I want to quit so I fit in with my friends.
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Must be nice to have fat friends you can pig out with and not feel guilty afterwards.0
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If you're friends are actually being dickish about your weight loss, you need new friends.
But your post sounds more like they ask how you manage to lose and still indulge, or express envy at your body. neither of those things should make you want to quit and chub up to be like them, that's just crazy talk.
If they actually MEAN it when they ask how you can eat that and lose - tell them! Explain it once, calories in and out, that you balance it, whatever, and thereafter if they ask again, tell them you already told them. If it's just an off the cuff comment from them, let it slide.
If they say they wish they had a body like yours, say thanks. Then let that slide too.
To give up and 'fit in' is completely illogical. May as well say you wish you had the same disease as your friends if they mention they wish they were of good health like you.0 -
How true.Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »Google "lemming".
/end thread
You can't control how other people will react and it sounds like your friends are afraid of change. Think of it like this: Even if you are the sweetest most perfect berry on the vine, there will always be someone who doesn't like berries.
Quit, or don't. But it is ultimately your choice.
Good Luck!
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I think quitting would be understandable. Fitting in with your friends is more important. Forget about losing the 5kg and gain the 25kg instead. Your friends will feel better about themselves and that's what truly counts.0
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e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
You need new friends.
I'm sorry, that is brutal but we have to face some other challenges during a lifestyle change and I think you've hit one of yours.
You've grown as a person. You're doing this because you want better for yourself. You're putting yourself first. This is at odds with the people you are keeping around in your life.
Accept that how you interact with them may need to be overhauled. If you truly believe they deserve you, speak openly & frankly about either getting their support or having the subject off limits. If you cringe at the thought of doing this, you have your answer. Chuck 'em.0 -
e_j:
Screw em.
I'm serious. You have one body, and it's all yours.
There's a great book by Nate Silver called "The Signal And The Noise". I'm not recommending the book to you, as it has nothing to do with weight loss or nutrition, but the concept is relevant here. Locate the signal and ignore the noise. The signal is the healthy choices you know you should make, and the noise is the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah from these friends you are talking about.
#Ignore
Simple. Done.0 -
The decision is up to you. Just remember if you have weight related health issues, those same friends aren't going to pay for them. And the reality is if they are bigger than you eating half of what you eat when you go out, they're eating a lot more when they aren't with you. Your responsibility is to you, so you have to figure out what's more important.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I don't consider the spectrum of thin to heavy to be a competition between myself and my friends. Some of your overweight friends may be a little envious of your success...I know I have experienced that. However, I would try to just discount it once or twice, but if they really try to hamper your health goals and make you feel badly about losing weight, I'd find new friends. Giving up your health doesn't seem like an option to me.
This.0 -
e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
You need new friends.
I'm sorry, that is brutal but we have to face some other challenges during a lifestyle change and I think you've hit one of yours.
You've grown as a person. You're doing this because you want better for yourself. You're putting yourself first. This is at odds with the people you are keeping around in your life.
Accept that how you interact with them may need to be overhauled. If you truly believe they deserve you, speak openly & frankly about either getting their support or having the subject off limits. If you cringe at the thought of doing this, you have your answer. Chuck 'em.
Yes that is blunt talk.
Research however shows birds of the feather flock together. The odd man out will feel the pressure to conform most of the time. However I know two very good friends (women) with a weight difference of 200 pounds and there is no talk of size or eating habits between them. If we talk weight differences then it is on top of our minds.
It may be different being an old man. I just tell others if they comment I plan to live to be 110. It is unreal how many openly state they DO NOT want to live to be 110. If they have been really mean I may just tell them they really have nothing to worry about in their case.
Now that I am not obese I have to guard against thinking bad things about obese people that want to stay obese. On the flip side I will work with anyone asking me serious questions about how I lost 50 pounds. Most know I did it for pain management and as an example for my 18 year old twins. One is showing signs of arthritis and asked for her own copy of Wheat Belly Total Health by William Davis MD. I gave it to her today. I expect she will do LCHF if needed just because she sees I went from very limited mobility to walking well and for long distances. If it had not been for the kids I may have just sit down and stopped moving or got on Enbrel.
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e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric0 -
LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric0 -
LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric
Yeah, but it might cause a welcome change of subject!
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LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric
Yeah, but it might cause a welcome change of subject!
Boy, would it! Lol0 -
Don't focus so much on the number or what your friends say to you, focus on doing what you want to do and what you know is best for you, which is eating healthily and maintaining a healthy weight!
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LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric
Yeah, but it might cause a welcome change of subject!
Boy, would it! Lol
And sure as heck, they'd stop bringing it up!0 -
LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric
Yeah, but it might cause a welcome change of subject!
Welcome change of subject? To police intervention when her friends chase her down the street wielding a broken chair as weapons.
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LOL That is not going to over well, I promise.OsricTheKnight wrote: »e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."
Osric
Yeah, but it might cause a welcome change of subject!
Welcome change of subject? To police intervention when her friends chase her down the street wielding a broken chair as weapons.
Hey, running away from angry friends is great exercise!
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I love telling friends and family the calorie content of things, especially stuff like that massive spoon of mayo they have just scooped out. Then I have to tell them that it's actually waaaay more than a tablespoon.
They only thing you can control is your thoughts and actions. It makes things easier when you realise that.0 -
"I beg your pardon, would you slowly repeat what you just said?" is one of my favorite lines. Make sure you frown and slightly squint your eyes while asking this. And then dump your friends. When I quit smoking, I had to dump most of my smoking friends because they just couldn't stand it that I simply quit cold turkey and kept trying to get me to smoke again. They weren't friends. Friends care about you and are happy for your success and don't try to sabotage it.0
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It's jealousy, pure and simple. Your band of roly poly 'friends' feel secure because they are all overweight and can reinforce each other - you are a threat to their security so they try to undermine you in the hope that you will join their merry band and THEY can feel comfy - it is pack mentality! They don't care diddly squat about you and are NOT going to change.
Enough about your 'so called' friends.
Lots of people have said 'ditch the pack' and left it at that. I think your main fear is that if you do ditch them you'll be friendless forever (a Billy no mates) but these are just people not real friends, so you have nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain.
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Personally, I am a leader not a follower. I am not going to hurt my health because they are lazy. Most of my guy friends are jealous that I am fit and strong and that is fine. Because until they get their crap together, they can just keep complaining.
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get new friends.
I have friends both bigger and smaller, and other than a 'youre looking really great' or ' youre so tiny' (i never get tired of that one! LOL), no one says anything about what I eat.0 -
There is a moment when you are in that in-between. Where you are too fit for your old friends and not fit enough for marathon runners (for example). You will probably find that you are going to have a new crowd to hang with. It happens. Don't fight it.0
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Sarah4fitness wrote: »Get new friends.
This. Precisely 0 of my friends behave in such ways.
It's also not abnormal among my social group to be a healthy weight -- I am not the thinnest or even close and I'm BMI 22. Even in this day and age that seems unusual for no one to be normal weight.
I have some hobbies that involve physical activities I enjoy, and lots of the people I know from those things are in good shape. Just a thought.0 -
Time to get some new friends? It's not easy I know. When I changed my life style I had to make some tough decisions about removing some toxic people from my life. Some of them were even family, but it was the best thing I ever did. Now my circle of friends are positive motivated people who are on the same path as me. We lift each other up, we don't bring each other down. You need to surround yourself with those who are on the same mission as you 0
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I love it when I get to quote SATC:
'When I reached my 30s I realised I didn't have enough energy to be completely superficial.'
It's just noise. Learn to tune it out and be an individual/grown up.0 -
Maybe it's just me but I think it's possible your friends are interested in losing weight, just insecure and so they make digs like that to make themselves feel better but also maybe they are hoping that you will spill your secrets. Before I lost my weight, I was in the middle of my group of close friends: 1 had always been very slender and focused on exercise and nutrition, another was fairly overweight and sedentary, then there was me, needed to lose about 30 lbs. When my fit friend used to say that she couldn't go for a drink because she wanted to go to the gym or would check restaurant cals online on her phone before we would order, I used to roll my eyes and nudge my overweight friend and we would laugh... But then I started realizing that I too should wonder how many calories were in the street tacos I was about to consume, or that we could all go for a walk after work instead of to a bar, and now all of us have more common interests.
So OP maybe they are jealous, maybe you do need new friends, or maybe you need to just keep setting a good example and they will come around and be focused on their health too. But don't give up because of them. That's just silly.0 -
e_j_wilson wrote: »I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.
You are too old to be worrying about that nonsense. Grow the heck up, you're not in high school anymore.
Next time they bring up your food choices, eye them up and down slowly, and go back t eating your food. They will get the hit. And if they don't, you need better 'friends'0 -
Are you seriously considering comprimising you own healthy choices just because your friends are not completely comfortable with it or because they ask you how you manage to eat more than them and lose weight?
Your health and your food choices are your business, not theirs.
Is it possible you are misinterpreting their comments? Maybe they really do want to know "How do you do it?" Just tell them, CI < CO, I eat less calories than I burn.
I would rather hang out with a different crowd than hang out with a crowd that is constantly commenting or judging my choices.0 -
I've been thinking about this. I'm not going to say "get rid of them as friends", but perhaps "how about adding a few new friends who love you for who you are, and respect your choices, and don't try to make you feel bad because they feel bad"? Keep your current friends. But I bet, over time, you'll gravitate more and more toward the supportive, like-minded friends. You deserve better than to be the whipping boy (girl) for their unhappiness.0
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