A very strange conversation.......

Whitezombiegirl

I’ve been quietly fuming about this for a while now and just need to vent!

I had a very strange conversation with my father. He was calling me gaunt and too thin. His main argument was that I’ve lost my bust. (I’ve lost 2 cup sizes, 1 chest size btw) I replied that I still have a big round bottom (lol). He said that it didn’t matter about the bottom, the top was the most important (he is a breast-man). I said ‘who cares?’. To which he replied ‘Men!’.

This is where I’m fuming… in some way he feels that it’s a women’s duty to be pretty and attractive to all men, as if we are window-dressing or part of the decoration. It’s so demeaning. I don’t dress for men. I wear what I want for me – and me alone. I don’t care if random men in the street would be more attracted to me if I had a larger bust. I’m not that insecure.

I said there was nothing wrong with having a small chest and he said ‘that’s up to your husband’. WTF!!! Since when should my husband have a say over MY body? If that was the case surely I should have expected in say in my husbands 20lb weight gain?? (which I don’t). This was the man who was also pointing out my slight saddlebag thighs- I can’t win!

and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust.

Vent over…..

Alatariel75

"Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."

oh_happy_day

That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.

TheopolisAmbroiseIII

Boobs come and boobs go, but good hips are where it's at. *ahem* that is, only you need to be happy with you.

lisalsd1

He sounds like a pig; no offense, but seriously. And you're right, not all men care about big boobs. Purely from a physical standpoint, it's been my experience (as small busted and big-butted) that hot men at the gym prefer large backsides.

MelodyandBarbells

Kick him in the nuts next time - would be just as appropriate as your conversation

MissusSpags

Alatariel75 wrote: »

"Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."

This.

hcs00

Tell him his boobs are too big and he should try your diet.

MNRaven

My dad's full of *kitten* too.

WickedPineapple

oh_happy_day wrote: »

That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.

^This says a lot about his beliefs about men as well. (It always bugs me when men say "all men want ABC" and women say "all women want XYZ".)

Also, eww.

jlahorn

Oh my god, that's so creepy...

... and I can totally visualize my dad saying the same thing. Gross

goldthistime

As usual, I'm looking for the pony in this pile of poop. Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? I can't imagine my dad saying this under any circumstance, but that formality might preclude us from discussing personal things perhaps we SHOULD be discussing. We aren't huggers either. And he never teases or jokes around. Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.

refuseresist

AS far as my dad is concerned, i don't even HAVE breasts. And that is as it should be

urloved33

"and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust." so do I. so tell him to mind his own business and your breasts aren't his business!

inappropriate towards us and our bodies is really a big motivator for getting heavy in the first place. fat = protection.

give it some thought.

refuseresist

"Mum said she would prefer it if your #### was bigger, but we can't always get what we want can we?'

amusedmonkey

He's from a different generation that had a different set of beliefs and expectations. Trying to change parents or their beliefs almost never works. Nod and divert is the best strategy.

JenAndSome

Really? I would just tell him that if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can speak up for himself and if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can offer to buy you new ones or keep his trap shut too. Being healthy is much more important than cup size anyway.

Whitezombiegirl

goldthistime wrote: »

Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.

Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........

I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........

maillemaker

Creepy thread is creepy.

stealthq

Whitezombiegirl wrote: »

goldthistime wrote: »

Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.

Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........

I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........

That explains a lot.

My dad is a bit younger than yours, and is still sometimes awkward even making off-color jokes in front of me so there is no way we'd ever have a similar conversation. Plus, my dad just doesn't think that way.

But some of his contemporaries? That's a different story. They're bright enough not to comment about me even if dad's not in earshot because I'm known to return fire and it's not as if I like these people or care what they think of me. But, they'll make similar comments about other women.

The fragile and delicate thing, though - that's not one I've heard in a looong time. Not where they actually meant it.

Jruzer

Parents can be very difficult to deal with. My mom was very pleased when I had lost weight, but was constantly on me about regaining it, probably because she had yo-yoed her entire life. She was projecting her failures onto me.

Once I sent her some pictures of me and my sons from a difficult backpacking trip; I was really proud of them. He comment: "You look like you've gained some weight in your face."

After that I told her that discussions of my weight were off limits.

Amberonamission

Parents say dumb stuff. When I was a chunky teen Dad told me no man would ever love me fat. I assumed he meant himself. My poor mom. Wonder what she thought about her baby bulge being contingent for his love. Thank goodness I chose someone who just loves me for me and is grateful for what I was willing to go through to bake him a kid.

Azuriaz

Alatariel75 wrote: »

"Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."

Also, 'Okay dad, but I'm not trying to attract men your age. Tastes vary by generation!'

Seriously, when I was still plump but not obese I had older men hitting on me and staring at me quite often. Sadly none of them were up to snuff, because I will date older men, but they have to be college professors or some such, or our politics definitely won't mesh!

refuseresist wrote: »

"Mum said she would prefer it if your #### was bigger, but we can't always get what we want can we?'

Bahaha! Guaranteed to shut him up!

mbaker566

hcs00 wrote: »

Tell him his boobs are too big and he should try your diet.

this

AnnPT77

Here's a really mean-spirited real-life alternative: "By staying fat, my chances of breast cancer go way up. Now *there's* a way to get a small bust." (Before you decide I'm being callous about a serious matter, know this: I've been fat most of my adult life. Fifteen years ago, I had locally advanced breast cancer, stage III - something that would've been way less likely if I'd managed my weight and had been more active instead. I had bilateral mastectomies. Now I'm completely flat. And I'm OK with that, because "alive" is so much better a start on the rest of my day.)