Dealing with embarrassment...what's your trick?
gaelicstorm26
Posts: 589 Member
I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
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Replies
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I doubt anyone is looking at you, and if they are, then they caught you doing a healthful activity. No big deal.0
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I wish it wasn't a big deal to me. I've always been super self-conscious. I'm hoping to gain some confidence as more weight comes off.0
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Worrying about what strangers think about you, a person they don't even know, is to give up power over yourself. Don't degrade who you are and where you are going, by worrying about what strangers might think.0
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OP that have the fear that a lot of people have.
My question is why would you think someone is judging you in a negative way to see that you are becoming more active and trying to shred the excess fat you have?0 -
melimomTARDIS wrote: »I doubt anyone is looking at you, and if they are, then they caught you doing a healthful activity. No big deal.
I agree. You really just have to keep telling yourself "Who cares what they think?" They will be falling all over themselves to compliment you and ask how you did it when the weight loss becomes obvious.
The hardest thing I ever had to do was squeeze my (at the time) 280 lb body into a swimming suit and go to the pool for a water aerobics class. After the first couple of times, the self consciousness went away completely.
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gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I wish it wasn't a big deal to me. I've always been super self-conscious. I'm hoping to gain some confidence as more weight comes off.
From my experience weight loss does. Weight loss benefits in a lot of ways that people don't really understand until they just do it.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »OP that have the fear that a lot of people have.
My question is why would you think someone is judging you in a negative way to see that you are becoming more active and trying to shred the excess fat you have?
I don't know. I wish I did.
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The people who are looking have probably been in your shoes.
The people who are judging don't matter.0 -
There are gyms that cater more towards people making life changes rather than those already into it hardcore. Planet Fitness is one of them and even advertises 'no lunks' and has a reputation for kicking those that are more fit out when they are being aggressive with weights or gawking.
I happen to like lifting heavy and sometimes I make a little noise when I'm doing it. They don't appreciate me there. I've found a local iron gym that suits my needs.
Depending on your goals though, a local iron gym may be more suited to your needs.0 -
I think you'd find that even the judgiest people in the world aren't going to judge an overweight person for being in the gym or being active. The obvious, and logical thought that comes to mind is, "they're doing something to get healthier - good for them!"
And - GOOD FOR YOU FOR MAKING CHANGES TO YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER!!!!
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I think most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice others lol. Even when they do they don't particularly care. When I see people out walking/jogging most of the time I think to myself "good for them" or "it's too damn hot to be outside..." and go about my business.0
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gaelicstorm26 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »OP that have the fear that a lot of people have.
My question is why would you think someone is judging you in a negative way to see that you are becoming more active and trying to shred the excess fat you have?
I don't know. I wish I did.
I get what you are going through though. I had a lot of comments on my chest bouncing when I jump rope. Even one of my friends ask if I feel any discomfort as I jump rope from the bouncing.
One time had a ignorant child ask me how am I still fat if I jump rope like how I can jump rope. He was turning into a gym regular so I just told him my diet has always been complete trash and we laugh it off. Inside it got to me a little bit.
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I never worried about it. Just try to put it out of your mind.
Those people you work with see you all the time at work....they already know what you look like. If they are making judgments about your weight, they have already done so. What difference does it make if they also see you exercising? The point is, even if they do see you, you aren't doing anything wrong. In fact, you are doing something positive for yourself. And if they want to think something negative about that (I don't know why they would), it doesn't hurt you in any way.
I'm sure you have lots of random thought every day about strangers you see or people you know that you see...some positive and some negative. If you keep your thoughts to yourself, it has zero impact on those people. The same goes with their thoughts about you.0 -
At the end of the day they're going to see that you're making an effort to improve your situation. If they judge you then that speaks more about them than it does about you. Most of them will more likely be thinking "good for you!"0
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When I was in my 20s, I was trying to lose 80 pounds and I would walk every day in an empty parking lot next to my apartment building. Unfortunately there was a major road nearby, and sometimes guys driving past would yell things at me. The first time it happened, I burst into tears, but dammit, I kept walking. They actually motivated me to try harder. Ever since then, when I see someone who's overweight out walking, I silently cheer them on. I know it can take guts to get out there, especially when you are seeing people you know, but I bet that many more of them will admire you for trying to get healthy than will have negative thoughts or comments about what you are doing (and many of them will be jealous). Don't worry about what other people think, focus on making yourself stronger! You can do this!0
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When i see a larger person walking, i think its good to see someone having a go. I used to be very self conscious as a young person, and i understand how painful it is. Gaining confidence in yourself comes with achievements, small as well as big. Keep focussed on what you are trying to achieve and look for other areas of your life where you can grown and accumulate achievements.
Your appearance may never be ideal even when you are skinny so don't become fixated on how everything will be resolved when you get skinny. It won't you will still have the same problems so you have to address them. But certainly feeling good about the way you look takes one problem off the table and it certainly will do a lot for your health.
Personal growth is probably something else you need to be working on, not just losing weight.0 -
gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
No your not dumb, I struggle with the with the same thoughts ( I think most do) I try to reverse it and use the desire to show people I'm working hard at changing my body as my motivation. It's helped tremendously while running. The cars and head turns are the one thing that keep me going the last mile sometimes. I don't know how to make you think like that though, you just gotta do that for yourself and start caring more about what your doing and less about what people think....
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Thanks guys. It's good to know that it will get easier. I think when you're fat you tend to think so negatively about yourself. It's a hard habit to break. In a few months I hope to be running by those houses instead of walking. I know I'll feel great about myself when that happens. It's getting few these first few months that is tough.0
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"What other people think of me is none of my business." <--- it helped me a lot to remember that, particularly when I was over 300 lbs and my only form of exercise was to walk around my neighbourhood.
But you know what? I've had people yell out of their car window at me while I was huffing and puffing up a hill. I've felt judged by my size, and when I joined a gym, felt pity on the people working out behind me while my backside was jiggling on the treadmill. Where are most of these people now? I have no idea. But I know where I am - 155 lbs lower on the scale than I used to be. And for every person that judged me for being fat and working out, there were others that walked up and congratulated me on the effort I was putting in day after day, and those that told me they wanted to be more like me.
As for the people who saw me huffing and puffing and sweating, the ones who saw me in weird clothes and runners on 40 degree celcius days - the mothers at my children's Kindergarten and school, who I still see every week - well, they're just plain amazed and full of compliments. Did it matter that they saw me looking dreadful? Not a bit.0 -
check this out - people think about other waaaay less than about themselves
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o268qbb_0BM 0 -
Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. And I honestly think that most people are too busy thinking about themselves and what others are thinking about THEM, to even give one thought to what you are doing. Personally, when I see someone who is overweight doing something to get healthier, my one and only thought is "You go!!"0
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I can totally relate to this! No, you are not dumb at all for feeling this way but it is something you will have to work thru to get over. I started in May 2014 at 250 lbs with ZERO self confidence! Even though I knew no one at the gym was paying any attention to me, i still had panic and anxiety every single time I went. Eventually it got easier, strangers became familiar faces that would say "hi, how are you". I walk into that gym and the weight room like it's nothing now b/c you know what, I'm there for me and to improve my health and life and all those pre judgemental thoughts I had of people judging me are no longer present. I compare myself and my workouts to me only, i'm only in competition to be better than who I was yesterday.
Find what you like to do, lifting, barre & boxing classes are what I love!
Push through the fear, keep a journal and write down your workout, how you felt before, how you felt after and you will start to see the positive changes not only physically but mentally as well
feel free to friend me.0 -
If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.
Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...
You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.0 -
If someone is judgmental, there's nothing you can do to please them any way. Think about it this way: the same person quietly judging you when you're active would ALSO likely judge you if you were lounging in a chair. Because they are judgmental a-holes who would never be pleased, so don't even try. Please yourself, and know that MOST people are not watching or judging at all. Good luck!!0
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I get it... been there, still there sometimes. Things that have helped me get over it or deal with it:
1) Someone pointed out to me how arrogant it is to think that people are thinking about me at all much less as much as I seemed to think they were. I would never have said I was a self-centered arrogant person, but they were right... why am I so important that all these people (known and unknown) would even look at me out there exercising much less spend any thought on me whatsoever? Seriously, no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are!
2) I have a very nice cheap gym at work... that I avoided like the plague because I didnt want people I work with seeing me all fat and jumping around etc. So I paid for a gym instead near my house where no one knew me and worked out there. Once I actually lost a lot of weight, knew what I was doing in the gym with weights and had a plan where I got in, got it done and got out and looked halfway decent while doing it, I started going there. You know what I saw when I started going? All my overweight, out of shape coworkers busting their butt. Seriously, I would have fit right in and probably gotten a workout buddy or two out of it.
So... maybe start out "hiding" or avoiding people if you need to until you feel more comfortable. Work on an attitude adjustment around strangers first - I.e. do your thing, let others do their thing, and try not to think about it. When you nail that, then start with places where people know you - by then you will know what you are doing and be a little more confident on that side.
Now, honestly, I dont care most of the time. I do take a little extra effort with getting dressed to work out if I am going to the work gym especially, but I put my headphones on and just rock out a workout and I even dance and sing a little (ok. so maybe getting too comfortable ). Its every liberating once you get past this self-consciousness! Keep at it!
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If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.
Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...
You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.
I usually go later in the evening. It's nice because it's dark and it's not 85 degrees with 70% humidity. Once the school year starts up again I think I'm going to go in the mornings. Right now I'm just walking 30 minutes, three times a week to build up my fitness level. I'm going to slowly add in some jogging for very brief intervals. By Christmas I would like to be able to jog for 30 minutes.0 -
gelic ---
I think it's going to boil down to you getting your power back. You'll do that day by day and step by step. When you allow other's thoughts and judgments to control your actions, they are winning- they've got your power. It doesn't matter what "they" think- what matters is what YOU think .... YOU are making an effort to get healthy- that's HUGE (and with that, I think more confidence will come) .... let's face it, you will never keep people from making judgement (skinny or fat)- people judge, it's human nature-- I'm not saying it's right or okay, I'm saying it's going to happen, so what is important that each day you are taking care of you. You're your own worst critic- try taking your fears and doubts about yourself into "positive self talk" ......
I hope it helps! Be proud of the effort you're making!0 -
gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
Great and very valid question. I assume by your name there's some Irish connection?
Anyway I live in Ireland and here we often wish we were more like the Americans and their "Good for you" attitude.
I hope this story helps.
I was bullied tremendously in school. I was a high achiever in a very underachieving neigbourhood so got called all kinds of names in *kitten* etc (even though I wasn't gay) and it really affected my self confidence, especially with girls. As the years went by and I did well at work and got money and a nice car etc, I always thought that I'd like to go back and stick it too the guys who bullied me. Occasionally when I am home, I bump into guys but avoid them where I can. My family live about two miles from a village so apart from going to mass with my parents or the occassional trip to the grocery store, I never see my old classmates. I missed my 20 year school reunion as I was in the US on business at the time, but to be honest I didn't want to rock up in my new Mercedes anyway because I now had sympathy for the guys who bullied me. They were insecure. That's why they laughed.
I hope you get what I'm saying. If someone laughs at you, that's their problem. That's their insecurity. People laugh and judge because of their own insecurities and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are very large, then you need to get out and jog or ride a bike or do your thang. If they laugh, well that's not relevant. It's your life.
(BTW 99% of people around the world are nice and want you to succeed. That's the way we are made as humans, in spite of our different cultures etc.)
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »Worrying about what strangers think about you, a person they don't even know, is to give up power over yourself. Don't degrade who you are and where you are going, by worrying about what strangers might think.
Absolutely this! Why are you worried about what a stranger might think? They don't know you, you don't know them. How in the world would their opinion affect you in any shape, form or way? Besides that, people *aren't* looking at you and judging. Most people are too worried about themselves and their daily lives to see a random stranger on the street and judge them - especially a random stranger that is doing something good for their health. If they *do* give a second thought to you, it's likely to think you are doing a good thing!
I started with 120 pounds to lose. I didn't care what others thought if they saw me exercising. Better to see me exercising at that weight than eating or sitting on my butt!!
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I know exactly how you feel. I've had people yell rude things at me when I was heavier and jogging. I've had people throw things at me. It's mortifying and has always stuck with me.
My main worry, though, was people that I knew (co-workers) seeing me exercise. My solution was to exercise somewhere far away from where anyone I knew might see me. I would drive somewhere else to jog, pay for gyms further from work and finally bought my own treadmill (although there were other reasons for the treadmill, like convenience, and getting rid of excuses!).
I eventually decided that I didn't care about what strangers thought about me, and if they were rude that was their problem.
Losing weight has taken care of my worries about co-workers too.
Good luck in overcoming the embarrassment and getting fit!0
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