What would you say to my 18 year old ?

worldofalice

Lounmoun wrote: »

hupsii wrote: »

actually she is like her father - naturally slim and personally, I think she has a great body and just don't understand how she can not be happy with it, especially when I think about all the struggles I had with being overweight

When I was 18 I weighed 100 lbs (5'4" tall). I had always been thin but did not like my body. I was uncomfortable physically. I was often cold. People made rude and hurtful comments about how thin I was all the time. It was embarrassing. A few years later I was closer to the middle of the healthy weight range and I felt so much better.
It is your dd's body not yours. Just because you think she looks great doesn't mean that is how she feels.
I would listen to your dd. Discuss that there is a healthy weight range for her height. She might feel that she looks better toward the middle or upper end of that range. Help her figure out the appropriate calories for that weight range, her activity level and nutritious foods and exercises to help her get there.

This.

Although she's doing it for the wrong reasons, personally I think it's really refreshing for a young girl to aspire for a womanly figure rather than starving herself and idolising the Kendall Jenner 40lb underweight types.

KateTii

worldofalice wrote: »

Although she's doing it for the wrong reasons, personally I think it's really refreshing for a young girl to aspire for a womanly figure rather than starving herself and idolising the Kendall Jenner 40lb underweight types.

But what's not "womanly" about the body she is in? What's not "womanly" about being thin? Is it only "womanly" to be average or above in body weight? Underweight isn't healthy, but it's not any less "womanly" than someone who is 40lbs overweight.

And is purposely trying to put on fat to get a "womanly figure" really all that healthy mentally or physically?

hupsii

tomatoey wrote: »

Some links I found

http://www.beautyredefined.net/photoshopping-altering-images-and-our-minds/

http://mediasmarts.ca/digital-media-literacy/media-issues/body-image

Interesting observation from this article

I gather together a group of under-20-year-olds at Livity, Brixton's "youth engagement agency", to talk about body image. It's not a concept that needs explaining to them. Apart from Stephen (who says: "The fact that I don't have an opinion on body image probably says something itself. Boys have it easier, definitely"), they have much to say.

First, some fictions they are keen to shatter. The pressure, the girls agree, is not, in fact, to be skinny – instead it's to look sexy. "Hot." "Everyone wants to look like Kim Kardashian, even though we know she's a boring person – we don't want to have her personality, just her body," says Claudia. "Not Kate Moss's. Curves, not bones."

This is the first time sex has been discussed – until now, everybody has talked about thinness and control, rather than changing your body to attract a boy. But as Bridget points out, you can starve yourself bony: "The sexy body is much more unattainable." "I think our generation is really savvy about the media," says Amber as they move quickly on to the subject of airbrushed ads. "So you know an image has been manipulated, but I suppose… you don't know what that's doing to you."

I wonder about the fact that these young people are so literate in the issues of body image (as opposed to simply "bodies") that their thoughts on the subject are so close to the surface. "We're forced to think about it!" says Bridget. "It's on every channel, every night. Programmes like Supersize vs Superskinny, or How to Look Good Naked, or freaky ones like Half Ton Mum, or A Year to Save My Life." Everyone shouts out names – programmes about overhauling your body with diets, clothes or surgery. "They have mixed messages," says Amber. "On one hand they're saying 'love your body', then on the other 'fat's bad, the worst thing you could do is be obese'. The message 'be healthy and do exercise' is a bit different from 'be happy in your skin', isn't it?" The rhetoric of empowerment, here, actually disempowers.

***
gah, we are really screwing kids up, between the obesity epidemic, and the media responses to it

gosh, this is really scary ... and the problem is that our kids are connected 24/7 with their friends by their smart phones. The influence of adults/parents/teachers etc. is minimal. They live in their own world surrounded by all these TV shows that promote unrealistic looks and lifes.

hupsii

Blueseraphchaos wrote: »

jgnatca wrote: »

I suggest she go out on some dates with her father. They can dress it up if they like, a fancy dinner, the whole nine yards. I swear teen girls get their sense of worth from their fathers, and unfortunately, mothers get relegated to "rival". Dad can tell her that she's a princess and she doesn't need to change her body shape to be attractive or worthy of boy attention.

My dad went through a beard phase in the seventies, go figure. All the female protests (three women in the household) failed to make him shave it off. Then one day I told him I was coming to like it. The grey streaks made him look "distinguished". The beard was gone the next day.

what do i do with my pre-teen boys who never see their father? lol...i get the burden of teaching them all about how to respect women, and in reality everyone (since their father respected no one) and i swear, the 10-year-old is in love with me.....LOL

ETA completely random thought i posted. sorry for not adding anything to the thread!

no problem, you are free to express yourself

hupsii

KateTii wrote: »

worldofalice wrote: »

Although she's doing it for the wrong reasons, personally I think it's really refreshing for a young girl to aspire for a womanly figure rather than starving herself and idolising the Kendall Jenner 40lb underweight types.

But what's not "womanly" about the body she is in? What's not "womanly" about being thin? Is it only "womanly" to be average or above in body weight? Underweight isn't healthy, but it's not any less "womanly" than someone who is 40lbs overweight.

And is purposely trying to put on fat to get a "womanly figure" really all that healthy mentally or physically?

Yes, exactly, she is slim not skinny - she does not need a padded bra but she thinks her legs are too long ...she thinks she is too tall ....

richardranghel

hupsii wrote: »

Hi,
Part of my family is overweight (me and my oldest daughter) and my hubby and younger daughter are "naturally" slim and eat all they like without putting on weight. Now my younger daughter who is slim and healthy (not underweight or anything like that) wants to put on weight as she believes that boys like the curvier types more... well, try to argue with an 18 year old so she now overeats on purpose. I really try to talk her out of this and I get a bit worried that she might end up like me and we all know the struggle it can be to lose the weight. How would you handle this situation ?

Tell her if she wants the curves she has to keep her diet maintained and she needs to start training at the gym if she wants those curves. Tell her to check out nikki blackketer as she has really good workout videos and tips