Does Lifting As A Couple Work?

jemhh

lisalsd1 wrote: »

My husband and I run into issues...b/c I'm 5'3, and he is 6'3. Trying to squat at the same time would be a disaster. We're on the same program...if our bench days end up falling on the same day, we'll share a bench...we have to change plates for each other, but I can lift the 45s.

Ah, yes, that sounds familiar. I'm 5'6" (rounding up) and my husband is 6'2". Not as big of a difference but enough that it would make sharing equipment a bit challenging. That time we tried to lift together we ended up trying with me squatting and him doing OHP. Then we ran into the issue of him hitting the ceiling with the weight (long arms.) He wasn't really into the idea of lifting, period, and all of the problems with the details didn't make him more interested. I still (gently) try to convince him but lifting is pretty much a no go for him at this point.

JenAndSome

I think it really depends on the couple. There is nothing wrong with giving it a try and just because you are at the gym together doesn't mean you have to be doing the same thing. You could each do your own thing or you could be doing squats and giving her a bit of a spot on bench during your rest or vice versa.

questionfear

Ok, for a second I sort of imagined each of you taking one end of the barbell...

TiberiusClaudis

Put me in the "no" team. First the two of us have way different strength ability and we are built differently. So even on machines, we have adjust constantly. Next, we go at different speeds. I work out fast, she works out...well slower. I have different lagging parts than she does...so I spend more time on legs...she does more on arms. That's my two cents. Your mileage may vary.

nordlead2005

I enjoyed lifting with my wife and I didn't mind swapping the weights for every lift either. We stopped lifting together when she injured her shoulder on vacation (which wasn't very long into her joining me).

I don't know if my wife cares for it though. She has poor form (doesn't go down all the way, caves her knees in while squatting, lots of obvious stuff) and she doesn't like it when I try to correct her and didn't read the SL's squat form page when I sent it to her so I wouldn't have to explain it to her. Basically, she was lifting because I wanted her to lift with me, but wasn't putting any effort into learning proper form.

I'd be open to it again, and it can work, but my hopes aren't high as I don't expect my wife to bring the drive she needs to. She is much more motivated to do ab programs than to build muscles everywhere.

sllm1

Give it a try and see what happens. Hubby and I argued about what to do, how many to do, and form. His pace was SLOW. Do a set and walk about the gym and chat for 10 minutes. It drove me nuts.

Now we CrossFit together. That works. We have a coach that works with us individually on form, and the pace is definitely more my speed.

ar9179

We work out one day a week, together, doing Stronglifts workout A. It's fun for us, we laugh, we're there to spot bench or suggest a form tweak. The other days are individual.

When I made the decision to lose weight and get fitter, he wanted to join me. When I found out about strength training, he wanted to do that with me, too. He's not super committed to increasing the weight quickly and we've both had de-loads here and there for a variety of reasons. We're close to the same weight on squats, so we just add a plate for the one going heavier. Bench is a quick change of plates. Row is the same (he hates these and would probably skip if I weren't there!). We use the other's rest period do do our sets.

juliewatkin

Try it. It depends upon the couple. I met my husband in a powerlifting club over 6 years ago so it's natural that we train together since we both compete together. As for switching out the plates, once you've had to do it for 5 or more people in a club, doing it for 2 is not a big deal. You plan it out. If my top set is 185 and his is 300 we leave my weight on the bar and add a 45, a 10 and a 2.5 to each side. You think ahead.

I plan most of our programming and we critique each other. Some times he pisses me off but that's life. Having done it together for so many years, it's lonely to do it alone. It's also our time to shoot the *kitten* and gossip.

utahmomof10

My husband and I lift together - it's our "date" time together. We go to the gym together 3 days a week, and are working on putting together our own home gym. Hubby started lifting before me, and patiently waited for me to get over my preconceived notions about what weight lifting would do to sabotage my weight loss goals and join him.

I did at first get frustrated when he would lovingly and helpfully give me tips, and I admit I was a bit of a brat about it, but the more confident I've become in my own knowledge in what I'm doing, the more I've been able to allow it without taking offense. Even still, I never allowed it to affect things outside the gym (yes, it was a conscious choice at times).

We started out doing Starting Strength together, but we have since set our own personal goals that we are working on (I'm doing kind of my own variation of Wendler 5/3/1, and he's focusing primarily right now on getting up to a 400-pound squat), and we are also learning Olympic lifting together. So while we are not always working on the exact same thing, we still go together, cheer each other on, and enjoy being together.

I personally think the effect it will have on a relationship depends on both of the people involved. It doesn't have to hurt the relationship unless you allow it to. Instead, look for ways to allow it to strengthen your relationship and encourage each other in your own goals/programs, and then it can be totally fun and rewarding and bring solidarity to the relationship.

scubaemma

cwolfman13 wrote: »

I don't think there's a "right" answer here...it's just going to depend...on a lot of things. One thing to consider is having to add and remove plates between sets...this becomes increasingly more "interesting" if you're doing a program like 5/3/1 or any kind of program that utilizes undulating periodization. My wife and I did Starting Strength together for a time and it wasn't really an issue...but when we started 5/3/1, there was a lot of plate changing going on and it was taking a lot of time.

No and understand your goals. My wife and I lifted together for a time, and it was fine...but she quickly started having issues with recovery and namely recovery and still being able to train for her runs. I wasn't doing much at that time besides hitting the weight room and doing some walking so no biggie for me doing a traditional strength program...but it was murder on her runs. She ultimately moved on to a program that catered more towards general fitness and athleticism vs pure strength...I did likewise down the road when I got into cycling. I only do "heavy" cycles now in the winter when I'm not on my bike as much.

Do you mind if I ask you what kind of strength training your wife moved to so that it wouldn't interfere with her running?
I run and cycle and am just starting up strength training but I'm concerned about it affecting my rides/runs.

mperrott2205

I lift with my girl friend and it's absolutely fine for me. Don't see what the big deal is. She does the same exercises as me just at the right weight for her.

KANGOOJUMPS

I had to laugh././ sorry.

Grosen17

My wife and I lift together with no issues 5 days a week. She follows my program and tailors it to herself by increasing reps and decreasing weight . we've been lifting together for about 2 years now

kshama2001

I imagine that when I first walked into a gym, I worked out with my (now ex) husband. That was back in the late 80s so I really don't remember.

OP - if you too are doing the same program, that would be one thing, but otherwise I agree with the suggestion of going to the gym together and then doing your own thing.

vfit10

Of course it work

DaddieCat

It does entirely depend on the couple. My SO and I did for a while, but it didn't last. Our emotional needs are too different for it to work for us without causing strife. For me, lifting is inherently uplifting and causes a positive feedback loop, for her it can easily reverse and my inherent nature is to offer what I perceive to be helpful suggestions... they very rarely end up being helpful for her and it breeds resentment. It's better for us to lift separately for our well-being.

crpoll5

Thanks everyone for all the good advice. After a couple of weeks lifting together I have found it hasn't been that big of a deal. We are both lifting to just tone our bodies and get into shape. I think if I was body building it would be a different issue. It doesn't take that much effort or long to switch out the weights going from one exercise to the next. I have found that it is making my relationship better with my wife because we are doing something together. Now on to the next topic. "Does Golfing As A Couple Work." ABSOLUTELY NOT !!!!

kshama2001

Thanks for the update!

Re golfing as a couple - he took me to the driving range once and the course once and we mutually decided that I would rather garden.

JoRocka

DopeItUp wrote: »

My wife won't even work out with me in the same room.

Take that as you may.

my BF is the same way- he won't workout with me- he'll go for a walk- but he would never work out in the same space as me. I don't even think he' go to the gym at the same time as I did. Shrug- his cross to bear not mine.

ar9179

kshama2001 wrote: »

Thanks for the update!

Re golfing as a couple - he took me to the driving range once and the course once and we mutually decided that I would rather garden.

Classic! Made me lol 'cause that's so me.