Guys only! Does your woman tempt you to eat more during her TOM?
I've been trying to eat healthier and she has as well but every time she has TOM she brings out the junk food and it's like she doesn't care that I'm wanting to avoid temptation.
Last night we had a great meal of grilled chicken and a tasty salad, followed by a small piece of pumpkin pie. We're both on target for our calories and then she brings an entire bag of Oreo cookies to bed with her and puts it in between us and starts eating. She even has the nerve to demand that I eat some too. "Just eat a few so I won't feel like I'm the only one getting fat."
I tried telling her that she's being insensitive but then she'll start this bit where she claims I don't understand her cravings and how she has to eat more food. She makes me the bad guy and even starts crying if I get upset about it. I don't care if she eats it but why does she have to tempt me with this food too? Can't she at least go eat it in the other room? No, she has to be near me when she makes bad decisions for some reason.
Do women really have uncontrollable desires to eat food? There's no way her body needs that much junk food. I understand she needs a bit more nutrition but why can't she just eat more at dinner? Does TOM make a whole that only junk food can fill and if so why try to force other people to join in the bad decisions?
Last night we had a great meal of grilled chicken and a tasty salad, followed by a small piece of pumpkin pie. We're both on target for our calories and then she brings an entire bag of Oreo cookies to bed with her and puts it in between us and starts eating. She even has the nerve to demand that I eat some too. "Just eat a few so I won't feel like I'm the only one getting fat."
I tried telling her that she's being insensitive but then she'll start this bit where she claims I don't understand her cravings and how she has to eat more food. She makes me the bad guy and even starts crying if I get upset about it. I don't care if she eats it but why does she have to tempt me with this food too? Can't she at least go eat it in the other room? No, she has to be near me when she makes bad decisions for some reason.
Do women really have uncontrollable desires to eat food? There's no way her body needs that much junk food. I understand she needs a bit more nutrition but why can't she just eat more at dinner? Does TOM make a whole that only junk food can fill and if so why try to force other people to join in the bad decisions?
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Sorry, I'm a woman but I couldn't help but notice this post. No, not all of us women behave like this. Both my husband and I are sensitive enough to each other to avoid waving their temptations at their face, TOM or not. If we desperately want something, we'll quietly eat it in the kitchen or wait after each others' bedtime and then indulge. Her behavior is not normal and you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated like that.
I did have uncontrollable urges like that when I was pregnant. Definitely not every month.0 -
@_Waffle_ you're not in a good situation here. I'm picturing you showing your wife a thread full of women saying she is behaving badly and it Not Going Well.
Suggest she eat at maintenance for a few days and see if eating more regular food reduces the cravings for Oreos. And if she does eat Oreos, to just have two, and not next to you unless you have budgeted for two as well.
And to never, ever, bring the whole bag to bed.0 -
OP: instead of telling her how insensitive she is being - try explaining how not eating that bag of oreos is not helping both your goals. Reason with her and if that don't work there's always sex..just sayin0
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Do women really have uncontrollable desires to eat food? There's no way her body needs that much junk food. I understand she needs a bit more nutrition but why can't she just eat more at dinner? Does TOM make a whole that only junk food can fill and if so why try to force other people to join in the bad decisions?
No. It's just an excuse. Nobody's body NEEDS junk food.
Nobody can force you to join in their bad decisions. If you take the Oreo's, that's all on you.
It sounds like you both need to grow up.0 -
That's not normal.
There are certain points in a woman's menstrual cycle when she will be burning more calories and will be more likely to be hungry. If you're serious about wondering about that you can read the article below. It does mention a *possible* link between craving chocolate and low magnesium levels.
Overall, though, it's not something that your average woman should feel to an extreme extent. There are outliers, of course, but it shouldn't be unmanageable. Frankly, I think that your wife is being emotionally manipulative. That sucks for you.
http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/research-review/impact-of-the-menstrual-cycle-on-determinants-of-energy-intake-reseach-review.html/0 -
Okay, I am a girl and have to agree that she is being insensitive. DH and I are losing together as well, and it takes a serious amount of willpower to not eat everything in the house during that time, some months I do better than others, but it is tough. For me, it is honestly one of the hardest parts of losing. Trying to gauge true hunger with hormonal shifts and moods is difficult sometimes. However, for her to get upset with you because you are not indulging is just...weird....and not very healthy for a relationship.0
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TFaustino67 wrote: »OP: instead of telling her how insensitive she is being - try explaining how not eating that bag of oreos is not helping both your goals. Reason with her and if that don't work there's always sex..just sayin
I wish but since this is her TOM the sex part is pretty much out the window.
I was thinking about hiding the junk food tonight just to see how that turns out. If she can't find the Oreos then she can't bring them to bed. :laugh:
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I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.0 -
Iron_Feline wrote: »I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.
Nobody should eat anything that they don't want to eat. Period. PMS is manageable. It happens every month, more or less, for 40-something years of a woman's life. At a certain point it's time to ov' up and develop some healthy coping mechanisms for this recurring event.0 -
Iron_Feline wrote: »I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.
Seriously? If she wants Oreos, she can have them. She shouldn't insist that someone else eat them if they don't want them.
OP isn't being unsupportive by not eating a cookie.0 -
TFaustino67 wrote: »OP: instead of telling her how insensitive she is being - try explaining how not eating that bag of oreos is not helping both your goals. Reason with her and if that don't work there's always sex..just sayin
Not eating them is not helping?
I'm so confused.0 -
http://www.girlsgonestrong.com/how-do-hormones-affect-hunger/
BUT she's an insecure controlling jerk for trying to making you eat them.
GET OUT NOW0 -
My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.0 -
Iron_Feline wrote: »I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.
Nobody should eat anything that they don't want to eat. Period. PMS is manageable. It happens every month, more or less, for 40-something years of a woman's life. At a certain point it's time to ov' up and develop some healthy coping mechanisms for this recurring event.
I wish we had a like button because.......this. All of this....especially ov' up! Coping mechanisms are necessary, my personal fave is a screaming hot bubble bath with a book. Takes up time in the evening, hard to eat and helps with cramps!0 -
I personally feel this is way sad. My partner doesnt watch what he eats like I do and he is always respectful of eating his treats in another room. If im really having a tough time resisting cravings i brush my teeth and go to our room, so he can eat out in the living room.
Cravings due to PMS or any reason at all are tough to resist, but if its YOUR ultimate goal to avoid these snacks you just say no. She is an adult making her own choices. If she wants to drag you down with her that's where she is being unfair to you. You are allowed to say no, and your partner, TOM or not, should always respect your "no" without a guilt trip. Its a tough situation to call someone out on their behavior so i dont suggest that method. Let her make her choices, but dont let her choices dictate yours. Go shower when she brings the oreos out, take a walk around the house, take the trash out!
I can understand her wanting you to have the treats too, I totally have done it in the past and somehow it did make me feel better about what I was eating, but I wouldn't have forced it if he didnt want any! Hiding the oreos is only going to make her upset. The goal in a relationship should always be to meet your goals while supporting your partners goals as much as possible for a lifetime. You can suggest portioning out the oreos before coming to bed (so she can have the flavor but doesn't go overboard) and just refuse. You shouldn't apologize for not eating a treat you don't want. Stand your ground.0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.
Well said. My decision to count calories has nothing to do with my husband's choices (just like his decision to eat less sodium has nothing to do with my choices). Adults have to be able to manage situations like this.0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.
I know I've sort of painted her to be this terrible person but for the most part she's supportive and caring. She even chides me if I have too much dessert typically.
I don't know if she's using her TOM as a free pass to act out or if women really do have uncontrollable urges. That's the part that I don't understand. At any rate I don't know why she wants me to join her other than it making her feel better about making bad choices. A partner in crime if you will.0 -
I've been trying to eat healthier and she has as well but every time she has TOM she brings out the junk food and it's like she doesn't care that I'm wanting to avoid temptation.
Last night we had a great meal of grilled chicken and a tasty salad, followed by a small piece of pumpkin pie. We're both on target for our calories and then she brings an entire bag of Oreo cookies to bed with her and puts it in between us and starts eating. She even has the nerve to demand that I eat some too. "Just eat a few so I won't feel like I'm the only one getting fat."
I tried telling her that she's being insensitive but then she'll start this bit where she claims I don't understand her cravings and how she has to eat more food. She makes me the bad guy and even starts crying if I get upset about it. I don't care if she eats it but why does she have to tempt me with this food too? Can't she at least go eat it in the other room? No, she has to be near me when she makes bad decisions for some reason.
Do women really have uncontrollable desires to eat food? There's no way her body needs that much junk food. I understand she needs a bit more nutrition but why can't she just eat more at dinner? Does TOM make a whole that only junk food can fill and if so why try to force other people to join in the bad decisions?
Meh
Like all relationship issues talk to her
You control you, let her control her
I feel the same when women complain about "unsupportive spouses" to be honest0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.
I know I've sort of painted her to be this terrible person but for the most part she's supportive and caring. She even chides me if I have too much dessert typically.
I don't know if she's using her TOM as a free pass to act out or if women really do have uncontrollable urges. That's the part that I don't understand. At any rate I don't know why she wants me to join her other than it making her feel better about making bad choices. A partner in crime if you will.
The more I think about it, the more I think this may be a case of "partner in crime" mentality. Maybe she feels that by indulging you are judging her (not that you really are). She just may instinctively know she is losing control and her guilty conscious is playing out and it makes her feel better when you are "bad" with her, maybe eases the guilt.
I think what she really may need is for you to stand up to her in a respectful way. Something like, "I understand you are craving X, and if that will make you feel better that is okay, but I am not going to indulge with you." I think over time she will start to naturally find other ways to cope.
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janejellyroll wrote: »Iron_Feline wrote: »I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.
Seriously? If she wants Oreos, she can have them. She shouldn't insist that someone else eat them if they don't want them.
OP isn't being unsupportive by not eating a cookie.
She may be having wild hormone surges and the Oreos make her feel better - but her husband sat next to her not joining her, even for one, makes her feel terrible.
It wouldn't hurt him to have one or two - and it would clearly make her feel a whole lot better - so yes, for the sake of an Oreo or two a month, he is being unsupportive.0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.
I know I've sort of painted her to be this terrible person but for the most part she's supportive and caring. She even chides me if I have too much dessert typically.
I don't know if she's using her TOM as a free pass to act out or if women really do have uncontrollable urges. That's the part that I don't understand. At any rate I don't know why she wants me to join her other than it making her feel better about making bad choices. A partner in crime if you will.
I used to use my TOM as a free pass but learned that all I needed to do was to eat more regular food and that regular exercise earlier in the month helps as well. Also, I take magnesium.0 -
I've been trying to eat healthier and she has as well but every time she has TOM she brings out the junk food and it's like she doesn't care that I'm wanting to avoid temptation.
Last night we had a great meal of grilled chicken and a tasty salad, followed by a small piece of pumpkin pie. We're both on target for our calories and then she brings an entire bag of Oreo cookies to bed with her and puts it in between us and starts eating. She even has the nerve to demand that I eat some too. "Just eat a few so I won't feel like I'm the only one getting fat."
I tried telling her that she's being insensitive but then she'll start this bit where she claims I don't understand her cravings and how she has to eat more food. She makes me the bad guy and even starts crying if I get upset about it. I don't care if she eats it but why does she have to tempt me with this food too? Can't she at least go eat it in the other room? No, she has to be near me when she makes bad decisions for some reason.
Do women really have uncontrollable desires to eat food? There's no way her body needs that much junk food. I understand she needs a bit more nutrition but why can't she just eat more at dinner? Does TOM make a whole that only junk food can fill and if so why try to force other people to join in the bad decisions?
Okay. I get a bit more hungry during my period. Usually a couple of hundred extra calories is enough- not a whole pizza, gallon of ice cream or bag of cookies.
She can eat what she wants. Cookies can fit in her plan. Do not hide food from her. She is an adult.
She is not right to demand that you also eat the cookies and get fat just because she is using her period as an excuse to go way overboard. Just walk away from that selfish demand.
She could be more considerate and eat them in another roomShe could find other ways to manage her period. Eat at maintenance that week, take vitamins, exercise, take a hot bath, eat a small amount of dark chocolate instead of a whole bag of cookies.
You could leave the room if it bothers you to be around the cookies. Ultimately, you are responsible for what you eat.
I often take a bowl of popcorn to lounge in bed with my dh. He has eaten my popcorn while saying he doesn't even want it. It is just there so he eats it. I don't demand he eats or even offer it to him. I'm not going to stop eating my popcorn in the same room with him. He can just not eat it like I don't grab his ice cream or bag of chips.0 -
Egads, all of these suggestions for one of the partners to eat in secret.
This seems very unhealthy.0 -
Iron_Feline wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »Iron_Feline wrote: »I don't see why you can't just eat one or two - in the grand scheme of things it's not going to hurt your progress and will keep your wife happy.
I think you're being quite insensitive - PSM can be really hard on women, you should try to be more supportive to her.
Seriously? If she wants Oreos, she can have them. She shouldn't insist that someone else eat them if they don't want them.
OP isn't being unsupportive by not eating a cookie.
She may be having wild hormone surges and the Oreos make her feel better - but her husband sat next to her not joining her, even for one, makes her feel terrible.
It wouldn't hurt him to have one or two - and it would clearly make her feel a whole lot better - so yes, for the sake of an Oreo or two a month, he is being unsupportive.
So shouldn't she focus on controlling her cravings instead of trying to get her SO to join in eating that doesn't fit in either of their goals?
Why should he feel miserable for the sake of her feeling better about her eating?0 -
OneHundredToLose wrote: »My fiancee doesn't count calories, and I don't expect her to do so because of my issues with self-control. She's an adult and can make her own choices, just as I can make mine. A cornerstone of our relationship is that neither one of us treats the other like we're above them or control them. If I expect her not to eat a cheeseburger because I'm trying to eat less calories, the problem in that situation is me, not her.
This thread also has some pretty sexist overtones that I'm sure most women wouldn't appreciate. Women don't lose their minds during their time of the month.
I know I've sort of painted her to be this terrible person but for the most part she's supportive and caring. She even chides me if I have too much dessert typically.
I don't know if she's using her TOM as a free pass to act out or if women really do have uncontrollable urges. That's the part that I don't understand. At any rate I don't know why she wants me to join her other than it making her feel better about making bad choices. A partner in crime if you will.
The more I think about it, the more I think this may be a case of "partner in crime" mentality. Maybe she feels that by indulging you are judging her (not that you really are). She just may instinctively know she is losing control and her guilty conscious is playing out and it makes her feel better when you are "bad" with her, maybe eases the guilt.
I think what she really may need is for you to stand up to her in a respectful way. Something like, "I understand you are craving X, and if that will make you feel better that is okay, but I am not going to indulge with you." I think over time she will start to naturally find other ways to cope.
Or she'll find someone else with whom to share her Oreos with...
...if you know what I mean.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »Egads, all of these suggestions for one of the partners to eat in secret.
This seems very unhealthy.
This. How about just be adults and resist your cravings if you're trying to lose / maintain weight? Your SO should be allowed to do whatever they want to do. Relationships are about creating opportunities to enjoy life, not finding ways to restrict it.0 -
TFaustino67 wrote: »OP: instead of telling her how insensitive she is being - try explaining how not eating that bag of oreos is not helping both your goals. Reason with her and if that don't work there's always sex..just sayin
I wish but since this is her TOM the sex part is pretty much out the window.
I was thinking about hiding the junk food tonight just to see how that turns out. If she can't find the Oreos then she can't bring them to bed. :laugh:
Don't hide them but tell her you're not coming to bed while there is a bag of Oreos in it.0 -
Eating is not allowed in my bed...because I'm apparently the only one in my family who can eat without making a mess...and sleeping in crumbs is the worst.
OP, maybe you could implement a no food in bed rule.0 -
The crumb issue is what is really driving me nuts about this. Oreo crumbs. In bed.I don't know if she's using her TOM as a free pass to act out or if women really do have uncontrollable urges. That's the part that I don't understand.
Why ask this in a "guys only" thread? (Obviously didn't end up being guys only.) I'm not understanding that part.0 -
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