Settings rule for a teenager
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She has to want it bad enough. Lots of people 'want it'. They want to lose the weight, but not make any sacrifices. Those people aren't ready. And it can't come from you encouraging her, she has to be in charge in order to make long term changes.
My only suggestions would be to subtly switch up your breakfast routine to less high calorie treats, and more lower calorie but still delicious options, so she doesn't feel deprived, but might become more full on less calories. And try to get her busier. Maybe more involved in martial arts (perhaps by adding in a competition or another class, or even a goal to teach it or something), or add another sport if there is something she likes. Sometimes kids have to try a lot of different sports to find their passion.0 -
I don't think there is an issue, and agree with many people above. She is still growing, and if she's only just into the 'overweight' bmi category at this time then it's totally fine. It would be super obvious if she was properly overweight and needed to lose, which from what you say it sounds like she doesn't.0
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Thinking back to when I was a teenager (not all that long ago to be honest haha), I used to think I was 'fat', when in actual fact I was relatively healthy- if a little high on the healthy BMI chart section. When I was 15 or so I exercised regularly due to school PE lessons, I ate well because my parents were good/conscious cooks.
My weight went up and down between 15-17, and when I was 17 I lost a lot of weight. I became obsessed with how I looked and losing weight, I'd go for runs every evening, I'd cut out all the 'nice' foods; things like biscuits, cakes, anything I thought was 'fattening'. I didn't understand that I could still eat all of those things but in moderation. I didnt know that all I had to do was count calories to lose weight -I didnt understand that more than 2lbs a week was too much weight loss. Looking back I do wish someone had explained to me how nutrition and food works- things like eating right after a workout, or how you cant out-exercise a bad diet.
All that being said, I do think you need to be very careful with this subject. At such a young and impressionable age, all manner of things could be going through your daughters head that would seem silly to us now. I remember I used to avoid eating in school or college because of what people would think of me etc. If you're constantly bringing up food or making comments on her appetite/weight she'll pick up on it, and it could do more harm than good. If I were in your position (and this is said as someone close to your daughters age- not as a parent) I would leave things as they are, she knows you're there for moral support and information on nutrition/dieting if she needs you, but she's old enough to make that decision for herself
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I know she's doing martial arts, but what does she do at home? If she spends a lot of time in front of a screen, then maybe she's eating out of boredom and could use a hobby to keep her mind busy on something else.0
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Does she skip breakfast because she is too sleepy in the morning? Science is teaching us new info about teens and their sleep times.0
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Like several other posters, my mom's approach to my eating when I was a teen led to years of disordered eating and self esteem issues. I think helping your daughter figure out her own ways of feeling satisfied while still being healthy is important. I noticed that you said she is having small to normal portions at meals and then snacking a lot. I think that's concerning, because the deprivation - secret eating roller coaster is exactly where you shouldn't want her to go. Talk to her about satiety, and how people can have their own unique combination of food that hits the spot for them. (Snacks with protein are likely to be more filling than other choices.) Give her information and guidance, but help her start to make her own choices. If you're working harder on this than her, it will backfire. (I have 2 older teens. Trust me on this.) Teen years are when kids need to start controlling more of their lives. That's healthy. That way, they can make mistakes when we're still there to help them deal with their mistakes.
The part of your brain that handles impulse control & planning is not fully formed until in our early 20's. The reason teens act differently from adults is not just emotional maturity - they literally do not have the same brain structures we do as adults. Reading up on the teen brain is very helpful to all parents of teens, in my opinion.0 -
I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often
I have tried vegetables and she pretends they are not there. She eats vegetables with lunch, but as a snack, no way. She used to eat cheese, now unless it is part of a sandwich, no. I tried the trail mix, but the result is I end up having a problem with one of her younger siblings, who thinks the right serving for a trail mix is a huge bucket, so either we end up fighting or he can eat 10 servings in an hour
I cannot have processed meat regularly, because it is on the list of things one of my other kids should not have currently, but I try to buy smoked fish whenever I can (that thing is expensive) and she eats this as a snack. Smoothies she likes but wants to prepare herself, so they always end up pink She will never ever add anything green in them. 0 -
Does she skip breakfast because she is too sleepy in the morning? Science is teaching us new info about teens and their sleep times.
No, she always has breakfast. According to her currently breakfast should be at least 5 servings of cake. At least we managed to negotiate over this (she would literally create a pile of cake, cookies etc in her plate). I had to tell her that she is eating in one morning what I had planned for the whole week, so either she needs to eat one portion, or I am no longer allowing this items at all. Currently she has accepted eating something like a slice of cake, or a couple of biscuits with a cup of milk. I think it is too little, but she refuses to add anything more to it. I have tried fruit, yoghurt, omelettes, cheese and she just leaves it.0 -
I really feel for you here. I can see it from both sides. For me my mum picked on my weight and my sisters weight which was generally underweight or bottom of bmi. We both ended up with secret binge eating patterns which lasted till adulthood. For my cousin, her mother ignored the overeating and poor choices and so she ended up obese and miserable and had a gastric bypass at age 18. It's really tricky.
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Surprised no one has mentioned it but it doesnt matter if she over eats healthy food or junk food- she'll still gain weight. Since we don't know more details let's not forget that overeating can also be an eating disorder, by far more common than others. I don't think anyone would tell this mom to butt out if she had a child that was under eating or throwing up everything she ate. Not saying I have the answer as to what to do, but try to figure out why she snacks so much. I don't think it's inappropriate to get a handle on it while your daughter is "Chubby" (whatever that means) and before she is more overweight and obese. Also, women in general tend to stop growing in height after puberty and their period starts. Unless it's common in your family she's probably not going to shoot up 5 inches and magically lean out. She's probably just overweight at this point (due to overeating). Maybe get her started on a busy hobby like knitting or crocheting that she can do to keep her hands busy so she doesn't eat when she's bored.
The OP said that her daughter has only just started puberty, so she could be as young as 9. She's probably got a few more inches up her sleeve...0 -
Does she skip breakfast because she is too sleepy in the morning? Science is teaching us new info about teens and their sleep times.
No, she always has breakfast. According to her currently breakfast should be at least 5 servings of cake. At least we managed to negotiate over this (she would literally create a pile of cake, cookies etc in her plate). I had to tell her that she is eating in one morning what I had planned for the whole week, so either she needs to eat one portion, or I am no longer allowing this items at all. Currently she has accepted eating something like a slice of cake, or a couple of biscuits with a cup of milk. I think it is too little, but she refuses to add anything more to it. I have tried fruit, yoghurt, omelettes, cheese and she just leaves it.
I think it's important for children and teenagers to learn to listen to their own hunger/satiated signals, have some control over their food and meals etc because it's an important thing to learn.
However, I do think cake for breakfast is where you can justifiably put your foot down. Breakfast is for nutritious food - fruit, yoghurt, cereal, oats, eggs, steak, whatever. That's not up for debate. Cake and biscuits are not a meal, they're an 'extra'. If that means she eats nothing, send her with some fruit and call it done. Is it possible that she snacks later because she's hungry from lack of nutrients/filling foods? Cake isn't very filling. I could eat a stack of cake and be hungry in an hour. She also may not be a breakfast person. Some people just aren't. Would she accept a smoothie or yoghurt to take with her to eat a bit later on?
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I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often
I have tried vegetables and she pretends they are not there. She eats vegetables with lunch, but as a snack, no way. She used to eat cheese, now unless it is part of a sandwich, no. I tried the trail mix, but the result is I end up having a problem with one of her younger siblings, who thinks the right serving for a trail mix is a huge bucket, so either we end up fighting or he can eat 10 servings in an hour
I cannot have processed meat regularly, because it is on the list of things one of my other kids should not have currently, but I try to buy smoked fish whenever I can (that thing is expensive) and she eats this as a snack. Smoothies she likes but wants to prepare herself, so they always end up pink She will never ever add anything green in them.
Maybe some food coloring can mask veggie ingredients for her, LOL. Oh, also, just snacking on plain veggies can take some maturity or at least getting used to. Can you research recipes for low calorie fruit/veggie snacks they'll actually want to eat? I did apple chips for a while and now I'm considering dried pineapples (could be kind of high cal, but the idea is that you can make tasty items of fruit/veg that may be more kid friendly).
Agree about putting your foot down regarding cake for breakfast. Wow, what an amazing life it would have been if I could have cake for breakfast growing up. I don't believe I would have consumed anything else :laugh:
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I'm wondering if the breakfast food issue offers an opportunity to deal with this from a nutrition/performance angle and not a "weight" angle per se....
I was a kid/teen who loathed just about all traditional breakfast food. So I get that. Maybe if you could engage her in some studies or articles about the importance of breakfast, and the importance of including protein and other nutrients in breakfast...? If she likes smoothies, even a smoothie made from greek yogurt/bananas/frozen berries/honey is better than cake and would also be filling.
I'm not a mother, but I was a step-girlfriend to a girl from 7 to 13, so I know how sensitive this is and how important it is to educate while empowering and supporting. I noticed the "she likes to make her own smoothies" part and that sounded like my experience.
This is a kid who will soon have the opportunity to make choices on food that you can't control or may not even know, so really, this has to be something she chooses. If she is becoming weight-conscious, you are ready to give her suggestions when she asks for them.
Finally, I would encourage you to rethink the opportunities for more activity or sports or exercise. If there is something else that she gravitates to, the problem may literally solve itself (the additional activity plus the peer element of it). I am a big believer in sports for girls from a health and self-esteem standpoint.0 -
I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often
I have tried vegetables and she pretends they are not there. She eats vegetables with lunch, but as a snack, no way. She used to eat cheese, now unless it is part of a sandwich, no. I tried the trail mix, but the result is I end up having a problem with one of her younger siblings, who thinks the right serving for a trail mix is a huge bucket, so either we end up fighting or he can eat 10 servings in an hour
I cannot have processed meat regularly, because it is on the list of things one of my other kids should not have currently, but I try to buy smoked fish whenever I can (that thing is expensive) and she eats this as a snack. Smoothies she likes but wants to prepare herself, so they always end up pink She will never ever add anything green in them.
Maybe some food coloring can mask veggie ingredients for her, LOL. Oh, also, just snacking on plain veggies can take some maturity or at least getting used to. Can you research recipes for low calorie fruit/veggie snacks they'll actually want to eat? I did apple chips for a while and now I'm considering dried pineapples (could be kind of high cal, but the idea is that you can make tasty items of fruit/veg that may be more kid friendly).
Agree about putting your foot down regarding cake for breakfast. Wow, what an amazing life it would have been if I could have cake for breakfast growing up. I don't believe I would have consumed anything else :laugh:
It is homemade, low sugar, vegan usually and whole grain, do not think of e.g. a birthday cake. Which means that one average slice is no more than 200-250 cals (at least what a slice should be in my opinion, and what my other kids consider a serving) and rich in fiber. But it is a struggle to get her to eat one slice and accept there should be something more feeling too.
I like the idea of apple chips, she might like this and it sounds like a good snack.0 -
I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often
I have tried vegetables and she pretends they are not there. She eats vegetables with lunch, but as a snack, no way. She used to eat cheese, now unless it is part of a sandwich, no. I tried the trail mix, but the result is I end up having a problem with one of her younger siblings, who thinks the right serving for a trail mix is a huge bucket, so either we end up fighting or he can eat 10 servings in an hour
I cannot have processed meat regularly, because it is on the list of things one of my other kids should not have currently, but I try to buy smoked fish whenever I can (that thing is expensive) and she eats this as a snack. Smoothies she likes but wants to prepare herself, so they always end up pink She will never ever add anything green in them.
Maybe some food coloring can mask veggie ingredients for her, LOL. Oh, also, just snacking on plain veggies can take some maturity or at least getting used to. Can you research recipes for low calorie fruit/veggie snacks they'll actually want to eat? I did apple chips for a while and now I'm considering dried pineapples (could be kind of high cal, but the idea is that you can make tasty items of fruit/veg that may be more kid friendly).
Agree about putting your foot down regarding cake for breakfast. Wow, what an amazing life it would have been if I could have cake for breakfast growing up. I don't believe I would have consumed anything else :laugh:
It is homemade, low sugar, vegan usually and whole grain, do not think of e.g. a birthday cake. Which means that one average slice is no more than 200-250 cals (at least what a slice should be in my opinion, and what my other kids consider a serving) and rich in fiber. But it is a struggle to get her to eat one slice and accept there should be something more feeling too.
I like the idea of apple chips, she might like this and it sounds like a good snack.
Would she like something like this?
http://wellnourished.com.au/baked-brown-rice-pudding/?doing_wp_cron=1442688503.2093520164489746093750
I make it with banana and strawberry on top, so it's sweet and dessert-like but it's actually healthy and filling.0 -
michelle7673 wrote: »I'm wondering if the breakfast food issue offers an opportunity to deal with this from a nutrition/performance angle and not a "weight" angle per se....
I was a kid/teen who loathed just about all traditional breakfast food. So I get that. Maybe if you could engage her in some studies or articles about the importance of breakfast, and the importance of including protein and other nutrients in breakfast...? If she likes smoothies, even a smoothie made from greek yogurt/bananas/frozen berries/honey is better than cake and would also be filling.
I'm not a mother, but I was a step-girlfriend to a girl from 7 to 13, so I know how sensitive this is and how important it is to educate while empowering and supporting. I noticed the "she likes to make her own smoothies" part and that sounded like my experience.
This is a kid who will soon have the opportunity to make choices on food that you can't control or may not even know, so really, this has to be something she chooses. If she is becoming weight-conscious, you are ready to give her suggestions when she asks for them.
Finally, I would encourage you to rethink the opportunities for more activity or sports or exercise. If there is something else that she gravitates to, the problem may literally solve itself (the additional activity plus the peer element of it). I am a big believer in sports for girls from a health and self-esteem standpoint.
Another vote for smoothies with protein.
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I would make healthy snacking easy. Have prewashed and cut veggies in the fridge. Cut some cheese and put it with some meats into a container for snacks. Make a trail mix with nuts, dried fruit, coconut and cacao and then keep it in snack sized containers. Make leftovers so she can eat a small meal if she wants. Make a spinach and kiwi smoothie fr her in the morning and leave it in the fridge for later in the day.
It's more work for you, but it might help.
I would get rid of cereal, crackers, cookies, chips, candies and any soda. I believe many (not all) people overeat on highly processed carbs, but if you remove those items from the house, she probably won't eat them as often
I have tried vegetables and she pretends they are not there. She eats vegetables with lunch, but as a snack, no way. She used to eat cheese, now unless it is part of a sandwich, no. I tried the trail mix, but the result is I end up having a problem with one of her younger siblings, who thinks the right serving for a trail mix is a huge bucket, so either we end up fighting or he can eat 10 servings in an hour
I cannot have processed meat regularly, because it is on the list of things one of my other kids should not have currently, but I try to buy smoked fish whenever I can (that thing is expensive) and she eats this as a snack. Smoothies she likes but wants to prepare herself, so they always end up pink She will never ever add anything green in them.
Maybe some food coloring can mask veggie ingredients for her, LOL. Oh, also, just snacking on plain veggies can take some maturity or at least getting used to. Can you research recipes for low calorie fruit/veggie snacks they'll actually want to eat? I did apple chips for a while and now I'm considering dried pineapples (could be kind of high cal, but the idea is that you can make tasty items of fruit/veg that may be more kid friendly).
Agree about putting your foot down regarding cake for breakfast. Wow, what an amazing life it would have been if I could have cake for breakfast growing up. I don't believe I would have consumed anything else :laugh:
It is homemade, low sugar, vegan usually and whole grain, do not think of e.g. a birthday cake. Which means that one average slice is no more than 200-250 cals (at least what a slice should be in my opinion, and what my other kids consider a serving) and rich in fiber. But it is a struggle to get her to eat one slice and accept there should be something more feeling too.
I like the idea of apple chips, she might like this and it sounds like a good snack.
Ok, so not a birthday cake, but where's the protein?
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I dunno, if she is just hitting puberty, she's probably got a last growth spurt left, and things will even out. Not knowing anything else about her, I can't really say, but that's my guess.
My advice is not to focus as much on quality of food as quantity. Maybe challenge her to log privately for a week and see how much she actually is eating? Snacking can become habit (one I'm still trying to break), and that can lead to a lot more food being consumed than a person realizes. If she's snacking constantly and it's not habit, she's probably not getting enough of something in her diet. My guess would be protein, but I know for me it's sometimes carbs too.
Also, keep encouraging activity. She's going to marital arts and that's great, just keep encouraging her to do so. My parents did a good job making sure we had healthy meals and what not, and learned how to eat properly and even rudimentary portion control, but I'll be honest, a lot of that went out the window when I got out on my own. Part of that is because I had to buy my own stuff and it was easier to live on poptarts and hot dogs, but mostly because I don't like veggies. I never really have. There are some that I'll eat, but overall, I'm happy without. So my diet went straight down, but I didn't gain anything because I was still active. Actually, a little more in college because I had to walk everywhere. I didn't start gaining weight until I got a full time desk job. I didn't add any activity outside that, but also didn't change how much I was eating. As long as she has activities outside of school and work (when she gets to that point), she'll do much better in the long run.0 -
Coming from a kid whos mother had me in WW while i was still in high school and who was always up my butt about my weight, i would back off a little and don't harass her about nibbling. granted it is not the most healthy way to eat, but you don't want her to start sneaking food and hiding food and having a really bad relationship with food, like i did. Offer her support and education on serving sizes and have her help you cook.
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