How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?
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I do post pictures of my weight loss on Facebook occasionally, and people have been very supportive and enthusiastic about my success (so far anyway). My opinion is that it's my Facebook profile, I post about what I want, and if someone doesn't like it, they can unfriend me. But I haven't really faced any negativity thus far.
In regards to face to face conversation, I don't talk about my weight loss unless asked.0 -
I personally wait until I am asked :]
Weight is a very, very personal thing. I'm quite a shy person and choose to really discuss my weight loss with other active 'losers' or people genuinely taking an interest in my progress. If I am asked a question, I will most certainly answer it with as much information necessary - but I'm more of a "Less about me, let's talk about you" type of person anyway!0 -
tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
I think it's fine to be happy about and mention hitting a goal or PR. "I hit 25 pounds lost!" or "I lifted 100 pounds!" or what have you is not anything that another reasonable person should be offended over any more than they would be offended if you said "My team won the tournament!" or "My book is being published!" I wouldn't go into detail unless asked but mentioning it is not being a jerk.
My thoughts exactly.
If you're with someone you think might be oversensitive to the topic, you can defuse it some by talking about how great you feel, or that you're surprised by how tasty the healthy recipe was rather than something like 'hey, I lost X pounds'.
But when it comes down to it, unless you're being competitive with them, any issues they have with your enthusiasm are just that. Their issues.0 -
I only talk about it when someone instigates the conversation. However, I love cooking and I love hiking so I'll go on about that. I don't talk about it in a way to make it sound like I'm preaching as it's part of who I am and what I enjoy. I have sisters who just talk none stop about how amazing/irritating their kids are which is of no interest to me so I'll (probably) bore them about a walk I did or the meal I made last night when they talk to me.0
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Of course you are welcome to share it and talk about it, and your friends and family are welcome to be bored to tears by it.
I find weight loss, dieting and exercise talk (in person, on social media, etc.) to be massively unexciting to talk or hear about.. not every little thing we do in life needs attention and praise. I just don't consider weight loss and fitness to be amazingly noteworthy achievements, and I say this as someone who lost over 100 pounds. I'm not curing cancer over here.0 -
Of course you are welcome to share it and talk about it, and your friends and family are welcome to be bored to tears by it.
I find weight loss, dieting and exercise talk (in person, on social media, etc.) to be massively unexciting to talk or hear about.. not every little thing we do in life needs attention and praise. I just don't consider weight loss and fitness to be amazingly noteworthy achievements, and I say this as someone who lost over 100 pounds. I'm not curing cancer over here.
Yep yep
This is one of the reasons why I deleted my FB account a while back! 0 -
Changing habits is hard - success is something to be celebrated, but not all others share in our joy. Not everyone is excited about the success of my favorite team. I find someone of similar interest. There is someone out there who will share your enthusiasm. It's normal to want reinforcement and validation. Persevere.0
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I don't mention anything at all unless someone comments or asks. MFP is the only place I feel comfortable discussing it socially. I haven't even posted anything on Facebook yet, and I've been at this since Jan. Occasionally I'll put up a picture and people might say something, but I really am uncomfortable bringing it up to others. I love compliments, but don't seek them out.0
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Only bring it up if they ask. And then, keep it simple in direct relation to what they ask.tsamples23 wrote: »I'm not sure this is the best place for this, but sometimes when I talk about weight loss success or my goals, I feel I'm coming off arrogant or I feel that they feel put down because they haven't had success. How can I talk about my fitness goals/success while still being sensitive to others that are struggling with it?
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You should be proud of your achievements! But not everyone will care and some will find your talk about it annoying specifically if you do it without being asked. Some will think you're bragging or pointing out their inadequacy.
It's not right but that is how it is.
The best thing I ever did was make fitness friends. They are there to celebrate and commiserate so I don't annoy the people in my life that don't really care.0 -
Posting your thoughts on Facebook: reasonable. Anyone who is not interesting in reading/responding can scroll past or even block your posts if it really bothers them. Discussing what you did over the weekend with coworkers on Monday: reasonable, assuming its a 2+ way conversation. Seeing a friend/coworker who a) you think should lose weight/be more active or even b) is making efforts to lose weight but maybe not so successfully are NOT situations where its appropriate to discuss your situation unless you're asked.0
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tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
To them it is offensive, if they are not working on themselves and your lifestyle feels like a mirror.
I have been baffled by this - there is another thing I have noticed - people will compliment very heavy people who talk about their weight-loss, but anyone who is close to goal or what they consider "normal range" will get crickets at best or insults and passive aggression at worst.
For example, there is someone who is morbidly obese on my friends list who can post "trying to eat better - hoping for a loss!" on Facebook and they will get twenty or thirty likes and comments. I am happy they get this sort of affirmation. Well done obese girl, we are all behind you! We are your super duper friends and we just want you to be happy!
Try however, being at supermodel awesome goal weight and posting a holiday picture where you are in a bikini and say something like "so pleased I am finally able to get into this! yay me!" as another friend did. She got crickets as well as loads of people talking behind her back. No affirmation for YOU thin successful girl... booooo! We need to bring you down a peg or two!
It boils down to jealousy and what threatens people. If you are a certain weight, you can crow about your eating and lifestyle all you like because it threatens no one. Get to a certain size and people expect you to shut the hell up. It is much more about them than it is about you.
It just makes me rebellious to be honest.
You're totally right about this. I have heard my friends judge people who were very obese and lost a lot of weight, saying they are "too skinny now," although the person is now at a healthy weight. I also mentioned to some friends that I would like to lose an additional 10 pounds, which would put me in the high end of a healthy BMI. They freaked out and told me I was obsessive and would be way too skinny if I did so.
Of course, these friends are all overweight and haven't been able to stick to any weight loss plan for more than a few months. It's as though they feel better about themselves when they put down another person's success.0 -
tsamples23 wrote: »I'm not sure this is the best place for this, but sometimes when I talk about weight loss success or my goals, I feel I'm coming off arrogant or I feel that they feel put down because they haven't had success. How can I talk about my fitness goals/success while still being sensitive to others that are struggling with it?
I don't really talk about my weight loss, workouts or goals with anyone but my dh or anonymous strangers on the internet. It doesn't appeal to me to do so.
I don't think it is offensive to say you are happy about something or share your progress sometimes.
I think it gets offensive if you make remarks that suggests others are wrong/ lazy if they don't do xyz or have not gotten the results that you have or imply that their goals are pathetic. So if you comment about an exercise you love but sneer at people doing other activities you are being a jerk. It depends on how you are phrasing things.
I think fequency also plays a part in how people will feel. If you are talking/posting about it every day it could get old just like people who post about all the fabulous things they have and do all the time get tiresome. I don't want to hear about someone's child prodigy, their awesome vacation, or the book they got published every single day.0 -
If you engage in conversation about nutrition and fitness in a positive and non-condescending manner, I don't see why it is necessary to tiptoe and be PC about it. I constantly have to endure boring and inane conversations about the weather, sports, gossip, and other topics that are far less important than health.0
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If you engage in conversation about nutrition and fitness in a positive and non-condescending manner, I don't see why it is necessary to tiptoe and be PC about it. I constantly have to endure boring and inane conversations about the weather, sports, gossip, and other topics that are far less important than health.
YES! This!0 -
Share what you want to share with whoever you want to! If you are making changes in your physical appearance thru weight loss or fitness, it will be apparent to others. They might be hesitant to ask due to concern of offending you.
People post lots of stuff on Facebook that I don't care for, find offensive, etc etc. so post what makes you happy, but obviously don't be a jerk about it.0 -
I don't really talk about it. Even when asked (which is not often, at all) I keep it brief and don't go into too much detail unless they are really interested which most of the time, they aren't.0
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I don't talk about it anymore because I felt like I was genuinely being asked how I did it, and every time I mentioned my methods (CICO, macros, hiking and biking) people would just walk off to follow someone else who talked about gluten free, essential oils, and It Works wraps...and they didn't have success with those things either...so I feel like there's no point. I have recently been "gently accused" of having an eating disorder because I will only say "yeah I watch my calories".0
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seltzermint555 wrote: »I don't talk about it anymore because I felt like I was genuinely being asked how I did it, and every time I mentioned my methods (CICO, macros, hiking and biking) people would just walk off to follow someone else who talked about gluten free, essential oils, and It Works wraps...and they didn't have success with those things either...so I feel like there's no point. I have recently been "gently accused" of having an eating disorder because I will only say "yeah I watch my calories".
a few weeks ago a co-worker commented on my weight loss and I told her I just counted calories and used a food scale and logged everything into an app to keep track of it and the whole thing was pretty simple. She then told me that she wanted to lose weight but couldn't because she 'didn't eat enough' and her body was probably in 'starvation mode'. I just nodded and said "maybe...I really don't know".
(PS - this same co-worker goes out to lunch every day to chain restaurants and local diners. She also eats a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast or gets a bacon/egg/cheese on a bagel. This has clearly put her into this 'starvation mode' lololol)
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A while back I had dinner with my dad, and I mentioned I had gained 5 pounds I was going to lose again. He didn't even acknowledge. Later in the evening, he went on at length about his different shaped gum brushes, floss assortment and special toothbrush. There's an analogy there. I'm glad he's on top of his oral hygiene. I'm sure he's glad I maintain a healthy weight. What we do to maintain ourselves generally isn't that interesting to others.0
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learn who is jealous and unwilling to listen. i talk about it; but i know not to around my sister. she is very jealous, and she is overweight and very unmotivated to change it. so, when i talk about it around her i get remarks like "if you are overweight i must be a whale". I can't feel successful around her, or feel the need to better myself around her....both offend her only because she is unhappy with herself. but around my parents and friends, i can talk about it
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99.9% of people could not give less of a &*^% about your fitness success/goals. It's a boring topic unless it's something the other person is also actively working on.
For those people who do actively inquire, be modest about your success and make sure you ask them how it's going for them. Then give NO ADVICE unless they ask for it. "What's working for me is x. I enjoy y and have seen some success with it", not "You should do x and y".
^ Yeah.
I tell my husband about my weekly weigh-ins. A few immediate relatives have asked questions because they genuinely care about me. I have a thin, fit, totally hot sister who runs marathons, and I celebrate her accomplishments - hate to break it to you, but not every fat person in the world resents people who are thin or have fitness goals despite seeing that statement pop up on MFP quite a bit. Maybe they just don't care unless they care about you as a person. My sister is excited for me when she sees me in new clothes. No one else in the real world has brought it up.
I have a relative with similar starting stats to mine. I understand her weight struggles. She likes magic fixes. I smile and nod and let her talk, and I also try not to judge her because it doesn't take much for me to be right back where I was even losing weight the "right" way. Don't get cocky, people.
As for Facebook, I don't really feel a need to add to the strong amount of narcissism already present on there. Just because Bob, Sue, and Joe do it with their kids, weekends, meal photos, dogs, cats, horses, unicorns, and bunions doesn't mean that I have to be equally asinine. I also think people really underrate privacy nowadays.
The vast majority of my weight talk happens anonymously on forums dedicated to weight talk and fitness. That means I can chat as obsessively as I want about this stuff and get plenty of positive feedback from people who find the topic relevant. I don't need to go shouting it from the rooftops in the real world.0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »I personally wait until I am asked :]
Weight is a very, very personal thing. I'm quite a shy person and choose to really discuss my weight loss with other active 'losers' or people genuinely taking an interest in my progress. If I am asked a question, I will most certainly answer it with as much information necessary - but I'm more of a "Less about me, let's talk about you" type of person anyway!
too right, the culture where i am from, it's too okay for everyone to meddle into anything anytime.
It's okay for people to ask unmarried girls why are they not getting married, or a married couple that why don't they have kids, or a fat person as why he is too fat and the moment they see a fat person they start giving tips, i mean I know quite a lot about how to lose weight, ive been reading since 3 years, and i do not want anyone who has not been on the journey himself tell me that you should do this or you should have lost this much by now.
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learn who is jealous and unwilling to listen. i talk about it; but i know not to around my sister. she is very jealous, and she is overweight and very unmotivated to change it. so, when i talk about it around her i get remarks like "if you are overweight i must be a whale". I can't feel successful around her, or feel the need to better myself around her....both offend her only because she is unhappy with herself. but around my parents and friends, i can talk about it
My sister is the same, except she doesn't put herself down to make me feel bad, she points out my flaws or makes fun of me. Usually in front of other people. Like when we were having a get together once and I had my hair in braids, she called me porkohontas (I was like 20 at the time, her 24 ish, so this wasn't a childhood thing)... And she still brings it up years later. She's a very unhappy person.
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My sister is the same, except she doesn't put herself down to make me feel bad, she points out my flaws or makes fun of me. Usually in front of other people.
oh that's terrible too. But i was 5'7 and 164 wanting to be about 130. i was around halfway there when she would do this. she is 5'2 and 250 so even before i started losing she couldn't necessarily put me down. she just made me feel bad, guilty etc. but they are in control of their own lives, they need to live them happily or unhappily and let us live ours. i cannot hold back my success to make other people feel less unsuccessful--or less lazy haha.
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I'll talk about if asked or like last night, a friend asked for suggestions for weight loss and a bunch of us chimed in (all of us successful, just using different strategies - I was kind of exuberant, but that's just my personality with this particular group). I've mentioned milestones twice on my FB account just because I knew how my family and friends would react, but I don't talk about it on a regular basis just to talk about it.
It's funny, I think I do talk about it at work often, but I work for a major health non-profit where one of our initiatives is helping people get healthier (and weight loss can be part of that), so it's almost a kind of natural topic around here. I've had very positive comments from co-workers about my loss, they've asked me what my program is (and a few use MFP), and it's generally pretty uplifting.
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tracyannk28 wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I don't talk about it anymore because I felt like I was genuinely being asked how I did it, and every time I mentioned my methods (CICO, macros, hiking and biking) people would just walk off to follow someone else who talked about gluten free, essential oils, and It Works wraps...and they didn't have success with those things either...so I feel like there's no point. I have recently been "gently accused" of having an eating disorder because I will only say "yeah I watch my calories".
a few weeks ago a co-worker commented on my weight loss and I told her I just counted calories and used a food scale and logged everything into an app to keep track of it and the whole thing was pretty simple. She then told me that she wanted to lose weight but couldn't because she 'didn't eat enough' and her body was probably in 'starvation mode'. I just nodded and said "maybe...I really don't know".
(PS - this same co-worker goes out to lunch every day to chain restaurants and local diners. She also eats a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast or gets a bacon/egg/cheese on a bagel. This has clearly put her into this 'starvation mode' lololol)
Ohhh yes I know plenty of those people. And I'll fully admit I was secretly one of them at one point...by that I mean, I never asked others how I should lose weight or claimed to be in starvation mode...but I really thought something was wrong with me medically, metabolism, etc...because I would eat like 2 cucumbers and hummus for lunch Mon-Fri and not lose any weight and then eat burgers the following week and not gain any weight, and I concluded that it didn't matter what I ate, I would always weigh the same LMAO. I realized over time how flawed that was, of course. It's crazy the things that otherwise reasonable individuals will convince themselves of!
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tsamples23 wrote: »I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.
I feel this way ALL the time! But I'm blessed in that all the people I work with are super supportive. My department goes on walks during our breaks and I share with them what new research I've found, my new plans/goals, and they usually give me advice from their history (even if they aren't currently working on it). Or when people see me in my running clothes they ask if I'm coming or going, and how my run was.0 -
I don't specifically mention it around people other than on MFP or my personal and pretty much unread blog. I'm more likely to talk about fun things I did (like hiking, etc) than on how much I lost. After all, I'm really losing weight for fitness.
If people ask, I'll talk, and I'll tell folks who need to know, like my doctor or a family member who was thinking I should have clothes on my Christmas list.
On the other hand, I'm a private person so I just don't share much in general, I don't particularly avoid talking about my weight.0 -
I didn't read all of the comments, but here is a suggestion (maybe or maybe not mentioned yet)...make new friends who are interested in health/fitness. People who go to your gym are more likely to want to talk about weight loss and PRs.
There's nothing wrong with posting things about food and workouts on social media, people can ignore if they arent interested. Bringing up weight loss IRL will get annoying to people who aren't interested; like-minded people will be more interested.0
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