Not feeling attractive anymore

jacobs18201

Hi.
I'm Jen & I'm 35 year old housewife from Pennsylvania. I'm addicted to nail Polish.
Over the last year, I've gained about 20 pounds. I constantly look like I'm pregnant.
I have no energy or will power or the want to exercise. Taking the dog for a walk is a struggle. I get winded fast.
I feel disgusting to the point I don't want to have sex with the hubby anymore, even though he doesn't have an issue with my weight. He says that as long as I'm healthy then weight doesn't matter...
I hope to find some encouragement, new friends, some self esteem, & a new me..
Thanks.

blueberrymohn

Please add me I've got 30 lbs to shed and am looking for motivation, inspiration and laughs!

SrMaggalicious

The biggest hurdle you need to realize is to not react by how you 'feel' but ACT by what you KNOW. You don't need motivation..it dies from time to time with everyone. What you do need is dedication...you brush your teeth every day to avoid cavities...it's not something you LOVE to do but it's a daily necessity. Most of us go to work every day...some of us don't love what we do but we do it because we know we need to in order to pay the bills.

Personally, training is a passion for me, but I also understand that it's not everyone's thrill. That's when you need to remove emotion and act on what you know you NEED to do. With that concentrated effort will come confidence, then happiness, better health, and eventually a 'damn, I'm dead sexy' feeling and your husband better be ready! good luck

aussie_girl_del_runner_5

Oh hun, firstly <hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs>, it looks like you needed a lot of them.

Secondly there were plenty of times I felt the way you feel now including not wanting to have sex as I felt disgusting. This may be TMI but I've just had an awesome session with the hubby and he's says it's like having sex with a new woman each time because I keep losing lol.

When I started I really had to work on the mental side of things before I embarked on the physical but once I decided enough was enough I stared small and worked my way up. If you don't have the drive right now to exercise then don't. Your food intake is what will get you over the line; exercise will just get you there quicker.

If you work on your food first you'll start to see a decrease in the scale which will motivate you to add exercise. When that happens I would suggest not taking the dog and just go out for a walk around the block by yourself FOR YOURSELF. If you have a step tracker on your phone use it; have a look at what you're currently doing and aim to up it by 500 steps everyday for a month. Once that's consistent, up it again by 500 and before you know it you'll be wanting to do a little more.

You don't need to start lifting weights, doing PX90 (or whatever it is) or Aerobics etc in order to lose. Focus on your food and start taking 10min walks. You may want to do those things later on (much later on) but for now keep it simple until you're ready to move on to the next step.

Oh and as long as you're not sniffing the nail polish then your addiction will be fine lol.

FitnessTim

Being and feeling attractive is a state of mind. Your weight doesn't define you.

A 200 pound woman who is strong and committed to improving herself for herself can feel sexier than a 90 woman who starves herself to maintain an image she thinks others want.

My wife is currently overweight and was even heavier before. In regards to sex, it has never been a problem for me. I do want her to lose weight for health reasons but I can't imagine our sex life being any better than it is now.

If your husband claims he has no issue with your weight it is because he has no issue with your weight and finds you sexy and attractive no matter what.

That's all besides the point. Controlling your weight is something you need to do for yourself not for someone else.

Approach your sex life like you would a workout. Give it everything you got, don't hold back and don't doubt that you'll achieve whatever you want.

jazzine1

SrMaggalicious wrote: »

The biggest hurdle you need to realize is to not react by how you 'feel' but ACT by what you KNOW. You don't need motivation..it dies from time to time with everyone. What you do need is dedication...you brush your teeth every day to avoid cavities...it's not something you LOVE to do but it's a daily necessity. Most of us go to work every day...some of us don't love what we do but we do it because we know we need to in order to pay the bills.

Personally, training is a passion for me, but I also understand that it's not everyone's thrill. That's when you need to remove emotion and act on what you know you NEED to do. With that concentrated effort will come confidence, then happiness, better health, and eventually a 'damn, I'm dead sexy' feeling and your husband better be ready! good luck

^^^^ This is awesome advise!

jazzine1

aussie_girl_del wrote: »

Oh hun, firstly <hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs><hugs>, it looks like you needed a lot of them.

Oh and as long as you're not sniffing the nail polish then your addiction will be fine lol.

^^^LOL !!

Sweetie, take one challenge at a time. Start by concentrating on your food intake, start eating less. All you need to lose weight is to have a caloric deficit. Consume less then what you burn. I have lost over 40lbs without working out, just by eating less. I have a Fitbit which tracks my steps, some days I get 10,000+ steps but other times just 3,000 and I also log here on MFP every single thing I put in my mouth, everything(even my weekend alcohol)! I try to make sure I stay within my daily calories allowed and have been losing steadily since Jan. Eventually I will start working out, but for now I will keep logging my food because I still have about 30-40 lbs I would like to lose to get to a healthy BMI. Good luck and feel free to add me

Patttience

Could you be depressed? And if so, it is only due to your weight? If so, maybe go and have a chat with a counsellor.
That can be motivating.

Also, its not actually necessary to exercise to lose weight. Try to work your way to eating more wholesome foods and less processed foods and junk. Keep a food diary in addition to or instead of calorie counting diary. If you do that, you don't actually need to count calories. You jsut need to monitor what you eat and work on improving it and as you improve what you eat, you may find your appetite for junk food abates. Then again it may not. It does when i do it because I tend to ditch the junk wholesale.

If you are going to lose weight and keep it off, you need to learn about sound nutrition. There's a lot of rubbish info out and about so read from a wide variety of sources and experiment.

When you are ready to address your fitness, start slowly. Try to find a way to make it enjoyable. You can lose weight without exercise because its about calories in and calories out at the end of the day but if you move more, you can eat more. Exercise is also good for you but you don't have to do that much to be healthy. There are certainly more pleasant ways of getting fitter than by going to the gym. But getting fit is always a bit hard at the beginning. It does get better. Start of slowly. Gradually increase the amount you do and don't punish yourself if you miss. Just do it when you want to.

jazzine1

FitnessTim wrote: »

Being and feeling attractive is a state of mind. Your weight doesn't define you.

A 200 pound woman who is strong and committed to improving herself for herself can feel sexier than a 90 woman who starves herself to maintain an image she thinks others want.

My wife is currently overweight and was even heavier before. In regards to sex, it has never been a problem for me. I do want her to lose weight for health reasons but I can't imagine our sex life being any better than it is now.

If your husband claims he has no issue with your weight it is because he has no issue with your weight and finds you sexy and attractive no matter what.

That's all besides the point. Controlling your weight is something you need to do for yourself not for someone else.

Approach your sex life like you would a workout. Give it everything you got, don't hold back and don't doubt that you'll achieve whatever you want.

Nice to get a mans prospective! Thx!!

jacobs18201

Great advise everyone.. I really hope that with support like this, that I can achieve my goal.. I have an issue mentally where I need to always have some sort of support to help me continue. I think with MFP and the Community that if I am having a low day that someone will be here to set my sights straight again.. I really hope that with you and MFP I can achieve my goal and continue to live a healthy lifestyle where I am not only comfortable in my skin, but comfortable in my eating habits for once as well. I want to thank everyone in advance for this

danip415

I have 80 to lose after health issues. I'm 30 y/o and engaged. Let's b friends.

susanna9992015

Feeling same way. I have finally found some motivation after beach vacation. Started Dukan diet yesterday and lost 8.4 pounds first day!!! Yay.!!

boogiewookie

im right with you. I got to the point that I was majorly depressed and had absolutely no self esteem. I started working out and eating better just for me becase I hated feeling like that. my sex drive dropped too becase I felt so disgusting. Ive told my hubby I didnt even think I looked like a person. I'm still a fatty but since I lost 20lbs and started building some muscle I'm more confident and honestly our sex had been amaaaaazing! it has nothing to do with his attraction to me (he said it was never an issue) it's all about my new confidence :-)

jacobs18201

boogiewookie wrote: »

im right with you. I got to the point that I was majorly depressed and had absolutely no self esteem. I started working out and eating better just for me becase I hated feeling like that. my sex drive dropped too becase I felt so disgusting. Ive told my hubby I didnt even think I looked like a person. I'm still a fatty but since I lost 20lbs and started building some muscle I'm more confident and honestly our sex had been amaaaaazing! it has nothing to do with his attraction to me (he said it was never an issue) it's all about my new confidence :-)

Exactly. My hubby doesn't care. I have to keep telling him that it's a me thing. I need this.
I think my husband is a handsome man (as I'm sure we all do) I believe he deserves an equally pretty wife on his arm.
As I feel right now, is I'm not good enough for him, even though he says differently. Mind over matter Lol & in my mind, I don't matter

Mrsurban2011

Seems like you took the words out of my mouth. My weight makes me feel so out of place. I would love to be on this journey with you. We can be accountable for each other. If you ever need to talk, you can email me. Hugs

jacobs18201

Mrsurban2011 wrote: »

Seems like you took the words out of my mouth. My weight makes me feel so out of place. I would love to be on this journey with you. We can be accountable for each other. If you ever need to talk, you can email me. Hugs

Sounds Awesome.. everything is always better with a buddy... ditto on the email.

disasterman

Hi Jen - best of luck to you! You CAN do this and taking control of your weight will bring back all kinds of energy and self esteem. There's some good advice and support here for you to take advantage of.

Eating more wholesome and less "junk" food isn't a bad idea but that won't help you lose weight. If you read the success stories on MFP and talk with the people here who have been the most successful they almost all will tell you to eat what you want but count the calories--all of them. Get some MFP friends who have similar goals, do what works for your goals and lifestyle, and adopt a "no excuses" mindset and you should be able to ditch that 20 pounds in few months.

eafulks

Hi Jen and welcome to MyFitnessPal. I read your post and feel for you. I was in that boat about 3 years ago. Coming here is an acknowledgement for yourself that it is time for a change. Good for you and a HUGE step in the right direction. Now comes the hard part, choosing what to change and sticking with it. Saying that, remember that change is tough and takes time so start slow. You say walking the dog is a struggle and life in the bedroom is, well, less than fireworks.

I might advise you to set some realistic short term goals. You know what the long term goal is, losing weight, feeling more attractive, healthier relationships. These are all possible but sometimes so far off that you can lose sight and fall back into despair thinking "what's the use?" You have to avoid that negative voice so short term goals are important.

Start with those walks with the dog. Change up the route, make a plan that you can stick to and that will be enjoyable (not just a chore). How about finding a local dog park that you can let the dog run him/herself and you can socialize with other dog lovers. You may even find a walking partner that will help motivate you to get moving.

Find a friend on MFP that will help hold you accountable to your logging and eating healthy. Sometimes when we know someone is watching, we tend to stick to our logging a bit stricter. Don't go all out in making food and exercise changes. These things take time. It took time to gain 20 pounds so it will take time to lose it and feel better, but there are so many benefits along the way.

Try journaling a few days of typical eating, find out where the issues lie and then pick ONE to work on until you have made it a lifestyle change. Then move onto the next. Slowly you will increase your activity, clothes will fit better and you will feel sexy and amazing (your hubby benefits too!!)

Being healthy is way more than just what we eat and how we move. It is everything around you as well. Take a moment to look deep into yourself and figure out what is really going on. Talk about these things with others. Don't underestimate the power of talking to someone more professional, either.

From everyone else's responses, it looks like you have a great community here behind you. Many can sympathize and will be of great value on this road you are about to embark upon. Ask for help, listen to your body, focus on you and you will be successful.

GOOD LUCK!!

jacobs18201

disasterman wrote: »

Hi Jen - best of luck to you! You CAN do this and taking control of your weight will bring back all kinds of energy and self esteem. There's some good advice and support here for you to take advantage of.

Eating more wholesome and less "junk" food isn't a bad idea but that won't help you lose weight. If you read the success stories on MFP and talk with the people here who have been the most successful they almost all will tell you to eat what you want but count the calories--all of them. Get some MFP friends who have similar goals, do what works for your goals and lifestyle, and adopt a "no excuses" mindset and you should be able to ditch that 20 pounds in few months.

Thank you!
I know in the past all kinds of people always say that if you don't eat what you like, including your …snacks, etc then you'll binge, and feel like crap afterwards.. &you should allow it in moderation.
I know a lot of key points for losing pounds, I just need the support behind me.
It's great the hubby has no complaints, but when I'm upset about not getting anywhere, all he says, is I think you look great.. it's great, but not..
Everyone needs a support group for through difficult tasks in life.

NEWMEKELLIB

If your a stay at home mom, I encourage you to wake up at a decent hour and take the dog for a walk for an 15 mins, a couple times a day. everyday increase the walk daily by 2-5 mins until you work yourself up to an hour. Make your self and child a healthy breakfast , rest and dont graze on food all day.. get a gallon of water and get to drinking... make it your daily / hourly drink. look on pinterest for healthy meals. prepare your man a great healthy meal. healthy is never boring. In regards to your bedroom, give in when your at your lowest desire, sometimes that alone will get you out of your "FUNK" give it all you got. trust me no one says they feel bad afterwards...it increases your mood..and confidence. I too was in your rut... Now i got my sexy back ! addme you are not alone!

jacobs18201

NEWMEKELLIB wrote: »

If your a stay at home mom, I encourage you to wake up at a decent hour and take the dog for a walk for an 15 mins, a couple times a day. everyday increase the walk daily by 2-5 mins until you work yourself up to an hour. Make your self and child a healthy breakfast , rest and dont graze on food all day.. get a gallon of water and get to drinking... make it your daily / hourly drink. look on pinterest for healthy meals. prepare your man a great healthy meal. healthy is never boring. In regards to your bedroom, give in when your at your lowest desire, sometimes that alone will get you out of your "FUNK" give it all you got. trust me no one says they feel bad afterwards...it increases your mood..and confidence. I too was in your rut... Now i got my sexy back ! addme you are not alone!

jacobs18201

Oh hello to no response lol

yopeeps025

I am in for later read. Because as life goes on people do get to points like this. I have been the same. My first profile pic I though people were crazy. I did't see what everyone else saw.

acorsaut89

FitnessTim wrote: »

Being and feeling attractive is a state of mind. Your weight doesn't define you.

A 200 pound woman who is strong and committed to improving herself for herself can feel sexier than a 90 woman who starves herself to maintain an image she thinks others want.

My wife is currently overweight and was even heavier before. In regards to sex, it has never been a problem for me. I do want her to lose weight for health reasons but I can't imagine our sex life being any better than it is now.

If your husband claims he has no issue with your weight it is because he has no issue with your weight and finds you sexy and attractive no matter what.

That's all besides the point. Controlling your weight is something you need to do for yourself not for someone else.

Approach your sex life like you would a workout. Give it everything you got, don't hold back and don't doubt that you'll achieve whatever you want.

I totally agree with this! When I have clothes on, I'm super confident and show it - I've got a great job, I'm good at my job, I wear nice clothes, I spend time getting ready, I know my stuff - I am confident in who I am. When we're in the bedroom, I'm always super self conscious. However, I've had partners who look at me and tell me that while physically they think I'm hot it's not just my body that made them come after me, it's the way I hold myself and the confidence I project that makes me hot - sure I don't look like the girls on tv or whatever, but I'm real - and I'm really confident in who I am as a person. Bonus, for a lot of guys, is I work hard to get better and they know I'm sweating it out 5 days a week at the gym. The fact that I'm driven and I want more for myself and my life is so much more important than someone who doesn't eat to be a size 0. I eat, I'm real, and I was huge . . .but I have the motivation to get healthy - our partners, if they suggest we lose weight, are coming from a good place: they want us to be healthy so we will be around for a long time; they don't want to see us go through huge amounts of health problems or really struggle. I am 250lbs . . . no where near what I should be and I have a lot left to lose . . .but I'm coming from 340lbs. I look way better than I used to and I feel better . . . men aren't going to look at you and be like oh, look at those rolls EEEK!, or man she's got a little extra flab on her tummy . . . just gonna watch some more tv. No most men are probably gonna be like hey, my wife is naked and I'm going to join her lol. I'm quite sure your husband is being honest when he says he finds you attractive no matter what because he probably genuinely does - he knows who you are as a person and that's what he fell in love with.

Good luck! And feel free to add me . . . I'm always here to chat or vent or whatever you need It's a hard but rewarding journey.

lilbitoftrouble

Hey Jen I think most of us can relate to how you feel. I know I still feel quite unattractive and I am 5 lbs away from my goal. I would love to be friends and I will do my best to help you with plenty of encouragement. Please anyone feel free to add me.

pasandoval

You've already become more attractive by wanting to get fit, changing your state of mind, etc. Ultimately you will look in the mirror, see someone physically attractive, and radiate attractiveness to others because of your confidence but also because you give a damn about your health. It's that last part---the health part--that will give you confidence that you and others will notice. Have fun on your healthy journey--it's a never-ending one, really.

farfromthetree

well, I can relate...or used to. No matter how many times I hear" the scale doesn't matter", for me it does. I feel wayyyyy more attractive after losing 45 lbs. I am much healthier and happier. I exercise regularly, and watch my calories. This in itself has a huge effect on my happiness, and I do not plan on stopping. Surround yourself on MFP and in life with optimistic people who motivate you. Feel free to friend request me if you like. I log daily.

CherylanneCorsini

You've taken a HUGE step just by posting this, saying out loud that you want change. The hardest part is always "getting started" and it sounds like you want to be thinner and you know you can do it!!! Walking has helped me greatly, it's easy, anyone can do it and I have consistently lost every time summer I do it. I use the Pacer App to track my steps. Seeing your progress in black and white is very motivating.
Good Luck, you will do great! Add me if you want to.

Neededchange

I can relate but have made it a point not to take my lack of confidence in my appearance out on my hubby! he tells me he is attracted to me and shows it. I am working on loosing baby weight and managing my diabetes so he is very understanding and supportive. Sometimes a bit more grabby then when I was 130 lbs :-) Just do your best to ensure you aren't pushing your hubby away because intimacy with him may boost your confidence and it burns calories LOL

jacobs18201

Oh no. I never push him away, but the lights are always off Lol & it makes me uncomfortable to feel him knead my rolls Lol.. the fat is just so disgusting feeling to me..

langelieremma10

I completely hear you