Still feeling down & Guilty.

xxKrissxx

I was hoping that after sleeping on it, since i felt so awful yesterday that i would feel better today but i don't.
I think i feel the worst about how i ate yesterday.
I don't even want to look at food today. If i didn't have to eat at all anymore to survive i would.
I put in 30 min of cardio first thing this morning and i still feel like a fat sack.
Excersize is supposed to help elevate mood, i sure wish it would work for me.

pondee629

OK. Climb on Superman's back and orbit the earth at faster than light speed, going back in time to before you ate what makes you feel so guilty and then don't eat that.

Failing that, today is a new day. Go forth and sin no more ;-) Get back to your plan and go on. Be happy, be good.

OR, beat yourself over it for the rest of your life. Which ever you feel is more productive.

coco_bee

Oh dear, judging yourself and beating yourself up for being human will not help you to say the least. We all have setbacks. What led me to fail every single time was this all or nothing idea and if I didn't eat like a perfect angel one time, I wld think bad o myself and give up altogether. Don't ever give up, aim for progress not perfection.

Meganthedogmom

xxKrissxx wrote: »

I was hoping that after sleeping on it, since i felt so awful yesterday that i would feel better today but i don't.
I think i feel the worst about how i ate yesterday.
I don't even want to look at food today. If i didn't have to eat at all anymore to survive i would.
I put in 30 min of cardio first thing this morning and i still feel like a fat sack.
Excersize is supposed to help elevate mood, i sure wish it would work for me.

Aww honey, I know those days too well.

Yesterday I had a moment of weakness and bought a sleeve of nutter butters and ate the whole thing. Had a stomach ache the rest of the day and felt guilty as hell.
But one bad day isn't going to ruin you. If you don't eat at all, you're going to feel worse. Get some nutrition in you and keep on.

cwolfman13

get over it and move on...you're heading down the road to some very disordered thinking and a *kitten* *kitten* relationship with food and fitness...this mindset is not remotely healthy and this is all about being healthy...

really, in the grand scheme of things, how relevant is one day? get over it and move on...

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queenliz99

xxKrissxx wrote: »

Its not so much what i ate, but the reason i ate.
Technically speaking, i didn't go over my calories and i had two chicken wraps on low carb tortillas.
I weighed and measured everything before i ate it, but i didn't enjoy what i ate, i just stuffed it into my mouth like a fat depressed slob.

Then this is called disordered thinking. You should seek help for this from a physician because thinking like this is a slippery slope

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queenliz99

xxKrissxx wrote: »

Yeah well.. the psychologist is only going to deal with one thing at a time.. so what do you do in the mean time while you wait weeks between appointments?

Why couldn't you email him for advice?

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D_squareG

I think you should focus on positive thoughts, not negative ones. Doesn't logging all you negative thoughts just reinforce them? I'm not a doctor, so I can't tell you what will help you but I know that when I'm thinking negatively, I try to stop myself and not indulge it. You should also try not saying anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a stranger. You are beating yourself up. You wouldn't call another person a "fat slob". You shouldn't refer to yourself as such.

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brynnsmom

Sounds rough. I have no first hand experience in dealing with depression but a family member does. No one here would think you are stupid or weak though. Is there not another outlet or medical professional that would be more readily available? Something you could do that makes you feel more positive? I know for me there are activities, namely walking, that tend to improve my outlook in general. Sorry if anything I suggested sounds hollow, I dont know the specifics of what you're dealing with, but I do hope you get the help you need.

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LC_onelove

Do you have a history of depression? Is this your first time with any therapist?

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tomatoey

Access to mental health care sucks in most places, I'm sorry. And, it can just take a while... I still think group therapy (if it's available? Usually is, usually it's faster to get into that) might be helpful - in addition to the therapy you're doing - in that you can at least talk with real live people who get it. Some of whom may be further along in their therapy, and may have tools to share, and of course the therapist will have things to offer, too.

In terms of self-care, my suggestion is to

1) Do one thing every day that you think might feel good (and is not what you think might be destructive). Maybe it's something familiar (like painting your nails, taking a long shower, watching a movie, listening to music that uplifts you), or something you haven't done but think might be interesting (like visiting a museum or gallery you haven't been to before, or attending a free talk on a subject that interests you, or going for a walk in a new neighbourhood - a change of scene might provide at least a temporary break from the loops you might get into at home).

(Three things that reliably help lift my mood when I'm feeling down, even if it's just a little, are going to a park, swimming, and cooking. Feeling the sunlight on my skin, the sensation of water, seeing the green trees and grass, hearing the birds, all those are things I find soothing. Cooking, I like because of the colours of the foods, the rhythm of chopping, ultimately the taste of the meal. Sensory experiences like that can be very grounding and can help take you out of your head.)

What about coming up with a list of things like that today? Even if you can only think of a few activities, it's a start.

2) Do one practical thing that will improve something in your environment. Like ordering the books on your shelf, or buying a little $1 plant, or doing the laundry. It's not fixing the big problems, no. But you'll have done something that will probably make a small difference in how you feel in your place. (Even if nothing else happens that day, you'll be taking steps to take care of yourself and your space.)

cwolfman13

keep doing what you're doing and what your therapist has you doing...it takes time...I was in therapy for over 9 months. it works, but it is a process...

it's good that you're writing down the negatives...but you should also accent the positives...you don't like the reasons why you did what you did...but you stayed within your calorie budget...that's a positive...take that positive and move on with things...

it's all about one day at a time...you're never going to be 100% bang on perfect...you're going to have good days and bad days...that's life...you just have to get yourself up, dust yourself off and move one and get over it...

when my kids were learning to walk, they fell down a lot...when they did, they would sit there and cry...but every time they did this I would ask them, "what do you do when you fall down"...eventually they started to respond with, "get back up"...and they would.

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tomatoey

Sorry, you replied to another post in the time it took me to write that long-*kitten* post

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tomatoey

I'm just sorry you're having such a rough time. I've had times like that, it sucks.

aburns555

Congrats on working out, and making that good choice! That's something you should be proud of yourself for doing today. Kudos.

I'll offer my two cents, if you don't mind? Venting is therapeutic. So vent away. And then vent some more. And then squeeze out the rest and vent until you have nothing left to vent about. Better out than in, IMHO.

And when you've vented all you can, rack your brain for one thing you can do to serve or help someone else today. And then follow through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this will "cure depression", however in my experience it is very difficult for me to be focused on my problems and failures, when I am focused on helping others.

The sadness and guilt will return, as is the nature of depression, but that's why you get another day on Earth to pick something else to do for somebody that needs or deserves it. Start small. Some random act of kindness. Plan the whole thing in your head, to the last detail, and follow through. If you need suggestions, let me know and I'm sure we can come up with something together. Then come here and share what you did and we will celebrate

shadowfax_c11

Keep these things in mind.

ALL OF US. Every single person you meet is a train wreck of some sort. Some just hide it better than others, some are unaware of their own problems and most ,who do know, are not brave enough to face up to it and try to change it, let along to publicly share their imperfections publicly. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you have these problems. Even more so to do it openly and publicly. This indicates to me that you are willing, and ready to succeed and so you will. In time.

Give yourself permission to feel how you feel. Accept your feelings. It is okay to feel sad, mad, afraid, etc. Those are just feelings. Feelings are not facts. They are just physiological responses to life. Chemicals and processes in your brain that may or may not be operating properly. You don't have to be controlled by them. Instead of trying to stop feeling or not feeling certain things you can choose to keep going in spite of them. And no this is not easy. Trust me I know.

Okay you are losing weight but don't currently feel appreciative or happy about your success. That's okay. Keep going anyway. You are doing all of the things you should be doing. Your mental, emotional and physical healing are all long processes that won't always give you the results you think you want or the feelings you think you are supposed to feel. That does not mean they are not worth pursuing.

Annie_01

xxKrissxx wrote: »

That is what its doing, but thats what she asked me to do.
I write the date, the time, i write the feelings i am having that are negative, and on a scale of 1 to 10 how they are effecting me on the inside then write a brief description of what is happening at the time to make me feel that way.. then next week i go in and read them all to her and shes supposed to show me how to notice what causes my thoughts.

I did something several years ago along this line.

I had two lists...one for the things that I hated...made me feel bad...that annoyed me...things that depressed me.

My second list was for the things that I loved...made me feel good...that made me smile...things that made me happy.

What I found from this exercise was that there was so many more things in life that were good...that brought me joy than there were that made me sad.

I don't know...If you only focus on those things that are negative...you ignore or don't recognize the positive.

Maybe you could start a notebook about those positive things...rate them. You might find that they out weigh the negative.

Having said that...I know at times it can be difficult. Some things happened in my life at one time that led me to believe that I was not worthy of good/happiness/joy. It took me many years to change those thoughts. I still have a day here and there that those feeling arise. I have learned over time how survive those days and pull myself up. Will they ever totally go away...I don't know.

The only advice that I can give is to grab hold of something that you are fighting for...hold on tight to that. Keep holding on until you can find another reason to keep fighting and then hold on to both of those things. Keep this up and eventually you will find that you have more reason to keep fighting and less reasons to give up.

I can understand about yesterday...I had one of those days myself. I had a love affair with the peanut butter. We have always been friends me and that peanut butter but yesterday...we carried it to the next step. Fortunately I came to my senses before we eloped to Reno.

Here's what I tell myself...you can keep wallowing in self-pity...feel guilty...crappy...OR...you can start again...forgive yourself...realize that one bad day does not make you unworthy nor does it mean that that you have to give up.

I am truly sorry that I have no answers for you OP...I know that is what you are looking for. The answers however lie within yourself...you just have to keep digging for them.

allaboutthefood

xxKrissxx wrote: »

I was hoping that after sleeping on it, since i felt so awful yesterday that i would feel better today but i don't.
I think i feel the worst about how i ate yesterday.
I don't even want to look at food today. If i didn't have to eat at all anymore to survive i would.
I put in 30 min of cardio first thing this morning and i still feel like a fat sack.
Excersize is supposed to help elevate mood, i sure wish it would work for me.

I looked at your dairy for yesterday August 20th, what's wrong with it? food looks fine and you within your calories, so what is the issue?

allaboutthefood

I just took a peak at a few of your dairy entries and if you are being honest with them. It sounds and looks like you might have a ED my dear and you need to seek help.

jgnatca

It's not about the food I think. It's allowing yourself to feel good and relinquish a little control. How about a BED support group to talk to?

D_squareG

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I know how it is - I really do. I've been treated for depression. But for me in the end, I think it is just like living with any chronic condition, like pain. Be kinder to yourself on the bad days. I agree that sometimes just doing one thing like cleaning the kitchen or ironing the laundry can help me feel more in control. Realize that some days will just be harder than others and try your best to get through them.

And keep exercising - it helps. It helps with the physical pain and lifts the mood.

And don't feel bad for reaching out. We all need help sometimes......

pointkoala

Perhaps you need to find another therapist who doesn't take so long to get appointments with? My therapist is great but she's not super high in demand so I can always get an appointment with her (although she is on vacation for now sooooo besides that lol).
It is okay. It's important to not hate yourself. Everyone is amazing in their own way and I'm confident that you are too. I get that mindset sometimes too. I messed up badly on my calories yesterday and kept eating AFTER I knew that I had messed up. Ugh. I hated it for a while (made my own post and my emotions were all over the place). But today is a new day. New beginnings. Keep trying!
Best of luck though!!! For overcoming your issues. You seem to be on a good track to start out.... just keep going!