A very strange conversation.......
Options
Whitezombiegirl
Posts: 1,042 Member
I’ve been quietly fuming about this for a while now and just need to vent!
I had a very strange conversation with my father. He was calling me gaunt and too thin. His main argument was that I’ve lost my bust. (I’ve lost 2 cup sizes, 1 chest size btw) I replied that I still have a big round bottom (lol). He said that it didn’t matter about the bottom, the top was the most important (he is a breast-man). I said ‘who cares?’. To which he replied ‘Men!’.
This is where I’m fuming… in some way he feels that it’s a women’s duty to be pretty and attractive to all men, as if we are window-dressing or part of the decoration. It’s so demeaning. I don’t dress for men. I wear what I want for me – and me alone. I don’t care if random men in the street would be more attracted to me if I had a larger bust. I’m not that insecure.
I said there was nothing wrong with having a small chest and he said ‘that’s up to your husband’. WTF!!! Since when should my husband have a say over MY body? If that was the case surely I should have expected in say in my husbands 20lb weight gain?? (which I don’t). This was the man who was also pointing out my slight saddlebag thighs- I can’t win!
and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust.
Vent over…..
I had a very strange conversation with my father. He was calling me gaunt and too thin. His main argument was that I’ve lost my bust. (I’ve lost 2 cup sizes, 1 chest size btw) I replied that I still have a big round bottom (lol). He said that it didn’t matter about the bottom, the top was the most important (he is a breast-man). I said ‘who cares?’. To which he replied ‘Men!’.
This is where I’m fuming… in some way he feels that it’s a women’s duty to be pretty and attractive to all men, as if we are window-dressing or part of the decoration. It’s so demeaning. I don’t dress for men. I wear what I want for me – and me alone. I don’t care if random men in the street would be more attracted to me if I had a larger bust. I’m not that insecure.
I said there was nothing wrong with having a small chest and he said ‘that’s up to your husband’. WTF!!! Since when should my husband have a say over MY body? If that was the case surely I should have expected in say in my husbands 20lb weight gain?? (which I don’t). This was the man who was also pointing out my slight saddlebag thighs- I can’t win!
and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust.
Vent over…..
0
Replies
-
"Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."0
-
That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.0
-
Boobs come and boobs go, but good hips are where it's at. *ahem* that is, only you need to be happy with you.0
-
He sounds like a pig; no offense, but seriously. And you're right, not all men care about big boobs. Purely from a physical standpoint, it's been my experience (as small busted and big-butted) that hot men at the gym prefer large backsides.0
-
Kick him in the nuts next time - would be just as appropriate as your conversation0
-
Alatariel75 wrote: »"Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."
This.0 -
Tell him his boobs are too big and he should try your diet.0
-
My dad's full of *kitten* too.0
-
oh_happy_day wrote: »That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.
^This says a lot about his beliefs about men as well. (It always bugs me when men say "all men want ABC" and women say "all women want XYZ".)
Also, eww.0 -
Oh my god, that's so creepy...
... and I can totally visualize my dad saying the same thing. Gross0 -
As usual, I'm looking for the pony in this pile of poop. Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? I can't imagine my dad saying this under any circumstance, but that formality might preclude us from discussing personal things perhaps we SHOULD be discussing. We aren't huggers either. And he never teases or jokes around. Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.0
-
AS far as my dad is concerned, i don't even HAVE breasts. And that is as it should be0
-
"and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust." so do I. so tell him to mind his own business and your breasts aren't his business!
inappropriate towards us and our bodies is really a big motivator for getting heavy in the first place. fat = protection.
give it some thought.
0 -
"Mum said she would prefer it if your #### was bigger, but we can't always get what we want can we?'0
-
He's from a different generation that had a different set of beliefs and expectations. Trying to change parents or their beliefs almost never works. Nod and divert is the best strategy.0
-
Really? I would just tell him that if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can speak up for himself and if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can offer to buy you new ones or keep his trap shut too. Being healthy is much more important than cup size anyway.0
-
goldthistime wrote: »Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.
Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........
I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........0 -
Creepy thread is creepy.0
-
Whitezombiegirl wrote: »goldthistime wrote: »Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.
Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........
I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........
That explains a lot.
My dad is a bit younger than yours, and is still sometimes awkward even making off-color jokes in front of me so there is no way we'd ever have a similar conversation. Plus, my dad just doesn't think that way.
But some of his contemporaries? That's a different story. They're bright enough not to comment about me even if dad's not in earshot because I'm known to return fire and it's not as if I like these people or care what they think of me. But, they'll make similar comments about other women.
The fragile and delicate thing, though - that's not one I've heard in a looong time. Not where they actually meant it.0 -
Parents can be very difficult to deal with. My mom was very pleased when I had lost weight, but was constantly on me about regaining it, probably because she had yo-yoed her entire life. She was projecting her failures onto me.
Once I sent her some pictures of me and my sons from a difficult backpacking trip; I was really proud of them. He comment: "You look like you've gained some weight in your face."
After that I told her that discussions of my weight were off limits.
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 396 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 971 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions