SO, when does the self confidence come?

Lizzles4Shizzles

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

i was confident fat.

i just feel and look better now.

LOL

Same here - I mean, I'm still overweight, but confidence isn't an issue. It isn't tied to my weight, so if it's something you struggled with before, I can see it still being an issue now, even after the weight is gone. You've done an awesome thing and should be very proud of yourself. I'm not to the end of my weight loss yet, but I've seen several other people on the forums mention that they saw a therapist once they got to their goal weight, because mentally and emotionally, it can be a very taxing experience and sometimes you still need a little help getting your head right, even though you've accomplished getting your body "right." Congrats & I hope you can find that peaceful place where you're happy with who you are. It's a great place to be.

tannibal_lecter

Confidence can be had at any time. Even at my heaviest I still pranced around in a bikini and had a blast at the beach.

It doesn't come from looking a certain way, it comes from truly loving yourself.

meganjcallaghan

jemhh wrote: »

wolfsbayne wrote: »

Honestly, I had more confidence when I was heavier. I think it may have been because I wasn't overly concerned with my size and looks and now I am more so concerned and never satisfied.

Same here.

Ditto....though my issue is that now I feel like a walking false advertisement. The excess skin makes my body look grosser than it ever did as a fat person. Everyone says "But you look good in clothes", or "but you can't tell with clothes on" (this depends on which clothes....if I wear clothes that cover the majority of my body, which is extremely uncomfortable in the summer, you can definitely tell.) but that just means what you see is no longer what you get

Gska17

It took a minute and by minute I mean "a few months". I lost the weight and was immediately self conscious. Suddenly it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and I wanted to hide. Now (most of the time) I walk with my head high. I'm proud of my accomplishment and if people want to look they can go ahead.

I hope you turn the corner soon and congratulations on your amazing loss!

zyxst

It doesn't matter how much weight I lose, I won't have or be self-confident. If you ever get yours OP, good job.

tomatoey

Personally, I absolutely did get a confidence boost, and it came from achieving goals I set for myself, comparing current self only to past self (and no one else). I'm not the most naturally athletic person, but it felt really empowering to be able to start with 1 pushup, then 5, 10, 15, etc.

Also, having the knowledge that I DID go to the gym on days I didn't feel like it initially, proved to me that I *could* to some degree overcome a bad day or foul mood, for example, that I was stronger than my momentary feelings. Not. To mention that exercise became a whole new tool to deal with those moods and bad days.

I think setting reasonable, achievable goals is a great way to improve self esteem, in a particular domain of life, at least. Proof's in the pudding, indisputable, no matter what your monkey brain wants to tell you.

tomatoey

People are talking more about body image, which I get, but for me, shifting thoughts about your body to what you *use * it for is really helpful. You think about how strong your legs feel and what they did instead of what they look like

Mini_Medic

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Mr_Knight

usmcmp wrote: »

It's something you build separately. Self confidence doesn't come from weight loss.

I agree with this. Weight loss can only reveal what was already there.

Good luck! :drinker:

Kalikel

tomatoey wrote: »

People are talking more about body image...

I didn't think of that. Is that what you meant, OP? Confident that you look good? I don't know. "Hot" isn't my goal. I want healthy and anything else is just icing on the cake.

I think feeling better contributes a lot to being more confident that your body is okay.

I still have a lot to lose, but I'd put my body itself in the "Not too bad" column right now. I feel strong and much more energetic. Every five pounds, I'm slimmer/less fat. But my thighs are hideous. Just a crime against nature. They could be on the poster for, "Don't get fat" if they hung one in high schools and all the girls would say, "Aaargh! I'm never getting fat!" Everything else is progressing nicely toward thin. So, not too bad, overall.

I just got to this point and I'm on the cusp of overweight/normal on the BMI. It took 85 pounds to get from Big Fat Blob to Not Too Bad.

xLola

I just wanted to say congrats!!!! You should be super proud of yourself and hardwork. I'm just starting my journey all over again after a knee injury. One day at a time

jensquish1

bighey75 wrote: »

Over the last 10 months I've dropped 90lbs (5'10" 255lbs to 165lbs) though diet and regular exercise. I read a bunch of posts where people say they gain a ton of confidence. I, for whatever reason - have none. Don't get me wrong, I physically feel a ton better, I just don't have the overall confidence that others seem to gain along the way in the journey to being healthy.

I have confidence for about 5 seconds looking in the mirror before going out... Then it's all gone. lol

elisa123gal

It is interesting that in many goals in life.. it takes so much work and time to get to them.. it is the journey that is cool..when one arrives at the goal is almost like a let down. There's an expectation of a feeling of "arriving" and it doesn't.
Look at things in a practical sense. It is amazing and wonderful that you lost your weight..it was hard and took dedication and discipline to do that and the people around you are impressed even if you don't realize the fact. TAke some time and reflect and reward yourself.

coriexa

Self confidence depends on your mind, not your body. If you want self confidence, focus on changing your mind and body for the better.

BasicGreatGuy

A lot of times, the lack of self-confidence comes when one starts carrying around the dysfunctional baggage that others have left at their feet, through acerbic language that cuts deeper than any knife.

Another way that lack of self-confidence can become an problem, is when one starts taking physical and or emotional inventory and bases it on a myopic presentation from others.

A lot of people work on getting their physical body in shape without working on the focal issues that brought them to get overweight in the first place, whether it be physical, mental or spiritual. The weight comes off but the underlying problems are still there. The difference is the temporary distraction of focusing on the weight loss itself, instead of dealing with the complete person. Often times, this triggers the yo-yo affect, where people find themselves going in circles wondering why they can't maintain the progress they had when they were so focused on losing weight.

As if being a flawed human isn't hard enough sometimes, we are constantly bombarded with various forms of media, that enforces the ideology, that self-worth and societal acceptance is based on having a certain body type or physical characteristic. And over time many people start embracing the dysfunctional logical fallacy premise being posited by the media at large. And with the constant advertising / rating changes, those who have inadvertently attached themselves to the shallow advertising gimmick(s) without realizing it, suddenly find themselves confused and frustrated as to what is good and acceptable, as far as society is concerned (whatever the heck that is supposed to mean).

Confidence comes from within. It is accepting yourself for who you are, both good and bad. It doesn't mean that you see yourself as perfect or dismissive of certain areas of life that need attention. It simply means that you see inside yourself as you really are. There is no rationalization of the irrational. There is no comparison to others. You see yourself and realize that you are just as worthy of love and happiness as any other person, in spite of not pleasing everyone or holding up to some mythical societal expectation.

Ever meet someone that hates silence and hates to be by themselves for any length of time?

Ever meet someone who is constantly going from one relationship to another without any real alone time?

Ever meet someone who has a lot of confusion, frustration, or heartache with another, and does everything in the world but talk with the person that is at the center?

Often times, that is because a lot of people find it scary to be face to face themselves. In the quiet, the loudness of the heart and soul can be heard. And a lot of times, a person isn't ready or willing to listen to what they already know to be true and needful.

Don't compare yourself to others. That is a recipe for frustration and disappointment.

Be who you are and be proud of yourself. Be honest with yourself.

Casting off the skewed image of what is good or the proverbial "norm," as well as the baggage from the past, that others left at your feet and you started carrying, will help you to take that first step towards getting to know yourself and coming to accept and love yourself; self-confidence.

tomatoey

I think different people have different reasons for their lack of confidence, and of course it's all internal. The question is, if you've got to find it in yourself only, which usually means, in your past, how do you find it, if it's not there to start with? It's a catch-22. The only way is to build new skills, ie to learn. can mean new ways of thinking, but ime, *doing* new and different things, acquiring new skills (eg in goal-setting and coping, in my case, maybe it's something else for someone else) - - that is experiencing new rewards, can really make the difference.

Failing that, I honestly think a change of scene/situation is the next most powerful change agent.

I also think there's a lot to be said for "fake it til you make it". You are what you do.

bighey75

Lots of good comments here. I'll try to respond some things in no particular order.
Goals - My goal was not to lose weight, my goal - - due to some health reasons (Stage 2 Chronic Kidney Disease), and I had started to play in an adult Ice Hockey League for beginners - - was to be "Fit by 40". I wanted to see if I could slow down the kidney problems and be a better hockey player... the pounds came off as a by product of getting in shape. The problem with my goal is that its very much open ended. I'm still not in the shape I want to be in. And, the bigger question is will I ever be. I'll always want to be quicker, faster, and stronger.

I guess in some ways my brain hasn't caught up to my body yet, I have hockey teammates tell me I'm a good player, and one of the better ones on our team, but I'm not feeling it yet. All I see are the bad passes, misses shots, and dumb plays. I look in the mirror and don't recognize the person looking back. I see a lean body with loose skin at my belly.

I never really "liked" me, so it's hard to "love myself".

There are some external factors with my job and such that I suppose drive things too, never really thought about it until today...

I guess I need to try and find a way to focus on my soul as well as my body.