Gloom, despair, and agony on me

fatgottago

Yea I know its that Hee Haw song. This is how I feel today. I have tried...let me rephrase that... I have thought about losing weight for 30 years. Literally. I think about it ever night and every morning but I never do anything about it. What is it going to take to wake my lazy butt up and actually start really caring about losing weight? I am miserable! Absolutely miserable! I am so unhappy with myself which in turns makes me unhappy with others. I think one time 10 years ago I managed to lose weight with weight watchers. Since then I have been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds over and over and over.

So this brings to right here and now. I am almost 250 pounds. I have NEVER reached 250 but I am like right there at it. OMG in my mind I don't look that big, but I seen a picture that was posted on facebook and I was in the background. I almost fell out of my chair. I had no idea I was that big! it was so depressing. Here is the thing, if I wanted to change I would. So why can't I change? Why do I eat my emotions? I say I don't eat that much but I must be or how else would I really get to almost 250 pounds?

I am at the point where I have to *kitten* or get off the pot. I just found out my Dad has another bad spot on his foot from diabetes. It is because he hasn't taken care of himself. They may have to cut it off. His other big toe is gone. My Mom is not healthy either and she is only 57. I don't want this! I want to be healthy for my kids and grandson.

SO that is my question.... HOW come I can't stick with it??????? What is wrong with me? Am I just a quitter, destine to be fat the rest of my life? I hate hearing that I am a disgusting fat *kitten*. That is what someone called me this morning. After seeing that picture...I am. The profile pics are all lies... its just the angle the picture was taken in.

I need help..... yep.

RodaRose

Get started on some exercising: walking and "body weight" exercises on youtube,

DeguelloTex

Have you called BR-549?

Really, bottom line, you can't stick with it because it isn't important enough to you, yet. With the health effects you're seeing in your relatives, it should be hitting home how serious this is, but people (in general, not just you) are often quite bad at putting longer term effects ahead of shorter term desires, even if they know they should.

It sounds like you might need something to make the issue more concrete and less theoretical, but there's no telling what that might be for any given person.

fatgottago

You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?

DeguelloTex

fatgottago wrote: »

You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?

If you know you tend to eat late at night, try prelogging what you're going to eat and sticking to that or saving some calories for later at night so that you're still within your goal intake.

Exercise is usually a good thing. Starting with something even like a short walk and then adding on to the length can be good.

Knowing what you're doing is a good start on finding a way not to do that. At least you've thought about some of your hurdles and don't just say "I don't know."

saraonly9913

You might want to speak to a therapist.

crb426

You need to get pumped about wanting to lose weight. Basically, your goal is the same, but you have to have something that keeps you going. My initial motivation was when my pants didn't fit, then I said I would lose a little weight to fit in them again. I made a comment to my husband about how if I lost too much I would need new clothes and he was like "if you lose 30 pounds I'll buy you all new clothes"! Done! I wasn't even thinking 30 pounds, now I've reached it and am looking to lose another 10. Still haven't gotten my new wardrobe (well, I've bought myself pieces here and there) but it feels SO GOOD to have lost weight.

Maybe give yourself a goal reward. Even if it's just, after I lose 20 pounds I'll buy ... Something to get you energized. Something to keep you going.

I like to online shop and put all the things I'd like to buy in the shopping cart in the size that I am now or that I want to be next. I don't actually purchase it, but it's fun to dream...

neohdiver

If you have diabetes (since you mentioned your father does), or even if you are just obese, explore a low carb/ketogenic diet. It has been shown to be an effective treatment for both, and many people find it easier to follow.

I have followed traditional CICO ways of eating, as long as structured moderation. I find both effective - and have maintained substantial weight loss for periods of 3-5 years using both. Unfortunately, when life gets stressful, I find it hard to pay attention to what I am eating - and it has been stressful non-stop since 2008. For my 59th birthday 5 weeks ago, I weighed in at just shy of 200 lbs, and given a diagnosis of diabetes, Hasimoto's thyroiditis, and Vitamin D deficiency. The diabetes (despite the recommendation of most doctors and dietitians) means my body does not process carbs (any carbs - even otherwise healthy ones) in a healthy manner.

So I can't go to my tried and true structured modification - which includes a lot of carbs. I've been eating low carbs (below 50 net per day), moderate protein, and filling out the daily calorie needs with fats. Since Oct 2, I've lost 14 lbs and within 3 days my blood sugar was within normal ranges - with the exception of occasional tests (4 so far) when I am checking a new food to see how much/what kind carb I can tolerate in small quantities.

If you're interested, do your own research. Don't let the rhetoric (on either side) sway you - I'm still struggling with the "rah-rah-fat" line many low carb/ketogenic eaters tout. I see it more as a necessary evil. My body can't process carbs; energy has to come from somewhere.

But it is the satiating fat that many people tout as the reason they are able to stick to eating a ketogenic diet.

Paulina1230

fatgottago wrote: »

You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?

Oh sweetie I could feel myself in everything you say. I will lose weight....someday. I will get up off my *kitten* and excersise. ....someday. Well 2 months ago my someday came, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been diagnosed 2 years ago with a fatty liver. Its cause I ate like crap and was overweight and didnt move at all. Doc made it sound like no biggie...just lose some weight and eat better. Fast forward to now and I now have cirrhosis of the liver where it attaches to the gall bladder. I am now on a strict fatfree, sugarfree, alcoholfree, and mostly meat free diet. The pounds are coming off pretty quick, but its not the way I always envisioned it would be. I eat this way now, because I will probably die if I dont. I will be facing a liver transplant in my pretty near future if I cannot get this under control. I no longer have a choice in this. It is the way it will have to be from here on out. I can no longer eat fat because the liver has to work sooo very hard to process it, no more sugar because my liver cant process it correctly and it makes me more prone to diabetes and no more alcohol...for obvious reasons. Dont wait till your health is compromised. Do it because you love yourself and your health is important to you.....and your family. Sorry I wrote a novel but this just really touched home for me.

kshama2001

fatgottago wrote: »

You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?

I always lost weight when I was single cuz I spent a lot more time at the gym at night

You could budget some calories for eating something filling at night. I like oats, yogurt and strawberries. It's sweet, filling, and not very high in calories.

fatgottago

joaniee2003 wrote: »

You might want to speak to a therapist.

LOL I had to laugh at this.... I am sure I do!!!!!!!!!!!

fatgottago

Paulina1230 wrote: »

fatgottago wrote: »

You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?

. Dont wait till your health is compromised. Do it because you love yourself and your health is important to you.....and your family. Sorry I wrote a novel but this just really touched home for me.

Thank you for that! I have to remember this is so much more than how I look... I am so SORRY you are going through this! Add me as a friend and maybe we can encourage each other. My problem is I forgot so easy of why I started. I am hoping for a good outcome for you!!!! Thank you for replying.

kshama2001

I'm not diagnosing you from your few posts, but you do sound depressed, and therapy can help with that. Also exercise - it's actually as or more effective that anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression.

Actually, cognitive behavioral therapy to help you learn new ways to relate to food could be helpful.

fatgottago

crb426 wrote: »

I like to online shop and put all the things I'd like to buy in the shopping cart in the size that I am now or that I want to be next. I don't actually purchase it, but it's fun to dream...

You are exactly right.... all I do right now is work. I work two jobs and I am going to school. I don't have any excitement in my life so I actually look forward to turning the DVD on and eating at night to wind down.... BAD HABITS .

I know its a bad time of the year to start dieting but why wait?

fatgottago

kshama2001 wrote: »

I'm not diagnosing you from your few posts, but you do sound depressed, and therapy can help with that. Also exercise - it's actually as or more effective that anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression.

Actually, cognitive behavioral therapy to help you learn new ways to relate to food could be helpful.

I feel depressed. I usually can pull myself out of it! I have been this way for awhile. Heck if I talk to someone they will commit me LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just need to remember what is important and get off this pity party. I will be ok and you are right exercise will help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks

beamer0821

@fatgottago
have you read Geneen Roth's books? if not start with Breaking Free from Emotional/Compulsive Eating. runner up Women, Food and God. she writes fantastic on this subject.

i highly highly recommend reading this book before you start any other diet. it is a game changer.

and for some extra support i also suggest a therapist or life coach. in all honestly i haven't met a person who hasn't need a therapist. everyone needs one really, everyone has stuff...

bambione

When was the last time you had your blood checked for glucose levels? If you are on the verge of being diabetic it could be a wake up call for eating right. Take it one day at a time. Think 10 pounds for your first goal. Do you have a friend who can help you with this? It helps to have a partner. Exercise helps as well. Can you go for a walk? Good luck with everything.

MondayJune22nd2015

fatgottago wrote: »

crb426 wrote: »

I like to online shop and put all the things I'd like to buy in the shopping cart in the size that I am now or that I want to be next. I don't actually purchase it, but it's fun to dream...

You are exactly right.... all I do right now is work. I work two jobs and I am going to school. I don't have any excitement in my life so I actually look forward to turning the DVD on and eating at night to wind down.... BAD HABITS .

I know its a bad time of the year to start dieting but why wait?

How about instead of eating while you watch a DVD, chew gum & use dumbbells. That's how I got my mouth to do something, besides eat & my hands to do something, besides put food; into my mouth. I didn't have dumbbells, when I began, so I used 2 full 50 ounce, jugs of laundry detergent. Watching a DVD is a privilege, so I don't allow myself to watch it; unless I am also exercising.

fatgottago

@bambione I haven't had my blood checked. I need to I am sure. I have an elliptical machine. I used it this morning before work. I think I will add walking this evening, too. @beamer0821 I am going to look and see if the library has that book. It sounds interesting

fatgottago

@MondayJune wow that sounds interesting!!

eliaus3640

Maybe you can't stick with it because of your plan on how you will accomplish healthy changes. You might be trying to change too much at once. You need to make slow changes to your diet and habits, that will be sustainable for the long term.

For example what small changes can you make right now. They could be as simple as find alternatives to sodas, eat more vegetables, eat out less. You don't even have to start logging in the beginning, just figure out what changes you can make and you can work up to it. As you successfully complete those things you'll find new things you can do. Eventually all those small changes add up!

Sabine_Stroehm

Now that song is in my head.

lthames0810

First...sarcastic thanks for getting that song stuck in my head.

But seriously...I think you're looking at this big mountain and the long twisty trail ahead of you. It's intimidating and looks hopeless.

Maybe, just a suggestion: Log every thing you normally eat now without trying to lose weight. Then figure out how much you have to cut down to get into a weight losing mode. It may not be as bad as you expect and the obvious places to cut calories may become apparent to you.

Then take one day and plan to cut something out...you don't have to cut drastically...maybe a calorie laden coffee or something. Just for that one day, eat according to that plan. Then the next day, do it again. Then the next day...

Once you get some success under your belt (success being defined as sticking to that day's plan) you may feel better about this. Over time you can adjust your food intake further as needed in baby steps and maybe add a little exercise. Don't look ahead too far. Be kind to yourself.

fatgottago

Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »

Now that song is in my head.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IKR

fatgottago

@lthames0810 awe thanks. I already feel better! Its been a rough year. I mean rough. I have a lot of stress that is really not my stress but my family tends to make me stressed. I can't control everything and everyone... I need to worry about myself more! Thanks everyone.

wilsoncl6

It might also help to get some counseling as it seems that your issues with weight, health and fitness in general may be a learned thing. You have to change your thought processes if you want to change your body to fit what you want to achieve. Both have to happen or you're going to end up yo-yoing like that the rest of your life. You have to commit to a certain lifestyle and make it you norm, not just focus on it as a temporary fix to achieve a certain goal. Everybody here can give you advice on what you should do, but only you know what you're capable of. Just my two cents. Seems like you need to work on the mental as well as the physical. Coming here for support is a good step but you might need a little more help than that.

totaldetermination

how about a treadmill in front of the tv ? go whatever speed you can and build up from there.

riffraff2112

need to start with a first step. Don't expect huge payoffs in a few weeks either. Just be consistent and think of how you will look in the future. It wasn't until I saw the new me in my mind that I knew I was going to get there.
I would definitely recommend using MFP, and keeping up with the community, You will learn a lot and logging will become pretty easy once you get into the habit. Get control of your eating, and more importantly snacking and you will definitely see some results.
You don't have to radically change your life, or start running 3 hours a day. Just get a grip on your intake and good things will happen.

lthames0810

fatgottago wrote: »

Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »

Now that song is in my head.

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IKR

I had to sing the Gilligan's Island theme song to blast it out of there, but now I'm stuck on that.

42firm03

It took me medicating the depression I wouldn't admit I had to finally be able to tackle my weight. I'm middle aged and lost a lot of time to that pride. Brilliant choice, eh?

You have to like yourself to care for yourself. When you are depressed this is near impossible.

Take care of yourself!

bwogilvie

The thing about wanting to lose weight is that it is a frustratingly distant goal. It took me 2 years to lose 65 pounds. What I found helpful was to think about weight loss as a desired outcome, but to make my goals much more immediate: stay active, log exercise calories accurately (which usually means fewer than machines or MFP's database), log my food as accurately as possible (with a food scale), and maintain a consistent calorie deficit every week.

Those were things that I could track in the here and now, whereas weight loss is more elusive. (A website like TrendWeight.com can help identify whether you're actually losing, despite fluctuations, but it's still not perfect.) If, at the end of every month, my results weren't matching my expectations, I reviewed how well I was doing and adjusted accordingly. (For instance, I initially set my activity level to "moderately active," but my logs suggested that "sedentary" was more accurate.) Losing 47 pounds in the first year was a consequence of sticking to those measurable goals and adjusting them based on results.

Exercising more and eating a good diet also both have positive effects on your health and mood, even if you don't lose weight.

I would recommend that you read The Diet Fix, by Dr. Yoni Freedhoff. (If your public library doesn't have it, ask them to order it.) It has a "ten-day reset," which is a bit gimmicky, but the ideas are good even if you don't do them over 10 continuous days. Freedhoff emphasizes that for your lifestyle change to succeed, you have to find it satisfying; if you deprive yourself, eventually you'll give up. But he also points out that when you have a treat, you can ask yourself how much you need to be satisfied, and eat only that.

He also makes the same point about exercise, with this mantra: "Some is good. More is better. Everything counts."