Unsupportive Family

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Replies

  • kyrannosaurus
    kyrannosaurus Posts: 350 Member
    Just be firm and refuse. He might get offended initially but he'll soon realise you're not going to eat it and stop wasting his money buying you stuff you won't eat.

    Otherwise move out. You're an adult, you don't have to be there.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    Is he just trying to be nice?

    If so, just tell him that you're not eating that stuff anymore and that you don't want him to waste his money on it next time because you won't eat it.

    Then, if he brings it home again, just don't eat it.

    Dads are usually nice guys who want you to be happy. If he realizes that your new change in diet is making you happy and you choose it over fast food, he will probably stop bringing it to you and support you. :)
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Sit down and explain to him, what you're trying to do. No one is forcing you to eat it, so be firm.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    Man...after I moved out, my parent's made me fend for myself...even when I moved back in due to hitting a bit of bad luck (actually just dumb *kitten* decision making on my part)....you're lucky...I wish my parents would have provided me food when I moved back in, but in their mind a roof was enough and a roof was all I was getting.

    Yeah.

    In all probability, your dad honestly believes he's looking out for you. Sit him down and tell him directly that while you appreciate his thoughtfulness, you really can't eat what he's bringing you. And then give him something he *can* bring you.
  • Annr
    Annr Posts: 2,765 Member
    Yep I think a long overdue talk is in order. You need to set him straight, be logical not emotional. I know talking to your father in that tone is hard, but you will feel so much better afterwards. Make an area in the kitchen that is yours, if there is alot of no-no foods around. Buy your own food. Offer to cook meals for everyone once a week. Get them excited about the journey you are on. Being in control of what you put in your mouth is one way to move forward. Being in control of how others treat you is another. Good luck!
  • BeckyD1105
    BeckyD1105 Posts: 444 Member
    Did you and your dad used to eat fast food a lot together? Is it somehow (at least in his mind) his way of bonding with you? Just asking because my dad and I used to sit in the car and eat a candy bar and drink a soda while my mom shopped (side note - she didn't drive). It was our normal, it was our time together. When I joined WW many years ago, he at first didn't know what to do anymore when I'd come home and we'd be waiting for my mom to get done shopping. He was used to the way things were and didn't know how they should now be since I was trying to be healthier. The soda/candy bar was his "normal" for time together.

    Once I addressed the situation with him, we were able to resolve it and find a new "normal" thing to do together that we were both ok with. Maybe you just need to have a similar talk with your dad. Sometimes people in our lives don't know how to deal with changes.
  • GWehsling
    GWehsling Posts: 120 Member
    I have a daughter I would sacrifice everything for and I feel like I can relate to your situation but from the other side of the fence. Sit him down and tell him that you would like to take the reigns of your life for a while. Tell him that he has inspired you to be independent and powerful, but you'll always use the insights and vision he has shared with you, your whole life, to not make poor or damaging decisions. Tell him you want to take the wheel for a while, but with his guidance. Then give him a list of the things you want to eat from the fast food place that fit your goals, ask him to order x2 and share the meal with him.

    Trust me, he's looking out for you but in a very protective way. It's hard to explain here, but it's time that you guided him a little to the freedom you want. You're going to have to make him feel like it was his decision to give you the independence you need for this journey.

    Good luck.
  • Annr
    Annr Posts: 2,765 Member
    aw @BeckyD1105 touching story... Sometimes adults associate moments with a certain food, like during the holidays or birthdays. Realizing for me that the important thing isn't the FOOD but the FAMILY....It's easier to talk with a meal in front of you, distracting you, letting it become your buffer.
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    Annr wrote: »
    It's easier to talk with a meal in front of you, distracting you, letting it become your buffer.

    And here I was thinking it was about sharing and communing...

    Wow.

  • Annr
    Annr Posts: 2,765 Member
    Mr_Knight wrote: »
    Annr wrote: »
    It's easier to talk with a meal in front of you, distracting you, letting it become your buffer.

    And here I was thinking it was about sharing and communing...

    Wow.

    Idealically we all wish that. I just was stating that because I remember family get-togethers as alot of talking, but not alot of sharing. It was more one-upping, and self bragging.
  • Hulbert0089
    Hulbert0089 Posts: 97 Member
    Tell him living a little does not mean the same thing to everyone. Thank him for thinking of you but to ask next time and there might be something on the menu you would like.
  • PeachyPlum
    PeachyPlum Posts: 1,243 Member
    I'm in total agreement with everyone who says you don't have to eat it just because he bought it. At the same time, I understand not wanting to hurt your dad's feelings... It's a tough spot to be in.
    One thing that might help is to figure out why he's doing this, a bit deeper than just that he's trying to be nice.
    Is he just trying to surprise you with a treat now and then? If so, maybe you can suggest some other treats he could get, either healthier choices from the same restaurants or low cal frozen yogurt fresh fruit from the roadside stand... Whatever you'd really like.
    Is he just trying to provide you with hot meals but he sucks at cooking/works late or otherwise unable to cook dinner? Maybe you can offer to do the cooking or cook dinner with him.
    Is there some previous bond over fast food from when you were young? Maybe you can say "Hey dad I used to love it when we went for burgers and split a large order of fries and just talked. Do you think we could pick up some [insert food that fits your goals] and hang out?" (If you actually do want to do that)
    If he's really just being controlling or manipulative or favor sharking then you're best off just refusing to eat the food with no alternative given. It's best to put and end to that kind of behavior as soon as possible (I know from painful experience)
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    Your dad sounds like a sweetheart. I agree with everyone who suggests having an honest, loving discussion about it, not just refusing to eat fast food. Your dad loves you, and your healthy goals are important.
  • Strawili
    Strawili Posts: 48 Member
    Suggest a trip the two of you can go on to a farm market or grocery store with fresh produce, take some home, and cook together.

    It honestly just sounds like parental nurturing and he's not sure how to go about it. Maybe he'll take interest in eating healthier!

    My mom is like that.. I load up on veggies and she pushes the steak at me, saying I need more 'substance.' Woman, I am substance. :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,992 Member
    EvelinaJanex wrote: »
    Hi everyone, I'm just starting my weight loss journey. I'm a college student home for the summer and I'm finding that my dad is not supportive of my new lifestyle. He constantly buys me fast food even after I tell him not to, and he gets offended when I don't eat it. So today, I just ate it so he would not get his feelings hurt, and I went over my calorie limit and I feel like crap. I know he is trying to be nice, and I love him for his thoughtfulness, but how can I get him to back off with the fast food? I don't want to hurt his feelings anymore. I tried to explain that I want to be healthier but he just tells me to "live a little"
    You aren't always going to get support. I made a thread about this a couple of months ago.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10134341/you-arent-always-going-to-get-support/p1

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    kat_princess12 wrote: »
    While I agree that it's your body, your choices, a lot of families don't know how to express care other than food. Try picking some healthy options for him to bring you - lots of places sell salads, or fruit and yogurt, or grilled chicken or fish. Ask him to bring you one of those options. If he refuses, you might need to have a talk with him about respecting your adult status. But if he really just wants to bring you something to eat, he'll try to bring you what you ask for.

    I think this is it, probably.

    Go with him - it could be part of a nice day out together, maybe - and let him see you choose the food you want. It might click that way.

    You might wind up getting the exact same food every time though, if he's doesn't feel comfortable on that side of the menu, so choose wisely. Or do it a few times. But I think even just getting him to identify one meal would be a win.
  • mcpostelle
    mcpostelle Posts: 418 Member
    That's when I call my dog over. I'm happy and my dog's happy. :smiley: Perfect. Honestly, you got to learn to say no and say either get me A, B, or C or I'm not going to eat it. I appreciate it, but I'm not going to eat it. I appreciate all that you do, but I need you to listen and respect my boundaries.
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