and what I chose to bring with me in the basket.
Going out with friends is a different story. Because I am assuming that you are making set plans to go out to eat or drink, right?
In this instance you have two choices if you want to stay on track:
a) take the IIFYM approach and plan your macro and caloric allotment so you have a lot of flexibility for what to eat and drink
b) Plan ahead and study menus to make the best choices with what is offered.
You always have choices, even when you decide to stick to your weight loss goals
For example, if you are going to the movies with your friends you can either, adjust your eating earlier in the day to allow for your medium popcorn with butter and M&Ms OR you can eat a filling dinner prior to the movies and not snack there.
Your social activities are not in control of what you consume. But you have to plan ahead in order to make conscious decisions about what you eat.
There's nothing wrong with sampling the dip, grabbing a coffee or eating popcorn. But, are you really hungry? or are eating just because?
If these treats are a priority to you; in order to stay on track you need to have a plan about how you are going to make these treats fit into your allotments. This takes planning.
Reaching goals usually take lots of hard work, discipline and planning.
But ultimately, it is is your choice. You are in control.
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None of the things you listed revolve around food...right now it's your thinking revolves around food. Try to focus on the extra activity you are getting and the fun time with friends you are having.
You can do it...just takes some practice. Log your food, don't eat (much) more than your calorie allotment and enjoy life!
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Here's how I would handle all of your situations:Hi all,
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there? Its not that you HAVE to, but its part of the enjoyment of viewing and trying local produce, then settling for a meal you enjoy. I never take free samples, unless it is a product I was thinking about buying and wasn't sure about. I know what a pepper tastes like. I know what cheese tastes like. I don't need to try it.
Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food. I drink black coffee. You can drink a nice cup of tea and walk about. There's nothing wrong with a nice meal over good food. You can work in some extra exercise in anticipation of a meal outing, or order something light, or cut back in your other meals that day/that week.
Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere. Is this a shopping day with friends? Then it's the exact same situation as above. Eat lightly OR exercise more OR cut back your calories elsewhere for the week.
Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.For what? Food? Or Coffee? See either of the above examples. Black coffee/tea, or cut back calories elsewhere, or workout.
I do a LOT of social events that revolve around food- restaurants, brunches with other couples, beer brewing days, beer and wine festivals where the only food is food truck deliciousness. The key is that I plan ahead. I never wander into restaurants or coffee shops. I meet up with friends at bars and sometimes we plan to "go where the wind takes us" but usually we have dinner reservations if we plan to eat out. The key, I've found, is just pick one thing that is worth going nuts on. If I'm going to a beer festival with bottomless samples, I decide to be the DD the night before at happy hour. If I'm going out to lunch with my girlfriends, I make sure I take the dogs for a run that morning because I want to eat at that french place with all the cheese. It's about balance.
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When I want to keep away from food samples, I imagine a little kid with sticky, snotty fingers picking up some of the samples and then putting them back.
You're welcome.0 -
KrunchyMama wrote: »Haha that's the thing, every activity short of staying at home means that I am surrounded by really rich foods - which is fine but its alot of temptation. I actually find it easier to stay home and eat something healthy (not always the case since I just had a fairly large meal + dessert with an S at the back at home, but at least I didn't have to spend money and get a double whammy thinking oh shoot I'm now fat AND X dollars short making myself fat. LOL.
But then again I love love love going out. The eating is really part of that enjoyment as opposed to the focus, but yeah.
But I'll try looking up things which do not involve eating?
I can relate to your love of going out. I really enjoy it too. When I get together with friends we go to the park to throw frisbees, go swimming, or go for hikes through the bush. We hang out at each others houses, or go camping together. We like to cross country ski together or go for a walk on the lake in the winter. We have potluck picnics, and lots of potluck dinners, or we go thrift shopping. We never eat out, it's just too expensive for most of us, and the gathering is about spending time with each other. We often end up having dance parties after our potlucks too, another reason why I don't worry too much about calories on those nights.
That's a good idea of keeping it within an area of active enjoyment as opposed to constraining the mindset that it has to be about food - not to mention the potluck!
This is not so much of a problem per se as it is more of a cultural norm but where I'm from the cultural norm is actually eating out for singles/couples most days/nights - usually only those with kids tend to eat in due to having to pay for 4 or more people (unless they are really rich lol) and also due to the fact that most places aren't very kid-friendly.
So it would be a very interesting experience and experiment to try on my friends to invite them over to my place for potluck gatherings as they will not be used to it! It sounds really fun tbh! 0 -
cookiealbright wrote: »Last time I went to the Farmer's market a vendor asked me if i wanted to try the hummus. I said no I don't like hummus. He said well the hummus doesn't like you.
Omg that is so funny!
cookiealbright wrote: »I NEVER sample at Farmers markets because all those hands in the bag, basket or whatever...yuck! Where have they been??
Hmm...that is a very good point. I shall use my crazy OCD powers to remember this because I'm actually feeling kind icky of how many unwashed hands I've probably made contact with thanks to sampling foods!!cookiealbright wrote: »The only activity that I really enjoy is walking my dogs and the first Sunday of the month we stop for ice cream. Shopping - I just want to get it over with. Going to the park - usually with my grandkids at we just play.
Going out with friends - we always go eat. I log it and that's the end of it. Good luck to ya!!
I really like how you divided up your outings so structurally like 'walking dogs = ice cream', 'Going to park=kids/play/not about food' and 'outing with friends = eat and log'
Thank you it was really helpful!
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beachhouse758 wrote: »I think that you are making the activities around food when they are not about that at all.
Try to schedule your social time at different times than your breakfasts, lunches and dinners.
For example, if you are going to the farmer's market Saturday morning, wake up early and have your breakfast before you go.
This is a good idea...I normally tend to deliberately revolve my farmer's markets around food in such a way that I wake up, get hungry, go to farmer's market and sample foods and buy groceries WHILE hungry (big no-no! I know!), THEN go for breakfast...which you can imagine, is terrible for the waistline especially as a weekly thing!beachhouse758 wrote: »I think that you are making the activities around food when they are not about that at all.
The farmer's market can be about enjoying the outdoors, buying fresh eggs and veggies -- not necessarily sampling every man handled piece of rosemary bread and every single dipping sauce.
If a vendor offers, just say "No thanks, I'm not hungry" -- keep in mind that in these cases, the vendors can be very pushy because their livelihood literally depends on you taking home another loaf of artisanal bread or chocolate covered whatever.
So it is important that you remember than they have an ulterior motive for pushing their samples on you, and that their (financial) goal should *not* get in the way of you achieving your weight loss goals.
This is such a logical way to rationalising that a person's ulterior motives shouldn't be allowed to interfere with your personal goals because it takes away your accountability in it as well. Thanks, it really brings some perspective to when I am mindlessly stuffing food in my face due to either pressure or habit!beachhouse758 wrote: »I think that you are making the activities around food when they are not about that at all.
Always keep your goals in mind. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't sample the bread if you are genuinely thinking about buying it. One sample is not going to break you. But sampling just because it is offered, when you may not be even hungry *and* there are 100 vendors offering samples ...well, that's unnecessary.
Walking through a department store should not be about food. I mean, I can see how it would be if you scheduled the shopping trip for 6:00 p.m. and you are starving because you haven't eaten in hours and the mall food is so convenient.
But, for the most part, getting makeup at Sephora, or a lawn mower at Sears are not inherently food centered activities unless you want them to be.
Yeah good pick up on that! I think I should deliberately choose non-meal time periods when going say to a shopping center unless I have made a conscious decision to actually include eating as part of the trip, so I don't have to deal with the routine meal cues that come up when I'm out, and I have more control.beachhouse758 wrote: »I think that you are making the activities around food when they are not about that at all.
Going out with friends is a different story. Because I am assuming that you are making set plans to go out to eat or drink, right?
In this instance you have two choices if you want to stay on track:
a) take the IIFYM approach and plan your macro and caloric allotment so you have a lot of flexibility for what to eat and drink
b) Plan ahead and study menus to make the best choices with what is offered.
You always have choices, even when you decide to stick to your weight loss goals
For example, if you are going to the movies with your friends you can either, adjust your eating earlier in the day to allow for your medium popcorn with butter and M&Ms OR you can eat a filling dinner prior to the movies and not snack there.
Your social activities are not in control of what you consume. But you have to plan ahead in order to make conscious decisions about what you eat.
There's nothing wrong with sampling the dip, grabbing a coffee or eating popcorn. But, are you really hungry? or are eating just because?
If these treats are a priority to you; in order to stay on track you need to have a plan about how you are going to make these treats fit into your allotments. This takes planning.
Reaching goals usually take lots of hard work, discipline and planning.
But ultimately, it is is your choice. You are in control.
Thanks so much for your reply and suggestions!!
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Hi all,
I was planning to go out today because I have a free day out. As usual, I've got a massive list of places to go, things to eat, etc.
But then as I decided to go to the Farmer's market in town, or walk through a department store I realised that every single one of my outing ideas revolve around food, even if I'm going out with friends.
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there?
By choosing not to. There is no law of nature that says you have to sample everything. Or even anything.Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food.
Not my experience. Walks are walks - not meals. And nobody has ever said or even hinted negativity if I just have water instead of coffee or whatever.Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere.
Uh....what?Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.
Again....what?
That has nothing to do with the setting or company - that's YOU.
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None of the things you listed revolve around food...right now it's your thinking revolves around food. Try to focus on the extra activity you are getting and the fun time with friends you are having.
You can do it...just takes some practice. Log your food, don't eat (much) more than your calorie allotment and enjoy life!
Thanks for the encouragement! You are right...it is my thinking...it doesn't have to be about food. I can literally walk through an alley and turn it into something about food ("Ooh that back entrance probably is the back entrance of a really yummy dumpling restaurant" lol) when it isn't. It should be about the activity and the company as well which I derive enjoyment from...because my obsession is actually just dampening any enjoyment I used to have in it!
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Here's how I would handle all of your situations:Hi all,
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there? Its not that you HAVE to, but its part of the enjoyment of viewing and trying local produce, then settling for a meal you enjoy. I never take free samples, unless it is a product I was thinking about buying and wasn't sure about. I know what a pepper tastes like. I know what cheese tastes like. I don't need to try it.
Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food. I drink black coffee. You can drink a nice cup of tea and walk about. There's nothing wrong with a nice meal over good food. You can work in some extra exercise in anticipation of a meal outing, or order something light, or cut back in your other meals that day/that week.
Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere. Is this a shopping day with friends? Then it's the exact same situation as above. Eat lightly OR exercise more OR cut back your calories elsewhere for the week.
Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.For what? Food? Or Coffee? See either of the above examples. Black coffee/tea, or cut back calories elsewhere, or workout.
I do a LOT of social events that revolve around food- restaurants, brunches with other couples, beer brewing days, beer and wine festivals where the only food is food truck deliciousness. The key is that I plan ahead. I never wander into restaurants or coffee shops. I meet up with friends at bars and sometimes we plan to "go where the wind takes us" but usually we have dinner reservations if we plan to eat out. The key, I've found, is just pick one thing that is worth going nuts on. If I'm going to a beer festival with bottomless samples, I decide to be the DD the night before at happy hour. If I'm going out to lunch with my girlfriends, I make sure I take the dogs for a run that morning because I want to eat at that french place with all the cheese. It's about balance.
Same here! My social events are pretty much ALL ABOUT FOOD...but I think I just lack control mind and to a degree, body.
That's a really good way to cope and manage my obsession with food and outings...pre-planning, management and making sure I make leeway for it through exercise and mindfulness before partaking in the planning!
Thanks for sharing how you manage yours!!0 -
booksandchocolate12 wrote: »When I want to keep away from food samples, I imagine a little kid with sticky, snotty fingers picking up some of the samples and then putting them back.
You're welcome.
+1.
This will really help!
The idea is really gross! 0 -
Hi all,
I was planning to go out today because I have a free day out. As usual, I've got a massive list of places to go, things to eat, etc.
But then as I decided to go to the Farmer's market in town, or walk through a department store I realised that every single one of my outing ideas revolve around food, even if I'm going out with friends.
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there?
By choosing not to. There is no law of nature that says you have to sample everything. Or even anything.Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food.
Not my experience. Walks are walks - not meals. And nobody has ever said or even hinted negativity if I just have water instead of coffee or whatever.Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere.
Uh....what?Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.
Again....what?
That has nothing to do with the setting or company - that's YOU.
Lol, yes true, I'm attributing my circumstances the blame of how I act when I am the one who really can choose how to act in those circumstances. Good to reflect upon and remember when I'm tempted to stuff a piece of sourdough bread in my mouth, sample a frozen custard which costs 100 calories a spoonful and in conflict of whether I should stop for an impromptu brunch just because I smell food anywhere. 0 -
I don't think these things are centered around food unless you make the food your focus. Instead I look at it as food can often be included in the things but the point of the activity is spending time with your friends. So really these activities should be centered around friendship. Whether you choose to eat lightly, indulge or abstain from the food portion of the activity is entirely up to you.0
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What are your thoughts on how our social activities literally seem to revolve around food as the focus of enjoyment and bonding? It makes me really empathise with women with eating disorders...it must really be torture.
Sharing a meal or drinks cements bonds of comraderie and friendship. It's quite literally the mortar that makes our society hold together. Breaking bread can bring new friends, bring peace to warring states, and level the nuanced caste system we suffer from in the US.
There's a reason people mix food and being social. In fact, food can break down the barriers we keep up separating us from others, and allow us to be vulnerable enough to meet with and interact with new people.
PS - I spent the weekend in Napa eating, drinking, and meeting people.
SIGH yes those are my exact thoughts on the power and effect of food on civilisations and humanity.
PS Napa is on my bucket list! Travel without food is like an existence without mental stimulation (i.e. books), just as food without travel is like an existence constrained within 4 corners of very tall painted walls.0 -
This is an interesting post to me because in my family, most gatherings revolve around food. We are having a baby shower this weekend and I know that there is going to be a lot of food there that I do not need to eat. Oh, I will want to eat it, but I do not need to eat it. So, since my Mama is hosting it (for my niece), I spoke with her and asked her who was bringing what. She was a little vague, so I just asked her if anyone is bringing a veggie tray or a fruit tray. So she told me everything that is going to be served. This way, I can prepare beforehand as to what I will eat and what I won't eat. There will be plenty of fruit and veggies to eat. I am going to make a Non-fat Greek Yogurt dip that I can share there to dip the veggies in. I will taste most things, but as the family knows that I am working to get healthy, it will not be a problem if I turn things down. If I have a cupcake (I do not want to hurt my Mama's feelings and her cupcakes are the best because they are made from scratch), I will eat half of one and take the other half home. But when I get home, I will dispose of it (in the circular file bin aka the trash can). She is going to have chicken salad sandwiches as well. I do not eat much bread anymore as it upsets my stomach, so I will just get there early enough to assist her in making them. This way, I can set some aside that is not on bread for me.
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Face it OP you just really love food. I so relate by the way. You're a foodie I deliver this as a compliment too. If you're not already significantly obese you can swerve your mindset to accommodate your weight loss goals without too much angst. Don't worry.
Aw, *hugs*
Yeah I always had problems with my weight since young because of this. Was a long road to discovering ways to manage health and balancing consumption of food in a way where I could enjoy what I loved, but not overdo it.
Wake up call when I was at my most obese and I literally could not see my own eyes squinting through in photos, and was like a sumo standing in the middle of two of my loved ones who looked like little elves. I realised if this went on, I would suffer many many health problems and be a burden on them. Not to mention forever hiding away from photos and in big clothes because I was unhappy with the way I looked.
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jamiekeller814 wrote: »This is an interesting post to me because in my family, most gatherings revolve around food. We are having a baby shower this weekend and I know that there is going to be a lot of food there that I do not need to eat. Oh, I will want to eat it, but I do not need to eat it. So, since my Mama is hosting it (for my niece), I spoke with her and asked her who was bringing what. She was a little vague, so I just asked her if anyone is bringing a veggie tray or a fruit tray. So she told me everything that is going to be served. This way, I can prepare beforehand as to what I will eat and what I won't eat. There will be plenty of fruit and veggies to eat. I am going to make a Non-fat Greek Yogurt dip that I can share there to dip the veggies in. I will taste most things, but as the family knows that I am working to get healthy, it will not be a problem if I turn things down. If I have a cupcake (I do not want to hurt my Mama's feelings and her cupcakes are the best because they are made from scratch), I will eat half of one and take the other half home. But when I get home, I will dispose of it (in the circular file bin aka the trash can). She is going to have chicken salad sandwiches as well. I do not eat much bread anymore as it upsets my stomach, so I will just get there early enough to assist her in making them. This way, I can set some aside that is not on bread for me.
Thanks for the tips! Yes I understand how its hard to say no esp at such gatherings...you don't want to hurt people's feelings. I'm glad your family understands and tries to accommodate you.
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