Living in an Unsupportive Household

grimendale

Do you have any unusual tastes? I personally like foods exceptionally spicy, so when one of my old roomates wouldn't stop eating my food, I left a couple favorites of his in the fridge drenched in ghost pepper sauce. I come home from work that night to see him sitting on the couch with a huge class of water and tears running down his face (I decided not to tell him that the water was just making things worse). After that, he didn't trust anything I left in the fridge and my food was safe.

herblackwings39

I wonder how they'd like it if they bought a whole box of drumsticks and they "disappeared" because you were hungry? If suddenly all the stuff they're buying ends up just disappearing I doubt they'd be very happy about it.

jennifershoo

Why are your family members eating your food if you tell them not to? That's just crazy!

missfitmt

I must be a real cow in real life, because I can't imagine not kicking some severe *kitten* if I was in this situation. Why should you bend to accommodate them? It's your stuff you pay for with your money, right? How is it OK for them to *violate your personal space* and *steal your things* - because that's what this is, right? Even your room isn't safe when you're at work!?

Girl, you need to kick a whole bunch of *kitten*.

This is exactly what got me riled up to begin with. It already sucks living at home with family again after living on my own for 10+ years. But I made this decision to live with them in order to save money to go back to school (amongst other factors that swayed my decision). As angry as I am, no good will come from me yelling at my family members. I just need to figure out a polite way to be more proactive about this.

jennifershoo

Is this family as in other half and kids, or as in parents and siblings?

Because if it is hubby and kids, you need to start laying down the smackdown.

If it is parents and siblings, and you are buying your own food and they eat it, you need to... well, start laying down the smackdown.

If you are buying food, with your money, for you, then it isn't cool that anyone is eating it. So my first point would be to call a family meeting and set out the ground rules. Pick yourself a shelf in the fridge, freezer and pantry, claim it as your own and raise hell if it is violated.

If your family is one of those who don't listen no matter what, then consider the above regarding a fridge of your own. But first step - stand your ground and let them know that helping themselves is NOT cool!!

It's parents and siblings. My father suggested that I keep whatever I want to hide in the BUTTER COMPARTMENT of the fridge. I laughed when he said that. I don't know what I can realistically keep on that tiny shelf.

Getting my own mini fridge is a great idea, but I'm not sure they will respect it. I'm gone a lot of the day (at work) and my room is pretty much fair game while I'm gone. A tackle box with a lock though...now there's an idea

I don't understand. Are they that much addicted to food that they would sneak in your mini fridge in your own room? Or they just disrespect you so much that they want o piss you off by eating your food? What's the deal?

missfitmt

I don't understand. Are they that much addicted to food that they would sneak in your mini fridge in your own room? Or they just disrespect you so much that they want o piss you off by eating your food? What's the deal?

It's more of what mahanaibu said earlier - they eat it b/c it's convenient and just needs to be heated up. At least that's how it is with my brother, who will hopefully be leaving for the navy soon lol

suziramsdell

It's tough. I don't have kids in the house (anymore) but I have a husband who eats anything and everything. For dinner I cook lean meats and fish, but he wants steak a lot, so I just don't eat it and fix something else. We are pretty much on the same page with salad and veggies. He doesn't eat breakfast or lunch, so I have no problem keeping what I need on hand. I don't have the problem of my husband wanting to eat my foods, just the problem of the temptation of his junk he buys. Maybe if you freeze things put them in a non-see through container and label them something like liver or whatever they won't eat. Maybe that would help. It seems really thoughtless of them to snatch up the foods you really need. Maybe there isn't a good selection of "their" foods in the fridge. Have a down to earth talk with them. Fine them. When my kids were home and I made things for guests I would put threat notes on things in the fridge. That worked.

NathanFronk

I disagree with your whole premise.

Families aren't perfect, but blood is thicker than frozen chicken breasts. If you communicate honestly with your family I have every confidence they would support you and leave your healthy food alone. If not, it speaks to some doubt they have about the sincerity of your journey.

It doesn't matter if you have started and stopped before. If you are sincere and determined this is not a problem with your family, it is a lack of courage in you to express your honest desires in a way that is hard but effective.

Family is not the enemy--or an excuse. Talk to them. Enlist them as vanguards to help you battle as you fight for a new you.

It is a battle. A fight. You need their help.

SteelySunshine

That isn't just being unsupportive it is theft. They aren't just stealing your food they are stealing your labor as well. You bought it (I am assuming they didn't give you some money towards your groceries), you shopped for it, and prepared it. F'em and move out. I bet they are invading other boundaries as well and creating a toxic environment in other ways. I hope you can find a roommate or roommates, they tend to be less greedy and less likely to steal than your family.

Or get a fridge and microwave for your room and a good deadbolt lock for the door. And a Rottweiler.

anemoneprose

I must be a real cow in real life, because I can't imagine not kicking some severe *kitten* if I was in this situation. Why should you bend to accommodate them? It's your stuff you pay for with your money, right? How is it OK for them to *violate your personal space* and *steal your things* - because that's what this is, right? Even your room isn't safe when you're at work!?

Girl, you need to kick a whole bunch of *kitten*.

This is exactly what got me riled up to begin with. It already sucks living at home with family again after living on my own for 10+ years. But I made this decision to live with them in order to save money to go back to school (amongst other factors that swayed my decision). As angry as I am, no good will come from me yelling at my family members. I just need to figure out a polite way to be more proactive about this.

Hey, that IS hard, all around (I know!).

What if you got them to pitch in for the meat? Unless, they see it as part of your contribution to the household? Maybe that could be clarified. Make everything explicit, like you would with regular roommates.

littlelady2b

Hmmm, that is a tough one. If you have your own room or a garage, maybe one of those little dorm refrigerators in your own private area would do the trick? That way they really are invading your space, and that is beyond not cool.

I agree and locks work really well. I'd be calling a family meeting and explain everything and say this cupboard is mine and it will be locked and this fridge in the garage or where ever is mine also and will be locked until you all can learn to respect my feelings and what I am trying to accomplish here. Take control and lay the law down your health is more important that a little bit of hurt feelings in order to get your point across. Good luck

littlelady2b

I must be a real cow in real life, because I can't imagine not kicking some severe *kitten* if I was in this situation. Why should you bend to accommodate them? It's your stuff you pay for with your money, right? How is it OK for them to *violate your personal space* and *steal your things* - because that's what this is, right? Even your room isn't safe when you're at work!?

Girl, you need to kick a whole bunch of *kitten*.

Absolutely I'm with you on that. I'd have to come unglued on someone. And believe me no I know wants me to go there! Stand strong this is your health and your money time to stand your ground.

heartworth9

I would say only buy healthy food. Normally that requires some cooking or preparation. Ask family members to help you in the kitchen. If you cook, they clean. Teach them food preparation. Get them engaged. Everyone needs to be involved with food. Food is to be honored and savored.

Keep setting boundaries and if those boundaries are violated, then there needs to be consequences such as you taking away something from them (if it is your children especially) so that they can better understand how it FEELS if someone takes something away from them, well it hurts and there is a price to pay. If you continue to allow this behavior you will continue to feel a lack of basic respect, as "trust" will continue to be violated. All relationships are based upon agreements and setting healthy boundaries with others.

This program does require planning, shopping, etc. If food is missing, well that is only going to sabotage your best efforts. So, the pilfering has to STOP.

If everyone is eating healthy, then behaviors often improve as well.

What is hard for me is to see my roommate eating things I know are not good for me on any level. My "inner child" can feel deprived. So he is being a bit more careful not to eat stuff in front of me like he did to support my efforts better. I really believe that I feel my best if I eat clean, but I will also reward myself now and then for the sheer pleasure factor......a reward in essence but also just part of my lifestyle change, a new way of life.

missfitmt

buy veg for a couple of days, and 1 serving meat fresh on the day, if you can grab that on the way home. stir frys

This is a great idea! Thank you!!! :happy:

mommylion

Buy a mini fridge for your bedroom and a plastic storage box for dry food. Change out your bedroom door knob with one that locks with a key so that only you can enter your bedroom.

SkimFlatWhite68

Seems weird to me, but I realise that we all have different lifestyles.

I would stop on the way home and buy what fresh food I needed for each dinner. Then cook enough dinner for leftover lunch the next day and take to work/school/whatever. If you eat anything that is non-perishable, keep it hidden in your room, surely there is somewhere that you have for private stuff... box under the bed, in your wardrobe, somewhere.

MizTerry

Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.

I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.

Binkie1955

you may have to rent a small refrigerator to keep in your room, one with a key lock.
http://www.marinelock.com/Refrigerator-Locks_c_1.html
they have such things. you might keep it in the garage if you don't have your own room.
good luck. move out. move on. find some like minded roommates.

whierd

Make healthy food for all. Problem solved.

I buy the groceries, so everything my family eats is what is provided by me.

Ding ding ding!!!

Essentially you're saying, "I am trying to eat healthy but my family keeps eating all my healthy food!!" The very VERY obvious solution is for everyone to start eating healthy. Very obvious.

EDesq

If you buy the family groceries, why not buy ALL Healthy food and let them enjoy it and when you are ready for some just go get it. If they can not tell the difference between "healthy food" and "unhealthy food" why buy 2 different sets of food.