How do you deal with unsupportive friends/family?

TheNerdyMonkey

apeydawn423 wrote: »

As a mom I can understand her pain and frustration. She raised your partner in what she thought was the best way she could. Mom's like to think they know best for their child. Now, you and your partner are going a new route and she's probably feeling Sad and misunderstood!

I'm sure she's also feeling a bit pushed out as all us moms do when our children move on with their lives. I'd say you might try inviting her over more tell her you have a new recipe you'd like to try and you'd really really love her opinion on it. Get her involved in your lifestyle not by force but make her feel "needed" Moms really really REALLY want to be needed in their childs life. It's going to be Ok!

I totally get what you are saying, but any mother should be happy and proud to see their child doing better for themselves and taking care of their body (especially since his dad has heart problems and she works in a hospital so knows that a better diet could decrease her son's chance of heart problem as well) You should never shame your child for being knowledgeable. He doesn't act like a know it all or ever really talk about it unless she asks questions, which is rare. I am one of five kids, I was raised on junky, trashy food and even though my mom still eats junk and fully knows how bad it is for you, she doesn't judge us or make comments, she is happy and proud that I grew up and continue to learn and grow. She did her part and is a proud mother. She can't see why his mom acts this way. You should want your kids to do better than you did, you should want them to be smarter. His mom behaves like she wants him to be stuck under her wing and never able to grow and be an adult.
My generation has the world at our finger tips and can learn any time we want. I understand that is intimidating to some from her generation (not all, I know lots of older people who take advantage and continue learning too) My generation is very lucky to have so much knowledge and passion for health and fitness, we would be ignorant to ignore it.

MelodyandBarbells

Hm

You don't have to eat animal food, but I think you need to decide if you can tolerate this woman in your life, and take action. Otherwise, from my admittedly limited view, it's coming across like just overall your perhaps don't think that much of her, and regardless of what she does to bring it on, that attitude is going to come out in your interactions with her. If your fiancé wants to see his mother after that, he's an adult and I'm sure he can make it happen for himself

dubird

TheNerdyMonkey wrote: »

apeydawn423 wrote: »

As a mom I can understand her pain and frustration. She raised your partner in what she thought was the best way she could. Mom's like to think they know best for their child. Now, you and your partner are going a new route and she's probably feeling Sad and misunderstood!

I'm sure she's also feeling a bit pushed out as all us moms do when our children move on with their lives. I'd say you might try inviting her over more tell her you have a new recipe you'd like to try and you'd really really love her opinion on it. Get her involved in your lifestyle not by force but make her feel "needed" Moms really really REALLY want to be needed in their childs life. It's going to be Ok!

I totally get what you are saying, but any mother should be happy and proud to see their child doing better for themselves and taking care of their body (especially since his dad has heart problems and she works in a hospital so knows that a better diet could decrease her son's chance of heart problem as well) You should never shame your child for being knowledgeable. He doesn't act like a know it all or ever really talk about it unless she asks questions, which is rare. I am one of five kids, I was raised on junky, trashy food and even though my mom still eats junk and fully knows how bad it is for you, she doesn't judge us or make comments, she is happy and proud that I grew up and continue to learn and grow. She did her part and is a proud mother. She can't see why his mom acts this way. You should want your kids to do better than you did, you should want them to be smarter. His mom behaves like she wants him to be stuck under her wing and never able to grow and be an adult.
My generation has the world at our finger tips and can learn any time we want. I understand that is intimidating to some from her generation (not all, I know lots of older people who take advantage and continue learning too) My generation is very lucky to have so much knowledge and passion for health and fitness, we would be ignorant to ignore it.

If your fiance is as annoyed as you, then he needs to talk to her. If it was your mom, I'd say you should talk to her, but trying to intervene in what is essentially an argument between your SO and one of their parents could backfire spectacularly and you don't want to be in the middle of that. I'm not saying cut off contact, that needs to be your fiance's decision, but talk to him first. Work out a plan of what to do with her and if it means less time spent over there, then so be it. Cutting off all contact should be a last resort, so I hope it doesn't have to come to that, but if change needs to happen, you two are the ones that will have to do it.

mbaker566

gaelicstorm26 wrote: »

I'm not sure that I understand why you are so upset.

My mother and my MIL like to have us over and always ask what we would like to eat. They are from an era where being a good host meant feeding people (and many times, this is still tradition). It's no big deal. And I always offer to bring something that I know I can eat (like a salad, or a side, or especially a dessert). Maybe next time offer to have her over for dinner, or suggest a dish that you can provide? When someone makes something that is questionable with my macros, I just pick and choose what I can eat from what is available.

About the vegan thing. I wonder if she is mixing it up with something else in her mind.

this is what I was thinking

urloved33

Clearly to MIL food is love.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

TheNerdyMonkey

dubird wrote: »

TheNerdyMonkey wrote: »

apeydawn423 wrote: »

As a mom I can understand her pain and frustration. She raised your partner in what she thought was the best way she could. Mom's like to think they know best for their child. Now, you and your partner are going a new route and she's probably feeling Sad and misunderstood!

I'm sure she's also feeling a bit pushed out as all us moms do when our children move on with their lives. I'd say you might try inviting her over more tell her you have a new recipe you'd like to try and you'd really really love her opinion on it. Get her involved in your lifestyle not by force but make her feel "needed" Moms really really REALLY want to be needed in their childs life. It's going to be Ok!

I totally get what you are saying, but any mother should be happy and proud to see their child doing better for themselves and taking care of their body (especially since his dad has heart problems and she works in a hospital so knows that a better diet could decrease her son's chance of heart problem as well) You should never shame your child for being knowledgeable. He doesn't act like a know it all or ever really talk about it unless she asks questions, which is rare. I am one of five kids, I was raised on junky, trashy food and even though my mom still eats junk and fully knows how bad it is for you, she doesn't judge us or make comments, she is happy and proud that I grew up and continue to learn and grow. She did her part and is a proud mother. She can't see why his mom acts this way. You should want your kids to do better than you did, you should want them to be smarter. His mom behaves like she wants him to be stuck under her wing and never able to grow and be an adult.
My generation has the world at our finger tips and can learn any time we want. I understand that is intimidating to some from her generation (not all, I know lots of older people who take advantage and continue learning too) My generation is very lucky to have so much knowledge and passion for health and fitness, we would be ignorant to ignore it.

If your fiance is as annoyed as you, then he needs to talk to her. If it was your mom, I'd say you should talk to her, but trying to intervene in what is essentially an argument between your SO and one of their parents could backfire spectacularly and you don't want to be in the middle of that. I'm not saying cut off contact, that needs to be your fiance's decision, but talk to him first. Work out a plan of what to do with her and if it means less time spent over there, then so be it. Cutting off all contact should be a last resort, so I hope it doesn't have to come to that, but if change needs to happen, you two are the ones that will have to do it.

Well said, I agree. He does need to talk to her and really get down to what the problem actually is.