Settings rule for a teenager
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I don't really understand all the negative posts here... her daughter said that it bothers her. How can OP help her if she's not supposed to talk about it?
OP, I second sparkteens and talking about her to her pediatrician. I was a fat teenager, so I don't believe in the whole 'oh she'll grow out of it' stuff (I was mostly at my current height at 14, so if I grew at all, it was sideways). My mom never cared and let me eat everything I wanted, so kudos to you for trying to help her.
And yeah, always have cut fruit and veggies, yogurts etc available for her to snack on. And I'd cut the homemade treats to week ends only or something, or make it clear that there's only a certain amount and it's supposed to last x numbers of days so it's only for breakfast.0 -
...We are eating very little junk food, almost all meals and treats are homemade, there are few packaged things, and in general we go for whole grain, vegetable oils, lots of fish, lean meats, fruit etc. So, it is not so much a matter of quality, she is not eating super calorie dense food, but she is eating too much.
Actually, she is eating normal to small actual meal portions, but keeps getting back to the kitchen to snack.
We usually also have some treats, like homemade cake or biscuits etc, served for breakfast one portion at a time, but I have noticed she tends to go back and nibble on these things. She used to do the same with cereal, so I had to stop buying them...Any ideas?
What exactly is she having for breakfast before the treats? The only time I can eat foods like cake and biscuits without being triggered to keep snacking is at night after dinner.
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I think she's done enough talking that now the kid knows, and more talking will just border on nagging. Even with an adult, not every complaint about a fat day is invitation for talk about healthy eating...0
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kshama2001 wrote: »...We are eating very little junk food, almost all meals and treats are homemade, there are few packaged things, and in general we go for whole grain, vegetable oils, lots of fish, lean meats, fruit etc. So, it is not so much a matter of quality, she is not eating super calorie dense food, but she is eating too much.
Actually, she is eating normal to small actual meal portions, but keeps getting back to the kitchen to snack.
We usually also have some treats, like homemade cake or biscuits etc, served for breakfast one portion at a time, but I have noticed she tends to go back and nibble on these things. She used to do the same with cereal, so I had to stop buying them...Any ideas?
What exactly is she having for breakfast before the treats? The only time I can eat foods like cake and biscuits without being triggered to keep snacking is at night after dinner.
This. I can't have cake for breakfast (although yeah, I did as a teen, but then I was munching all day too). Try to give her something with more protein.0 -
Amberonamission wrote: »Thinking now that I am just going to have to deal with living with a binge eater. So hard living with an addict like this when you are in recovery.
Is there any chance that you are projecting your feelings about food onto her?
I was not an overweight teen, but my mom was uncomfortable with my body development and need for calories while I was growing, and she screamed and yelled at me for having a sweet tooth- told me something was wrong with me. I didn't weigh 100 lbs until I was 17, and I ended up 5'10".
If you are really worried, talk to her doctor without her there to find out what is normal.
Same.
My mother would yell at me that I "couldn't be hungry." Really screwed me up on trusting my own hunger.
I was apparently "becoming diabetic" for having too much of a sweet tooth.
I really don't have a bigger sweet tooth than the average person, probably a little less, but she got so angry about it.0 -
I agree with the others that as a teenager she needs to be making her own choices.
IME it never, ever works out to try to "food police" someone else. Not in food choices or portions. It's a no win situation for both parties.
Keep doing what you're doing -- provide healthy choices and set a good example.0 -
I just want to toss in a recommendation for sparkteens.com/. It's like MFP but specifically for teens, and the recommendations and suggestions are fine-tuned for young people who are still growing.
Parents can get some good tips there, and if they want to sign up for it themselves, the boards and various support groups provide a positive environment that the kids can call their own.
Thank you, I will look into this0 -
Amberonamission wrote: »Thinking now that I am just going to have to deal with living with a binge eater. So hard living with an addict like this when you are in recovery.
Is there any chance that you are projecting your feelings about food onto her?
I was not an overweight teen, but my mom was uncomfortable with my body development and need for calories while I was growing, and she screamed and yelled at me for having a sweet tooth- told me something was wrong with me. I didn't weigh 100 lbs until I was 17, and I ended up 5'10".
If you are really worried, talk to her doctor without her there to find out what is normal.
I have never been ovwerweight, except perhaps as a young child (which I did not know or care about), so I do not think so.
Her dr is concerned and have talked to her and me about avoiding junk food, but since junk food is not the issue, she has no ideas. She did encourage her to snack on fruit and vegetables, but I doubt there are many teenagers who would willingly gnaw on a carrot if there is anything else edible in the house.0 -
I have never yelled at mine nor told her she was any less than beautiful. But, she is made fun of and it hurts her. teenagers are so mean. She also has personal athletic goals that I have attempted to help her with.
My point was that she is old enough to handle her own business.0 -
Just voicing my opinion, but I don't think policing her food consumption is a bad thing. As a child or teenager, I never had totally free access to the kitchen. For water or squash, yes, but almost everything else had to be asked for. If we asked for fruit or milk, the answer was almost always yes, but I was very used to being told no if I wanted crisps, chocolate, biscuits, ice cream, jam on toast, or lemonade. I never took that as a reflection on my weight, but more that it was my parents who bought the food for the family so it's not acceptable for me to just help myself without checking, and some foods you don't need to have every day.
Surely as a parent, you can exercise the right to tell her to leave palatable foods like home made biscuits or moreish cereals alone, because they're for everyone and they need to last? I guess that's harder if it's a change of the rules in your house.
You obviously promote exercise and a healthy body image, which is great. From the sounds of it, if she's in early puberty, it's not uncommon for girls to put on a little puppy fat which they then lose as they grow upward and also develop more adult bodies. I certainly did - I was a little chubby 12-14, then lost a little weight 15-16 when I had my last growth spurt. My brother was the same.0 -
mutatedpie wrote: »I want to share my experience as a once chubby 13 year old girl. Although my mother denies it now, she would make comments about my weight in attempt to motivate me into weightloss. I wasn't even all that overweight. Just enough for me to notice. But her comments began to fester and I ended up with all kinds of disordered eating habits, which eventually turned into bulimia. Come to find out, my body filled into my height and I ended up fine.
You are already providing your daughter with necessary tools for healthy eating. She is young, but not stupid. An overbearing concern about her weight can fester in the same way, and her issue may be just linked with that awkward puberty age. As others said, just continue what you are doing by keeping healthy snacks around while educating her on nutrition, but don't let her begin to think that her weight is that important right now. I can assure you, she is most likely very aware of her size. Just continue to be nurturing.
Although I was not an overweight teenager, I grew up in an abusive and negative family and I was told repeatedly that I am fat. Fortunately the mirror told me otherwise (I was told I was fat when my BMI of 20), but still I remember worrying and having low self esteem, so this is not something I want to do to my child. It is actually the opposite, she had some negative comments from friends, and she is concerned herself. I try to reassure her, but I do not want to end up to the opposite extreme and let her think overeating is a great idea. It is so hard finding the right balance
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Amberonamission wrote: »Thinking now that I am just going to have to deal with living with a binge eater. So hard living with an addict like this when you are in recovery.
Is there any chance that you are projecting your feelings about food onto her?
I was not an overweight teen, but my mom was uncomfortable with my body development and need for calories while I was growing, and she screamed and yelled at me for having a sweet tooth- told me something was wrong with me. I didn't weigh 100 lbs until I was 17, and I ended up 5'10".
If you are really worried, talk to her doctor without her there to find out what is normal.
I have never been ovwerweight, except perhaps as a young child (which I did not know or care about), so I do not think so.
Her dr is concerned and have talked to her and me about avoiding junk food, but since junk food is not the issue, she has no ideas. She did encourage her to snack on fruit and vegetables, but I doubt there are many teenagers who would willingly gnaw on a carrot if there is anything else edible in the house.
I actually also got yelled at for eating raw veggies, and chunks of cheese.
I think my mom was just totally in denial of how much teens eat. Especially tall teens.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »...We are eating very little junk food, almost all meals and treats are homemade, there are few packaged things, and in general we go for whole grain, vegetable oils, lots of fish, lean meats, fruit etc. So, it is not so much a matter of quality, she is not eating super calorie dense food, but she is eating too much.
Actually, she is eating normal to small actual meal portions, but keeps getting back to the kitchen to snack.
We usually also have some treats, like homemade cake or biscuits etc, served for breakfast one portion at a time, but I have noticed she tends to go back and nibble on these things. She used to do the same with cereal, so I had to stop buying them...Any ideas?
What exactly is she having for breakfast before the treats? The only time I can eat foods like cake and biscuits without being triggered to keep snacking is at night after dinner.
I have thought about this too. I have offered eggs or yoghurt and she looks at me like I am crazy and ends up not eating at all. Which means more snacking later on.
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I can't agree. Children learn manners, study habits, hygiene habits from good parents. Good food decisions are a learned skill also. I don't want to hear in 15 years that I never stopped her from that 3ed bowl of pasta. If she was going to touch a hot stove is stop her. If she was driving away without her seatbelt on I'd tell her to put it on. It's a mom's job to show the way.I agree with the others that as a teenager she needs to be making her own choices.
IME it never, ever works out to try to "food police" someone else. Not in food choices or portions. It's a no win situation for both parties.
Keep doing what you're doing -- provide healthy choices and set a good example.
U
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Amberonamission wrote: »
I can't agree. Children learn manners, study habits, hygiene habits from good parents. Good food decisions are a learned skill also. I don't want to hear in 15 years that I never stopped her from that 3ed bowl of pasta. If she was going to touch a hot stove is stop her. If she was driving away without her seatbelt on I'd tell her to put it on. It's a mom's job to show the way.I agree with the others that as a teenager she needs to be making her own choices.
IME it never, ever works out to try to "food police" someone else. Not in food choices or portions. It's a no win situation for both parties.
Keep doing what you're doing -- provide healthy choices and set a good example.
U
Most lessons are taught well before children reach the teenager years (like wearing seat belts and not touching hot stoves).
IME you reach a point where as a parent you have to start backing off and letting them make their own choices.
Also IME as a parent you sometimes have to choose what resentment(s) you're willing to live with down the road. It may be true that you will avoid any accusation of having let her eat three bowls of pasta. But be aware that you may get resentment for policing her food choices too much or causing her to have a poor body image, as many posters on this thread have pointed out was the case for them. IME the latter is much more common than the former, and I think that's being proven by the posts on this thread so far.0 -
If it's because of puberty, I assume she'd be really hungry? I'd just talk to her openly about that. If she's snacking a lot because she's hungry and craves calories, that could be totally normal because of puberty and growth spurts. If she's not hungry and still snacking, that could end up being a bad habit that will have to be broken sometime (and yes, she could get fat).
Maybe make some healthy snacks that are more filling than a piece of fruit, etc? Like bran and fruit muffins or something. If she's legitimately craving calories in order to grow, that will only be a problem if she keeps gaining weight well past her growth spurts, and that can't be known yet.0 -
I am going through the same thing with my 13 year old daughter. She is 5'5" and 155 pounds. It worries my how much she snacks. I hate to pester her about it so now I just don't keep any snack items that she likes in the house. So I literally go shopping everyday before I come home from work. Eventually she's gonna figure out what I'm doing.
If she's really hungry she could eat the carrots or cucumbers in the fridge, but she doesn't do that so she just has the munchies. 0 -
Surprised no one has mentioned it but it doesnt matter if she over eats healthy food or junk food- she'll still gain weight. Since we don't know more details let's not forget that overeating can also be an eating disorder, by far more common than others. I don't think anyone would tell this mom to butt out if she had a child that was under eating or throwing up everything she ate. Not saying I have the answer as to what to do, but try to figure out why she snacks so much. I don't think it's inappropriate to get a handle on it while your daughter is "Chubby" (whatever that means) and before she is more overweight and obese. Also, women in general tend to stop growing in height after puberty and their period starts. Unless it's common in your family she's probably not going to shoot up 5 inches and magically lean out. She's probably just overweight at this point (due to overeating). Maybe get her started on a busy hobby like knitting or crocheting that she can do to keep her hands busy so she doesn't eat when she's bored.0
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I am going through the same thing with my 13 year old daughter. She is 5'5" and 155 pounds. It worries my how much she snacks. I hate to pester her about it so now I just don't keep any snack items that she likes in the house. So I literally go shopping everyday before I come home from work. Eventually she's gonna figure out what I'm doing. If she's really hungry she could eat the carrots or cucumbers in the fridge, but she doesn't do that so she just has the munchies.
I wish I could do that also ,but I can't because of my work schedule.unfortunately, I have to shop once per week because I work 2 jobs and have very little free time. So while I'm working, my son is left to make his own choices. Instead of one yogurt and one clementine, he would easily eat 6 yogurts and several Clementines . its very hard because they are good choices , but yet its still too much for a snack. I'm currently trying to find a balance because putting locks up doesn't seem like a good idea and could cause more harm then good. ( my son is able to get to the store where he could get his hands on soda or candy in big huge portions so the last thing I want is for him to try to go buy things on his own ,If I was to lock up the fridge) so I'm going to have to find a balance here without going to an extreme like that.0 -
I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often0
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