Culture Shock and My Crazy Boss
Options
Replies
-
Just wanted to say I can sympathize with what you're experiencing. I spent a few weeks in Vietnam and on one occasion while walking through a silk shop a salesgirl enthusiastically told me they can make clothes in "big sizes" for me. She said it like....we can help you fat American lady!
My second run in was a woman actually poking my thigh and telling me I don't exercise because my legs are very big. Who does this, right?!?! LOL!!!
Try not to let it get to you too much. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but then again some people just have no filter.0 -
Cultural difference, don't take it personally, do your thing.
(Korean pancakes are deliiiiicious though)0 -
My daughter in law is half Korean but grew up here. At her last visit her family focused on how fat she is. She has a 22 inch waist and wears a size 6. Go figure0
-
I have no idea about Korean culture but I notice in the OP there was this phrase
"The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?"
Could it be a compliment? My grandma, and a whole generation of people where I live, would consider gaining weight a good thing and it would be a compliment. Very awkward for someone young trying to lose weight, but for older people who struggled to survive and find food in their youth, being fat was a sign of health and happiness, so it was impossible for them to grasp that there is too much of a good thing ...0 -
I have no idea about Korean culture but I notice in the OP there was this phrase
"The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?"
Could it be a compliment? My grandma, and a whole generation of people where I live, would consider gaining weight a good thing and it would be a compliment. Very awkward for someone young trying to lose weight, but for older people who struggled to survive and find food in their youth, being fat was a sign of health and happiness, so it was impossible for them to grasp that there is too much of a good thing ...
I was actually thinking the same. "fat face" is one of the things older people here mention sometimes to describe a beautiful healthy woman. It could be that she is proud how her country's food and culture are so good they made you gain weight because you can't get enough of them. When we visited my grandmother as kids and stayed for a whole month every year, she took pride in us gaining weight as a sign that we were having a good time around her. She used to say "happy children don't look scrawny".0 -
Just wanted to say I can sympathize with what you're experiencing. I spent a few weeks in Vietnam and on one occasion while walking through a silk shop a salesgirl enthusiastically told me they can make clothes in "big sizes" for me. She said it like....we can help you fat American lady!
My second run in was a woman actually poking my thigh and telling me I don't exercise because my legs are very big. Who does this, right?!?! LOL!!!
Try not to let it get to you too much. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but then again some people just have no filter.
That's horrible! I've had the same thing happen when I was buying pants and the saleswoman said to me, "You know you can't return it because you bought the wrong size so..." Ugh so frustrating since there were also no means for me to try them on in store. Also very condescending to imply I'm somehow delusional about my own size.amusedmonkey wrote: »I have no idea about Korean culture but I notice in the OP there was this phrase
"The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?"
Could it be a compliment? My grandma, and a whole generation of people where I live, would consider gaining weight a good thing and it would be a compliment. Very awkward for someone young trying to lose weight, but for older people who struggled to survive and find food in their youth, being fat was a sign of health and happiness, so it was impossible for them to grasp that there is too much of a good thing ...
I was actually thinking the same. "fat face" is one of the things older people here mention sometimes to describe a beautiful healthy woman. It could be that she is proud how her country's food and culture are so good they made you gain weight because you can't get enough of them. When we visited my grandmother as kids and stayed for a whole month every year, she took pride in us gaining weight as a sign that we were having a good time around her. She used to say "happy children don't look scrawny".
That's an interesting thought! I was more annoyed with the fact that she does not recognize my professional accomplishments or even my personality and is rather solely concerned with my weight as my identity. However, this is certainly a possibility and she doesn't mean any personal malice. I'll remind myself of this if she makes these comments in the future.
Thank you all for the responses!
0 -
yummypotroast wrote: »Just wanted to say I can sympathize with what you're experiencing. I spent a few weeks in Vietnam and on one occasion while walking through a silk shop a salesgirl enthusiastically told me they can make clothes in "big sizes" for me. She said it like....we can help you fat American lady!
My second run in was a woman actually poking my thigh and telling me I don't exercise because my legs are very big. Who does this, right?!?! LOL!!!
Try not to let it get to you too much. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but then again some people just have no filter.
That's horrible! I've had the same thing happen when I was buying pants and the saleswoman said to me, "You know you can't return it because you bought the wrong size so..." Ugh so frustrating since there were also no means for me to try them on in store. Also very condescending to imply I'm somehow delusional about my own size.amusedmonkey wrote: »I have no idea about Korean culture but I notice in the OP there was this phrase
"The foreign teacher gained weight, don't you think so? Look at her face. Her face is so fat now, right? It's pretty, don't you think?"
Could it be a compliment? My grandma, and a whole generation of people where I live, would consider gaining weight a good thing and it would be a compliment. Very awkward for someone young trying to lose weight, but for older people who struggled to survive and find food in their youth, being fat was a sign of health and happiness, so it was impossible for them to grasp that there is too much of a good thing ...
I was actually thinking the same. "fat face" is one of the things older people here mention sometimes to describe a beautiful healthy woman. It could be that she is proud how her country's food and culture are so good they made you gain weight because you can't get enough of them. When we visited my grandmother as kids and stayed for a whole month every year, she took pride in us gaining weight as a sign that we were having a good time around her. She used to say "happy children don't look scrawny".
That's an interesting thought! I was more annoyed with the fact that she does not recognize my professional accomplishments or even my personality and is rather solely concerned with my weight as my identity. However, this is certainly a possibility and she doesn't mean any personal malice. I'll remind myself of this if she makes these comments in the future.
Thank you all for the responses!
Did anything get better? I know you are most likely still at the school. Even though I am not small, thankfully I can't understand much of what they say and even if I did I have lost weight while here out of sheer will due to the culture being like this here. I still feel as though it is never enough because I can barely fit into the clothes here but that is just me. And the only ones saying negative things about my weight in English are little kids trying to bully me....to them I just pout and pretend to cry...kids will be kids after all.
0 -
pstegman888 wrote: »I would just smile and say, "Yes, your Korean food is so delicious! I will have to be careful not to enjoy it too much!"
OP - I've heard this is common is some Asian cultures. Try the above.
See also http://kimchibytes.com/2013/07/18/the-skinny-on-koreans/0 -
Weight is not taboo in most Asian cultures. Commenting on weight gain is on the same level as pointing out a new hair cut.
My aunt tells me that I look like I'm eating well every time she sees me. I'm the "fattest" girl in the family at 5'2" and 120 pounds. Am not offended because fat is an adjective, like short or purple.
Side note, Asians have different categories for BMI. Overweight starts at 23 and obese starts at 27.0 -
It has been my experience that weight is a common topic of conversation in Korea, particularly if your weight falls anywhere outside of the average for whatever population you are in (school teachers in this case). In general any physical characteristics outside of the average is a topic of conversation including, height, hair/eye/skin color, bone structure, breast size, etc. - they are just fascinated with any part that is a bit different and their social structure considers discussing these kind of visible characteristics as common as discussing the weather. Also "fat" can be used for "big", "tall", "round", "curvy", "busty", etc. as a general rule Koreans don't understand that "fat" is a rude word in America because talking about body characteristics is normal to them. She is probably not trying to be rude, but she is probably very fascinated that your weight changed - they are very focused on being average and being like everyone else, their culture does not value being unique or individual the way American culture does, they shun the idea of being different in any way - so you being a different weight, heavy or light, to them it's just fascinating because it's something they would never do...like having someone with bright pink hair in the office one day...she's probably never going to get tired of talking about it, but it's unlikely that she's trying to be demeaning.0
-
As a former manager in a US based EEOC controlled company that's interesting behavior, here.
I'm sure you've learned a tremendous amount while in Korea, this is part of the education. Just focus on how you are growing; ignore her till you go smoke out her office!0 -
@ OP. What work program did you go through? Who set it up?0
-
It is a cultural thing. I know it hurts and it is rude to us Westeners, but my guess is the lady didn't realize how mean it sounds outside of Korean culture. The best thing you could do is ignore comments like that and do your best to lose weight again if that's what you want.0
-
Yes. It is normal and expected to get comments on weight. And advice. Especially from your Korean mother or MIL. It's kind of like the "hi, how are you, you look great." Thing we do in America. They just throw a comment in about weight. It is not personal. It's just the cultural norm.0
-
tcunbeliever wrote: »In general any physical characteristics outside of the average is a topic of conversation including, height, hair/eye/skin color, bone structure, breast size, etc. - they are just fascinated with any part that is a bit different and their social structure considers discussing these kind of visible characteristics as common as discussing the weather.
True dat. I have (black) friends tell me that people walked up to them and actually touch their skin to see what it was, if it was real etc. Happened not in Korea, but in Vietnam and Singapore0 -
tcunbeliever wrote: »In general any physical characteristics outside of the average is a topic of conversation including, height, hair/eye/skin color, bone structure, breast size, etc. - they are just fascinated with any part that is a bit different and their social structure considers discussing these kind of visible characteristics as common as discussing the weather.
True dat. I have (black) friends tell me that people walked up to them and actually touch their skin to see what it was, if it was real etc. Happened not in Korea, but in Vietnam and Singapore
Along those lines, when I went to touristy places in Okinawa, women would come up to me and ask to have their picture taken with me. I was about a head taller than them.0 -
This!markrgeary1 wrote: »As a former manager in a US based EEOC controlled company that's interesting behavior, here.
I'm sure you've learned a tremendous amount while in Korea, this is part of the education. Just focus on how you are growing; ignore her till you go smoke out her office!
0 -
Personally I wouldn't do the parting gift of a smelly fart - after all she'll surely be giving feedback to whoever sent you on the work placement
0 -
I was born and raised in Asia & moved to US in my early 20s. This "weight-commenting" thing is still one of those few that I really have to make myself ignore whenever I hear it.
Growing up, I can't tell how many times my appearance got commented by family members or friends. My elder relatives (in grandparents' and parents' generation) told my parents how chubby I became (I was 8, weight-gain after recovery from a car accident), how slim & tall I became (11-12 years old, underwent growth spurt); friends said to me how "white" my skin tone is; closer friends said how wide my face is & how small my eyes are. And how sensitive/ self-conscious I became & would cry immediately if anyone commented on my weight-gain when I was in middle school (so no one in my family dare to say anything about my appearance for a few years).
It seems like most people there think it's a good way to show how much they care about a person (that they noticed this physical change, whether they like it or not). In the society I grew up, it became a natural thing (instead of a taboo) to give personal opinion on someone else's appearance (also, how a person dressed, how the hair was done, how the makeup was applied, etc). I got how this came from but really don't like this idea that "everyone is subject to examination," as if no one has the ability for self-care or some kind of life-style regulation. I'm wondering if it's the high density of population that encourages the same thing to happen in different societies/ countries (all under the big umbrella of "Asian"). My Korean friend (about same age as me) has similar experiences back home and we both feel it's annoying.
Yes, I personally feel it's good to have that once a while from people I approved to make that kind of comment if I chose it as a way for motivation & self-improvement. But strangers? No, thanks. It's totally none of their business. And, OP, I can tell you it's absolutely rude for the vice principal to do that and she just failed as an educated adult (or whatever ethical value that a person in that position should have). This is not the way how people show how much they care about another individual and there are better ways to approach if it's really a concern (or complement). Of course there are a lot of good qualities of Asian cultures that I'd love to experience over and over (food is definitely one of them!), unfortunately, there are still a lot to improve as well (again, I took this from my own experience & stories I heard from Asian friends from different countries).
This thing is still happening on me now even though I've moved from the "gaining-weight" side to to the other side of the spectrum. My elder relatives now think I'm "too skinny" in their standards and the first thing my younger brother's girlfriend said to me when we first met in person was "wow~ she's so thin" (as a complement). My younger sister is not as tall but fuller than me. She still got rude comments from relatives when she went back home visiting. Good that she was not self-conscious as I was and what she did was making an ugly ghost face in response (sometimes even to the elderly if they said that to her...).
Whatever, we like ourselves the way we are now and that's the most important thing.
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 402 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions