Can a cheater change their ways

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  • bbbgamer
    bbbgamer Posts: 582 Member
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    always a cheater...
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Sure they can change. They just have to want to.
  • ArtLover26207
    ArtLover26207 Posts: 17
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    I've been there....and he has changed....he proves his loyalty to me every day now. I'm glad I gave our relationship another chance.


    Most people will not agree, but we're only human. Mistakes are part of who we are. Really, it depends on how badly you want it to work, and how certain you are that you can trust him again.

    For the longest time people told me to end it, to leave him, especially total strangers on here who really had no idea other than he had cheated. Don't ask strangers. Go with your heart. He knows he made a mistake and he signed us up for counseling. He has gone to the moon and back to make it up to me. He knows he made a mistake....a HUGE one. But honestly? Your SO will have to make it up to you.....THEY have to take the steps to fix it, and be willing and GLAD to do it.

    ^this.
    I've been there too, and he knows he made a mistake, and he is trying as hard as he can to prove to me that he loves me, and I am the only one he wants to be with. (however, my situation is a tiny different as it wasn't physical cheating but rather online messages.) Honestly, and I know I probably will get negative responses for this, but I *personally* feel that the online "cheating" is almost easier to handle than the physical.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    I'd have to know the circumstances. Was it a one time thing, or is he a serial cheater? How did you find out? What kinds of lies did he tell, and for how long? Did he cheat with someone that you both know? For me it would have to be a case-by-case thing, and the more levels of betrayal the more I would doubt him forever.
  • grimendale
    grimendale Posts: 2,153 Member
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    A lot of people who cheat d so to regain the excitement they feel they were lacking. When they get caught, they'll apologize and promise never to do it again, but when the excitement fade again, the urge to cheat returns. It's the reason that, so often when a man leaves his ife for his mistress, he ends up cheating on his mistress with a third women (and sometimes his ex wife). I have known a lot of cheaters, but I have yet to meet a reformed cheater. Every last one has done it again.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    if they own up to it and are honest about it and are very sorry and promise not to do it again, then if you can rebuild some kind of trust then maybe.

    maybe, but probably not.

    In my case, she wouldn't be honest about it so details kept coming out, she blamed me for it when I found out, it was with multiple people, she gave me an STD, and this is after 5 years of living together and I was doing the majority of her masters at the time. how do you trust someone who wont even be honest. I really tried to forgive her but it was not possible. as soon as she was out of my sight it was like "well, I cant see her, so she could be f^&%ing someone right now."

    I tried to make it work for 6 months, but she was also a b!tch about it, and a b!tch in general, a bad drunk with emotional problems and no ability to talk through problems constructively.


    so yeh. theres no way with someone like that.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    I'd have to know the circumstances. Was it a one time thing, or is he a serial cheater? How did you find out? What kinds of lies did he tell, and for how long? Did he cheat with someone that you both know? For me it would have to be a case-by-case thing, and the more levels of betrayal the more I would doubt him forever.

    yah, the details as above are very key. one time mistake + very sorry = maybe. serial cheater - less likely. adulterer - woah, I cant even imagine. serial cheater multiple partners - slim to none. not sorry - no chance.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    I suppose when someone cheats your relationship is over, and now you have to start again with someone you don't trust. once the trust is gone, I don't know if you can get it back.
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member
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    I don't know. What I do know is I wouldn't be around to find out. Once trust is broken it's gone.
  • LisaDunn01
    LisaDunn01 Posts: 173 Member
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    I believe it depends on the person and the circumstances. You can't blanket everyone into "once a cheater always a cheater". Nor can you say everyone has or is entitled to one mistake. Each situation is unique.
  • Phx99
    Phx99 Posts: 69
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    I think it's possible if they were determined, but the trust would be dead. I could never trust someone again that cheated on me.
  • Emisole
    Emisole Posts: 65
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    I think it depends on why the person cheated. If you don't understand that, you'll never understand them.

    My husband and I both cheated on each other once, before we were married. Things were ****ty then, now they're marvelous.

    Do you want to make it work? Do you REALLY know this person? Do you understand why they cheated?

    Neither of us are "cheaters." I mean, if we're talking about some douche guy you've been with a few months who's been seeing girls on the side the whole time... that's a different story.
  • RobinvdM
    RobinvdM Posts: 634 Member
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    Once a cheater not always a cheater. But if its x2 or x3 then they aren't going to change unless you figure out what the root problem is and address it. If you care about the person, and its a 1 time thing and you want to try and rebuild, then go for it. Trust is easy to break and it doesn't have to be cheating. Trust CAN be rebuilt if you want to. It's HARD, but it is absolutely possible. You've just gotta decide if it's worth it. It all depends on the relationship/couple.
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
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    My ex husband cheated, and it was an on-going thing that he was not sorry about when he got caught. So there was no chance of working it out. If he had come forward before I caught him, had been remorseful, if it hadn't been going on so long, or if he'd been willing to go to counseling I would have tried to make it work but honestly I don't think it would have.
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
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    I don't think a person that could do that ever had love for you to begin with if they did that cuz to really love someone you could never bring yourself to do something to cause them that much pain and you also would take your relationship very seriously and your committment to someone very seriously. am so glad am married to a great guy now and don't have to worry about that.
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
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    nope trust broken i fell into the whole i'm sorry i'll never hurt you thing and what happened she kicked me out just before velentines day and replaced me with some one new. so no once a cheater always a cheater
  • skinnydreams19
    skinnydreams19 Posts: 282 Member
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    I don't think so. I'm dating a cheater (not on me) but I don't hesitate for a minute to think that he'd cheat on me. Done it once, he'll do it again - it's a moral code thing. I think it's the stupidest thing when women who a guy cheated on his wife with think that once the two of them marry, he won't cheat on her too.
  • AllTehBeers
    AllTehBeers Posts: 5,030 Member
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    I cheated on my ex. I couldn't dream of cheating on my current fiance. It really depends on the situation and the person.

    So no, not once a cheater always a cheater, if you think so, you just date a lot of *kitten*.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Of course they can, they actually have to want to. There are plenty of people out there that have cheated and stopped either within the relationship they stepped out on or in future relationships.

    If people weren't capable of change we'd be the same in pretty much all things and I dunno about you, but I feel like I've grown as I've aged.

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