I am "what a woman should look like"

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Replies

  • SyntonicGarden
    SyntonicGarden Posts: 944 Member
    I <3 my husband. He thinks I'm perfect at 170. He says I have "pin-up" curves. I think the clothes that fit me when I was 138 and don't fit me now say otherwise. And the mirror. Oh how the mirror taunts me with its insults. "You almost have enough rolls on your back/waist, you could open a bakery!"

    "Society" tells men that they can't tell us if we so much have an ounce of fat on our bodies, lest we should go on a hormonal rampage on them. So, unlike some of the others who've posted, no, I don't think your husband is a jerk for saying what he said. I think he's just trying to tell you he loves you and give you the emotional security he thinks you want. There's also something to be said for guys who prefer women with a curvier butt.

    Since I too live with someone who wants me to be healthy but isn't proactive about helping encourage me to go to the gym or who sometimes will cook a sodium and carb laden dinner consisting of a pot of baked beaks and a turkey kielbasa, I certainly feel your frustration living with someone who doesn't see your body the way you see it or understand your goals.

    My take? It's your body. You control the foods that you put in your mouth. You control getting your butt on the treadmill or the pavement.

    And if you're unhappy with your body, it's going to reflect how you interact with people, most especially those with whom you live. So, take the constructive steps to work on you, despite the lack of support form others. If there needs to be crap in the house, either work on developing the self control around it or make sure it's stuff you just don't want to eat. (Ice cream? HELL yeah. Peanut butter ice cream? I'll pass...)

    You're on your journey for you.
  • missdibs1
    missdibs1 Posts: 1,092 Member
    Just wanted to see what people say about the comment my husband gave me. He said "You dont need to lose weight or do anything, you are "what a woman should look like now. Before you were too skinny and I didn't like ur *kitten*" LOL

    Anyways, prepreg i was 140lbs and now im 155lbs and working on strength training the the last few months. I have just started in June to really pay close attention to food intake and hitting macros. I think it's so weird that he said its "what a woman should look like" What does that mean? Whatever, I don't care. I just want to be fit and lean and I don't care what he says or thinks EXCEPT I do want him to support me and to not get mad that I can't handle junk food in the house. If junk food is in the house, then i will never reach my fitness/lean goal...

    Comments please?

    You can't put your food choices on him.. My S/O eats ice cream "to save me from it." I do not even want any when offered some.

    Decide what you want --> junk or fit.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Men can be very stupid and try to give compliments which kind of come off as insults. A few years ago I had lost a lot of weight and looked pretty good; we were in a crowded room and when I walked up to my hubby he said "You looked so good, I didn't think it was you." WTF????? Aim to please yourself.

    :laugh:
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
    Women look like all kinds of things. People fear change. That's probably his issue.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    You guys are right! I should not be trying to make him not eat the chips and junk just because I shouldn't and just because i can't handle having them in the house. I need to control this myselft. Enjoy ur chips hunny!!! I will be in the bedroom freaking out until ur done eating them. I serisouly can't be around chips or junk in my house or i eat them. It's just the way it is.

    Why can't you find a way to work them into a healthy and balanced diet with reasonable macros? Do you have to eat the whole bag of chips?

    YES! All or nothing!

    Ok, now I see why you are having trouble losing the weight and why your husband is trying to talk you out of worrying about losing the weight. Is there some kind of support you can get? Over-eaters anonymous or something like that (therapy maybe)?
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    You guys are right! I should not be trying to make him not eat the chips and junk just because I shouldn't and just because i can't handle having them in the house. I need to control this myselft. Enjoy ur chips hunny!!! I will be in the bedroom freaking out until ur done eating them. I serisouly can't be around chips or junk in my house or i eat them. It's just the way it is.

    Why can't you find a way to work them into a healthy and balanced diet with reasonable macros? Do you have to eat the whole bag of chips?

    YES! All or nothing!

    So, he's forced into your non-normal mindset about food just because you are unwilling to address a personal problem you have with your eating habits?


    Seems legit.
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.
  • BarbaraCarr1981
    BarbaraCarr1981 Posts: 903 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.

    Yes! But sometimes it takes FOREVER to get to that point, doesn't it??
  • brower47
    brower47 Posts: 16,356 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.

    Yes! But sometimes it takes FOREVER to get to that point, doesn't it??

    Of course. You only get as much out of something as the effort you put into it. If it wasn't hard, everyone that wanted to be would be in top physical condition. If it's what you truly want, put in the hard work and earn it. And then when you do, you get to feel justifiable pride since you did something that took a lot of time, effort, perseverance and patience to achieve.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.

    Yes! But sometimes it takes FOREVER to get to that point, doesn't it??

    Of course. You only get as much out of something as the effort you put into it. If it wasn't hard, everyone that wanted to be would be in top physical condition. If it's what you truly want, put in the hard work and earn it. And then when you do, you get to feel justifiable pride since you did something that took a lot of time, effort, perseverance and patience to achieve.

    audience_applause.gif
  • lcvaughn520
    lcvaughn520 Posts: 219 Member
    You say you're not comfortable with your weight right now, so I definitely think you should continue toward your goal! I'm sure that he will find you very attractive when you're toned and lean from working out and eating right :)
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.

    Yes! But sometimes it takes FOREVER to get to that point, doesn't it??

    Of course. You only get as much out of something as the effort you put into it. If it wasn't hard, everyone that wanted to be would be in top physical condition. If it's what you truly want, put in the hard work and earn it. And then when you do, you get to feel justifiable pride since you did something that took a lot of time, effort, perseverance and patience to achieve.

    Not to mention being more apt to keep it off because you know how much work it took the first time around.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    Well honestly it sounds like your husband is an *kitten*- not because he likes how you are now but how he talks like a jerk about how you were. If he were mine I'd tell him to f off!

    Ouch that seems a bit harsh. It sounds like he just likes his wife the way that she is. What's so wrong with that? Did he actually tell her, "if you do this its over", no? Then what exactly is the problem here? He likes her heinee, that's a good thing!!!!
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    I am "what a woman should look like to". Pretty sure we all are.

    http://www.hanneblank.com/blog/2011/06/23/real-women/
  • LexiAtel
    LexiAtel Posts: 228 Member
    Society plays a healthy role in how woman THINK they should look. In reality, many years ago, men looked for more "thick" women, because they were more apt to have good strong healthy children. There's a reason why we store fat easier than men.

    Me, I am not looking for SKINNY, but I don't want to be "obese" either. I noticed I am having issues getting around, so I started a different lifestyle.

    As many has said here, it really depends on what YOU want to do.
  • oldandhealthier
    oldandhealthier Posts: 449 Member
    I have been married to the same woman for 46 years and I have loved every body type she has had through the years. I liked what you said about your husband trying to compliment you, lets face it when it comes to complimenting women we husbands aren't the brightest bulb in the house. Your best body type is what works for you and is healthy.:smile:
  • lambchristie
    lambchristie Posts: 552 Member
    I won't post pics because i don't like what I see. One day i will!!!

    I saw your profile pics, there are several and you look fab ... you have nothing to be ashamed of.

    Continue your journey and if your husband's words are teasing or negative .... don't let them rest deep within you. You've done an amazing job on your journey. You are not where you want to be; but you are not where you use to be; so keep moving forward.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    Just wanted to see what people say about the comment my husband gave me. He said "You dont need to lose weight or do anything, you are "what a woman should look like now. Before you were too skinny and I didn't like ur *kitten*" LOL

    Anyways, prepreg i was 140lbs and now im 155lbs and working on strength training the the last few months. I have just started in June to really pay close attention to food intake and hitting macros. I think it's so weird that he said its "what a woman should look like" What does that mean? Whatever, I don't care. I just want to be fit and lean and I don't care what he says or thinks EXCEPT I do want him to support me and to not get mad that I can't handle junk food in the house. If junk food is in the house, then i will never reach my fitness/lean goal...

    Comments please?
    Just break up.
  • magerum
    magerum Posts: 12,589 Member
    You guys are right! I should not be trying to make him not eat the chips and junk just because I shouldn't and just because i can't handle having them in the house. I need to control this myselft. Enjoy ur chips hunny!!! I will be in the bedroom freaking out until ur done eating them. I serisouly can't be around chips or junk in my house or i eat them. It's just the way it is.

    tumblr_lkpi040wOB1qbuptc.gif
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    A woman "should look like" what that individual woman wants to look like. End of story.

    Yes! But sometimes it takes FOREVER to get to that point, doesn't it??

    Of course. You only get as much out of something as the effort you put into it. If it wasn't hard, everyone that wanted to be would be in top physical condition. If it's what you truly want, put in the hard work and earn it. And then when you do, you get to feel justifiable pride since you did something that took a lot of time, effort, perseverance and patience to achieve.

    This is full of win.

    standing-ovation-o_zps7a4351f7.gif
  • BarbaraCarr1981
    BarbaraCarr1981 Posts: 903 Member
    Just thought that id share that I bought chips for him at the grocery store tonight and i only had a handful of them. it sucks and i so wanted more but...... I did it! I didn't eat the whole bag or go to my bedroom and cry. lol....
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    Just thought that id share that I bought chips for him at the grocery store tonight and i only had a handful of them. it sucks and i so wanted more but...... I did it! I didn't eat the whole bag or go to my bedroom and cry. lol....
    Congratulations on taking your first step into a better life.

    comfortzonevshappiness_zps9b0fdcde.png
  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    Just thought that id share that I bought chips for him at the grocery store tonight and i only had a handful of them. it sucks and i so wanted more but...... I did it! I didn't eat the whole bag or go to my bedroom and cry. lol....

    That's what it's all about... nicely done.
  • JasonT1973
    JasonT1973 Posts: 229 Member

    The hell with what MFP things. We're all a bunch of ignorant, self-centered *kitten* anyways.

    Pretty much.. I am know i am!!
  • scookiemonster
    scookiemonster Posts: 175 Member
    Men (and, really, people in general) sometimes have a strange way of expressing themselves, and sometimes it doesn't come out right. I'd imagine he had good intentions and it just came out wrong.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Just thought that id share that I bought chips for him at the grocery store tonight and i only had a handful of them. it sucks and i so wanted more but...... I did it! I didn't eat the whole bag or go to my bedroom and cry. lol....

    Yay!
  • Bernadette60614
    Bernadette60614 Posts: 707 Member
    It may be that you are placing a lot of pressure on yourself (or it looks the way to your husband) and he's just letting you know that he loves your body the way it is.

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