Culture Shock and My Crazy Boss

markrgeary1

As a former manager in a US based EEOC controlled company that's interesting behavior, here.

I'm sure you've learned a tremendous amount while in Korea, this is part of the education. Just focus on how you are growing; ignore her till you go smoke out her office!

Annamarie3404

@ OP. What work program did you go through? Who set it up?

Colorscheme

It is a cultural thing. I know it hurts and it is rude to us Westeners, but my guess is the lady didn't realize how mean it sounds outside of Korean culture. The best thing you could do is ignore comments like that and do your best to lose weight again if that's what you want.

pollypocket1021

Yes. It is normal and expected to get comments on weight. And advice. Especially from your Korean mother or MIL. It's kind of like the "hi, how are you, you look great." Thing we do in America. They just throw a comment in about weight. It is not personal. It's just the cultural norm.

joinn68

tcunbeliever wrote: »

In general any physical characteristics outside of the average is a topic of conversation including, height, hair/eye/skin color, bone structure, breast size, etc. - they are just fascinated with any part that is a bit different and their social structure considers discussing these kind of visible characteristics as common as discussing the weather.

True dat. I have (black) friends tell me that people walked up to them and actually touch their skin to see what it was, if it was real etc. Happened not in Korea, but in Vietnam and Singapore

kshama2001

joinn68 wrote: »

tcunbeliever wrote: »

In general any physical characteristics outside of the average is a topic of conversation including, height, hair/eye/skin color, bone structure, breast size, etc. - they are just fascinated with any part that is a bit different and their social structure considers discussing these kind of visible characteristics as common as discussing the weather.

True dat. I have (black) friends tell me that people walked up to them and actually touch their skin to see what it was, if it was real etc. Happened not in Korea, but in Vietnam and Singapore

Along those lines, when I went to touristy places in Okinawa, women would come up to me and ask to have their picture taken with me. I was about a head taller than them.

sobiakhatoon

markrgeary1 wrote: »

As a former manager in a US based EEOC controlled company that's interesting behavior, here.

I'm sure you've learned a tremendous amount while in Korea, this is part of the education. Just focus on how you are growing; ignore her till you go smoke out her office!

This!

suziecue20

Personally I wouldn't do the parting gift of a smelly fart - after all she'll surely be giving feedback to whoever sent you on the work placement

niniundlapin

I was born and raised in Asia & moved to US in my early 20s. This "weight-commenting" thing is still one of those few that I really have to make myself ignore whenever I hear it.

Growing up, I can't tell how many times my appearance got commented by family members or friends. My elder relatives (in grandparents' and parents' generation) told my parents how chubby I became (I was 8, weight-gain after recovery from a car accident), how slim & tall I became (11-12 years old, underwent growth spurt); friends said to me how "white" my skin tone is; closer friends said how wide my face is & how small my eyes are. And how sensitive/ self-conscious I became & would cry immediately if anyone commented on my weight-gain when I was in middle school (so no one in my family dare to say anything about my appearance for a few years).

It seems like most people there think it's a good way to show how much they care about a person (that they noticed this physical change, whether they like it or not). In the society I grew up, it became a natural thing (instead of a taboo) to give personal opinion on someone else's appearance (also, how a person dressed, how the hair was done, how the makeup was applied, etc). I got how this came from but really don't like this idea that "everyone is subject to examination," as if no one has the ability for self-care or some kind of life-style regulation. I'm wondering if it's the high density of population that encourages the same thing to happen in different societies/ countries (all under the big umbrella of "Asian"). My Korean friend (about same age as me) has similar experiences back home and we both feel it's annoying.

Yes, I personally feel it's good to have that once a while from people I approved to make that kind of comment if I chose it as a way for motivation & self-improvement. But strangers? No, thanks. It's totally none of their business. And, OP, I can tell you it's absolutely rude for the vice principal to do that and she just failed as an educated adult (or whatever ethical value that a person in that position should have). This is not the way how people show how much they care about another individual and there are better ways to approach if it's really a concern (or complement). Of course there are a lot of good qualities of Asian cultures that I'd love to experience over and over (food is definitely one of them!), unfortunately, there are still a lot to improve as well (again, I took this from my own experience & stories I heard from Asian friends from different countries).

This thing is still happening on me now even though I've moved from the "gaining-weight" side to to the other side of the spectrum. My elder relatives now think I'm "too skinny" in their standards and the first thing my younger brother's girlfriend said to me when we first met in person was "wow~ she's so thin" (as a complement). My younger sister is not as tall but fuller than me. She still got rude comments from relatives when she went back home visiting. Good that she was not self-conscious as I was and what she did was making an ugly ghost face in response (sometimes even to the elderly if they said that to her...).

Whatever, we like ourselves the way we are now and that's the most important thing.