Dealing with embarrassment...what's your trick?
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Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. And I honestly think that most people are too busy thinking about themselves and what others are thinking about THEM, to even give one thought to what you are doing. Personally, when I see someone who is overweight doing something to get healthier, my one and only thought is "You go!!"0
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I can totally relate to this! No, you are not dumb at all for feeling this way but it is something you will have to work thru to get over. I started in May 2014 at 250 lbs with ZERO self confidence! Even though I knew no one at the gym was paying any attention to me, i still had panic and anxiety every single time I went. Eventually it got easier, strangers became familiar faces that would say "hi, how are you". I walk into that gym and the weight room like it's nothing now b/c you know what, I'm there for me and to improve my health and life and all those pre judgemental thoughts I had of people judging me are no longer present. I compare myself and my workouts to me only, i'm only in competition to be better than who I was yesterday.
Find what you like to do, lifting, barre & boxing classes are what I love!
Push through the fear, keep a journal and write down your workout, how you felt before, how you felt after and you will start to see the positive changes not only physically but mentally as well
feel free to friend me.0 -
If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.
Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...
You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.0 -
If someone is judgmental, there's nothing you can do to please them any way. Think about it this way: the same person quietly judging you when you're active would ALSO likely judge you if you were lounging in a chair. Because they are judgmental a-holes who would never be pleased, so don't even try. Please yourself, and know that MOST people are not watching or judging at all. Good luck!!0
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I get it... been there, still there sometimes. Things that have helped me get over it or deal with it:
1) Someone pointed out to me how arrogant it is to think that people are thinking about me at all much less as much as I seemed to think they were. I would never have said I was a self-centered arrogant person, but they were right... why am I so important that all these people (known and unknown) would even look at me out there exercising much less spend any thought on me whatsoever? Seriously, no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are!
2) I have a very nice cheap gym at work... that I avoided like the plague because I didnt want people I work with seeing me all fat and jumping around etc. So I paid for a gym instead near my house where no one knew me and worked out there. Once I actually lost a lot of weight, knew what I was doing in the gym with weights and had a plan where I got in, got it done and got out and looked halfway decent while doing it, I started going there. You know what I saw when I started going? All my overweight, out of shape coworkers busting their butt. Seriously, I would have fit right in and probably gotten a workout buddy or two out of it.
So... maybe start out "hiding" or avoiding people if you need to until you feel more comfortable. Work on an attitude adjustment around strangers first - I.e. do your thing, let others do their thing, and try not to think about it. When you nail that, then start with places where people know you - by then you will know what you are doing and be a little more confident on that side.
Now, honestly, I dont care most of the time. I do take a little extra effort with getting dressed to work out if I am going to the work gym especially, but I put my headphones on and just rock out a workout and I even dance and sing a little (ok. so maybe getting too comfortable
). Its every liberating once you get past this self-consciousness! Keep at it!
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If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.
Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...
You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.
I usually go later in the evening. It's nice because it's dark and it's not 85 degrees with 70% humidity. Once the school year starts up again I think I'm going to go in the mornings. Right now I'm just walking 30 minutes, three times a week to build up my fitness level. I'm going to slowly add in some jogging for very brief intervals. By Christmas I would like to be able to jog for 30 minutes.0 -
gelic ---
I think it's going to boil down to you getting your power back. You'll do that day by day and step by step. When you allow other's thoughts and judgments to control your actions, they are winning- they've got your power. It doesn't matter what "they" think- what matters is what YOU think .... YOU are making an effort to get healthy- that's HUGE (and with that, I think more confidence will come) .... let's face it, you will never keep people from making judgement (skinny or fat)- people judge, it's human nature-- I'm not saying it's right or okay, I'm saying it's going to happen, so what is important that each day you are taking care of you. You're your own worst critic- try taking your fears and doubts about yourself into "positive self talk" ......
I hope it helps! Be proud of the effort you're making!0 -
gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
Great and very valid question. I assume by your name there's some Irish connection?
Anyway I live in Ireland and here we often wish we were more like the Americans and their "Good for you" attitude.
I hope this story helps.
I was bullied tremendously in school. I was a high achiever in a very underachieving neigbourhood so got called all kinds of names in *kitten* etc (even though I wasn't gay) and it really affected my self confidence, especially with girls. As the years went by and I did well at work and got money and a nice car etc, I always thought that I'd like to go back and stick it too the guys who bullied me. Occasionally when I am home, I bump into guys but avoid them where I can. My family live about two miles from a village so apart from going to mass with my parents or the occassional trip to the grocery store, I never see my old classmates. I missed my 20 year school reunion as I was in the US on business at the time, but to be honest I didn't want to rock up in my new Mercedes anyway because I now had sympathy for the guys who bullied me. They were insecure. That's why they laughed.
I hope you get what I'm saying. If someone laughs at you, that's their problem. That's their insecurity. People laugh and judge because of their own insecurities and there is nothing you can do about it. If you are very large, then you need to get out and jog or ride a bike or do your thang. If they laugh, well that's not relevant. It's your life.
(BTW 99% of people around the world are nice and want you to succeed. That's the way we are made as humans, in spite of our different cultures etc.)
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BasicGreatGuy wrote: »Worrying about what strangers think about you, a person they don't even know, is to give up power over yourself. Don't degrade who you are and where you are going, by worrying about what strangers might think.
Absolutely this! Why are you worried about what a stranger might think? They don't know you, you don't know them. How in the world would their opinion affect you in any shape, form or way? Besides that, people *aren't* looking at you and judging. Most people are too worried about themselves and their daily lives to see a random stranger on the street and judge them - especially a random stranger that is doing something good for their health. If they *do* give a second thought to you, it's likely to think you are doing a good thing!
I started with 120 pounds to lose. I didn't care what others thought if they saw me exercising. Better to see me exercising at that weight than eating or sitting on my butt!!
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I know exactly how you feel. I've had people yell rude things at me when I was heavier and jogging. I've had people throw things at me. It's mortifying and has always stuck with me.
My main worry, though, was people that I knew (co-workers) seeing me exercise. My solution was to exercise somewhere far away from where anyone I knew might see me. I would drive somewhere else to jog, pay for gyms further from work and finally bought my own treadmill (although there were other reasons for the treadmill, like convenience, and getting rid of excuses!).
I eventually decided that I didn't care about what strangers thought about me, and if they were rude that was their problem.
Losing weight has taken care of my worries about co-workers too.
Good luck in overcoming the embarrassment and getting fit!0 -
If it bugs you that much, go to another neighborhood or a different venue (park, track, whatever)0
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If I even bother to think anything about random people exercising on the street, it's generally "Good for them!" If any jerks shout crap at you, you should realize that's about the same as being insulted by a dog turd laying on the side of the road.0
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Remember you are being a badass and doing something good for yourself. You're awesome and anyone looking at you run is probably thinking "Good for her! You go girl!". Anyone who is thinking anything negative is probably thinking negative thoughts about everyone, not just you, and they're just a negative person living a sad negative life. Everyone worth giving a *kitten* about is thinking you rock! Sad, cold-hearted people festering in negativity are to be ignored regardless of the scenario. "The lion does not lose sleep over the opinions of sheep." You're the lion!0
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Go sit in a mall. Take your time to look around and see how many people care to look at other people in general. You'll find that NO ONE really cares. Like you, they're so worried about what other people think about them.gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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a lot of people worry about this for no good reason. when i'm in the gym to work, i'm working...that's what i'm there for...i barely no you exist let alone have anything thoughts going on in my head about what you're doing.
and by the by, kids will be kids...i'm pretty lean and fit and still get heckled by teenagers when I'm running and riding...that's just what they do...regardless of your size. they're *kitten* morons...so don't worry about them0 -
I always smile and wave to people I see when out on a run. Most of the time they smile and wave back.
As for being embarrassed at trying to become more fit, I used to have that fear but i've found it to be mostly unfounded. I've found most people are happy to hear about/see your progress and are supportive.0 -
I hope you start going in the daytime. When I see someone of any size or age outside being active it always inspires me. Maybe you'll inspire other people. I've sometimes stopped and said a few encouraging words because a lot of people can be jerks but those people are jerks to everyone and they are the ones with the problem. Usually when I see someone I wish I were brave enough to ask if I can join them. Maybe one of your coworkers will see you and want to go with you.0
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freak4iron wrote: »gaelicstorm26 wrote: »I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.
How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.
And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?
No your not dumb, I struggle with the with the same thoughts ( I think most do) I try to reverse it and use the desire to show people I'm working hard at changing my body as my motivation. It's helped tremendously while running. The cars and head turns are the one thing that keep me going the last mile sometimes. I don't know how to make you think like that though, you just gotta do that for yourself and start caring more about what your doing and less about what people think....
I think when when we have those moments when we feel as if others are judging...maybe...it is more of a reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
Some of my most embarrassing moments are when I am standing and looking in a mirror and I realize what I have allowed to happen to me.
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gaelicstorm26 wrote: »If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.
Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...
You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.
I usually go later in the evening. It's nice because it's dark and it's not 85 degrees with 70% humidity. Once the school year starts up again I think I'm going to go in the mornings. Right now I'm just walking 30 minutes, three times a week to build up my fitness level. I'm going to slowly add in some jogging for very brief intervals. By Christmas I would like to be able to jog for 30 minutes.
Right now I go early mornings and late evenings...not because I am embarrassed but because of the HEAT! Usually by 8:30am the sun is so intense and the temps are rising. We have had several days between 95 and 100. It is just too hot for me.
When it gets this hot I revert to doing some of the walk/jog podcasts or videos on youtube inside.
One of the things that I used to help me overcome that worry of being judged was a pedometer. I set goals for myself and the only way that I could meet them was to get out there and keep walking. Soon reaching my goal became much more important to me than what others thought.
Good luck...
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