The Silent Treatment: Does it work?

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Replies

  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I haven't ever given someone the silent treatment. I am way too vocal for that. I actually try communicating to see if we can work out whatever problem we are having. This also helps me see if I am being irrational in my expectations. If that doesn't work I just go bat *kitten* crazy instead. :bigsmile:
  • Morninglory81
    Morninglory81 Posts: 1,190 Member
    Anything other than open honest communication is manipulative and juvenile. There are times that a subject needs to cool before that can be achieved but for things to be fixed both have to come together and express their grievances as well as admit fault for their part in the issue.
  • SpeSHul_SnoflEHk
    SpeSHul_SnoflEHk Posts: 6,256 Member
    I lohilent treatment. It allows me to have some peace, and maybe even get some readin gdone without interruption and having to talk about feelings I don't have. Please.. More.
  • FearAnLoathingJ
    FearAnLoathingJ Posts: 337 Member
    The silent treatment seems petty to me, work out whatever the problem is in the moment then let it go.
  • czardastx
    czardastx Posts: 127 Member
    When my wife gets mad at me she yells and nags...constantly.

    When she's really pissed she gives me the silent treatment.

    I always try to go the extra mile and get her good and pissed...ahhh the silence.

    I LOVE IT!
  • PhattiPhat
    PhattiPhat Posts: 349 Member
    Nah. Being silent and ignoring someone is too passive-aggressive for my tastes. I'd rather we just have it out then we move on with our day. This goes for relationships and child-rearing.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
    be silent all you want....it's just another day in paradise for me......


    it's when you start waving those fingers that I can't take it anymore.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    It doesn't work on me...which enrages my wife. I can go the distance...

    Same here I can go a month, two months, as long as the other person wants to take it. Besides silence is always good for the mind lol.

    So you guys don't give your SOs the silent treatment??

    Not really....but I tend to get over things pretty quickly. I'm also pretty direct and to the point. I don't have a lot of time for drama and what not.
  • xvxCelticWandererxvx
    xvxCelticWandererxvx Posts: 2,890 Member
    I've been giving someone the silent treatment for many years now! The restraining order helped in that also *shrug* It's been quiet and heavenly since :bigsmile:
  • HardcoreP0rk
    HardcoreP0rk Posts: 936 Member

    This. The silent treatment to me is a control mechanism, a manipulation, and a mind game. None of which I'm fond of. Additionally, none of these usually amount to solid relationships.

    This.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    It's emotionally abusive and no one deserves it.

    And for the person who said they use it on their kids, that was one of my mother's parenting techniques. It didn't work out so well. Pretending like you don't care at all about your kids or what they say or want is very harmful. Silence should never be punishment.

    I think you should probably rethink your relationship and your method of dealing with problems.
    My kids know how much they mean to me, so don't get slating me as a parent you don't know me or my children, shouting never works with my two they just hear noise, this works for us as a family and the silent treatment lasts 10 mins max, don't judge others on your own relationship with your mother.

    I feel sorry for your kids. :frown:

    Don't be they have a lovely life, but I think I feel for you go speak to your mother ????

    Mommy issues and internet parenting expert...great combo. :) You do what works for you, it may or may not be someone else's cup of tea but I can think of a lot worse emotional abuse than the silent treatment.
  • msbanana
    msbanana Posts: 793 Member
    It's emotionally abusive and no one deserves it.

    I think you should probably rethink your relationship and your method of dealing with problems.

    Agreed- My boyfriend pulls this crap. It does ZERO good. It solves nothing. You want to "drive home a point" you need to make your point first. The silent treatment is passive agressive bs for people that can't deal with their emotions.
  • chelsifina
    chelsifina Posts: 346 Member
    I think the silent treatment is essentially manipulative and passive aggressive. If it works, it means that you have just raised the anxiety level in another person to such a degree that they submit, whether or not its in their or the relationships best interest. Why would I want to do that to someone I love? I think its an aggressive act where the essential motivation is to "win" and have the other person "lose". If that's the dynamic in the relationship, then count me out.

    If I lose my cool and get angry, I will be quiet until I can figure out what to say, then I try to speak directly, clearly, and compassionately until we are both happy again. I can't imagine just trying to hurt another person until I get my way....where is the joy in that? When my husband understands where I am coming from, values me and my feelings - even if we disagree - then its all good from there.

    Leave the dominance/submission stuff for the bedroom.
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
    Silent treatment? I didn't think this forum allowed 15 year olds to join.
  • JoelleAnn78
    JoelleAnn78 Posts: 1,492 Member
    If I ever resort to the silent treatment it means I don't care enough about you to treat you like a human and talk to you in a reasonable way.

    And, if you give me the silent treatment, I will assume the same is true. I will tell you how I feel and we will never have that happen again or we will not be in a "relationship" any longer.

    As an adult, I don't have time for petty bullsh!t. Let's just work it out or part ways.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    by all means use the silent treatment, and "cutting off" will surely be effective, particularly on a SO predisposed to cheat.

    First of all, how can you be "predisposed" to cheat? You can be predisposed to diabetes. Predisposed to heart disease. But I refuse to believe you can predisposed to a behavior like that.

    Any cutting off NEVER solves anything.. That's a different thread lol

    ^I was thinking the exact same thing! If you're "predisposed" to cheat then your SO should RUN, no need to be silent about it...
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Personally I HATE it.
    It's not a way I chose to resolve conflict and NOTHING will make me angry and hurt faster.

    Do it to me long enough in a friendship and you'll find I stopped caring that I don't hear from you.

    My fiance does this as well and I hate hate hate it for how passive agrressive it is. Can't we just fight and get to the good part of fighting?
  • traceytwink
    traceytwink Posts: 538 Member
    Don't be they have a lovely life, but I think I feel for you go speak to your mother ????

    You know what else works great? Whispering..

    They can't hear you scream dinner's ready but whisper you brought home chocolate cake and they're beside themselves trying to find you
    Lol this is so true if I whisper does anyone want a piece of chocolate they drop everything, wish my hearing was that good bet I've missed out on loads of that stuff ????
  • Alwayssohungry
    Alwayssohungry Posts: 369 Member
    Not with me. I like silence; I find it peaceful. Most of the time I only speak when there is something to be said. Someone not talking to me isn't going to bother me. My boyfriend however hates silence. It unnerves him and brings up negative emotions. Given him the "silent treatment" would be bad/potentially damaging.

    Same here !
  • iAMsmiling
    iAMsmiling Posts: 2,394 Member
    I love the silent treatment. It's peaceful around here when my wife uses it.
    I just wish I could get the kids to use it on me too.

    Seriously, if you're going to pout you should go sit in a corner until you're ready to hang with the adults.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    No keeps me from hurting the other person though
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    It doesn't work with me....I'll just find someone else to talk too.
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
    My grandma was deaf... does that mean my grandpa lived a life full of happiness?
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I prefer the Honest, Calm and Logical Treatment.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    Doesnt work for me.

    My husband acts like nothings wrong when Im quiet and will go on about his day. And I'd never use it on my daughter because talking works with her. He is as non observant as they come and if i dont lay out the details and explain to him everything, he'll think everythings just peachy lol.

    If talking decides not to work one day for my daughter I ever so gently lean close to her ear and calmly say "You have 5 minutes to redirect your attitude or there will be consequences" and she about craps herself every time and straightens her little butt right up.

    No. Truth be told, sometimes the silent treatment is the nicest thing you can do to us. He's being appreciative, not oblivious.
  • ks4e
    ks4e Posts: 374 Member
    I prefer the Honest, Calm and Logical Treatment.

    Yup!

    I find the silent treatment a bit immature. Adults can handle a good discussion. Or a good yelling/screaming match. LOL
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
    I can understand being quiet when you want to collect your thoughts or be in your own head for a while. Not everyone wants to talk it out all the time, but as far as using silence as a tool to be passive aggressive? I'd like to think that as adults, we're a little past that.

    IMHO, emotional games are useless, manipulative, and stupid.

    Use your words.
  • RideOn66
    RideOn66 Posts: 12 Member
    Silence is golden.
  • Blacklance36
    Blacklance36 Posts: 755 Member
    by all means use the silent treatment, and "cutting off" will surely be effective, particularly on a SO predisposed to cheat.

    Silence is not the way to go but I would rather that than the confrontation tactic a lot of woman use.

    Cut me off at your own peril. Thats a weapon to only be used only as a last resort. Its like a nucular weapon. Sex is a base need to men like food and water.
    This would be a deal breaker for me. Its over....
  • Alliwan
    Alliwan Posts: 1,245 Member
    Silence is golden.

    and duct tape is silver...