Many conversations about one topic: Why is wanting to be "normal" weird?

amusedmonkey

Everyone who knows me knows that I have been taking my sweet time to lose the last 50 or so pounds. I'm no longer in the high danger zone according to BMI (class 1 obesity) and my blood tests are all within normal. Having started losing due to health reasons, I no longer feel the urge to do it quickly and I spend more of my time maintaining than I do losing (but never gaining). So basically people have seen little change in my weight and appearance this year.

Because my weight loss was dramatic (about 100 pounds) then I nearly stopped losing but did not gain any back people are often curious about my future plans for my weight.

- I love how you are proud to be curvy. More women need to be more confident in the way they look even if they are not traditionally thin.
- I agree, but I'm still planning to lose a bit more.
- How much?
- I don't know, I'm aiming for a size 10 or so, not sure.
- Why would you want to starve yourself when you already look amazing?
- At size 10 I will probably be borderline overweight with a BMI of 25 or 26. That's hardly starving myself.
..........

- Are you done losing?
- No, I still have some to go.
- You can do it! You will have that bikini body in no time!
- [laughs] I could have a bikini body now if I wanted to. All I need to do is put a bikini on it.
- [laughs] I meant soon you will be looking like those victoria secret models.
- Nah, I don't really like that look for me. I like a little bit more padding than that.
- You mean like those plus size models?
- Well, I do like that look, but I'm aiming a little bit lower for health reasons, somewhere around a size 10.
[awkward look]
............

- Have you stopped losing?
- No, just taking my time.
- Better hurry. You know obesity is not good for your health. What is your goal?
- I don't know. Just to be at a normal weight.
- People's perception of what's normal is skewed and unhealthy.
- Yes I know, I'm planning more at the high end of healthy BMI or low end of overweight. My goal is in no way too fat to be healthy.
- If it's in the overweight category you are still unhealthy.
- I doubt being 1-2 kg thinner than my goal will suddenly make me more healthy.
...........

- No I'm not done losing yet
- When are you planning to stop?
- My goal is somewhere around 68-75 kg, depends on how I feel.
- Why are you selling yourself short? You have lost so much already and you can lose more. I believe with your willpower and diet experience you are able to reach 63, even 60.
- But that's not how I wish to look. I really like the way women at the higher end of normal look and I believe it would be a great look for me.
............

- So now all you need to do is lose the rest of the weight and then lift weights to tone up and change your body composition.
- I don't like lifting weights, I'm aiming for just a normal look.
- But you're like a superwoman. You've accomplished so much, there is nothing you can't do.
- I know, it's just not my goal. I would lift if I enjoyed it strictly for the health benefits, but I don't want to look toned, I just want to look normal with no extra muscle definition or lower than normal body fat.


Why is it so weird to want to look normal? Why do I have to belong to a certain "club" look? Why do I have to be "curvy" or "skinny" or "strong" to be recognized as beautiful as I see myself?

robertw486

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Why is it so weird to want to look normal? Why do I have to belong to a certain "club" look? Why do I have to be "curvy" or "skinny" or "strong" to be recognized as beautiful as I see myself?

You don't have to be any of those things to be beautiful. And I'm sure you already know that.

Set your own goals, reach for them, and push away all the negative input others have. What they want and what you want may be two different things. You won't be find happiness trying to please others, but if you hit your personal goal it's a success, even if you end up later changing your end goal.

Especially in this day and age, "normal" is often just a passing fad. To me, being normal is being myself. And if my weight/fitness/eating goals aren't "normal" I'm fine with that. I'm in this game for me.

Therealobi1

I don't think you need to. I think people need to mind their business and life would be easier. I started off obese and now at the high end of normal. Struggled to get to next level because I realise I am happy where I am. I am healthy and stronger than ever been. So happy to stay here and maintain

zoeysasha37

I would personally just stop having the conversation with people if your getting that much grief over it. When they ask if your done, just say ",well you'll have to wait and see" or something along those lines. There's no need to explain yourself over and over, its your life and your body.

honkytonks85

Tell em to get out of your business, honestly people feel this need to comment on this stuff when they really shouldn't unless invited to!

CurlyCockney

"I could have a bikini body now if I wanted to. All I need to do is put a bikini on it."

Best answer ever!

robertw486

CurlyCockney wrote: »

"I could have a bikini body now if I wanted to. All I need to do is put a bikini on it."

Best answer ever!

I agree. And it's the answer everyone should have!

rhyolite_

Unfortunately, people make your weight loss and food choices their business all the time. I do love your attitude though. It seems you are able to be confident in your own journey without looking down on other women's bodies/choices, which is great!

amusedmonkey

Thank you for the replies everyone. I guess I should stop discussing my weight with others and figure out a way to divert the conversation without sounding rude.

Therealobi1

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Thank you for the replies everyone. I guess I should stop discussing my weight with others and figure out a way to divert the conversation without sounding rude.

i have always just ended the conversation by laughing.
i have been called lollipop head, skinny minnie, told to stop losing weight (all of which are ridiculous). If i just laugh nothing more to say.

allbarrett

honkytonks85 wrote: »

Tell em to get out of your business, honestly people feel this need to comment on this stuff when they really shouldn't unless invited to!

Quoting for emphasis. Unless you are inviting these conversations, these all seem incredibly rude and invasive to me. My weight (like my finances, political opinions, and religious affiliation are not up for discussion by the general public.

boricua3177

I've come to the conclusion that people just say dumb *kitten* *kitten* out of their mouth because they have nothing better to say. When I was pregnant, you wouldn't believe the intrusive questions I would get from perfect strangers (even men)! I have already gotten comments at work about how I don't need to lose anymore weight & that I am going to disappear. Ummm, I highly doubt that. So, yeah, people are dumb at times...

ValGogo

Qlove your post. I also like being in the high end of my range. I haven't lost despite all my exercise and lifting and that's only because I am not sticking to a deficit.
I like "normal" too, but my normal is being leaner and tight. People are never satisfied with other people work. They see you losing and think they can micromanage your process.
Keep up the good work. I'm on day two of a deficit. I'm taking for July 2016 to be at 180. That's under a year. I got the muscles; I just gotta lose the fat. Haha.
Anyway cheers and keep it up.

ValGogo

I hate typos especially when I can't fix em. I hope u got the gist of my post.

mwyvr

amusedmonkey wrote: »

Thank you for the replies everyone. I guess I should stop discussing my weight with others and figure out a way to divert the conversation without sounding rude.

I find that by not being specific the conversation soon ends. If they say I look great I just say thanks. If they ask how I did it I tell them I right-sized my eating and became active again - I enjoy running.

Rarely does anyone ask if I am planning on losing more so if I keep my big mouth shut and not advertise that I plan on losing another 15-20 pounds, the weight-specific conversation is over.

PS: I've concluded people who haven't lost 50 or 100 pounds or more just have no clue how much their love handles and other bits of fat all over their body actually weigh.

PSPS: Of course it's not all about the number on the scale so I totally understand where you are coming from. I'm already feeling great and could stay here for a long time but being 54 years old now I figure for longer term health reasons it is best I drop the bit of excess abdominal fat, even if it doesn't really show unless naked. I'm not doing it for appearance but for longevity.