Problem that isn't really a "problem"
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Janina1987
Posts: 92
Okay... So most of you will think I'm out of my mind but I'm at a bit of a loss...
My "problem" is the following:
I'm 5'10 and cutrently weigh 126 pounds which is okay I guess. I weighed 160 pounds at my highest and have kept the weight off for about 4-5 years now. I should be happy with my body and weight but i'm not. I look at so many pictures here on MFP and always think "i'd Love to look like her" and then I sometimes See how much that person weighs... And usually those people are heavier than me which seems impossible because they look so slim...I do work out with weights so I'd not consider myself skinnyfat... It's just that i obviously don't See what i want to See when i look in the mirror. Does anyone else out there feel like that too?
My "problem" is the following:
I'm 5'10 and cutrently weigh 126 pounds which is okay I guess. I weighed 160 pounds at my highest and have kept the weight off for about 4-5 years now. I should be happy with my body and weight but i'm not. I look at so many pictures here on MFP and always think "i'd Love to look like her" and then I sometimes See how much that person weighs... And usually those people are heavier than me which seems impossible because they look so slim...I do work out with weights so I'd not consider myself skinnyfat... It's just that i obviously don't See what i want to See when i look in the mirror. Does anyone else out there feel like that too?
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Replies
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3 points:
1) Yes, there is sometimes mirror distortion. Otherwise, we would not have eating disorders. It's been a while since you lost your weight - so your brain should have caught up.
2) Comparing our bodies to others is futile. You have your own body. Make it as good as it can be and then work really hard on accepting yourself. We can't change genetics. I will never have skinny legs. I know that when I am at goal - I will still have thighs. It's my body.
3) Focus on being healthy and not on a "perfect body". It's all that really will last.0 -
When I read the OP I thought of the words envy and jealousy. Not sure that you are feeling these but they may be there. Knowing that you are at a good weight for you and that you are healthy and fit is what matters. As beachlover mentions work on accepting who you are. My comments seem harsh but are not intended to be hurtful.0
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I know this must sound absolutey ridiculous to people that have so much to lose... they'll probably think I'm just plain stupid. And I admit it isn't really a pronlem. I'm just NEVER happy with how I look. No matter how little I weigh I always find myself comparing to other people... and I know it's not healthy. I just wanted to know if there were other people out there feeling the same.
And jealousy, envy... I don't know but certainly plays a role as well... i'm not going to deny that0 -
I think most people do compare themselves to others. Its probably natural to do so. Its the degree to which one is affected by the comparing that becomes an issue. It would seem that you are more affected by it than you are comfortable with. That in and of its self is a first step towards accepting that you are actually in a good place regarding your weight, shape and fitness. Also when you see others who you wish to look like that are heavier than you thought it may be that they are in a proportional balance with respect to weight, height and shape. I think you wedding picture shows that in you.0
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It sounds like you're suffering with Body Dysmorphia. I'd go see a doctor.0
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I know this must sound absolutey ridiculous to people that have so much to lose... they'll probably think I'm just plain stupid. And I admit it isn't really a pronlem. I'm just NEVER happy with how I look. No matter how little I weigh I always find myself comparing to other people... and I know it's not healthy. I just wanted to know if there were other people out there feeling the same.
And jealousy, envy... I don't know but certainly plays a role as well... i'm not going to deny that
You're 100% right, I DID think, at first, "this girl is out of her damn mind, I'd KILL to weigh the same" (I'm 5'3...)
BUT then I realized that was the old me speaking. And I apologize for thinking that way.
The great thing is, you've admitted that you have an issue. Now it's time to fix that issue. Possibly a doctor, maybe you need to look into some type of behavior modification (to stop the comparison).
Take a full-length mirror and a tube of lipstick. Stand in front of it and then circle or just write what you like about your body. Do not look at areas you aren't happy with. Great hair, nice teeth, perfect eyebrow shape.. small and foolish things. And then read those things again. The next day, stand in front of the mirror and read everything you like, and see if you can add more.
I know that probably sounds foolish, but you need to love yourself for who you are, not what you think you should be inside your head!!0 -
I think most people do compare themselves to others. Its probably natural to do so. Its the degree to which one is affected by the comparing that becomes an issue. It would seem that you are more affected by it than you are comfortable with. That in and of its self is a first step towards accepting that you are actually in a good place regarding your weight, shape and fitness. Also when you see others who you wish to look like that are heavier than you thought it may be that they are in a proportional balance with respect to weight, height and shape. I think you wedding picture shows that in you.
Sorry I'm not sure I got the last part of what you said.... that with my wedding picture?!0 -
126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.0
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I sometimes feel the same, but in my case it comes from the fact that I am a bit skinny fat. Losing more weight is no longer an option, so I have to work out more... but progress is so slow.0
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Post some pics in your profile and we'll take care of you. From your avatar, you are stunningly beautiful. We will pump you up, from that perspective.
As for wanting a different body, that's ok. But it might be helpful if you set a fitness goal vs. a body type goal. Not sure if that fits your psyche or not, but that is helping me. I want a Brad Pitt body. I want abs. I want big biceps. And that last little bit of flab around the midsection is driving me batty. But what I do about it is set a fitness goal. I want to start playing basketball again in a competitive league. I want to play racquetball again. I want to squat 300 lbs and deadlift 400 lbs. I am doing things to progress towards those goals and let my body decide what it wants to look like along the way.
So, maybe pick something fitness wise you want to achieve and focus on that.0 -
3 points:
1) Yes, there is sometimes mirror distortion. Otherwise, we would not have eating disorders. It's been a while since you lost your weight - so your brain should have caught up.
2) Comparing our bodies to others is futile. You have your own body. Make it as good as it can be and then work really hard on accepting yourself. We can't change genetics. I will never have skinny legs. I know that when I am at goal - I will still have thighs. It's my body.
3) Focus on being healthy and not on a "perfect body". It's all that really will last.
This. You can't be comparing yourself to others as we all have different genetic makeup and you can't change that. I will never have ankles....I have cankles and no matter how small I get that won't change. You have to realize what you can and can't change. If you can't then you have a more serious problem and you need to go to the doctor and get counseling. There are millions of people that would sell their soles to look like you. Be thankful for your blessings and stop whining about what nature didn't give you.0 -
3 points:
1) Yes, there is sometimes mirror distortion. Otherwise, we would not have eating disorders. It's been a while since you lost your weight - so your brain should have caught up.
2) Comparing our bodies to others is futile. You have your own body. Make it as good as it can be and then work really hard on accepting yourself. We can't change genetics. I will never have skinny legs. I know that when I am at goal - I will still have thighs. It's my body.
3) Focus on being healthy and not on a "perfect body". It's all that really will last.
This. You can't be comparing yourself to others as we all have different genetic makeup and you can't change that. I will never have ankles....I have cankles and no matter how small I get that won't change. You have to realize what you can and can't change. If you can't then you have a more serious problem and you need to go to the doctor and get counseling. There are millions of people that would sell their soles to look like you. Be thankful for your blessings and stop whining about what nature didn't give you.
That's a harsh comment! Thanks for making my day *irony speaking here*. If you haven't noticed, I'm not whining - I just want to know if other people out there feel the same way... but glad you wanted to contribute0 -
Okay... So most of you will think I'm out of my mind but I'm at a bit of a loss...
My "problem" is the following:
I'm 5'10 and cutrently weigh 126 pounds which is okay I guess. I weighed 160 pounds at my highest and have kept the weight off for about 4-5 years now. I should be happy with my body and weight but i'm not. I look at so many pictures here on MFP and always think "i'd Love to look like her" and then I sometimes See how much that person weighs... And usually those people are heavier than me which seems impossible because they look so slim...I do work out with weights so I'd not consider myself skinnyfat... It's just that i obviously don't See what i want to See when i look in the mirror. Does anyone else out there feel like that too?
Well, first off, congratulations on keeping the weight off for those many years. I think that is a great success in itself. Secondly, we're females....I think we all compare from one time to another. I know someone said you should see a doctor, I do not agree with that. I think its' completely normal. I think as females, we tend to beat ourselves up about our looks and truly, some of us will never be 100% satisfied with how we look, no matter how amazing we tend to look.
Anyways, I understand where you're coming from. I get like that sometimes, especially when I am ' a work in progress'. I tend to think everyone looks more defined and thinner than me, but then find out they don't work out at all, do not eat right and weigh much more than I do. I then begin to understand that I am probably much more healthier, medical wise than these people...and that makes me happy.... I think it just has to do with the persons body structure. Some people carry their muscle/weight better than others. I think you look wonderful and I really wouldn't worry about it, if I were you. Try to up your self esteem a bit and quit being so hard on yourself. You are your own worst critic and no one else thinks these negative things about you but yourself.0 -
126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.
I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..0 -
Okay... So most of you will think I'm out of my mind but I'm at a bit of a loss...
My "problem" is the following:
I'm 5'10 and cutrently weigh 126 pounds which is okay I guess. I weighed 160 pounds at my highest and have kept the weight off for about 4-5 years now. I should be happy with my body and weight but i'm not. I look at so many pictures here on MFP and always think "i'd Love to look like her" and then I sometimes See how much that person weighs... And usually those people are heavier than me which seems impossible because they look so slim...I do work out with weights so I'd not consider myself skinnyfat... It's just that i obviously don't See what i want to See when i look in the mirror. Does anyone else out there feel like that too?
Well, first off, congratulations on keeping the weight off for those many years. I think that is a great success in itself. Secondly, we're females....I think we all compare from one time to another. I know someone said you should see a doctor, I do not agree with that. I think its' completely normal. I think as females, we tend to beat ourselves up about our looks and truly, some of us will never be 100% satisfied with how we look, no matter how amazing we tend to look.
Anyways, I understand where you're coming from. I get like that sometimes, especially when I am ' a work in progress'. I tend to think everyone looks more defined and thinner than me, but then find out they don't work out at all, do not eat right and weigh much more than I do. I then begin to understand that I am probably much more healthier, medical wise than these people...and that makes me happy.... I think it just has to do with the persons body structure. Some people carry their muscle/weight better than others. I think you look wonderful and I really wouldn't worry about it, if I were you. Try to up your self esteem a bit and quit being so hard on yourself. You are your own worst critic and no one else thinks these negative things about you but yourself.
You know what?! What you said really helped! Thank you so much!!!!0 -
I think it's important to have a healthy level of realistic self-critique and self-acceptance. This is not intended to be offensive but what you are describing sounds exactly like Body Dysmorphia Disorder. At your height and weight, you are (borderline?) underweight...If you find yourself obsessing about it, getting down, judging yourself unrealistically (which I think you're describing here), I'd really encourage therapy to get at the root of what's going on for you. I'm a little bit scared and surprised by the number of respondents who seem to feel that this is 'OK' and 'totally natural'. Don't get me wrong, to a certain point, it is (see sentence 1) but when it leads to this ingrained negative feeling about yourself, I really think it's something you should seek help to understand and deal with. You are absolutely beautiful (not that you need me to tell it!) and you worked hard to lose weight but for some reason, you're still not happy - Personally, I'd logically argue that the next step is to investigate what's really going on here.
This is all obviously my opinion but I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness with your beautiful body (you only have one and we should be so grateful and happy everyday if we are lucky enough to have one that is healthy and strong).
XxX Danika0 -
126lbs for 5'10" seems little. I'd definitely do more weight lifting.
I agree with this, if your looking at girls that are toned and have definition and you don't see that.. time to EAT CORRECTLY FOR YOUR ACTIVITY and Lift Weights.. you know why I bolded the eat correctly, cause that is probably where you are failing. And throw the scale out, your going to gain weight if you do this.. but as you noticed people that look better than you probably weigh more..
This is actually what I want to do. I just got a copy of NROL4W. I don't have a gym membership but quite a lot of equipment at home so I should be able to do most of the exercises at home. As far as eating is concerned, I'm not one of those girls who don't eat much. I hardly ever consume less than 1900 calories... most of the days between 1900 and 2200. I should eat more protein and less sweets and cookies... i'm definitely working on that though...
I weigh myself once a week and have gained a good 5 pounds since january but lost inches off my waist and hips... so i'm not too scared of what the scales say0 -
Eat about 200-300 calories over maintenance and either get a gym membership or a rack, bench, bar, and plates for your house. You just need to hit the weights harder and bulk.0
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I think most people do compare themselves to others. Its probably natural to do so. Its the degree to which one is affected by the comparing that becomes an issue. It would seem that you are more affected by it than you are comfortable with. That in and of its self is a first step towards accepting that you are actually in a good place regarding your weight, shape and fitness. Also when you see others who you wish to look like that are heavier than you thought it may be that they are in a proportional balance with respect to weight, height and shape. I think you wedding picture shows that in you.
Sorry I'm not sure I got the last part of what you said.... that with my wedding picture?!0 -
Something didn't work in my response. Your wedding picture shows you to be proportionally well balanced with regards to your height and weight. You have a balanced and healthy appearance that is pleasant to the eye of the beholder. In my opinion you already have what I think you see in others that you want to look like.0
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