Unsupportive Family

EvelinaJanex

Hi everyone, I'm just starting my weight loss journey. I'm a college student home for the summer and I'm finding that my dad is not supportive of my new lifestyle. He constantly buys me fast food even after I tell him not to, and he gets offended when I don't eat it. So today, I just ate it so he would not get his feelings hurt, and I went over my calorie limit and I feel like crap. I know he is trying to be nice, and I love him for his thoughtfulness, but how can I get him to back off with the fast food? I don't want to hurt his feelings anymore. I tried to explain that I want to be healthier but he just tells me to "live a little"

jasmine_sheppard

Explain to him that you will not eat the food and don't eat it. That's what I did when I was in high school.

SherryTeach

You have to accept that only you can decide what you will eat. It is hard, but you must learn that you can't please people through food. After a few times that your dad's fast food purchase does in the trash, he will get the message.

Laurend224

You can either not eat the food, or make the food fit into your day. It's entirely your decision what you put in your mouth.

LorraineRock

I think you should question why he does not support your request. You should be the one who is offended that he does not respect your choices, and that he over-rides your decisions. It is his choice to buy food that you will not eat - let him eat it! Calmly and respectfully remind him that you did not request the meal, and DO NOT EAT IT!

thereshegoesagain

I agree that it's your body to eat what you want but if you feel guilty then perhaps you can look at the websites for the fast food restaurants he goes to, pick out a healthy option and ask him to pick up what you chose. Most ff restaurants now have decent options.

TheVirgoddess

Either order something that fits, or offer to cook when he mentions going to pick up food.

brenn24179

time to take care of you, you will offend a lot of people in life but remember put you first, please learn this while you are young. You are doing nothing wrong, he is. Learn to say No, I cant have unhealthy food.

jemhh

You have to just not eat it.

There is no logical reason for your dad to be offended by you not eating a fast food meal that he purchased. He didn't prepare the food with his own loving hands from a family recipe. You specifically told him you didn't want it. He purposely ignored your request, your own feelings about eating the food, and bought it for you anyway. What, in all of that, is a reason to protect your dad's feelings by eating the food?

erinleggett12

There was a study done a long time ago about how 75% of parents who have obese children actually think their child is underweight- maybe since you have been eating his way for so long he thinks it's just a phase and he can get you out of it- believe in yourself and be strong!! Remember this is YOUR LIFE AND YOUR JOURNEY! Negative people aren't positives in life- they hold us back for their own selfish reasons! ! Don't put anything in your body you will regret! You got this- keep it up and BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!

RodaRose

Next time he hands you that stuff, put it in the trash.
Someone buying you something does not mean that you have to eat it.

DeniseB0711

Start cooking meals for your family.

feisty_bucket

You're getting good advice here, yeah. On the other hand - hey, free food!

I'd request something specific. If not, I'd just eat the meat, skip the bun and fries, everybody's happy.

DeniseB0711

feisty_bucket wrote: »

You're getting good advice here, yeah. On the other hand - hey, free food!

I'd request something specific. If not, I'd just eat the meat, skip the bun and fries, everybody's happy.

Great advice, I usually ask for Grilled Chicken..toss the bun and only eat the meat (well I did until I adopted a vegetarian diet.

Merkavar

EvelinaJanex wrote: »

I know he is trying to be nice, and I love him for his thoughtfulness, but how can I get him to back off with the fast food?

Sounds like he isn't being nice or thoughtful. Sounds like he is ignoring your choices and opinions and guilting you into behaving a certain way.

Do feel pressured into eating the food. If you don't ask for it and have told him not to buy it for you then if he feels bad it's his own fault.

vixtris

Next time he says 'live a little' tell him you are by not eating that crap... living a little longer too.

okay dont actually say that lol.

Sherbog

Be strong! Look him in the eye and shake your head NO! Don't eat fast food! If you were an alcoholic would he offer you a beer..? You might ask him that. It is hard and challenging but you can make choices that are healthy for you.

Merkavar

Depending on your age, lifestyle and parents expectations of you, you could do something to scare them.

Maybe bring home a tattoo covered biker, show them your (temporary) tattoo of a three eyed wolf over or right should and tell them your pregnant. Then say you just wanted to live a little.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

dizzieblondeuk

Something to bear in mind is, as hard as it may be to consider this, that it's actually a form of control from a parent to an adult child. I know the OP thinks her father was being 'thoughtful' when he bought her food, but honestly, all I see in her words is a daughter who's grown up, and is exerting her free will over her body. Whether parents actually consciously realise they're doing it or not, guilt tripping a 21 year old woman into eating food that she's expressly stated she neither wants and has told them they won't be good for her, is a fairly distinct attempt at parental control to me.

The OP is home for the summer and once again under her parents' roof, after living independently at college (I presume). Her parents can no longer ground her, or restrict most other parts of her life, and this is a small (but very important) part of her life that the father has discovered he can still exert some control over her. I am SURE he is not entirely malicious in his intent, but it is happening anyway. I suspect a tough conversation is needed, to establish boundaries in the OP's diet, and how far her parents are allowed to step into that part of her life. I'd be very interested to see if he changes to the things the daughter says she wants, even if they're from a fast food restaurant, or if he continues specifically buying only unhealthy options for her. Are there other family members in the house that will back you up? Once the majority is on board with a lifestyle choice, it tends to be that the person in the minority does give up their position, and allows the changes to take place.

callsitlikeiseeit

(1) dont eat it or;
(2) make it fit into your day.

I eat fast food/ eat out all the time

snowflakesav

Seriously...you asked him not to. He did it anyway. This isn't him being nice. This is him being manipulative and disrespectful.
I agree that his intent is not malicious. Please don't be concerned about hurting his feelings. Just don't eat it.

kat_princess12

While I agree that it's your body, your choices, a lot of families don't know how to express care other than food. Try picking some healthy options for him to bring you - lots of places sell salads, or fruit and yogurt, or grilled chicken or fish. Ask him to bring you one of those options. If he refuses, you might need to have a talk with him about respecting your adult status. But if he really just wants to bring you something to eat, he'll try to bring you what you ask for.

sofaking6

When I was in college my mom did a lot of 'control' type stuff with me, not intentionally but I could see that emotionally it was really tough for her to start adjusting to my independence. It might be like that for your dad. Tell him that you want to be a healthy adult and that he can show his love by supporting your choices instead of undermining them. Give him a big hug when you say it, but go ahead and say it because he needs to take a look at his own actions.

RodaRose

What do you mean by "family." Is it just you and your dad?
Is he overwhelmed?

Lounmoun

Don't eat it if you don't want it.
Say " Thanks for thinking of me. I don't want to eat fast food. I will make myself something. Does anyone else want it?"

You have never turned down food your parents bought or prepared for you ever before? Does it need to be dramatic or a source of hurt feelings? I ask because my 15 year old has been expressing her food preferences strongly all her life and If she said repeatedly she wouldn't eat something it would be kind of pointless to get it for her. I might be irritated that she wanted something different but that would be my own stupid fault for ignoring her clearly stated preferences. I would not be deeply wounded that she didn't want fast food if she just politely said no thanks and didn't demand I cook or buy her something else.

Horrorfox

Read this article.

kshama2001

If this doesn't work:

Every fast-food restaurant these days has choices that can fit into a reasonable day of eating. So maybe you can let him know what you are and aren't willing to eat. If he buys you that grilled chicken snack wrap with sliced apples from McDonald's, fine. If he buys you a quarter-pounder and fries, just say no, and mean it.

And if he flatly refuses to buy you items that you indicate are healthy choices for you, then you will indeed have to take a hard line, let him know that eating junk isn't your idea of 'living a little', and just be strong.

Consider this:

Something to bear in mind is, as hard as it may be to consider this, that it's actually a form of control from a parent to an adult child. I know the OP thinks her father was being 'thoughtful' when he bought her food, but honestly, all I see in her words is a daughter who's grown up, and is exerting her free will over her body. Whether parents actually consciously realise they're doing it or not, guilt tripping a 21 year old woman into eating food that she's expressly stated she neither wants and has told them they won't be good for her, is a fairly distinct attempt at parental control to me.

The OP is home for the summer and once again under her parents' roof, after living independently at college (I presume). Her parents can no longer ground her, or restrict most other parts of her life, and this is a small (but very important) part of her life that the father has discovered he can still exert some control over her. I am SURE he is not entirely malicious in his intent, but it is happening anyway. I suspect a tough conversation is needed, to establish boundaries in the OP's diet, and how far her parents are allowed to step into that part of her life. I'd be very interested to see if he changes to the things the daughter says she wants, even if they're from a fast food restaurant, or if he continues specifically buying only unhealthy options for her. Are there other family members in the house that will back you up? Once the majority is on board with a lifestyle choice, it tends to be that the person in the minority does give up their position, and allows the changes to take place.

NikiChicken

thereshegoesagain wrote: »

I agree that it's your body to eat what you want but if you feel guilty then perhaps you can look at the websites for the fast food restaurants he goes to, pick out a healthy option and ask him to pick up what you chose. Most ff restaurants now have decent options.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. If he wants to buy a meal for you, give him some suggestions. Then, if he chooses to buy something other than your suggestions, and that selection does not fit into your goals for the day, don't eat it and very kindly explain that while you love him and are grateful for his thinking of you, you need to think of your health and for that reason, you are choosing to not eat what he has purchased. You might be surprised that he purchases your alternate selections right away and if he doesn't, it won't take long for him to either start purchasing your suggestions or quit purchasing food altogether.

allbarrett

Maybe he's being a little controlling, maybe he's trying to baby you a little (if you are just back for the summer, this is a real possibility...his little baby growing up and all!), maybe he is just uncomfortable with his cooking skills.

My suggestions (in order of application):

1) If he offers to go out for food, suggest that maybe you could cook a meal for both of you, then cook something healthy and delicious and share it.

If he insists on going out for fast food, you can either:

2a) Eat a reasonable amount of the food (that fits your macros for that meal) and throw the rest out. If he comments, you can say you aren't hungry any more; or

2b) Make it very clear that you don't want any. When he gets back and tries to hand you something, you can say that you honestly told him you didn't want any, he can have it, it can go in the fridge and someone can eat it later or you will throw it out. Then stick to this.

I would also suggest liberal application of 1) above on a regular basis. Start cooking before you (or he) are starving. Then you can head off suggestions of fast food with "oh, but I've already started dinner". Bonus points: he'll be eating better also, you can improve your cooking skills, and maybe (if he's a fast-food type) you can teach him some better kitchen skills too! Hell, tell him you want to show off the cooking you've taught yourself while you were away from home.

cwolfman13

Man...after I moved out, my parent's made me fend for myself...even when I moved back in due to hitting a bit of bad luck (actually just dumb *kitten* decision making on my part)....you're lucky...I wish my parents would have provided me food when I moved back in, but in their mind a roof was enough and a roof was all I was getting.