How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?
tsamples23
Posts: 33 Member
I'm not sure this is the best place for this, but sometimes when I talk about weight loss success or my goals, I feel I'm coming off arrogant or I feel that they feel put down because they haven't had success. How can I talk about my fitness goals/success while still being sensitive to others that are struggling with it?
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Don't talk about it unless asked?0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »Don't talk about it unless asked?
This, I don't talk about it unless someone specifically asks me.0 -
Your success has nothing to do with their failure, and you shouldn't feel bad about it if it comes up in conversation.0
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I agree it's best not to mention it unless it comes up in conversation. When it does, I briefly say what I've done and don't go on and on unless I'm asked for more details. I also always point out that while what I do works for me, people are different and someone else might my find my methods unsustainable. There are many paths to a goal.0
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »Don't talk about it unless asked?
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I_Will_End_You wrote: »Your success has nothing to do with their failure, and you shouldn't feel bad about it if it comes up in conversation.
+10 -
99.9% of people could not give less of a &*^% about your fitness success/goals. It's a boring topic unless it's something the other person is also actively working on.
For those people who do actively inquire, be modest about your success and make sure you ask them how it's going for them. Then give NO ADVICE unless they ask for it. "What's working for me is x. I enjoy y and have seen some success with it", not "You should do x and y".
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I struggle with the same thing.
It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?
I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.
Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.
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I'm always surprised by how my own successes in life, whatever they are, can cause other people resentments. Is it fair? Heck no. Those folks just are eaten up with envy in life. God bless them.
I avoid discussing it too except with people who make it fun and I'm sure that they are at ease.0 -
I struggle with the same thing.
It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?
I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.
Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.
I totally agree with this.0 -
I don't talk about it.0
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I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.0
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Some people are going to feel put down no matter what. You can't control that. There's no reason to hide your life.
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Same here. I'd love to talk about weight loss, working out, training etc etc with my friends but it's pointless so i just wait until they ask about it. I need more fit friends lol0
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I struggle with the same thing.
It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?
I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.
Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.
+1 I wouldn't make it if I couldn't share.
I can't say much for casual acquaintances or coworkers and whatnot, but as for family, you will find out who wants to hear. I talk about it a lot with my mom, brother, and husband, but my sister just doesn't want to hear it. I tried to help her with weight loss, bit she's still in the 'quick fix/magic pill/extreme diet' mindset, and CICO is not something she wants to consider yet. She has recently started asking me questions when we talk, so hopefully she will come around.
I don't have a lot going on other than my lifestyle changes, so I know I can go on and on about it. I told them they can tell me to shut up at anytime. And they have.
Also, I think sometimes I project my own insecurities into my interactions with people. So they might not be feeling bad about my success, I'm just worried about offending or bothering them so much that I feel like they are, or that they don't care. If that makes sense.0 -
Like religion, unless asked about it, preaching about success in weight loss to those who don't really care is more an annoyance than advice.
If someone does ask, stick to the basics: Eat less move more because it's the truth.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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People who aren't losing weight have very little interest in what you're doing, how you're doing it, etc. if you don't bring it up, they'll probably leave it alone.
If they have different ideas, just listen to them. Respect that everyone is entitled to an opinion. Even if they're doing something ridiculous, stupid and unnecessary, let them do that without having a fight about it. You don't have to correct everyone, you know?
If they think that cutting applesauce will make them lose weight or eating lots of applesauce will give them big muscles, just let them do that. Different strokes!
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tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
I think it's fine to be happy about and mention hitting a goal or PR. "I hit 25 pounds lost!" or "I lifted 100 pounds!" or what have you is not anything that another reasonable person should be offended over any more than they would be offended if you said "My team won the tournament!" or "My book is being published!" I wouldn't go into detail unless asked but mentioning it is not being a jerk.0 -
I struggle with the same thing.
It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?
I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.
Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.
I didn't do anything to celebrate milestones, because for me losing the weight that I gained in the first place, isn't a big thing to celebrate. I actually felt pretty sheepish about the whole thing. I'm not ashamed about talking about how I eat, I just think it's kind of odd that I would. I don't care how other people eat, so why would other people care about how I eat?
I think it's just a personality thing-I'd never bring up what I'm eating or how I'm exercising, and I could care less to hear about these things from other people. When someone asks me I'll tell them what I did but otherwise it's really not that big of a deal to me. I'm in maintenance now and really, it's not that exciting
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tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
It's not, and I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing successes with people who you are close to. I think the problem arises when people get preachy about it.
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tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
I think it's fine to be happy about and mention hitting a goal or PR. "I hit 25 pounds lost!" or "I lifted 100 pounds!" or what have you is not anything that another reasonable person should be offended over any more than they would be offended if you said "My team won the tournament!" or "My book is being published!" I wouldn't go into detail unless asked but mentioning it is not being a jerk.
Well put. Good comparison with the book thing.
I'd like to add, while someone doesn't have to share your love of fitness, they do need to be able to share your happiness. What the hell kind of frenemy can't even be bothered to be happy about how happy their "friend" is? I'm jealous as heck of all my rich friends, but you know what? If they buy something I could never have, I would consider myself a complete piece of **** for not being happy for them. I might not desire a boat or have the resources to up and go buy one, but that is no excuse for not being thrilled that my buddy got his new toy a nd is now happy about it. He didn't buy it to rub it in my face, he did it cause it mattered to him. I'm not deserving of his friendship if I can't adopt his joy at the very very least.0 -
I don't give advice unless I'm asked. Even then, I only tell them what I'm doing to be successful and don't tell them what they are doing "wrong".
For example, my mom will say that she's calorie counting, but not losing weight. She either eyeballs portions or will use measuring cups for solids. When I'm at her house, I will start weighing things out using her food scale (seriously, its right on the counter. I don't know why she owns it because apparently she never uses it). She asked me why I was doing that and I explained that its how I make sure I'm eating the amount that I'm logging.
I tell what I've done for success without saying "the way you're doing it is all wrong".
On the other hand, I'm not going to hide my success. If people feel insecure that I've lost weight and they haven't, that's really not my problem.0 -
I don't tend to talk about weight loss or weight management...i tend to talk about health, wellness, and fitness. i have no issues talking up a 50 mile ride or talking about hitting a new PR in the gym...or posting a pic on facebook of some kick *kitten* food i prepared.
my friends and family talk about all kinds of stuff that is their stuff...i don't take offense when they do...likewise, i don't think they take offense when i start talking about fitness and whatnot...they know that's my thing.
i do talk about other stuff too...so maybe if you're dominating the conversation and always talking about it you should back off it a bit.0 -
tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
To them it is offensive, if they are not working on themselves and your lifestyle feels like a mirror.
I have been baffled by this - there is another thing I have noticed - people will compliment very heavy people who talk about their weight-loss, but anyone who is close to goal or what they consider "normal range" will get crickets at best or insults and passive aggression at worst.
For example, there is someone who is morbidly obese on my friends list who can post "trying to eat better - hoping for a loss!" on Facebook and they will get twenty or thirty likes and comments. I am happy they get this sort of affirmation. Well done obese girl, we are all behind you! We are your super duper friends and we just want you to be happy!
Try however, being at supermodel awesome goal weight and posting a holiday picture where you are in a bikini and say something like "so pleased I am finally able to get into this! yay me!" as another friend did. She got crickets as well as loads of people talking behind her back. No affirmation for YOU thin successful girl... booooo! We need to bring you down a peg or two!
It boils down to jealousy and what threatens people. If you are a certain weight, you can crow about your eating and lifestyle all you like because it threatens no one. Get to a certain size and people expect you to shut the hell up. It is much more about them than it is about you.
It just makes me rebellious to be honest.0 -
I struggle with the same thing.
It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?
I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.
Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.
QFT
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I don't talk about my weight loss necessarily, but I talk constantly about running/fitness/etc. My mom talks about how many eggs her chickens lay, so she can hear me talk about running. I post about it on Facebook, and I post running selfies. It's my life, if people don't like it they are welcome to stop being friends with me. I don't "preach". I simply treat it like any other important thing in my life, kids, school, work, whatever. I have a few fitness friends, and I have had a couple of friends join me after I started. Now the nitty gritty details on what I'm actually doing to lose weight or whatever I only give if asked. That's the stuff that sounds like preaching if people don't want to hear it.0
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I don't talk about my weight loss necessarily, but I talk constantly about running/fitness/etc. My mom talks about how many eggs her chickens lay, so she can hear me talk about running. I post about it on Facebook, and I post running selfies. It's my life, if people don't like it they are welcome to stop being friends with me. I don't "preach". I simply treat it like any other important thing in my life, kids, school, work, whatever. I have a few fitness friends, and I have had a couple of friends join me after I started. Now the nitty gritty details on what I'm actually doing to lose weight or whatever I only give if asked. That's the stuff that sounds like preaching if people don't want to hear it.
This is how to do it 0 -
If someone asks, I answer. I'm not hiding anything from anyone. I'm too damned old to censor myself just because I might say something they don't want to hear. I say it, I don't preach it, and I drop it if they don't want to talk about it. But weight loss and a new life is what's going on with me.0
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Don't offer, wait until a person ask. Also answer their specific question(s), if they don't have one, ask them their specific question. When I am ask, I always preface, "what worked for ME was........". I never say, "You have to do......"
FYI, answer them once. If they keep on asking the same questions over and over again, I don't take them seriously, they are waiting for the "magic pill\gadget\drink\food\etc". No one wants to hear workout and count calories. It is simple, yet complete.0
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