What would you say to my 18 year old ?

hupsii

Hi,
Part of my family is overweight (me and my oldest daughter) and my hubby and younger daughter are "naturally" slim and eat all they like without putting on weight. Now my younger daughter who is slim and healthy (not underweight or anything like that) wants to put on weight as she believes that boys like the curvier types more... well, try to argue with an 18 year old so she now overeats on purpose. I really try to talk her out of this and I get a bit worried that she might end up like me and we all know the struggle it can be to lose the weight. How would you handle this situation ?

IsaackGMOON

There's a difference between being overweight and being curvy...

Don't get it mixed up.

Need2Exerc1se

If she can put on a little weight without becoming overweight, then I'd tell her that along with overeating she should also do some type of resistance training to make sure she gains muscle and fat. Fat without muscle under it is not going to look as good.

DawnieB1977

I'd tell her to get weight lifting and change her shape that way. She can't guarantee she'll get curves where she wants them by over-eating. More likely she'll just end up with a fat stomach! Also, she should be doing it for herself, not to find a boyfriend.

I'm glad my daughters are only 4 and 1

hupsii

the resistance training is a good idea ! Thanks

hupsii

DawnieB1977 wrote: »

I'd tell her to get weight lifting and change her shape that way. She can't guarantee she'll get curves where she wants them by over-eating. More likely she'll just end up with a fat stomach! Also, she should be doing it for herself, not to find a boyfriend.

I'm glad my daughters are only 4 and 1

Yes, I have already told her that she will end up with a big stomach only. But the weigth lifting is a good idea

hupsii

IsaackGMOON wrote: »

There's a difference between being overweight and being curvy...

Don't get it mixed up.

Yes, but she might end up being overweight with her approach

acheben

You said it yourself, teenagers are stubborn. If you fight her on this and tell her that she will only end up with a big stomach, she'll push back harder. Try to encourage some strength training and look together to find information on how to make this more successful for her.

ninerbuff

IsaackGMOON wrote: »

There's a difference between being overweight and being curvy...

Don't get it mixed up.

But, isn't that more to subjection based on the view of the person. For instance I consider Oprah overweight, while many would consider her curvy.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

FunSizedKJ

Weight training is going to be the best option. If she wants curves, she has a great blank canvas for it! As we all know, needing to lose weight sucks. Since she is naturally slim, she has a great base to create curves and sculpt her body into the shape she wants.

While overeating may seem like the solution in her mind, offering her better alternatives (maybe offer to get her a trainer, if you can?) will benefit her in the long run. Even if eating too much doesn't make her become overweight, it can lead to health concerns later on if she continues with bad habits.

pearshapedmum

she could perhaps consider the strong curves weight lifting programme, which is designed to create some good curves on ladies. its a tough one though, as she is trying to become what she perceives others expectations to be, rather than for herself. does not create a positive body image.

ninerbuff

Be honest with her. Genetics run in the family. Most females have their mother's shape, so if you ain't got the hips, she may not have them either.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

DeguelloTex

Boys like a lot of things that might not be good ideas for her. She should be herself and look for guys who like her for her.

That's what I tell my daughters.

SingRunTing

I'm going to second the "strong curves" program suggestion. I've never done it, but have heard good things about it. The main reason I'm suggesting it is because it would be a good way to introduce her to strength training and she might go with it because it has the word "curves" in it.

FunSizedKJ

Also, getting her involved in a fitness community may make her change her perception of her body. Instead of comparing herself to those of the curvy girl revolution, like Beyonce and Kim K, she will be exposed to the beauty of smaller shaped women. Gorgeous fitness models/trainers, like Jamie Eason, who are slim but also have great curves in the right places!

hupsii

ninerbuff wrote: »

Be honest with her. Genetics run in the family. Most females have their mother's shape, so if you ain't got the hips, she may not have them either.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

actually she is like her father - naturally slim and personally, I think she has a great body and just don't understand how she can not be happy with it, especially when I think about all the struggles I had with being overweight

booksandchocolate12

If SHE thinks she will look better with a few pounds on, that's fine. But discourage her from ever doing anything "for a boy".

ninerbuff

hupsii wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

Be honest with her. Genetics run in the family. Most females have their mother's shape, so if you ain't got the hips, she may not have them either.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

actually she is like her father - naturally slim and personally, I think she has a great body and just don't understand how she can not be happy with it, especially when I think about all the struggles I had with being overweight

Well because she's 18 and more than likely inundated with social media's acceptance of people like Kim K. Regardless of the person, almost everyone has something physically they'd like to change about their appearance. Thing is, she's an adult, and like most she may have do what she wants to do and learn from it. Teens don't want to listen to what may be right. They want to achieve what their idols have done.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

mirrim52

DeguelloTex wrote: »

Boys like a lot of things that might not be good ideas for her. She should be herself and look for guys who like her for her.

That's what I tell my daughters.

QFT! Some boys like curves, some like slim, the right ones will like HER. But at 18, she may or may not believe you. Fighting her likely won't help. You could always get her to talk to her doctor about healthy ways to gain weight. My sister and I were skinny kids. My sister wanted to gain weight. Our doctor suggested things like full fat dairy, nuts, avocado, peanut butter, etc. She honestly lost interest after a few weeks :P

tomatoey

What??? Jesus, teenagers... Massive GRRR at Kim K and other celebrities for lying about plastic surgery And GRRRRRR at the whole industry for doing this to women and putting these expectations into boys' and girls' heads

Maybe try to poke some holes in her logic. Show her stuff about exactly how the celebrities she admires have achieved those bodies ($$$ and surgery and PhotoShop).

Also, if she thinks overeating is going to give her boobs and a bum, and leave her waist and everything else unaffected, she is going to be in for a surprise. Are there woman in your family (e.g. aunt, grandmother) with her body type? What do they look like when they gain? Maybe show her some pics of them at higher BMIs.

Oh right but KK says her waist is slim due to nonsurgical methods like that idiotic waist training. ffs. GRRR, KK, GRRR.

Kalikel

She's 18...it's a phase. Ignore it. She will eventually decide that she doesn't want to be fat and she will get there quicker if she doesn't have to dig her heels in to fight you on it. IMO, anyway.

jgnatca

I suggest she go out on some dates with her father. They can dress it up if they like, a fancy dinner, the whole nine yards. I swear teen girls get their sense of worth from their fathers, and unfortunately, mothers get relegated to "rival". Dad can tell her that she's a princess and she doesn't need to change her body shape to be attractive or worthy of boy attention.

My dad went through a beard phase in the seventies, go figure. All the female protests (three women in the household) failed to make him shave it off. Then one day I told him I was coming to like it. The grey streaks made him look "distinguished". The beard was gone the next day.

Whitezombiegirl

Buy her a padded bra! I was skinny as a teen and all I meant by thinking guys like curves was a fuller bust. Padded bra solved that whilst keeping my small waist.

Lounmoun

hupsii wrote: »

actually she is like her father - naturally slim and personally, I think she has a great body and just don't understand how she can not be happy with it, especially when I think about all the struggles I had with being overweight

When I was 18 I weighed 100 lbs (5'4" tall). I had always been thin but did not like my body. I was uncomfortable physically. I was often cold. People made rude and hurtful comments about how thin I was all the time. It was embarrassing. A few years later I was closer to the middle of the healthy weight range and I felt so much better.
It is your dd's body not yours. Just because you think she looks great doesn't mean that is how she feels.
I would listen to your dd. Discuss that there is a healthy weight range for her height. She might feel that she looks better toward the middle or upper end of that range. Help her figure out the appropriate calories for that weight range, her activity level and nutritious foods and exercises to help her get there.

azulvioleta6

I would ask her if all women have the same opinions about things.

Nope? Well, men don't either...they are individuals with varying tastes, likes and dislikes.

derekspiewak

It really should be about the best possible health and well-being of your daughter. I've been told I look good at 200 pounds, but I don't feel good. I feel miserable. I prefer to be thinner than that. If she's not overweight, I don't see the problem, and you should definitely not be projecting your anxiety on to her. Your failure to maintain a healthy weight is your problem and not hers.

HOWEVER...

If a woman wants "curvy," then the best suggestion I can make is "don't forget the squats." One does not eat one's way into curves. Curves are curves, they go in and out.

beth0277

I hate to say it, but at 18, she probably isn't going to listen to anything you say. I know I didn't! Also, keep in mind that people can be as self conscious of their slim frames as those of us who need to lose weight are of our large frames. I had a friend who had trouble gaining weight and it was very emotionally tough on her. So, in this instance, I would back off. If she started having a weight issue, then you can speak up. Let her do her thing, experiment. She isn't likely to become obese in a matter of months. She might gain a little and be happy, but if she is naturally thin, she will struggle to keep it on. Recommending strength training and healthy fats would be a great thing -- I'm just not sure she will listen.

Mistraal1981

Are you sure her justification of over-eating in order to be curvy is the real reason and isn't an emotional cover up? (Just a thought)

On to your actual question...

I would suggest you Google images of different women's bodies together. You know, celebrities are a good starting point, then move to women who lift, like Jamie Eason or Jillian Michaels. That way you can both be on the same page when you think "curvy".

Once she has identified the body she aspires to, help her find the training programme that will support that goal.

It was only when I joined mfp and saw women post pics of their body after they started weightlifting that I realised that was what I wanted and that I wouldn't get it just by dieting...I had to do the right exercise too.

Asher_Ethan

As someone that is in a perfectly healthy weight range, I HATE HATE HATE when my mother tells me I need to lose more weight or comments that I'm eating to much and I should stick to celery. Try complimenting her on her body now. Tel her she's perfect. For me, it means a lot more coming from my mom than anything else.

ogmomma2012

She is 18, tell her to join MFP and get acquainted with the gains forum.

jgnatca

My granddaughter popped by yesterday to pick up some crafting supplies. She's fifteen and I swear close to six feet tall already. It just popped out of my mouth, "My, you are so beautiful!", and, "We are going to have to start taking interviews of the boys showing up at your door", and, "And those rosy cheeks, so natural." She beamed and chatted about her new hairstyle.

And it came from grandma, not mom.

The more validation and feedback your girl can get on body image, the better.