Trouble with Positivity and Self Love

KiwiKamikaze

robertw486 wrote: »

You are showing some of that inner self above. You KNOW you can control your weight. If you struggle to do it, just examine why and press on. Once you have some victories, it results in a confidence boost and some other tasks get easier as well.

As for personality traits, view them in a mindful way. In a nutshell, it is what it is. Sometimes it's really easy for us as humans to want to classify everything as good or bad, when in fact it just is.

I definitely think trying for a more logical, evaluative approach will help me through. If I can just keep remembering to employ that when I get emotional with it.

And that's very insightful of you on personality traits. That is a very easy thing to forget: just because something may seem like one or the other doesn't mean it is. It is what you make of it in the end.

preeJAY

From the patient and polite way you have interacted on this thread, you already are a person with inner strength, insight, and emotional-resilience, but simply have many legitimate challenges that makes it hard to see this in yourself. It is helpful to understand that while these issues obstruct you, they are actually separate from the process of losing weight.

From your OP, it seems like you have a strong emotional association between weight and sense of self-worth, and fall into this cycle familiar to all of us who have struggled with weight. Maybe something in our life triggered a burst of weight-related self-hate; and to overcome it, we "get pumped", start a drastic plan, ride the wave of inspiration for a week or two, then the emotional feelings of motivation peter out (as all emotions do eventually), and the underlying feelings of misery come back up, swallow us, and we give it all up.

I think, as a very lazy and low-motivation type of person myself that successful long-term weight-loss doesn't need a lot of motivation, or inspiration, or looking forward to some awesome future goal. These are all good short-term rewards to keep us going on days we're just not feeling it, but if you already have strong emotional associations with weight, it can turn your journey into an unbearable roller-coaster, and lessen your ability to keep going.

Instead, for the purpose of weight-loss, try to think of your body as a machine. It is our most precious possession, and we only get one! Just imagine what life would be like if you don't even have what you have right now. So we should maintain it LIKE we would a beloved machine. It needs proper nutrition, rest, and exercise in order to function correctly. Moreover, it needs time and patience to transform from a rusty & uncared-for condition into a shiny, smooth-running one.

Say your hobby is to rescue and restore vintage but junked cars. You take it home and keep it in the garage a while, and when you're ready, and have collected all the tools, you begin to work on it. But like most people who have work and a life, you only have an hour here or there, and have to wait for parts to arrive, or there are things that simply take a long time to do, like sanding away the rust or whatnot. You wouldn't get upset and emotional if, after 3 days, it's not ready to compete in a vintage car show, would you? You wouldn't bang on the hood in frustration after two months if it is only 30% polished, only to make more work for yourself later? No, instead, you'd just slowly, patiently, keep going, because, why not? the process is enjoyable, even relaxing, and the result will be another lovely vehicle in the world.

That's really the kind of mentality we need to have when it comes to working with our weight. Focused, yes. Determined, yes. But a pretty low-key kind of focus and determination in the long-haul. Interested in the results. Maybe fiddling here or there with a screw or two, check the results over a couple of weeks, then proceed on if things look ok. Committed, yes, but the kind of commitment that is almost a habit. That's what people means when they say, just DO it. You get to the point where, hey, it's 6 pm, you just kind of mindless get up and do... whatever it is that's become your habit to do.

Regarding the negative self-talk. I think, from the way you observe and analyse yourself, you may find CBT (cognitive-behavior therapy) techniques and mindfulness helpful. Mindfulness is to pay attention to yourself: when do the negative self talk begin? what kinds of situation triggers it? and a basic CBT technique is simply to challenge your mind through every. single. bad. thing it says. At first this will be very time-consuming, but eventually, you will see a pattern, and be able to talk yourself through it more easily, and ultimately, perhaps separate it from your weight-loss journey.

A good therapist will be immensely helpful. But at this stage, remember to not put so much pressure on yourself. Start with the little things first, and when that becomes easy, go to the next, easily-obtainable level, and after a bunch of time has passed, you'll look up and realized that you have already changed so much.

Good luck~