Anyone else have issues with their spouse and weight loss?

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  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
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    Focus on you and be supportive if/when she is ready to focus on her. I'm in the opposite boat. I've hit my weight loss goal, doing fairly well with maintaining, and my husband has been in an on-again/off-again relationship with his fitness/weight for a couple of years. I worry about his health/blood pressure/heart/etc. - but realize he is an adult and capable/responsible for his own choices.
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    I would like some kind advice from you all on this matter..... I am a football coach and during the season, i am a major stress eater... I am not a drinker, smoker, drug taker, etc.... Stress eating is my thing.... However, during this time, my wife almost fuels it by bringing nasty stuff into the house all the time.... even though i ask her to help me out by not getting terrible foods... I am not strong enough to say no and it just compounds on me.

    I am in fear that as time goes, her lack of commitment to lifelong nutrition and exercise is going ot be a problem for us. I am in the process of getting my weight off and she has the intentions of getting to the gym, going to a class, walking the neighborhood etc, but she is always too tired or not in the mood to go.

    Im sure i am not the only person that has been through this..... What can i do to insure we get through this together and i can get us both on the right track?

    Thanks everyone!

  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    I would like some kind advice from you all on this matter..... I am a football coach and during the season, i am a major stress eater... I am not a drinker, smoker, drug taker, etc.... Stress eating is my thing.... However, during this time, my wife almost fuels it by bringing nasty stuff into the house all the time.... even though i ask her to help me out by not getting terrible foods... I am not strong enough to say no and it just compounds on me.

    I am in fear that as time goes, her lack of commitment to lifelong nutrition and exercise is going ot be a problem for us. I am in the process of getting my weight off and she has the intentions of getting to the gym, going to a class, walking the neighborhood etc, but she is always too tired or not in the mood to go.

    Im sure i am not the only person that has been through this..... What can i do to insure we get through this together and i can get us both on the right track?

    Thanks everyone!
    If you had a player that complained that all his family were unsupportive of his efforts regardless of success, what would be your advice to him?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    Find a positive support group (which would include me) to work though the problems with him.... Surround himself with folks that are a good influence, etc..... Kinda what i tried to do here..... I thought that this would be the perfect place to come for advice as i am sure i wasnt the only husband or wife to ever go through this. And for the most part, it has been great, some give advice in a degrading demeanor, etc.... But that is a part of life, some believe in tough love and the "in your face" approach. But as a teacher and coach, i know this approach doesnt work for everyone. It doesnt work for me.

    I hope that has answered your question...

    I think this is directly contradictory to your opening post where you sound as though your marriage is at risk because of her lack of commitment to your health goals

    This also jars with your definition of self as an amazingly hands on husband and father

    I'd be interested in her perspective on this tbh
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    Rabbit... i am very unsure as to why you are looking at everything iam saying like iam a jerk and or an idiot. ...i in no way meant that or marriage would be in trouble. .. i stated it would cause problems for us.... ie health issues, medical issues, etc... not ever did isay that my marriage would be in trouble. i guess when you are looking at it in your perspective, it could seem as though im that way, but i certainly am not.

    I am a very loving husband, that family is very important to me. .. thus again why i came on here for advice from other husbands and or wives... i am very concerned with the future of my family as my side of the family as does hers has some scaring health items lurking. We are at an age now, mid 30s that we can do a great deal to combat it.

    As for if we have had this discussion, we certainly have. In fact she read this thread last night and was interested in some of the answers here... some of which she took to...


  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
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    Ask her to put it in an out of sight location. She can access it but you don't have to see it all the time.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    It's the way you came across to me to be honest ...

    I'm glad you have a loving stable relationship...they help you live longer

    And good luck with your health and weight goals

  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    gothchiq wrote: »
    Ask her to put it in an out of sight location. She can access it but you don't have to see it all the time.

    This has been implemented. . Thanks for advice.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
    edited November 2015
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    Rabbit... i understand. .. it's very difficult to get a quality opinion on someone on the Internet on a message board... i think that is why i took your items so personal. . I knew i wasnt meaning anything bad. And came here for advice with her blessing. I in no way wanted to come off evil and mean, etc. That's just not me. I'm truly sorry you got that opinion of me. i certainly appreciate the well wishes
  • 100df
    100df Posts: 668 Member
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    As I am in the same boat, I have read this thread carefully. I try to remember that if my husband was on me about my weight and fitness level, I wouldn't like it all. It is frustrating though and I think it would be easier for me if he were on-board.

    We have had to make an effort to spend time together because before I started counting calories we ate out a lot. I just can't do that often right now.

    Sometimes I do ask that he not bake anything if I'm feeling weak. Most of the time he respects my wishes. However, I don't think he would if I said no baking ever. I have noticed that he bakes or buys more things that he knows I don't like and I truly appreciate that.
  • _Justinian_
    _Justinian_ Posts: 232 Member
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    kisses71213 wrote: »
    If you want your wife to lose weight you better pamper her royally, compliment the hell out of her, make her feel special and cook for her healthy foods and take her on long romantic walks..... then she'll get skinny as hell! ;)

    This is how I will treat my wife when (or if) I get married. Except for the long romantic walks...I'd rather go hiking. lol
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    _Justinian_ wrote: »
    kisses71213 wrote: »
    If you want your wife to lose weight you better pamper her royally, compliment the hell out of her, make her feel special and cook for her healthy foods and take her on long romantic walks..... then she'll get skinny as hell! ;)

    This is how I will treat my wife when (or if) I get married. Except for the long romantic walks...I'd rather go hiking. lol

    Duh....you tell her it's a long romantic walk, and remind her to wear her hiking boots.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
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    Not sure if this anecdote is encouraging or not. When first married, DH talked often about wanting to lose weight but didn't take action. I often gain a few in summer then lose them in the fall, and several times I told him I was going to lose 5 and invited him to join me. He always said yes but didn't mean it--didn't stick to exercise, overate, etc. I just did my own thing. About 5 years later, he said he was ready to do it and asked for my help. He lost 35 and has kept it off 3 years and counting.

    The point is, people just have to come to it on their own time. I agree stress is a huge factor in having the fortitude and emotional energy to make diet/exercise changes. Do your own thing. Ask for help when you need it. Good luck to you.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    _Justinian_ wrote: »
    kisses71213 wrote: »
    If you want your wife to lose weight you better pamper her royally, compliment the hell out of her, make her feel special and cook for her healthy foods and take her on long romantic walks..... then she'll get skinny as hell! ;)

    This is how I will treat my wife when (or if) I get married. Except for the long romantic walks...I'd rather go hiking. lol

    Duh....you tell her it's a long romantic walk, and remind her to wear her hiking boots.

    +1

    Make sure to plan some kind of pleasant sight - body of water, forest, mountains, sunset, yada. Makes for a nicer hike anyway :smile:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,709 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    I would like some kind advice from you all on this matter..... I am a football coach and during the season, i am a major stress eater... I am not a drinker, smoker, drug taker, etc.... Stress eating is my thing.... However, during this time, my wife almost fuels it by bringing nasty stuff into the house all the time.... even though i ask her to help me out by not getting terrible foods... I am not strong enough to say no and it just compounds on me.

    I am in fear that as time goes, her lack of commitment to lifelong nutrition and exercise is going ot be a problem for us. I am in the process of getting my weight off and she has the intentions of getting to the gym, going to a class, walking the neighborhood etc, but she is always too tired or not in the mood to go.

    Im sure i am not the only person that has been through this..... What can i do to insure we get through this together and i can get us both on the right track?

    Thanks everyone!
    If you had a player that complained that all his family were unsupportive of his efforts regardless of success, what would be your advice to him?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    Find a positive support group (which would include me) to work though the problems with him.... Surround himself with folks that are a good influence, etc..... Kinda what i tried to do here..... I thought that this would be the perfect place to come for advice as i am sure i wasnt the only husband or wife to ever go through this. And for the most part, it has been great, some give advice in a degrading demeanor, etc.... But that is a part of life, some believe in tough love and the "in your face" approach. But as a teacher and coach, i know this approach doesnt work for everyone. It doesnt work for me.

    I hope that has answered your question...
    If for some reason he couldn't get positive reenforement and support and had to go it alone, then what would be your advice?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    Marriages go through ins and outs with regard to how connected they are to each other through fitness and diet.
    Right now hubby likes his workouts and likes his food and treats and eats more calories than he needs.
    He's happy. That's what matters.
  • _Justinian_
    _Justinian_ Posts: 232 Member
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    stealthq wrote: »
    jgnatca wrote: »
    _Justinian_ wrote: »
    kisses71213 wrote: »
    If you want your wife to lose weight you better pamper her royally, compliment the hell out of her, make her feel special and cook for her healthy foods and take her on long romantic walks..... then she'll get skinny as hell! ;)

    This is how I will treat my wife when (or if) I get married. Except for the long romantic walks...I'd rather go hiking. lol

    Duh....you tell her it's a long romantic walk, and remind her to wear her hiking boots.

    +1

    Make sure to plan some kind of pleasant sight - body of water, forest, mountains, sunset, yada. Makes for a nicer hike anyway :smile:

    I'll keep that in mind. haha
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    I would like some kind advice from you all on this matter..... I am a football coach and during the season, i am a major stress eater... I am not a drinker, smoker, drug taker, etc.... Stress eating is my thing.... However, during this time, my wife almost fuels it by bringing nasty stuff into the house all the time.... even though i ask her to help me out by not getting terrible foods... I am not strong enough to say no and it just compounds on me.

    I am in fear that as time goes, her lack of commitment to lifelong nutrition and exercise is going ot be a problem for us. I am in the process of getting my weight off and she has the intentions of getting to the gym, going to a class, walking the neighborhood etc, but she is always too tired or not in the mood to go.

    Im sure i am not the only person that has been through this..... What can i do to insure we get through this together and i can get us both on the right track?

    Thanks everyone!
    If you had a player that complained that all his family were unsupportive of his efforts regardless of success, what would be your advice to him?

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png

    Find a positive support group (which would include me) to work though the problems with him.... Surround himself with folks that are a good influence, etc..... Kinda what i tried to do here..... I thought that this would be the perfect place to come for advice as i am sure i wasnt the only husband or wife to ever go through this. And for the most part, it has been great, some give advice in a degrading demeanor, etc.... But that is a part of life, some believe in tough love and the "in your face" approach. But as a teacher and coach, i know this approach doesnt work for everyone. It doesnt work for me.

    I hope that has answered your question...

    I think this is directly contradictory to your opening post where you sound as though your marriage is at risk because of her lack of commitment to your health goals

    This also jars with your definition of self as an amazingly hands on husband and father

    I'd be interested in her perspective on this tbh

    I saw two things in the OP:
    1. Him not being happy about her bringing his trigger foods into the house
    2. His concern about her lack of commitment to her own health goals

    You can love someone very much but yet their poor health and unwillingness to do anything about it creates a big strain on the relationship. Sounds like this relationship is not at that point, but he is concerned about getting there down the road.

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