Why do people get mad about me losing weight and being active?

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HostageCat
HostageCat Posts: 469 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person
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Replies

  • Getty59
    Getty59 Posts: 72 Member
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    HostageCat wrote: »
    After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
    Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person

    140 is not under weight! I would assume that most of your family is jelous and the way for them to feel better about themselves is to try to bring u down. Unfortunately we can not choose our family and the situation u are in sucks for sure but stay strong and be proud of your accomplishments! If u are not burning out then continue to do u and let the haters hate because nothing will ever change that.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    I hear you.
    I get that all the time and I'm not nearly as active as you. I also want to get in the 140s which the doctor said is fine, he said 130s would be fine. but so many people are so strongly against me losing any more weight or they think I need to do things other than what I do. but what i do works and I'm doing it for me so everyone else can go away
  • heatherlewisis
    heatherlewisis Posts: 118 Member
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    Are they all obese? Misery loves company...
  • 1stgardengirl
    1stgardengirl Posts: 34 Member
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    It's called "sabotage," And it is cruel. The people doing this to you are uncomfortable, because you are reminding them of their unhealthy lifestyles, and they don't want to face it. So they deflect their discomfort by open aggressive behaviour toward you. It isn't acceptable, and you should not allow it to go on. Say to them, "You are clearly having a problem with my very healthy lifestyle - my doctor is delighted with it - so why do you have a problem with it?" If they continue with comments about you being too skinny, respond that, "you would prefer to take advice from your doctor, a person who actually knows what he/she is taking about."

    Unfortunately, comments like these can help to derail a person's progress. I'm sure you won't let that happen. Kudos for all you have accomplished!
  • MorganMoreaux
    MorganMoreaux Posts: 691 Member
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    It sounds like they are taking their insecurities out on you - they may not even realize that they're doing it. On the other hand, if this is a topic of conversation you initiate and talk about frequently, they may feel like you are judging them. You didn't mentioned in your post the context, so just looking at both sides.

    Either way you are doing fantastic and have much to be proud of! Don't take it to heart or let it keep you from your goals.
  • GetThatRunnersHigh
    GetThatRunnersHigh Posts: 112 Member
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    Since skinny is higher than fat on the social hierarchy, people assume that it's okay to make fun "up" the social ladder. Your success probably brought out their own insecurities.

    Congrats on your hard work paying off! I bet you look and feel amazing.
  • Asher_Ethan
    Asher_Ethan Posts: 2,430 Member
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    Jealousy. Jealousy that you make it look so easy but they don't want to put in the effort unless it's easy. I've also lost some friends since my weight loss due to the green eyed monster.
  • kristen6350
    kristen6350 Posts: 1,094 Member
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    I'm 5'11, 37, and 150lbs - I actually like being more like 145lbs, but it's REALLY hard for me to maintain. 140 isn't underweight for someone as young as you are and 5'8. I'm noticing people seem to not understand what Normal is. Normal to most people (especially in the US, not sure in most other developed countries) is overweight.

    Please, ignore them. Act like you don't care. Do what you feel is right. You are the only one that has any say in how your body looks and how much activity you do. You know what your normal is. Go get it!
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?

  • strong_curves
    strong_curves Posts: 2,229 Member
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    I don't know but plenty of fat jokes are made all the time, there are even entire movies making fun of fat people (the nutty professor, shallow hal).
  • Getty59
    Getty59 Posts: 72 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?

    It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!
  • 89Madeline
    89Madeline Posts: 205 Member
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    i had the same thing happen to me. Perfectly healthy weight after I lost approx 20 kilos and dropped 2-3 sizes. People started telling me I had to stop losing more. I was at my goal weight, and had no intention to do so, but it made no sense at all, I wasn't extremely thin or skinny. I had plenty of body fat to lose if I really wanted a different body. I think its jealousy but maybe also that they're shocked by the difference. Some think 'wow she got so thin' while it should be 'she was so overweight' lol. They might also not realise you lost the weight gently over time. Sometimes it just suddenly shows .

    And about being unkind, heard stories of people who were all obese/overweight and were not supportive when one of the group decided to lose weight. She wasn't one of them anymore, and used arguments like 'oh so you're not happy in your own skin', 'you think we're fat', 'you care what others think' rather than 'that is impressive, keep it up, and good for you trying to be a little healthier', such a shame!
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
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    Getty59 wrote: »
    rabbitjb wrote: »
    It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?

    It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!

    Meh

    If people become dull and boring about their new hobbies...and weight loss / fitness can be categorised as such, then they can get negative reactions or people avoiding them

    I don't for a minute believe that's what happened here OP ...I'm not saying that

    Some families exist on winding people up, making fun of them ...it's not necessarily derailing ...it's how some people are...best to rise above it
  • Getty59
    Getty59 Posts: 72 Member
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    rabbitjb wrote: »
    Getty59 wrote: »
    rabbitjb wrote: »
    It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?

    It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!

    Meh

    If people become dull and boring about their new hobbies...and weight loss / fitness can be categorised as such, then they can get negative reactions or people avoiding them

    I don't for a minute believe that's what happened here OP ...I'm not saying that

    Some families exist on winding people up, making fun of them ...it's not necessarily derailing ...it's how some people are...best to rise above it

    Good point. Makes me think about how I treat others at family functions.
  • senecarr
    senecarr Posts: 5,377 Member
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    Why do they try to dissuade you?
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

    Why are fat jokes different than skinny jokes?
    Well being viewed as fat involves oppression, skinny does not. That isn't to say it can't be hurtful.
  • prettysoul1908
    prettysoul1908 Posts: 200 Member
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    What's your attitude been about your weight loss? Are you interacting with people the same? I'm a fan of looking at myself before I figure out what's wrong with other people.

    Oh and... congrats on your loss!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Most likely there are two things at play:
    1.) Pure and simple jealousy.
    2.) If your family tends to be big, then you've gone against the culture that your family has likely developed over decades. This is not a bad thing, but there's a good chance it makes them uncomfortable.
    As for the "skinny" jokes, that's a broader cultural issue. It's kind of seen as "ok" (not that it really is) to make jokes about slim people. Honestly, most of that is based in jealousy, as well.
  • MsJulesRenee
    MsJulesRenee Posts: 1,180 Member
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    Family will always be your biggest critic. Learned from experience not to mention my weight goals or anything about it when I'm at family functions.
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
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    Oh, good heavens, I see you're 19 years old! People think it's OK to give all kinds of instructions to someone still in her teens. They'll gradually cut it out as you get a bit older and more independent. It's really annoying, isn't it? You look absolutely gorgeous, by the way, and even though you're medium tall at 5'8" you could easily be under 140 without being anywhere close to "too skinny." What nonsense.

    Beautiful women who are 5'8" include Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Anne Hathaway. Are they unattractively thin? The internet tells me Jolie weighs 128 lbs., Zeta-Jones 137, and Hathaway 123. I'm not saying anything over those amounts is excessive--these are very elegantly slender women who make a living looking good on camera--but they're not scarecrows, either.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    They will get bored with their boorish behavior toward you and move on to something else/ someone else.

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