Why do people get mad about me losing weight and being active?

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  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,868 Member
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    when i was overweight, my family gave me all kinds of grief because they're all pretty lean, healthy, and fit...my guess is that it works the other way around too...if they're overweight, they're likely to give you grief about being lean, healthy, and fit.
  • gorlarlyn
    gorlarlyn Posts: 1 Member
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    Wow this is exactly what happens to me every time I lose weight. I too have 70 pounds to lose once again. However this time I am not sharing with anyone what I am doing or how much weight I have lost. Sabotage has always send me packing on the pounds again and again. I have lost over 1000 pounds doing this yo yo thing. It kills me when people say things when I am at a just right weight that are negative. I can never figure out why they never say anything to me when I am fat. So I think that is why I pack the pounds back on because I don't want to hear any ones remarks. So this time I want it to be my last time to loss the weight once and for all. I am not sharing with anyone what I am doing for their is a thin body inside this fat one. Thank you for sharing.
  • lorrpb
    lorrpb Posts: 11,464 Member
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    Because they don't know how to do what you've done. Great job and keep it going!
  • brb2008
    brb2008 Posts: 406 Member
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    Jealous!!

    Its hard for people to see a person they know well change so much. Physically and your lifestyle. You're different, so they're noticing. Them noticing is showing THEM how they could do it too, they wonder why they havent, why can you succeed where they have failed, etc.

    I have put back on 50lbs right now but at my lowest (not my goal weight though) I got all the same as you. Especially from my best friend at the time. We'd been so close, losing together, mutual support and all. But I was more ambitious and exercised intently where she liked to take walks. She grew hateful about my gym time, saying that I wouldn't maintain (okay yeah I didnt but efff anyone who thinks they know my future), and the fact that I lost much faster than her discouraged her and it made our friendship fall apart. Comments from family were all positive but I struggled with feeling uncomfortable with compliments and then if I didnt hear any for a while I'd go all psycho thinking I wasnt working hard enough.

    This time around I hope to be less sensitive to the issues others have with my success.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Family doesn't like it when members shuck the slot they've been put in. For instance, my hubby is the second youngest in a very large family. He's retirement age and they still treat him like the baby in the family. They'll never let him rewrite his script.

    You rewrote your life script, a rare enough thing these days.

    Don't retaliate with fat jokes, even though it's unfair.

    Laugh the cousins off and run circles around them. Challenge them to a good old game of touch football, or "you're it". Stand and walk tall, shoulders back. In other words, retaliate with your physicality, not with words.
  • prettysoul1908
    prettysoul1908 Posts: 200 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    Family doesn't like it when members shuck the slot they've been put in. For instance, my hubby is the second youngest in a very large family. He's retirement age and they still treat him like the baby in the family. They'll never let him rewrite his script.

    You rewrote your life script, a rare enough thing these days.

    Don't retaliate with fat jokes, even though it's unfair.

    Laugh the cousins off and run circles around them. Challenge them to a good old game of touch football, or "you're it". Stand and walk tall, shoulders back. In other words, retaliate with your physicality, not with words.

    Just wanted to sympathize with you... My SO is a 40 something baby of the family. There's some interesting psychology that goes along with that. lol
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 526 Member
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    1stgardengirl wrote: »
    It's called "sabotage," And it is cruel. The people doing this to you are uncomfortable, because you are reminding them of their unhealthy lifestyles, and they don't want to face it. So they deflect their discomfort by open aggressive behaviour toward you. It isn't acceptable, and you should not allow it to go on. Say to them, "You are clearly having a problem with my very healthy lifestyle - my doctor is delighted with it - so why do you have a problem with it?" If they continue with comments about you being too skinny, respond that, "you would prefer to take advice from your doctor, a person who actually knows what he/she is taking about."

    Unfortunately, comments like these can help to derail a person's progress. I'm sure you won't let that happen. Kudos for all you have accomplished!

    Sadly, true.

    Some really great posts here for us all to keep in mind on our merry way to our goals. :)

    Well done, OP!
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    WendyLaubach wrote: »
    Beautiful women who are 5'8" include Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Anne Hathaway. Are they unattractively thin? The internet tells me Jolie weighs 128 lbs., Zeta-Jones 137, and Hathaway 123. I'm not saying anything over those amounts is excessive--these are very elegantly slender women who make a living looking good on camera--but they're not scarecrows, either.

    I think Angelina Jolie is a total scarecrow. She looks like she has an eating disorder.

    OP, your family doesn't sound supportive (to put it mildly.) If they remain overweight and inactive, they probably really dislike seeing the positive changes you've made. But, also, you need to ask yourself if you're talking too much about it.

  • adriennemarieb
    adriennemarieb Posts: 38 Member
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    I can kind of relate... I have family who, knowing we are trying to eat well, will bring insane amounts of junk food when they visit because "everyone needs a treat" and "you can't be strict all the time."

    You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control how you respond.

    There's a really great quote that comes to mind: "A lion doesn't concern itself with the opinion of sheep." Be a lion.
  • HostageCat
    HostageCat Posts: 469 Member
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    Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight
  • siluridae
    siluridae Posts: 188 Member
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    Keep in mind the majority of the world is overweight. This distorts the vision of what healthy people are supposed to look like. For some reason, when it comes to weight-related health issues, the focus is on underweight people as a huge problem.
    So people see someone losing weight and the alarm sirens go off. Anorexia, someone help the poor lady!

    That or people just like to see others fail. If the others are fat, they don't look as fat in comparison.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    HostageCat wrote: »
    Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight

    So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".

    Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.
  • 4homer
    4homer Posts: 457 Member
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    I really don't know about your family dynamics. I see people posting on here that has to be jealousy this and that. Idk maybe that true. Could it be your family just like to mess with each other? That my family and it doesn't matter of your fat thin tall short you are getting picked on lol. Maybe it just that and your being just to sensitive. Just my two cents
  • Merkavar
    Merkavar Posts: 3,082 Member
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    At a guess your family are all over weight, they see them selves as normal, you being a healthy weight shows them they are in fact over weight.

    You just got to ignore them, if they can't handle you at a healthy weight then are they really your family?
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,446 Member
    edited December 2015
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    Yeah basically ONLY talk about fitness and diet with other people who are into fitness and diet. Everyone else will think you're judging them, eating disordered, a jerk, etc.

    Our (I mean North American) society rewards obesogenic behaviour. Obesogenic food & eating patterns are everywhere, especially most social events - difference there is noticeable. Not being overweight or obese takes conscious action for most, if they weren't just lucky and grew up with solid habits. Doing anything different from the norm attracts negative attention and censure.

    Some of it is also just shock. Some of it is because hardly anyone succeeds at most Diet diets. So if you're losing, they might be reasoning, it must be because you're eating disordered or have some other mental health issue.

    People's ideas about what's normal is influenced by people around them, so if most of these folks are overweight, normal weight people look "too skinny" by comparison.

    Don't take it personally at all, because it's not. Understand that this is just what happens and be generous & patient. They will eventually get used to the new you.
  • dalielahdawn
    dalielahdawn Posts: 141 Member
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    Congrats on 70 down!
  • HostageCat
    HostageCat Posts: 469 Member
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    quote="EvgeniZyntx;34747685"]
    HostageCat wrote: »
    Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight

    So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".

    Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.[/quote]

    Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Been there. I think anybody who's tried and successfully lost lots of weight has been through that. There are a LOT of reasons people behave stupidly like that. Could be jealousy, insecurity, guilt (for eating what they want during the holidays knowing they'll gain). It can be hard to 'keep your game on" while being sabotaged (like someone else called it).

    Everybody's got an opinion - sadly, most of the "size one civilians" have opinions that are NOT conducive to anyone who has had as much weight to lose as others have. My family - none of them have ever *really* been overweight, and I'm obese. So naturally, they think that gives them the right to tell me how to lose weight, and whenever they try to lose weight, it's "the grapefruit diet" or the "cabbage soup diet". I'm like, "REally?????"

    Don't let the idiots get to you. Keep talking to your parents and grandparents and those you know are supportive of your efforts.
  • missblondi2u
    missblondi2u Posts: 851 Member
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    I'm sorry your family isn't more supportive.

    On the issue of fat v. skinny jokes, I've had this debate with friends in the past. Like someone else said, it's generally deemed ok to joke about people who have it "better" according to society's hierarchy (e.g., poor people can make fun of rich people, fat people can make fun of skinny people, etc.) but it's generally not cool to go the opposite way (like a seeing person making fun of the blind).

    My personal opinion is that most people take themselves way too seriously. And people (especially women) are particularly sensitive about weight because for some reason we've tied our weight to our morality. A fat woman is seen as "greedy" or "out of control" or "lazy" by society, and we internalize these feelings whenever anyone even mentions weight. For instance, my boss has watched me lose about 40 pounds and never said a word. When I brought it up one day recently, he congratulated me and said he didn't want to say anything previously because he thought I might get offended. As if just bringing up the topic of weight would have been offensive to me because I am overweight.

    I think that if we could somehow decouple weight and morality, maybe we would stop being so damned sensitive about it and learn to take a joke.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    HostageCat wrote: »
    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    HostageCat wrote: »
    Thsnks everyone for replying and i don't say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight

    So then how do they know about all the "me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training...".

    Either you live in a family of mind readers or you talk about it. Social dynamics of families are funny things, they gotta talk about something. If you are in the limelight, even if it is unconsciously so, it's going to be about you.

    Thay know i run because i run down gravel roads and living in a small town people see me running and it doesn't take long for word to get around in a small town. As for the rest well me and my mom are really close and she knows about everything i do and she tells my grandma everything and my grandma likes to share info with everyone.

    Which basically means your cousins aren't talking to you and are giving you dirty looks because of something grandma said. That's some crazy family dynamics, I've got nothing but to wish luck and don't let the couch slugs get you down.

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