Stress

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  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    Well I like some of these I don't really understand the games. Knitting I have tried but I just need learn to cope with the stress and get out of my head. I going to try the audio books and well the sex of corse. LOL
  • MarcyKirkton
    MarcyKirkton Posts: 507 Member
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    I deal as directly with the underlying reason for stress as I can. If I'm reacting, then it's up to me to change what I can. Most stress is self-induced for me, based on false expectations. Manage my expectations or they will manage me.

  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    MarcyKirkton wrote: »
    I deal as directly with the underlying reason for stress as I can. If I'm reacting, then it's up to me to change what I can. Most stress is self-induced for me, based on false expectations. Manage my expectations or they will manage me.

    That is all true. Stress for me usually is linked to control. Out of control is stressful and I have to stop trying to control things that I can't. I can't control other people's actions I can't control every aspect of my job or household it's not logical . It leads right into my other problems where I over compensate for lack of control in one area with overly controlling something else.
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    Don't forget that you can borrow audiobooks from most libraries. You don't have to buy them to enjoy them. I browse online and can download the books right to my phone and they automatically return after 2 weeks. No late fees and I don't have to spend any money. I use the "Overdrive" app.
  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    SingRunTing wrote: »
    Don't forget that you can borrow audiobooks from most libraries. You don't have to buy them to enjoy them. I browse online and can download the books right to my phone and they automatically return after 2 weeks. No late fees and I don't have to spend any money. I use the "Overdrive" app.

    Good to know. Thanks
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
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    Have you had that frank discussion with your husband about how out of control you feel, how stressed you are, how it manifests itself into your binge/restrict cycles, how you need more help around the house, and managing all the daily commitments, how you are trying to set ground rules for your kids to be home for dinner, to engage more as a family? If not - I'd probably start there instead of with the sex...
  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    WinoGelato wrote: »
    Have you had that frank discussion with your husband about how out of control you feel, how stressed you are, how it manifests itself into your binge/restrict cycles, how you need more help around the house, and managing all the daily commitments, how you are trying to set ground rules for your kids to be home for dinner, to engage more as a family? If not - I'd probably start there instead of with the sex...

    Well we have had discussions oh yes we have. He has actually been helping out a bit. Everything kinda just exploded last Thursday if he doesn't get it now he never will but I can tell he really doesn't fully get it. The kids are home when they are supposed to be. They are good kids.
    Sex who said my husband had to be. involved?
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    superhockeymom wrote: »
    WinoGelato wrote: »
    Have you had that frank discussion with your husband about how out of control you feel, how stressed you are, how it manifests itself into your binge/restrict cycles, how you need more help around the house, and managing all the daily commitments, how you are trying to set ground rules for your kids to be home for dinner, to engage more as a family? If not - I'd probably start there instead of with the sex...

    Well we have had discussions oh yes we have. He has actually been helping out a bit. Everything kinda just exploded last Thursday if he doesn't get it now he never will but I can tell he really doesn't fully get it. The kids are home when they are supposed to be. They are good kids.
    Sex who said my husband had to be. involved?

    Intimacy is a very important part of a healthy relationship. You have said some things about your husband 'not getting it' and all the things you say about yourself and your unhealthy relationship with food that are worrying. It sounds like you could get some benefits from couples counseling.
  • tashspring68
    tashspring68 Posts: 14 Member
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    From what you've said it sounds like we might have grown up with some similar baggage.

    After a long time, I learned how to be mostly happy in my own little bubble and that I had to put my emotional needs first, or I couldn't help anyone.

    It's funny, given that they've already been mentioned, but audiobooks REALLY help. I listen to them, get on with my day in my own little world and be happy. It's kind of like meditating. It's great for blocking out negativity.

    And if you can, see a counsellor - one that you like and can talk to. It helps.

    Remember that everything is not your fault and it's not horrible to put yourself first.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
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    I like to kickbox...it really helps when someone has been driving you nuts.
    Going for walks, raking leaves, shovelling snow... It all helps.
    suziecue20 wrote: »
    colouring book or sex....hmmm ;)

    Sex colouring books.
    Oh, and sex. Lots of it.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    I like to explain to folks who might see me acting out-of-sorts that I'm pissed off and overwhelmed (or whatever it is) and I'm going to do my own thing/be alone for most or part of of the day. I get migraines a lot or other pain that makes me irritable, and I'm simply no good as company sometimes anyway.

    For instance, my dad comes over frequently in his retirement. I swear I don't mind and I enjoy it, but he can irritate me when expecting me to be a good hostess like I would be to less familiar folks. He's a lot ruder than other folks, too, make no mistake! He enjoys playing the curmudgeon.

    I go on and do quick or important things for him directly, but like when I feel bad I tell him that he'll have to do X or Y himself and emphasize why. Yes, he pouts (my word for it). Yes, he acts like it's a bigger deal than it is. It is designed as a guilt trip (he's always tried to completely master that but had really stubborn kids, lol). If he starts yelling, I tell him to please go, because I don't need to be yelled at. I'll see him tomorrow; it's cool. Bye!

    He's gotten much better knowing that I'm going to stand my ground on certain things, that I think drama about it is childish on either of our parts, and it doesn't work with me anyway (unless you push and push me to WWIII for a night, and he does hate those results. I'll scream right back and forth at folks on the rare occasion if that's what'll get it through to them).

    You can't be afraid of seeming like a b**** just because someone is going to act like you are when they are really manipulating you with it. Unless the drama is truly intolerable, just try to squash it calmly, stay very reasonable, and do your thing as drama-free as you can manage.

    Then take a bubble bath, or do some yoga (you don't have to be good at it ;) ) and wind down for your own self :)

    I know yours is different because I do it when I don't feel good, but you can say you need a break for a few hours or whatever, and it's the same sort of thing in the end. Do you even get headaches from the stress? Then there's your opening. Headaches, anxiety, depression... they all deserve a bit of 'leave me alone for a while' breaks, and people usually understand that. Hell, I've said I just wasn't up to talking to anyone for a few hours and that worked. I seem moody sometimes, obviously, but it was true and it worked and was much less stressful to have that down time :) We even had fun later in the day, like I'd hoped! Good luck!
  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
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    superhockeymom wrote: »
    WBB55 wrote: »
    superhockeymom wrote: »
    WBB55 wrote: »
    I'd recommend a kind of lifestyle change where you put your needs higher on your priority list. Yoga for 10 minutes isn't going to help as much as cultivating a lifestyle where you have people supporting you in the ways you've told them to help you. Having the kids help around the house. The husband helping with shuttling the kids. ... All of those little things will add up. If you add on top of that, the hot baths and laying off the booze, and you could see your life change.

    But it's getting those people to do anything that causes the added stress

    They're only adding extra stress if you let them. Patti, you're in your head with this. You can take control of what you do and do not do. You are in control of what you allow to affect you emotionally. You're like 45, right? Honestly, you sometimes sound like you're in your 20s in terms of your self empowerment. I don't know who taught you that you come last. The truth is that you can help your family more if you take care of yourself first. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stop being an empty cup. Take the time and space you need to refill your own glass. When you're happy and healthy, then you'll be able to give more to them than you do now.



    I grew up the peacemaker it's who I am.
    I don't think that will ever change.

    Therapy
  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
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    superhockeymom wrote: »
    MarcyKirkton wrote: »
    I deal as directly with the underlying reason for stress as I can. If I'm reacting, then it's up to me to change what I can. Most stress is self-induced for me, based on false expectations. Manage my expectations or they will manage me.

    That is all true. Stress for me usually is linked to control. Out of control is stressful and I have to stop trying to control things that I can't. I can't control other people's actions I can't control every aspect of my job or household it's not logical . It leads right into my other problems where I over compensate for lack of control in one area with overly controlling something else.

    Therapy
  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    @allenpriest yup that's where most of this came up and why I was looking for other ways people cope.
    But thanks

    Looks like audio books are popular and I will give them a try
    Thanks to everyone for your ideas.

  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
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    Therapy can take a long time but done right it works. Professional help may be better than strangers who don't understand the details.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    superhockeymom wrote: »
    @allenpriest yup that's where most of this came up and why I was looking for other ways people cope.
    But thanks

    Looks like audio books are popular and I will give them a try
    Thanks to everyone for your ideas.

    Hasn't your therapist suggested practical solutions about how to cope? If not, then maybe this particular therapist is not the right match for you?
  • superhockeymom
    superhockeymom Posts: 2,000 Member
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    allenpriest wrote: »
    Therapy can take a long time but done right it works. Professional help may be better than strangers who don't understand the details.

    Correct. But I was supposed to come up with some ideas and I had some almost all surrounding working out. Trail running. Hockey things that require thought or you going to trip and fall on your face. Both things I love but also things that can not just be done every day so I needed to have some ideas for other less intense things. Walking I do a lot of it but all that is is thinking over things sometimes good sometimes bad. This morning was great. Sometimes I get more stressed out. It's stupid and hard to explain like most things.


  • soapsandropes
    soapsandropes Posts: 269 Member
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    There are some really fun podcasts out there to listen to while walking. There are even some about mindfulness and meditation if you wanted to learn about it. I really like listening to things to keep my brain quiet, but there really is something empowering about sitting with your thoughts and learning which ones to pay attention to and which ones to let go.
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
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    If it helps, and I don't know if it will because we're very different people with different thought processes, here's how I deal with moments of stress. Please note, this is not how I deal with "real" stress. Real stress is the stress from illness or the death of a loved one or applying for a new job. THOSE things are SUPPOSED to be stressful, and I deal with them in different ways.

    Here's some of my coping mechanisms for day-to-day stress:

    -For the daily feeling of being "too busy" or things feeling "out of my control" I respond by becoming more organized. I set aside time to develop new systems and mechanisms to literally coordinate and organize my life more. This is a long term project, but involves a lot of "simplifying" my life. From eliminating extra clutter in my house and on my desk to eliminating habits and people who don't add value to my life. I make grocery lists and dinner recipes. I have to-do lists for housekeeping and chores I check off. There's portions of my life that are indeed outside of my control, but I'll be doggone if my cupboards are going to be overflowing clutter monsters. I can at least control that. This grocery list I made? I totally nailed it. Bam. Adulting like a boss.

    -For the stress from a project or difficult person at work, I take a break, make some tea, walk around the block, etc. I remind myself that my skills at work are a scarce resource that other people in the organization come to and rely on. I have value, and that's why I'm employed. I remind myself of that, and remind myself that petty you-know-whats don't get to invade MY headspace with their petty, selfish nonsense.

    -For the feeling at the end of the day where I'm just sad and lonely and feel unappreciated, I take a bath, do my nails, something where I'm appreciating myself, instead of seeking external appreciation. And I read or listen to podcasts I enjoy.

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